The sound quiets down, their laughter growing louder.
He leans forward, taking the glass on the coffee table and sips before placing it down again, the fingers on the fret of guitar pressing lightly. "Did you know that 'Lemonade Mouth' has a book?"
"No. I haven't even heard of 'Lemonade Mouth'."
He hummed, "It's about these high school kids, okay, think about 'The Breakfast Club' instead they play instruments and sing and shit."
"Wonderful explanation, Matthew." He laughs out, before adding that he sort of got the idea.
"Anyway, one of the songs that I like from the movie, and no, I didn't read the book" he paused, watching the other's expression, an eyebrow raising at him. "As I was saying, one of the songs that I like is called "Turn Up the Music", kind of goes like-... " He starts strumming, bobbing his head along with the melody. Carefully, he glances at the man sitting beside him, noticing the slight smile on his lips, the small way he's moving his head as he strummed. Not soon after, he stopped.
"Look the song, please." He pouts, blinking his lashes like a child, "I want to hear that beautiful voice of yours singing, Arthur, come on-!" He chuckled out, bumping their shoulders together.
With an eye roll of those emerald-hued eyes, Arthur reached for his phone on the coffee table and looked the lyrics up for the song. He gives a little sheepish glance at person next to him, "You start!" Then purple irises looks directly at him, wide and a bit surprised. "I don't know this song, you expect me to sing something I'm unfamiliar with?"
He shrugged, "Well, I mean. Maybe?"
They look at each other, green and purple in each other's gazes before Matthew finally gave up and admitted defeat. "Fine" he mumbles, pinching Arthur's nose, "But only because you know I can't say no to that adorable face." He starts strumming again, the melody setting a steady beat then he starts, glancing every so often at the lyrics on Arthur's phone, fingers shifting and sliding across the strings, pressing down on the fret.
As the chorus approaches, he gives an expectant gaze at the blond beside him, the melody building up to more pop sound.
Their voices blend, drowning out the silence with their own noise. Soon, Arthur's the only one singing, his head bobbing along with Matthew, smiles on bright on their faces.
Of course, just like every song, it ends but as it approaches to that stop, they lean ever so closely to one another, noses bumping. And even though, it's a bit hard to play a guitar when you're face to face with the one you love, you'd rather take that in, dive for it, and feel the other on your lips, skin against skin, eyes closed.
It's warm, Matthew thinks, as they break for one another, foreheads leaning and gazes focused.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Screams filled my ears. Once again, at this time people are begging for their lives to be spared; begging to have the things done to them to be stopped.
I closed my eyes, waiting for my turn. It’s any moment now that they would come in, wearing bloody gloves and a stomach churning grin. And I listened as screams, groans and sobbing filled the hallway outside of my cell, and along with those sounds, I heard something being dragged. It was heavy and solid. Before I could think about what that other noise is, my cell door opened and a man stood there.
There were two large balls chained to his ankles. He looked at me, stepping inside and giving me another look. He seemed to stare at my chest that’s exposed to the air, my heart openly pounding to let my blood flow. He gave me a look but I couldn’t tell what kind since the darkness of my room almost filled the whole cell. I wanted to say something, but couldn’t. Instead my eyes followed his figure that walked out of my room and as he disappeared from my sight, I saw people; they were either running or being aided. There was someone who’s intestines were hanging out of his body, trailing blood behind him. There was also someone whose eyes are hanging from its sockets, eyes closed but bleeding. Then I saw a man no more than one leg, hopping around while another person tried to help him; his arms weren’t there but his wounds were new.
As I watched those people leave their cells, walking down the hallway of this horror show, I felt the need to follow those people. I slowly pushed my body up, reaching for the device that ‘helps’ to keep me alive despite my heart and lungs being exposed to the dirty air of this place. I grasped its metal bar and dragged it along with me. I haven’t been outside of my cell but it was no surprise that the cells everybody came out from is identical to mine, except for a few exceptions.
It was only a few months ago that I was brought here, I think. Yet I don’t remember what my life was like before coming to this horrible, horrible place. Each step I took I felt like I was being watched by those people, ready to surround us and kill us on the spot. But as I near the exit, no such thing happened instead I stayed quiet, taking in the information that others exchanged. Apparently, it was that man who freed us, the man with metal balls chained to his ankles, walking around as if it wasn’t there. Wasn’t it heavy, it must have been, it looked like it weighed more than a few pounds.
