Can somebody just fucking give me a script? Because I’ve started working as a cashier and I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do.
Anytime I just stick to the usual “Hello, how are you?” cards I get told I need to talk more to customers but then when I get a customer come up to me with a fucking “Looks like you were dying to see me so I thought I’d drop by” (this happens at least 3 times a day, I don’t know why) and my go to response is “Yep, just saved me from death’s door” they all look at me like I’m some kind of a fucking alien and then get very uncomfortable.
My go to when I don’t know what to say is to look for things to compliment about someone but I’m also not a fucking list and can’t give a false compliment so if I don’t find something (which I mostly don’t because most of my costumers are people with no fashion sense and I feel odd complimenting someone’s appearance, especially men— which most of my costumers are— because they tend to get weird about it), I’m not going to be able to use the compliment strategy.
So, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Can someone please just give me a script to follow somewhat or an idea as to what to say because I don’t know what to do.
Working on accepting the autistic part of us. Dealing with imposter syndrome is hard. We don't feel valid as a autistic system. We need to remind ourselves. We are autistic. It's okay to stim. It's okay to use stim/fidgets. It's okay to take breaks. It's okay to use echolalia and scripting. It's okay to use accommodations. It's okay to get help and support.
I’m trying to work on a script that I can use when people touch me without permission because it is deeply unpleasant, and it usually leads to a lot of resentment on my part.
I find it’s easier with strangers because there’s less of a social expectation that they should be allowed to touch me beyond a handshake—although there are occasionally those people who insist on their right to hug anyone they want to. But if I end up despising someone from the first impression, I don’t really care that much.
The problem occurs when it’s someone that I’m either comfortable around (friends) or someone that I’m expected to be comfortable around (extended family).
In this particular case it’s my sister-in-law, who, I’ll be honest, I don’t particularly care very much for. I’ve kept this fact to myself because I’m not interested in rocking the boat, but I know that if I ask her not to touch me without permission, she’s going to take it as personal rejection and go into a downward spiral where she looks for reassurance that she’s not a terrible person. That, or she will just get annoyed at what she views as an unreasonable boundary. She may not express this to my face, but my brother and my mom will probably hear about it. I trust my mom to advocate for me, but not my brother.
And the thing is is that it’s not personal that I don’t want to be touched, but I’m also not going to reassure her that she “doesn’t have to worry that I don’t like her,” because that would be a lie. Although if she does stop trying to touch me at family gatherings, my opinion of her would probably improve somewhat.
I think I’m just going to have to accept that the way she feels about my needs is outside of my control and not my responsibility, although I am still weighing between whether “I don’t like unexpected touch,” or “I can’t really deal with uninvited touch,” or “Uninvited touch is a little painful for me” would get the message across more clearly. The answer I want to get is a simple “ok” to which I could respond “thanks” and move on, but I don’t know if that’s particularly achievable.
Honestly it would be easiest if I could explain it as a basic autistic need of mine, but she and my brother are the only ones in my immediate family that I haven’t talked about my autism with because their views are a little not great.
Also it’s a little 😐 to Google “how to politely ask someone to stop touching you” and get a generic “you just need to be firm and ask them” like great that’s a “what to do” and not a specific “how to do.”
Some scripting tips for when you don’t want to lie and tell people “I’m fine” or “I’m good” when they greet you, but you also don’t want to overshare
Them: How’s it going?
You: It’s going (as opposed to “It’s going well” or “It’s going okay”—by leaving out the positive descriptors you can indicate a neutral or even negative status i.e. “everything happens so much”)
Them: How are you doing?
You: I’m doing (works better if you’ve used the above on the same person or if they’re in touch with internet humor—this can sometimes garner a chuckle)
Them: How are you?
You: I’m hanging in there (implies things are difficult but you’re managing, the way that people manage to hang onto the edge of a cliff)
Them: How are you?
You: I’ve been better (this is more likely to invite follow-up questions, can be useful if you really do want to talk about how you are)
I could go on but these are just a few lines that I find useful. Hopefully this helps anyone who gets frustrated at the social expectations surrounding “How are you?”
One thing to keep in mind is that not everyone who asks this question is coming from a place of insincerity, so you do have the option to be a little honest. The thing is that people typically expect a very short answer, so venting in response can catch them off guard. If you give a short but more straightforward answer, these are some follow-up questions the other person might ask that would indicate that they’re now prepared to listen:
“What’s wrong?”
“Did something happen?”
“What’s going on?”
There are also variations on “how are you?” that I think are more indicative of a readiness to listen, such as “how was your day?” or “how was your week?” as these are usually used between partners or close friends.
I think most people probably understand that “how are you?” is usually just a greeting, my main point is just that you don’t have to automatically lie in response.
I would like to give my homie wikihow a quick shout-out for helping me read and script social situations ever since I could access the internet on my own
