Apr 17
oh ok cus i was wondering
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oh ok cus i was wondering
kinda ramble-y fic below the cut, rougly 1.9k words, includes a metric fuck-ton of angst, macdennis, teen au, drinking, and a Lot of implied abuse/trauma
summary: mac’s a rebellious 14 year old tht hates the rich, dennis is a dick tht really just needs an outlet to share his feelings, they’re sad together
Mac and Charlie were growing more reckless by the day. Nearly every night they'd sneak out of their houses together, fueled by the yearning for a better life. But their late night adventures quickly blossomed into a blur of adrenaline and laughter - as they'd show up at random parties someone down the street was throwing. They'd show up undetected at the peak of the utter chaos that is teen rebellion, take a shitload of booze, and then ditch just as fast. They'd go by the train tracks after and get wasted together, drowning out the deafening reality that is their parents don't care enough to notice they're not at home every night & that life isn’t going so well. And for once, they can be happy in each other's company and have a taste of a childhood they deserved, even if they can only find it at the bottom of a bottle.
One night Mac goes off by himself, probably because Charlie just hasn't been as up to going out. Mac has no clue why, the only things Charlie’s been sputtering about between drinks every night is his ‘son of a bitch of an uncle’ who moved back in recently. Mac doesn't understand and Charlie won't give him what he needs to understand it. So Mac gives it no second thought. He spots an absolutely huge house in the suburbs and his breath is swept away in awe. He's never seen something with architecture like this and he'll sure as hell never understand how someone can afford so much room, or what it's even used for. The yard is donned with blacked out kids he knows from his classes, and the inside of the house is filled with the melody of drunk kids slurring and laughing to party songs.
He decides this is it-this is the one place he'll allow himself to go without his best friend. And he'll definitely save booze for him. And he won't allow himself to feel guilty for it, he never does anything for himself anyways. He strides in with a nonchalant facade and his best ‘yes-I-definitely-belong-here’ smile from cheek to cheek, waving at classmates that never noticed him before and definitely won't now. Which is the only advantage that comes from being the rat, one of the sore losers in the bullshit hierarchy that is high school popularity. Nobody will notice when you're taking something right in front of them.
He makes it to the kitchen and finally pieces together who lives here - it's the piece of shit he has half his classes with, the word snob as a person, someone he can't help but loathe for his gross elitism. It's Dennis Reynolds. Some kid that's really full of himself, someone who helped trademark ‘The Rat’ and laughs at Mac while he's down. He didn't really mind, it's not like he was bullying Charlie, and he was strong enough to take the half-assed insults this guy threw at him. It wasn’t a big deal.
But here, now - he found Dennis in the midst of his own party, alone in the kitchen, half-empty bottle of tequila in tow, and what looked like mascara trailing from his eyes. 'What a pussy,' is what he was about to say, but something stopped him. Dennis looked at the other boy looming over him and flinched, covering his face instantly. Mac was confused, what the hell was he doing that for? When Dennis realized he was fine, he instantly tried to revert back to his Cool Guy defense mode. Something compelled Mac to crouch down next to him because, well geez, the poor kid was a mess.. and he felt like it humanized him. The urge to steal his things for a taste of a life he never had slowly died down as he said hello to the gracious party host himself. 'Why-are-you-here's were spit out in half-spoken slurs instantly, because Dennis didn’t remember inviting some dirty street rat to his party. Mac gave a really half-assed excuse, which was all he needed to convince Dennis he was supposed to be here, considering all his thoughts were mush from how out of it he was - he never had the opportunity to drink this much on account of his sister beating him to it, or his mom emptying everything after heated arguments with his dad. And although it annoyed him when she was drunk, it was better than falling asleep to the melody of fighting and the threat of an impending divorce.
But anyways, now Mac is lost in his eyes and they’re both half a bottle of tequila down, and he isn't sure if he's holding his hand or just dreaming it. And oh God, his eyes are so beautiful, and his lips are coated with strawberry chapstick and he wants to kiss them so bad. He wants to keep holding his hand for all of eternity, but at the same time he wants to cup his soft face in his hands and, wow, he wants to kiss his dimples so bad and to taste the strawberry chapstick and God, he's infatuated. He wants to wipe his tears away and to kiss his rosy cheeks and run his hands through his hair, so bad. And it hits him that he's too deep, what would Charlie think of this? Falling for the enemy? Fuck. But that doesn't matter because all that matters now is the fact he's really hand in hand with someone hes fallen in love with, and all it took was talk of trauma and a bottle of tequila.