It didn’t take long for all of us to step out into the world again. For the first time in my life since coming here, I saw the sun. And I was sure that what I’m seeing is the sun rising, painting the sky a tinge of orange mixing in with the blue. The man who saved us was in front of the crowd, standing beside him was another man with longer hair, up to his shoulders; half of his arm isn’t human though and when he faced us, he had a grin from ear to ear, the stitches were knotted so obviously and appalling- it was stitched onto his cheeks, making it as permanent as it can be. His eyes were a purple colour, but it was tinged with something else, his hair was closer to orange than yellow. He looked at us and spoke “Everybody, you’re free now-” he stopped, seemed to be thinking about something. He turned to the other, the man who freed us all, as I’ve heard. His hair was yellow, just like mine but his eyes were blue like the sky yet it was somewhat red like blood and when he turned to us, he and the grin-faced man looked identical; the purple-eyed man was slightly taller compared to the blue-eyed male though.
I couldn’t help but to wonder if they’re twins.
They exchanged looks before speaking in perfect unison. “Everyone, as of today we are free. However, we yet to actually obtain freedom. As we can all see, we aren’t fit to be living in a normal society. We are still trapped; a mile from here is a tall electrical fence that surrounds us between the lush forest you see before you. We won’t stop you from trying to escape however if you plan to go underground; the fence goes more than fifteen feet under. The people who gave your lives now are in the main room, tied and gagged, crying and begging just like you all have been since you got here, so we find it appropriate for you to deal with them as you please; you can torture and kill them or eat them just as we have.”
Starting from that point they shared their own speech as if it was natural to them. “We have been planning to escape this place for years.”
“But when we found out about the fence, we knew that there was no real hope of us escaping.”
“So, instead, we give you freedom to do as you please. Just know that the numbers on our bodies react to the electrical fence. Keeping us imprisoned until we die.”
“As for now, we only give you peace. Peace from being hurt, experimented and tortured upon. Years ago, my brother and I were born here and made to become subjects who hold a strength unable to be obtained by normal humans.”
“Out of the thirty born here, we are the only two who survived. And thanks to our strength, we were able to stop those who gave us pain.”
“My name is Alfred.”
“And my name is Matthew.”
“And as of today, you are in peace.” They finished together. After all that a silence came, they were clearly done with what they wanted to say. I took a glance around at my surroundings, seeing that there were those who already gone back inside, most likely to exact revenge upon the people who gave them nothing but pain, seeing as their blood left trails back inside.
The silence was cut by the man whose intestines were hanging, his hand clutching at his open stomach as he softly thanked the two men. He clearly wanted to run up to them and give them a hug judging from the way his face contorted in genuine gratefulness, instead he staggered towards them, only able to give them his appreciation because he almost fell face first before being caught by Matthew, the man with long hair and a nightmarish grin.
Sobs were suddenly all I could hear before I knew it, I was crying too. Instead of white, salty tears, all I cried was blood; metallic and rusty to taste. I leaned against the device keeping me painfully alive, sobbing with a gruff voice while I bit down on my lower lip. And before I noticed, the man with blue eyes stood in front of me. His face was expressionless in a way I couldn’t describe and his eyes were a blue mixed with a kind of red; his eyes looked like they were glowing. When he spoke, he neither sounded worried nor sincere “Are you okay?” I stared at him, my throat dry and unable to answer. I can finally see what’s wrong with him; his neck is bleeding, a visible cut running around his neck, his face covered in blood and his body. “You’re him-?”
I know what he meant by that. Everybody seemed to have heard about me without never knowing my face. Because I’m that one person who’s supposed to be the first male ‘mother’. The reason behind my chest being opened is because I’m still not finished. I was scheduled to be fully opened, from collarbone down to my stomach, instead of up to my upper half, to expose my organs and be replaced by a woman’s. After that, my abdomen was to be cut open and inside was a uterus to be placed that’s connected to my rectum. I’m supposed to carry and nurture a child inside me after nine months and I’m to give birth, that baby is to be thrown away and the cycle begins with me being impregnated again then give birth months later. The cycle wasn’t to be stopped until I was able to fully give birth like a normal woman.
I know all this because they told me; in full detail even as to what will become of me and my body. At first, I didn’t believe them but when I saw them push a tray with bloody hospital equipment, I stood corrected as I was forcefully chained to the bed and cut open. That was at least a few days ago- I think. The days pass by here before you even realize it.
I lowered my head and bit down on my tongue. Then I turned and made my way back inside, dragging the device along with me; its wheels creaking and squealing.
When I was finally in my cell, I never once wanted to gag at seeing my own blood. The mattress was drenched in it, soaked to the very bottom with the chains hanging from the bars and the tray with the rusting utensils they used on me, with no anesthetics. I ignored everything in my room and made my way to the bed, gently sitting myself down then lied down, the crusty blood poking my skin. I faced the ceiling and closed my eyes.
The sound of pained groans and quiet pleas weren’t new to me. But I had the curiosity to stand and look out unto the hallway to see what was happening. It was the purple-eyed man, Matthew, and he was aggressively stomping on a man’s stomach, letting his blood splatter and coat him. That man was one of the staff here, considering from how he’s clothed. His face is battered, red, purple and oozing with blood and a yellowish fluid I wouldn’t want to know what is.
