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Can you date your own alters??

#did #dissociative identity disorder #actuallydid #actuallydissociated #asking for a friend

i dyed my hair blue

i changed my style of clothes

i stopped using make up

i washed myself thirteen times and scrubbed my body furiously

but

you were still there

i could still feel your hands on me, the pressure of your body against mine. doing things that i never wanted.

i can still feel your hands on my head, forcing me closer to you.

i’m still. i don’t move. i do as you tell me. i can’t risk anything.

afterwards

i’m in denial. it wasn’t that bad. i’m overreacting. i should have said no. i didn’t try to escape. it must be my fault.

i can’t eat. i feel sick to my stomach. i still feel you. in every move. my whole body tenses up and i relive everything over and over again.

either

i’m numb. i can’t feel anything

i feel everything. i scream. i cry. i’m furious. i’m panicking.

stop it, stop it , stop it.

i can’t sleep. i constantly see you, i feel you, i smell you.

i’m still searching for the words. but i think i’m slowly regaining my speech, this is the only way.

i have to speak about it. write about it. process it. and heal from it. eventually.

#actuallytraumatized #trauma #dissociated #dissociation #actuallybpd #actuallydissociated #trauma flashbacks

Some of my alters want to start dating but my boyfriend won’t let them. I understand where he’s coming from, but I also wish he would understand that my alters need someone to love just as much as I do.

#dissociative identity disorder #dissociativeidentitydisorder #dissociationproblems #dissociation #did #actuallydissociated #actuallydissociative #actuallydid #positivelyplural #actuallymultiple

are we the only system where, even after 10 years of no abuser contact AND knowing we are a system and working on recovery, we STILL have a lot of system mates who still have no idea that the trauma is over??? who pop up (or, actually more frequently, don’t show themselves but influence us from inside) fully convinced that they have to guard against our abusers and that even IF we manage to convince them that those abusers aren’t here, they will assume that they are only temporarily gone (that we are on vacation or similar) and that things will get back to horrible or be even worse soon?

are we alone with this???

#actuallymultiple #actuallydid #actuallydissociated #positivelyplural #did #own #multiple system #bandenkrams

#DID #dissociative identity disorder #system #OSDD #dissociation #mpd #alter #actuallydissociated #meme #didmeme #headmates

So coming from people that didn’t know about DID or never met someone with DID before, what are some things I should say to my mom to help her understand better?

#dissociative identity disorder #dissociativeidentitydisorder #did #dissociation #actuallydissociated #actuallydissociative #actuallydid #actuallymultiple #positively plural #positivelyplural #multiple

So I’m officially going to finally tell my mom about my alters. I’m super nervous because I don’t know how she’ll react. I really hope she reacts well and (most importantly) believes me.

#dissociative identity disorder #dissociativeidentitydisorder #dissociationproblems #dissociation #did #actuallydissociated #actuallydissociative #actuallyplural #actuallymultiple #actuallydid #positivelyplural #plural system #plural #multiple

So my alters and I have come up with a little idea to help my mom know who’s fronting without her having to ask. Whenever we switch, we write it down with the date, time and name of the alter so my mom can look and see 1. How many times a day we switch and 2. Who was the last to sign.