They're no longer on the kitchen floor as they're giggling hand in hand stumbling up the stairs, leaning on each other and shushing one another as they laugh too hard to smile right and their cheeks are flush and they aren't sure if it's the drinking or their company. They're trying to be quiet as they close the door to the twin's room and Dennis tries to lock it with a shaky hand. Mac watches him in utter jaw-dropping awe, feeling butterflies fill his stomach and suffocating any insecurity he'd ever felt before. This was new to him. But Dennis felt it even stronger. He'd spent so long building up a wall, he'd spent so long listening to his mother's vodka-fueled lectures about never letting yourself fall in love. Barbara made him promise he'd never do that to himself, 'It hurts too much,' she told him. But now he was sitting on the top bunk of his bed with what seemed to be the boy of his dreams, he didn't know he could ever feel this way or honestly feel anything at all, and he was too drunk to feel guilty for it.
Hours pass and now Mac is laying on his bare chest. Dennis has his hands intertwined in his hair, and he's taken away by how soft it is when he strokes it. Mac's never felt a wave of clarity envelop him so softly before. He's at peace. The droning hum of party music is drowned out by the wave of happiness he's feeling. All he can hear is the soft rhythm of their hearts and their cautious breathing, both scared that this still might not be real. Mac's heart flutters when he realizes Dennis’ breathing gets faster as he moves his hand across his chest, and he looks up with half-slit puppy dog eyes that Dennis is absolutely in love with. Mac opens his mouth to speak, but changes his mind. He doesn't wanna jinx it, he's so scared he wont be able to impress Cool Kid Dennis Reynolds, and he doesn't wanna do anything to change this moment. He plays it safe. As he snuggles closer, Dennis holds him and Mac's face is the warmest it's ever been, and he buries it in the other boys chest. He doesn't know how to react to this, he's never known how to react to anything, but especially nothing like this. His face is even warmer than Mac's and he's trying so hard to not let him know that he likes him, because that’s something Barbara and Frank would be ashamed of. Mac falls asleep on his chest, and Dennis can't stop playing with his hair.
It's only a couple of hours later when Dennis wakes him up, because he knows everything would be compromised if anyone found them together, especially his sister. God knows what she would do. And Dennis tries to tell him he should leave, but the words choke him too much to come out when he sees Mac's adorable face glance up at him. And he's just too shy to say a word.
The next thing they know, Dennis pulls him closer and they're both kissing for the first time, and Mac feels wrong. He wants to push him away, and he knows he should feel absolutely horrible. He knows God would be disappointed in something like this, and he's terrified of the consequences. But he pushes the thoughts away and succumbs to the warmth that hugs his body. Dennis is holding him so gently and neither want to ever move again, and something compels them to stay together. The kiss is only broken by Dennis’ nervous laughter, and a smile that he can't hide. When the boys recollect themselves they start kissing again. They never went further than that, partially because they couldn't get it up this drunk and partially because they were too scared to ruin it, but it was still nice to fall asleep side by side, even if they didn't mean to.
Mac wakes up to the soft golden smile of the sun's rays against the bed, and he vaguely remembers last night. Panic sets in and eats him alive like it never has before. He's never stayed somewhere else this late before. What if Charlie’s looking for him? What if whoever he's with didn't lock the door and someone saw him? And then he remembers who he's with, and he's terrified. What the hell did he do? He feels tears of shame well up because he knows hes a sinner in God's eyes, and he's made the biggest mistake of his life, and oh fuck when he tried to get out from under the covers he woke Dennis up. He isn't even half as shocked as Mac is, he's calm. He's happy. He's never woke up so peacefully before, and he's grinning. He tries to tell Mac good morning but he's rambling under his breath about how wrong this is and he's going to Hell, and Dennis takes that as a sign he should've taken his mother's advice. He's utterly crushed.