“Please stop. He’s had enough, Matthew.” I squinted my eyes and saw that man whose stomach was freely open, a dirty sheet draped around his shoulders as he leaned his body against the metal door’s frame.
“No.”
“Matthew, please. He’s had enough. It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine! He did this to you, didn’t he? I heard he even raped you, he deserves more than what I’m doing to him right now.”
“You’re not justified to do this-”
“It perfectly is justified! He needs to know what kind of pain you went through, Fran.”
Matthew’s inhuman arm was digging into his thighs; three claws and one knuckle deep into his own flesh. When he stopped stomping on the staff’s stomach, he pulled out his claws and dug them right into the beaten man’s neck. He lifted him from the concrete floor and pulled him closer to his ill-grinning face. Matthew opened his mouth, so much so that I thought his jaw would fall off, but it didn’t instead he bit down on the man’s cheek and tore its flesh away from his face in one swoop. I watched him with envy; he seemed to be really enjoying his meal, eating the skin and muscles his teeth could reach. I looked away, smelling something delicious. The cell parallel to mine had a small fire in it, along with a man crouched to the floor with a large chunk of meat on a stick roasting at the tips of the fire. It made my stomach growl.
I went to the open cell.
“Are you hungry?” The man asked. I wasn’t exactly that discreet in entering his cell, nor was I quiet enough to sneak up on him. When he looked at me, his eyes were a bright red against the fire and the meat was turning into a beautiful colour of brown. I couldn’t help but stare.
“Here.” The man chuckled and gave me the stick. I parted my lips and with a strained voice, I thanked him. He merely gave me a shrug before turning to watch the fire. I held unto the stick, switching my gaze back and forth at him and the food he gave me.
“If you’re not going to eat it, I might steal it back.”
“I’m going to eat it.” I impulsively responded, “So you can talk, huh.” He smiled at me and I nodded. “They call me Prussia but my real name is Gilbert.” Gilbert reached out his hand. Hesitantly, I took it and shook hands with him. “What about you? Do you have a name?”
“Art.” It was the only thing that I can actually recall. Those three letters were what I always thought to be my name. Gilbert hummed before complimenting my name.
I sat a foot beside him; finally noticing the mutilated man in the corner of the room and my eyes went to the meat I held. This is a person’s body, I thought. I kept my gaze to my meal while Gilbert stayed quiet.
“What’s wrong with you?” I asked him aloud, lifting my gaze from the brown meat up to him. He chuckled then lifted his shirt. A large vertical scar ran from his collarbone down to where his trousers were.
“My body was cut in half up to my penis. They took out my lungs and put it back when it was in a stage three then they took out one of my kidneys and made me eat it.”
I gulped and lowered my head. I wanted to apologize for asking such an insensitive question, but when he was talking, he didn’t seem to mind at all.
“You should see my younger brother. He’s nothing but a hopping body.” that was when I remembered seeing the man hopping on one leg, bleeding and grunting. “Then there’s little Feli who can’t see anymore, eyes hanging from its sockets, you know?”
I nodded, also recalling having seen him before. When I looked back at him, he was staring back at the fire, his lips pursed together as he softly continued. “Then there’s my lover and cousin.” He spoke as if that person is dead, though I doubt. “Ears cut off and left to bleed. Unable to hear music again.”
“So is this person-?”
“He’s alive, of course. What’d you expect from these bastards.” After that, he didn’t continue. Incestual relationships are sort of a norm here, I guess; I heard from them before. Taking a deep breath, I finally started eating my meal, devouring it before I could start to think that I was satisfied.
“You’re really hungry, ain’t you?” Gilbert laughed at me once I was done, looking at him with wide eyes and the stick in his direction. He rose a brow, “You want more?”
“Yes please.” I squeaked out and he blinked. He laughed again as he stood, telling me to wait and going over to the man in the corner, aggressively tearing out a piece of his meat. My stomach growled again as the thought of eating filled my mind. When he returned to my side, he took the stick from my hands and told me how to ‘cook’ it. It came out a bit black but it was still delicious, at least to me.
“So, what’s your history here?”
I looked at him as I took a bite, chewing and thinking what he could mean. I swallowed and spoke, “I’m supposed to be the first male ‘mother’.” I said indifferently and he whistled. “So that’s what you look like.”
“Why do they call you Prussia?” I asked.
“Because I’m a Prussian descent, unlike my brother and cousin.”
I furrowed my brows and stared at him. “What does that mean?”
“It means, that I’m a rare. So my first few days here, they played with my blood and made me look like this.”
Now that I think about it, his hair is purely white and his eyes are a bright red, “Then it’s natural?”
