#21119

[leomacgivena]

有名なUFO研究機関が、UFOの目撃情報が激減した理由について語ってたけど、映像の編集技術が進んでヤラセが増えたとか、宇宙の研究が深まったからとかではなく、「人は外での待ち時間に、空を見上げなくなった」と語ってて何かノスタルジーを感じた

佐雪(sayuki)@Understanding of the Abyss developerさんはTwitterを使っています

[femalefrontedbandsconfessions]

21119

I showed my dad Delain and now he’s in love with Charlotte, he even joined Instagram just so he can follow her.

[julaifromthewood]

Có một chiều buông nỗi nhớ

Nhớ về em, nhớ ngẩn ngơ

Nhớ em bên một chiều đông ngõ vắng

Khẽ nở môi cười tựa là mơ.

.

Nhớ nhiều chuyện hãy còn dang dở

Tình yêu em để bỏ ngỏ làm đôi

Tôi yêu em chẳng mong được chung lối

Chỉ cần em luôn nở cụ cười.

.

julai from the wood.

[sdeluu]

Üşüdüğün de ısıtanın olmayacaksa, üşümek niye?

[dikitakailangan]

Note to self: Di mo kasalanan na gawan/ginawan ka niya ng masama, kasalanan niya yun, so don't punish yourself. Hay

[coveysux]

”Oh how I meant to tease him/Oh how I meant no harm.” -Sufjan Stevens

What was it like to be in love, how did it stop, will I ever feel it again, and how will that be?

I remember Gresko’s scent in a way that if I smelled it now, I may fall in love all over again, all at once. It was flowery, womanly, not the Sweet Pea scent of Suave body wash, but adjacent. I never pinpointed that scent, or what made it. I can remember that in senior year he stopped smelling like that, and I should have known that it was over. Nevertheless, I persisted. I cannot answer that first question concisely. I thought of him always, yet infrequently. It’s just that when he came to mind, he pushed out everything else, he filled me up and pushed out the edges and made me stupid, made me so stupid and feral. I believed I could live with him forever, devote the rest of my life to him if he would do the same for me. I was willing to give him everything–I was poor, and my love was pennies, and he was a cause greater than any I had known before. I knew he was my first love as anyone does: he made me realize that which I thought of as my first love wasn’t love at at all. In short, your second love is always the first, always. To be in love? How was it? God, it hurt. It hurt like hot water. I wanted it, and I felt cold without it, and it made me feel bad and good and clean, and I deserved the pain but felt like the whole thing was wasted on me, and I never wanted to get in but after I got used to it I couldn’t bear to leave. I put my hands on his stomach and pushed till he was hurt. And he said I Love You. And he cried in front of me, and I couldn’t touch him in that moment even though I would have killed myself to do it. I sacrificed everything I could for him. I went crazy for him. He drove me crazy, and I wanted him more than ever because I knew no one would ever do that to me if he didn’t care as much as I did.

That’s how it was.

If you’ve ever heard of Ella Enchanted, the movie adaptation with Anne Hathaway perfectly sums up what I did to us. Remember that scene where Ella tells Areida she hates her, and she is crying, and Areida says I don’t understand and Ella is just ugly crying and says she can’t stand her and never wants to see her again, and Areida looks confused and betrayed but analyzes her anyways, just for a last look at Ella’s face of misery and agony, and leaves? And Ella is devastated because that was the most important person in her life?

That’s what I did to him. Except instead of an evil stepsister, it was my own voice that ordered me to do it, and it was for my own good.

When I was young, I slipped between two boulders next to a creek and sliced my right shin open completely. When I was in senior year, my wisdom tooth got infected. My dad made my mom cry. I found out my stepfather smokes, even after my grandfather died from smoking. This, though? This breakup? I made him say to me, “We aren’t best friends anymore.” I heard that in his soft, beautiful voice. This hurt more than all of those other things put together. I loved him. He loved me. Were in love. God, I know he loved me. But that night, I felt it leave me. It was like. You know the dry turkey from Christmas Vacation?

That turkey matches exactly what my chest felt like. That dry hollowness. Not bad. Not good. It was something I had spent 16 years feeling, it is the state of not being in love. It feels just like an overcooked turkey, but you’d never know it until after you’ve fallen out of love. And I understand why they call it falling. It’s fast like that. It goes in an instant.

Ignoring ‘will,’ can I ever feel like that again? First love. Does it truly stay with you forever? My first love may have been a dark, red stain on a white, white shirt. It may have been a deep, slow cut on a child’s shin. No matter how much washing and growth. It may always be on me. It has changed me, like Gatsby changed Nick, like no one can ever change me to the day I die. To answer the most recent question, I know that I will never feel the way I did about Gresko ever, ever again. I cannot, because now I know how to feel that way, and much like a memory, I will never live it the same way twice.

That being said, I may love again, and likely I will. After all, I love. I do, it is me, and without love I am nothing and no one. I wish, like many, to look ahead just to know that I will love, and to know it will be someone who deserves my love, and, dream of dreams, hope of hopes, that it will be someone who returns that love to me. I live in the darkness, the dryness, of that Turkey Ribcage, though. I cannot see ahead. I do not know that I will love again. What would it be like? How has loving affected the way I can love? At the end of Gresko, in the hollowness, I could all of a sudden recognize how completely psycho I had gone. That craziness was the passion of true love, and I cannot help but think that I will suppress it next time. I think he saw me, feral, terrified and miserable because I couldn’t understand what was happening to me. No one will see that again, since I know now. Next time I will be less crazy. Yet I will also be more loving, because I will know that it isn’t something to be fought but nurtured and shared. I will give and give still. I am my mother’s child. I give. I will be with someone who will teach me to take, though, too. I cannot receive, but they. He. Will teach me how.

He was my best friend. We were in love. We were in love… I will always remember my love for him. I hope he will, too.

[ramyeongif]

love using databases in notion though

[joycedoherty54]

Apple Barrel Acrylic Paint in Assorted Colors 16 Ounce, 21119 White