Mac doesn't even apologize as he leaves, he slips on his boots and gets out as soon as he can, despite the wavering tone in Dennis’ protests and pleads to stay. He leaves Dennis confused and more scared of opening up than he's ever been, and he doesn't know how to deal with his feelings anymore. Mac tries to forget everything. He never tells Charlie. He doesn't ever want to look Dennis in the eyes again. He never wants to feel that way again, because he went from feeling on top of the world to being ashamed, and thinking he knows it's wrong. He doesn't tell anyone.
birfday stuff
starting a new food service job with people my age is like willingly subjecting myself to being a new character in a CW drama i don't even want to watch
im in a room full of people and i still feel alone, pt. 9,121
life has so many layers of stupid pseudo-poetic YA bullshit that I actually get, like, annoyed thinking about it
the simple fact is that lacking something fundamental IS what makes you human. so get the fuck up you stupid bitch
kinda ramble-y fic below the cut, includes a metric fuck-ton of angst, macdennis, teen au, drinking, and a Lot of implied abuse/trauma
summary: macs a rebellious 14 year old tht hates the rich, dennis is a dick that really just needs an outlet to share his feelings, theyre sad together
ok no offense but i just...really love the concept of like, teen mac & charlie crashing house parties. them sneaking out of the house together and their late night adventures quickly becoming a blur of adrenaline and laughter as they jus show up at random parties someone down the street is throwing. they show up undetected at the peak of the utter chaos that is teen rebellion, take a shitload of booze, and then ditch just as fast. they go by the train tracks after and get wasted together, drowning out the deafening reality that is their parents dont care enough to notice theyre not at home every night & that life isnt going so well. and for once they can be happy in each others company and have a taste of a childhood they deserved, even if they can only find it at the bottom of a bottle
one night mac goes off by himself, probably because charlie just hasnt been as up to going out. mac has no clue why, the only things charlie’s been sputtering about between drinks every night is his ‘son of a bitch of an uncle’ who moved back in recently. mac doesnt understand and charlie wont give him what he needs to understand it. so mac gives it no second thought. he spots this absolutely huge house in the suburbs. hes never seen something with architecture like this and hell sure as hell never understand how someone can afford so much room, or what its even used for. the yard is donned with blacked out kids he knows from his classes, and the inside of the house is filled with the melody of drunk kids slurring and laughing to party songs.
he decides this is it-this is the one place hell allow himself to go without his best friend. and hell definitely save booze for him. and he wont allow himself to feel guilty for it, he never does anything for himself anyways. he strides in with a nonchalant facade and his best ‘yes-i-definitely-belong-here’ smile from cheek to cheek, waving at classmates that never noticed him before and definitely wont now. which is the only advantage that comes from being the rat, one of the sore losers in the bullshit hierarchy that is high school popularity. nobody will notice when youre taking something right infront of them.
he makes it to the kitchen and finally pieces together who lives here-its the piece of shit he has half his classes with, the word snob as a person, someone he cant help but loathe for his gross elitism. its dennis reynolds. some kid thats really full of himself, someone who helped trademark ‘the rat’ and laughs at mac while hes down. he didnt really mind, its not like he was bullying charlie, and he was strong enough to take the half-assed insults this guy threw at him. it wasnt a big deal.
but here, now-he found dennis in the midst of his own party, alone in the kitchen, half-empty bottle of tequila in tow, and what looked like mascara trailing from his eyes. what a pussy is what he was about to say, but something stopped him. dennis looked at the other boy looming over him and flinched, covering his face instantly. mac was confused, what the hell was he doing that for? when dennis realized he was fine, he instantly tried to revert back to his cool guy defense mode. something compelled mac to crouch down next to him because, well geez, the poor kid was a mess.. and he felt like it humanized him. the urge to steal his things for a taste of a life he never had slowly died down as he said hello to the gracious party host himself. “why-are-you-here”s were spit out instantly, because dennis didn’t remember inviting some dirty street rat to his party. mac gave a really half-assed excuse, which was all he needed to convince dennis he was supposed to be here, considering all his thoughts were mush from how out of it he was-he never had the opportunity to drink this much on account of his sister beating him to it, or his mom emptying everything after heated arguments with his dad. and although it annoyed him when she was drunk, it was better than falling asleep to the melody of fighting and the threat of an impending divorce.
but anyways, now mac is lost in his eyes and they’re both half a bottle of tequila down, and he isnt sure if hes holding his hand or just dreaming it. and oh god, his eyes are so beautiful and his lips are coated with strawberry chapstick and he wants to kiss them so bad, he wants to keep holding his hand for all of eternity but at the same time he wants to hold his face in his hands and wow he wants to kiss him so bad and to taste the strawberry chapstick and god, hes infatuated. he wants to wipe his tears away and to kiss his rosy cheeks and run his hands through his hair, so bad. and it hits him that hes too deep, what would charlie think of this? falling for the enemy? fuck. but that doesnt matter because all that matters now is the fact hes really hand in hand with someone hes fallen in love with, and all it took was talk of trauma and a bottle of tequila.