“Yup. As natural as experiments could go.” At that, we stayed quiet again until he asked me “How long have you been here?”
“I don’t remember.”
“Oh.” Gilbert hummed, “Me and my family have been here for years. They took us in when a fire started in our village and told us that we were going to be okay.”
“How young were you?”
“Around eleven, I guess. Now I’m-” Gilbert stopped to chuckle, hurt and pained, “Now, I don’t even know how old I am.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“It’s fine, it’s no big deal, really. I’m used to sharing my stories.”
“How?”
Gilbert gave me a look before he gasped and muttered about me being a ‘newbie’ here. “Before you came here, we were allowed to eat and had time to go outside of our cells. When there’s someone new, they start asking who are the people that’s been here longer than them.”
“So, who are the longest one here?”
“Probably those twins.” Gilbert shrugged, kept his eyes on the crackling fire. “They were here before I was.” I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t say anything; I didn’t know what to say because that meant that those two men who freed us endured much more than I have; than we all must have. I finished my meal before placing the stick on the space between us and stood. “Thank you for sharing your meal. I didn’t mean to invade your time or privacy.” He shrugged again then smiled, telling me that it was fine and that he already ate much more than I have.
For someone who’s been here longer than I have, how can he smile so freely. He’s been through a lot yet he smiled as if the things done to him were nothing but a distant memory. I guess, instead of thinking about what’s been done to you, all you can really do is think of the bright things; like the beautiful sunrise outside or that man’s glowing blue eyes, face covered in blood. He’s a hero, isn’t he? Because he saved the people that’s been living here for years but then, he could have only done it for himself. To free himself from them. I won’t blame him if all of this was done merely for selfishness, but he saved us. He saved me. I can’t be anymore grateful to him and his brother.
A voice ringed in my ears. It was gentle, soft and a bit airy and for some reason, the voice echoed so closely to my ear. I groaned out, shifting my head in the rusty bed as I continue to ignore the voice. “Wake up.” It kept repeating, each time it got louder and annoying.
“Number 2304, wake up.”
I opened my eyes once I heard those numbers. Squinting my eyes, I stared, hearing my heart loudly thumping against the open air. “Yes?” I quietly asked, waiting for the ‘freedom’ that I got before to be only a dream. “It’s time to eat.”
“Eat?” I repeated. The man drew himself away from me, looking at me with pity or something else, I really couldn’t tell. He gave me a nod, reluctantly reaching out a hand, most likely for me to take. I ignored his help and sat up, almost instinctively about to clutch my chest when I felt a deep burning sensation. Luckily, I remembered that it’s just my heart burning from the open atmosphere. I gazed down at my chest, seeing my heart jumping and my lungs being inflated then shriveled as I breathed out. “Oh.” I mumbled out.
“Does it hurt?”
I turned my gaze to the man in front of me then shook my head. He dropped his hand but kept his eyes on me. I instead continue to ignore him, reaching to hold onto the metal bar of my device before bringing myself to stand. “Do you need help?” he asked me but I shook my head again, waiting for him to walk out.
He stayed standing still for a moment before gasping and mumbling an apology for keeping me waiting. He led me out of my cell and once again, I’m back in the hallway. He walked ahead of me, heading towards the other direction from the exit, “This way, please.” He told me and I followed. Before I could take in any of my surroundings, I was presented with a large room with tables and chairs. I hear crying and laughter mixed into a bitter-sweet feeling.
“Feel free to choose your table. And who you sit with.” He told me, smiled then walked on ahead. I saw something poking out on the end of his spine. It was a tail, swaying this way and that. How it escaped my vision until now, I’m not sure but it could probably because I was too preoccupied with the feeling of wanting to escape than to eat. He met up with the two men who planned all of this, they exchanged words before the blue-eyed male approached me in a hasty manner. I took a small step back as I clutched onto the bar, tightening my grip. When he stopped right in front of me, all he did was stare down at me with a puzzled expression. I wanted to ask what was wrong but then he sighed out and fidgeted on the spot.
“Listen. I’m sorry about what I said before. It was insensitive of me, wasn’t it?”
I didn’t say a word, however, I did blink. “It came out of my mouth before I knew it. I’m really sorry.”
I lowered then shook my head, “It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine.” He whined then apologized again. “Sit with us. Come and eat with me.” He looked at me, his blue eyes losing its red tinged colour. I furrowed my brows as I returned his gaze. When I blinked, he reached out his hand. I ignored his hand and said that I don’t need it. He gave me a chuckle, “I like you.” He told me, telling me to follow him to a table. The two men I saw in the hallway early were there too, sitting and quietly holding a conversation.
“My name is Alfred.”
