#ashleyrambles

[bpdleyley]

I just wanted to say to any tcoaal fictive out there, don't feel ashamed to be one, whether you're a fictive in game or an oc fictive, you're valid and you will be okay. <3

Below the cut is just a heavy rant, so if you don't want to read it, that's alright. Take care of yourself.

We've been harassed for being a fictive heavy system (most active alters are tcoaal fictives), and we are NOT happy about that shit. You shouldn't be harassed for alters.

We were told to "stay away from kids" (we don't have many friends except for one who we actively speak to, which is our online sister and she's older than us), and we feel comfortable interacting with ADULTS, not people younger than us.

We were also told to "pick and choose" our alters.

You can't pick and choose your alters.

You can't control who your alters are and their identities.

You can't control how they feel, how they want to express their feelings, if they want to post online or not.

Alters are their own people, yes, their source may be tcoaal, but there's always going to be ONE or more differences that separates them from source in one way or another.

Personally, the reason I hold onto my source is because I have no other memories to hold on to, I have nothing to connect to, my memories is all I know, at least I'm not forcing my memories onto other sourcemates.

My stand on memories is that if you hold onto your source memories, don't push them onto other people unless they're comfortable with it and they're comfortable with hearing about the memories you hold onto.

I'm terrified to interact with sourcemates because I have a fear of being judged, I have a fear of finding an Andrew fictive and him not actually liking me or being harassed because I'm dating someone like that.

I haven't actively seeked out an Andrew because all the ones I've seen are either taken or they're inactive, and it makes me scared I'll never find someone.

Anyway that's enough emotions for one day!! I need sleep, ehe :3

[bpdleyley]

I didn't spam him by the way it's fine

I pray this doesn't backfire. I swear I'm trustworthy, for the most part, anyway. Also, yes, I messed up the text, but that's fine. I'm running on low sleep give me a break

[bpdleyley]

updated our info post again. Our partner sys split at us and claims he loves us yet hasn't come back. host spoke to his friends about it, and all of them said it wasn't worth it.

just system things !!!!! I hate seeing host go through this shit. they're so upset,

[bpdleyley]

"How do I know you really care about dm'ing me and having a conversation with me?"

Bitch I'll stop doing whatever it is I'm doing just to read your text and reply, your time is worth more than whatever I was doing. I will legit pause my fucking game or pause a video or stop whatever I'm doing just to answer you and I'll keep it paused until you stop replying because I don't want to miss a moment with you.

[bpdleyley]

our host having an obsession with the backrooms makes me shiver and freak out.

[bpdleyley]

hi chat happy new year!! (I'm literally going crazy I'm lonely for new years)

[bpdleyley]

I don't personally talk about voting but the fact we couldn't vote bc we're not American scares me for the future

[bpdleyley]

hello, hello! I went dormant, so I wasn't actually able to post, obviously, but I came back on Halloween and got settled and back fronting again! sooooo, that's fun! ^_^ hope everyone had an amazing Halloween and I hope everyone got lots of candy and sweets and all!! :D

(Yeah, I'm still pathetically looking for an andrew, and I updated the info post !!)