theyre no longer on the kitchen floor as theyre giggling hand in hand stumbling up the stairs, leaning on each other and shushing one another as they laugh too hard to smile right and their cheeks are flush and they arent sure if its the drinking or their company. theyre trying to be quiet as they close the door to the twins’ room and dennis tries to lock it with a shaky hand. mac watches him in utter jaw-dropping awe, feeling butterflies fill his stomach and suffocating any insecurity hed ever felt before. this was new to him. but dennis felt it even stronger. hed spent so long building up a wall, hed spent so long listening to his mothers vodka-fueled lectures about never letting yourself fall in love. barbara made him promise hed never do that to himself, it hurt too much she told him. but now he was sitting on the top bunk of his bed with what seemed to be the boy of his dreams, he didnt know he could ever feel this way or honestly feel anything at all, and he was too drunk to feel guilty for it.
hours pass and now mac is laying on his bare chest. dennis has his hands intertwined in his hair and hes taken away by how soft it is when he strokes it. macs never felt a wave of clarity envelop him so softly before. hes at peace. all the droning hum of party music is drowned out. all he can hear is the soft rhythm of their hearts and their cautious breathing, both scared that this still might not be real. macs heart flutters when he realizes dennis’ breathing gets faster as he moves his hand across his chest, and he looks up with half-slit puppy dog eyes that dennis is absolutely in love with. mac opens his mouth to speak, but changes his mind. he doesnt wanna jinx it, hes so scared he wont be able to impress cool kid dennis reynolds, and he doesnt wanna do anything to change this moment. he plays it safe. as he snuggles closer, dennis holds him and macs face is the warmest its ever been, and he buries it in the other boys chest. he doesnt know how to react to this, hes never known how to react to anything but especially nothing like this. his face is even warmer than macs and hes trying so hard to not let him know that he likes him because thats something his mom would be ashamed of. mac falls asleep on his chest, and dennis cant stop playing with his hair.
dennis wakes him up because he knows everything would be ruined if anyone found them together, especially his sister. god knows what she would do. and dennis tries to tell him he should leave, but the words choke him too much to come out when he sees macs adorable face glance up at him. and hes just too shy to say a word.
the next thing they know, dennis pulls him closer and theyre both kissing for the first time, and mac feels wrong. he wants to push him away and he knows he should feel absolutely horrible, he knows god would be disappointed in something like this and hes terrified of the consequences hell get. but he pushes the thoughts away and succumbs to the warmth that surrounds his body. dennis is holding him so gently and neither want to ever move again, and something compels them to stay together. the kiss is only broken by dennis’ nervous laughter, and a smile that he cant hide. and when the boys recollect themselves they start kissing again. they never went further than that, partially because they couldnt get it up this drunk and partially because they were too scared to ruin it, but it was still nice to fall asleep side by side, even if they didnt mean to
mac wakes up to the soft golden smile of the suns rays against the bed, and he vaguely remembers last night. panic sets in like it never has before. hes never stayed somewhere else this late before. what if charlie’s looking for him. what if whoever hes with didnt lock the door and someone saw him. and then he remembers who hes with, and hes terrified. what the hell did he do? he feels tears of shame well up because he knows hes a sinner in gods eyes and hes made the biggest mistake of his life, and oh fuck when he tried to get out from under the covers he woke dennis up. he isnt even half as shocked as mac is, hes calm. hes happy. hes never woke up so peacefully before, and hes grinning. he tries to tell mac good morning but hes rambling under his breath about how wrong this is and hes going to hell, and dennis takes that as a sign he shouldve taken his mothers advice. hes utterly crushed.
mac doesnt even apologize as he leaves, he slips on his boots and gets out as soon as he can despite the wavering tone in dennis’ protests and pleads to stay. he forgets his jacket during the rush. he leaves dennis confused and more scared of opening up than hes ever been, and he doesnt know how to deal with his feelings anymore. mac tries to forget everything. he never tells charlie. he doesnt ever want to look dennis in the eyes again. he never wants to feel that way again, because he went from feeling on top of the world to being ashamed and thinking he knows its wrong. he doesnt tell anyone.