“I know.” I muttered as I sat across the man identical to Alfred. He turned to me, his grin didn’t seem as forced as it was when I saw it. “Hi. Matthew.” Alfred leaned close to me, whispered about not letting Matthew’s demeanor to fool me. Matthew then glanced at the other sitting beside him. “Francis.”
I gave a nod, “Art.” Was all I could respond them with. They looked at me in question, “That’s the only thing I remember from my name.” I told them and Francis gasped, telling me that he’s sorry. I shrugged. I wanted to tell him what he was sorry for and why but I held my tongue. Looking at the man tied on the table instead, tears streamed down his face and a gag was on his mouth.
When I felt the tremble my body made, I turned my attention back to Francis, eyeing him down, “What’s wrong with you?”
His eyes widened and so did mine. I shook my head frantically, trying to form the words for an apology before he spoke, however he beat me to it. “Half of my spine got replaced by metal and my intestines were supposed to be reversed. But the operation was stopped; I’m sorry if my appearance repulses you.”
I shook my head again, “I- That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”
Francis smiled at me, told me that my question was an okay thing to ask. It didn’t feel like that for me though. I was insensitive again, I didn’t even let the words become a thought before I spat it out.
I thought about what I wanted to say, looked at Alfred in the eyes, glancing at Matthew, “If you don’t mind me asking, are the two of you twins?” Why did I ask that? The answer is already obvious yet that’s what I had to ask? I was about to retract my question when Alfred shrugged, “Well, we’re not really twins.”
“Meaning?”
“Matthew and I grew up test tubes and jars as babies. It means that we were developed without a mother’s womb.” I blinked, turned to look at Matthew who only gave me a nod then turned back to Alfred. “That means you have been here-”
“For our entire lives, yes.” I gulped, pursed my lips and gazed back down at the man on the table. “Does that mean that you know this place-”
“Inside and out.” Matthew cut in, nodding to me. “We had the privilege to know the premises since we were the only two left after we were ‘born’.”
“Oh. I see.”
My heart started pumping faster and I could see that my lungs were breathing in shallow breaths. I closed my eyes, draining out the voices in this large room, steadying myself.
I can’t even imagine living here all my life yet these two men managed to endure everything they have been handed to and still managed to free the people in the cells.
“Why don’t you eat.” Alfred nudged my shoulder, glancing down at the man, his chest already open and only needed to be ripped apart. I shook my head, refusing his offer, “I’m sorry. But I just can’t imagine living here since I was born.” I shut mouth tight, looking at the people who sat in this table, I bit down on my bottom lip.
“That’s why we’re killing them, aren’t we.” Alfred growled, a shiver running up my spine. “I’m sorry, I really didn’t want to-”
“Alfred.” Matthew called out. Alfred was glaring at me, looking at me with the intent to kill.
“Are you saying what we’re doing is wrong?” Alfred continued to growl at me, and I muttered out a small no. “This is justice. They deserve this! We’ve been given pain unimaginable yet you’re siding with them!?”
“I- I didn’t. I’m not-”
“Alfred, calm down.”
“This is bullshit! I don’t even know why I invited you to sit with us-!”
“Alfred!” Matthew stood along with Alfred, teeth bared and glares directed at each other. I could feel the sting in my eyes as Alfred clicked his tongue and looked at me with disgust before leaving the table then the room.
“I’m really sorry about him. He can’t control his temper some times.”
“I should be the one who’s sorry.” I replied as I stood. “I’m sorry to have ruined your meal. Also, can you give me directions on how to go back to the cells?”
“Take a left turn then a right.” Matthew told me. I bowed my head and left the room, his words echoing in my head. When I was presented with a left and right turn, I glanced around. I know I’m supposed to take the left but defying my own thoughts, I turned right. At the end of the small hallway were two doors, the handles were covered in blood. Carefully, I entered the room, squinting my eyes at the bright light it has.
I stood still, drawing my hand up to my mouth as I took in the sight before me. The walls are not only covered in blood but it’s decorated with entrails, encircling the room. Bloody saws and large knives were sitting on a shelf. Four heads were mounted on the wall, two females and two males with their tongues cut in half and sticking out. One of the two women had her eyes shot while the other’s head was open, exposing the skull and showing off the cracks it has. The other male’s head has a long cut from one ear to the other causing the jaw to freely slack open.
I closed my eyes, the smell of blood filling my lungs. When I opened my eyes again, I took notice of the mutilated animal bodies on a large glass container. I bit down on my lip when I saw a woman’s body vertically cut in half, one side of her body still had skin but the other didn’t. It exposed her muscles, bones and organs. That’s when I saw how her uterus wasn’t where it was supposed to be; this was the woman who was supposed to have her uterus inside of me. She got killed and displayed like an ornament just for me.
Tears ran down my cheeks. I turned and walked out, trying my best to erase what I saw. I can’t handle that. I don’t want to remember what I saw yet every time I blinked, those images would flash before me and the smell of spoiling blood and organs would hit me. As I leave a trail of my bloody tears behind, I kept my head low, wiping away as much of my tears as I could while at the same time trying not to bump into the walls. I cried myself asleep for the first time since enduring a pain induced operation.
When I woke up, I saw a figure sitting near my bed, arms crossed and seemed to be looking at me. “Yes?” I spoke out, lifting my head a bit to see it despite the darkness of the room; the only lights in here are the lights coming in from the hallway to my opened door-cell. The body didn’t move and I squinted my eyes, “Excuse me?” I called out again but nothing happened. Pushing myself up to sit, I reached out to the body that jolted awake when I shook it.
“You’re awake?” the figure asked me, “Who are you?” I asked back.
“Sorry. I guess you’re shocked to see me here?”
“Not really, no. I don’t know you.”
“It’s me, Alfred.”
I squinted my eyes again, leaning towards him before I finally noticed the yellow hair and blue eyes. “I’m sorry about before.” He mumbled out quietly, “I didn’t mean it. I guess I just got carried away.”
“I should be apologizing for being insensitive to you. To be honest, I never was good at keeping my mouth shut.”
Alfred gave out a chuckle, his shoulders bobbing up and down. “What are you doing here?” I asked, leaning away from him. “Aren’t you hungry?”
I thought about his question but shook my head instead. “Not unless you can pull out a slab of meat right here, then no.” Alfred nodded to me and silence filled the room. I lowered my head, watching my heart and lungs move before my eyes. It was mesmerizing, in a way. To be able to see the organs that’s keeping you alive, to be able to watch it jumping out in the openness of your chest was beautiful in a very different kind of perspective.
“Hey.” Alfred called out to me, “If you’re not hungry, why don’t you come with me.”
“Why?” I rose a brow at him, although I doubt that he’ll see my skepticism, he gave me the reason of being able to see something gorgeous. He told me that it was night time and that the moon is out. “So what?”
“So, let’s go and feel the fresh air.” Alfred stood from where he sat, taking my wrist and pulling me closer to him. I grimaced at the pain it gave my chest and he quietly apologized while I dismissed it.
I stood and followed him towards the open exit doors, a gust of cold wind nipping my skin. Half way through the hallway he stopped, told me to wait and he ran, after a short moment, he came back with a sheet and placed it on my shoulders gently. “Where did you get this?” I couldn’t help but ask, he shrugged and never really answer my question.
Outside was bright with a white, hopeful-like light. Alfred pointed at the sky and told me that the large sphere up in the sky was the moon. I nodded to him, holding back a smile. I guess he thought that I didn’t know what a moon looked like, and then again, it’s been quite a while since I actually saw the night sky and felt the fresh wind blowing my hair and hitting my body. We stood standing next to each other. He was looking up at the sky with a smile.
“It’s been years since I last saw this.” Alfred whispered as he closed his eyes, letting the wind hit him. I held onto the sheet to not let it fall to the ground, staring up while letting my thoughts drift.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked. Why am I just now finding it weird for Alfred to treat me like this? He looked at me, “What do you mean?” with a smile. I shook my head, “This? Why are you being nice to me and brought me here?” my heart started thumping, loud and audible between our silence. Alfred’s eyebrows furrowed together. “I don’t-” he took a deep breath and started again.
“I heard what they were planning and I guess I just- I don’t know, really.”
I took a step away from him. He’s feeling nothing but pity, “You’re feeling pity, aren’t you?”
“That’s not what I-”
“It is, isn’t it?” I smiled, it was forced but I knew that it held a stab of guilt and pain. I made someone feel pity for me. It must have been humiliating for Alfred to even be seen with me; someone who was supposed to be-
“Alfred, I’m sorry.” I took off the sheet and shoved it in his way, “But there are others who have suffered far more than I have. That man before had a tail, he needs help and Francis and Gilbert and his family too. Me- My chest is open but that doesn’t mean I need you to feel pity for me.”
“I’m telling you it’s not-”
“I’m sorry, but I will be going back inside now. And thank you for inviting me to sit with you before.” I turned, my heart becoming louder with each thump it made. I pulled the device closer to me and walked into the hallway, back to my cell. The wheels squeaking against the concrete floor. In my room, I sat at the edge of the bed, staring blankly at the wall. I remember that the tray of used equipment is still here in my room; I reached for it and pulled it closer to me. Looking at the rusting metal with the limited light the hallway outside has given me. With a cautious finger, I took the small knife, scalpel, was what it was called and traced the sharp end of it. When I knew that it was shallowly digging into my skin, it meant that it was still sharp and could be useful in the future. I just really hope that I didn’t have to use it like how they used it.
The next day, everybody was walking around, some were in wheelchairs, happily going around the building. They all seemed to be so lively.
“Good morning.” Gilbert greeted me from across the hall with a smile. I reluctantly smiled back, speaking in a small voice as I responded to his greeting. “Are you doing okay?” he asked me and I nodded. Gilbert then gasped before going inside his room and when he came out, he walked up to me, “This is Feli.” It was the man from yesterday whose eyes were hanging out of its sockets but now, his eyes are gone and in its place is a bandage wrapped around his head. He gave me a bright hello. His hair a light brown with a large strange curl in the side, he was shorter, a bit plumper especially his cheeks.
“Hi.” I greeted back, “Call me Feli.” He happily said and I replied that I will. “Call me Art.” I told him and he ohh-ed, saying how my name sounds beautiful.
“Isn’t he a lively one?” Gilbert laughed and so did Feli. I don’t remember what we were talking about, but I also got to meet Gilbert’s brother. His chest filled with scars but his face remained stern and serious. He sounded exasperated by Gilbert’s carefree tone but Gilbert only told me that his brother always had a stick up his ass; metaphorically.
The whole day though, I stayed in my room, listening to the stories that people exchanged, echoing down the hall. Just the other day these halls were echoing nothing but pain and pleas and cries to stop whatever was happening to them. Now, it’s changed in just the blink of an eye. There were a lot who didn’t get treated since the people here aren’t professionals, so it just meant that what we look like right now is what we’re going to have to deal with. And it makes my stomach sick just thinking about seeing those people with much worse conditions than I have.
Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes, let the sounds become nothing and lied myself down on the mattress. I listened to my heart beating against the air. I let my hand roam my chest, starting from the end of the cut on my chest until my palm reached my abdomen then it came flooding back to me. The image of that woman, those heads, the entrails decorating the walls along with the blood. Snapping my eyes wide open, I brought a hand to my mouth, trying not to puke as I started to sweat. It was irritating to my skin because the longer I continued to sweat, the more the mattress will become drenched in it and it’ll make my drying blood stick to me in an uncomfortable manner.
I took deep breaths, calming myself before sitting up, wiping the sweat-mixed-blood stuck on my cheeks with the back of my hand and sighed. I need to forget what I saw and focus on something else.
“Excuse me?”
I turned to the door and saw the man from before. “It’s time to eat.” He told me, I nodded and stood, dragging my device with me while he went to the other cells, probably to tell the others. This time, it wasn’t just me and him that’s heading towards that large room. I noticed Gilbert and his brother were ahead of me, holding hands with that Feli person along with someone else, I couldn’t really see. Once there, everybody immediately became groups, sitting, gathering to where they belong while I stood.
“Art.” I heard my name being called and saw Francis, waving and gesturing to me. He wanted me to sit with him despite last time. I had two choices; one was to turn and head back, and two was to heed Francis’ calling and come over there. Well, my body made the decision, walking towards his way like it was natural. He let me sit beside him, covering himself with the sheet so that his organs were out of sight. He told me something about me being early this time, I don’t know what he meant but I shrugged and silently apologized for being early.
Voices, like last time, filled the room. Francis and I sat there beside each other, not really talking until the doors burst open and everybody started cheering. At least five people were tied up and gagged, lying on a large transport cart, they were struggling, wiggling and frantically looking around us, around the room with pleas being muffled by the gags.
Alfred and Matthew were behind the man that was pushing the cart. He pushed it up towards the front of the room before leaving while Alfred and Matthew thanked him. Matthew’s grin was sinister and it held a grudge that was glad to be ridding of these people. Alfred clasp his hands together and in unison they both said with arms spread wide, “Food is served!” and everybody cheered once again. Alfred took a body and placed it on a table before going back and doing it again. Matthew also did what Alfred did, except when he took a body, he placed it on our table and told us to eat as much as we wanted before walking away and doing it again.
I looked to Francis who gave me an apologetic smile, “You will just have to get used to it.” He told me in a whisper before taking a deep breath and clawed at the man’s cheeks, tearing a piece of his flesh off and handing it to me. “You need to eat.” He told me worriedly. I took it but I didn’t eat it, instead I watched him devour the man’s face, gouging out his eyes and sucking at them in delight. I could see the man’s muscle twitching in pain as Francis continued to rip apart his skin.
Unconsciously, I started wetting my lips. What he was doing seemed to be so appetizing and satisfying. Glancing at the flesh in my hands, I brought it near my lips, parting them and opening my mouth. In one big bite, I ate a part of the man’s body. Alfred and Matthew were there, sitting across from us, looking excited to finally eat and I felt the same. I took hold of the man’s leg, ripping away his trousers and biting down on his skin until I could taste his blood.
It felt good. To have something warm and mouthwatering fill your hunger up like it was nothing.
His muffled cries were drained to nothing and his squirming was reduced to nothing but occasional twitches. As I chewed his meat, I took in my surroundings, everybody around the room were like animals sharing one body; one meal and so was I, with these people who made me eat because watching them wasn’t merely enough for me.
When I was done with the man’s leg, I somewhat felt satisfaction and my hunger and thirst dissipated. It’s thanks to this man that made it possible. I inhaled, licking my fingers one by one, sucking the blood in my hands. I heard Francis groan and complain, “I made such a mess.” That made Alfred and Matthew laugh.
“When you’re hungry, you’re hungry.” They both told us as a matter of fact. Once I was done with licking, I eyed them both, “What happens when these people aren’t here anymore?”
Matthew’s permanent smile grew, “Reinforcements.” And he winked as if I knew what he was talking about. “It’s takes about a month. If they come here earlier than expected, then a fest for us-!” Alfred cheered. I nodded my head, making myself shrink for some reason.
Eating these people really are delicious and I never thought that eating another person felt so exhilarating. So heart pumping that I could feel my chest burning. I could feel my chest burning.
I looked down, my heart beating in a faster rate and my breaths started to become shallow. Francis placed a hand on my shoulder and asked me if I was alright. I shook my head; I ate too much. It feels sickening, it’s making me want to puke. Closing my eyes, I willed myself to calm down.
It was their fault. They made my body this way. I know it. I don’t remember my time here all that well, but I’m sure that it was them. “Art.” I shrugged Francis’ hand away from me, putting both of my hands to my mouth.
I made a fool of myself in front of everybody in this building.
“I can’t. I’m never going to live this down.” I mumbled as Francis stroked my back. “It was nothing. Your body must have just experienced a shock from eating so quickly.”
“But I made a fool of myself.”
“Art.” Francis sighed out, carefully pulling my body closer to him. He started humming, I don’t know if it was a song or not, but it was soothing. Besides the fact that I could see his entrails and are touching me, it was creepy and weird, I guess.
I felt myself floating, it was strangely relaxing but then I remembered that I’m not supposed to be floating and forced myself to wake up, almost falling to the floor. “Woah!” I breathed, heart beating faster then turned my attention to the one who made that reaction. “Alfred?” I questioned who looked at me with a brow up. “You sound like you’re surprised to see me.”
“I am. What are you doing?” He carefully put me down on my own two feet and he pulled my device closer to me. “You fell asleep.” He said like it was obvious, which it was. “Oh.”
“Sorry, if I startled you but Matt and Fran, since yesterday have been sharing one room. And Matt was about to sleep and you were sort of in the way.” He hissed, looking away from me and scratching the back of his head. I looked up at him, seeing the visible slice on his neck before scoffing. “I’m fine with walking by myself and also, you should have wakened me up.”
I started walking, ignoring his awkward behavior, my cell just a few cells down. It was quiet, I guessed that everybody must have been asleep already. Not only that but I feel so embarrassed for taking Francis’ and Matthew’s privacy up. Great, I made a complete fool of myself earlier today and now I’m invading other people’s privacy.
“Why are you still following me?” I hissed at Alfred who took a step back at my sudden turn to him. He held up his hands, looking away from me. “Stop following me- Go to your own cell.” I gestured with my hand, sighing out. “Relax, I’m just trying to escort you.”
“I don’t need it.” I mumbled, picking up my pace. Finally, in my cell, I glanced to look back, Alfred grinning and standing by the door’s frame. “What do you want?”
“A thank you, maybe?”
“For what? Almost letting you drop me?”
“I wasn’t the one who suddenly woke up.”
“Well, I wasn’t the one who didn’t wake me up.”
Alfred pursed his lips, loudly taking a deep breath in, “What happened to you? Why are you suddenly so cranky at me?”
“I’m not. Please just leave already.” I rolled my eyes. It’s not my fault that I’m having a bad day. And I guess it wasn’t his fault too, but still, he’s making this day even more embarrassing for me. He looked down at me, pouting and making a sad expression with his face. I looked at him in disgust. This time though, I kept my mouth shut, I don’t want to say something unnecessary to him. “Just say a little thank you and I’ll be off, I promise.”
“For what?” I questioned and he bit down on his lips, “You weren’t the one who cleaned a little something back at the cafeteria.”
I could feel my blood boil and my cheeks turn red. I raised a hand and gave him a slap that regrettably echoed throughout the halls. He looked at me with the widest eyes, showing his shock and surprise at the sudden turn of events. “Thank you! There, I said it!” I yelled, shutting the cell’s door right in front of his face.
I was huffing, my breathing deep yet shallow at the same time and my heart was beating too fast again that it made a clenching sensation in my chest. I closed my eyes, clearing my mind and letting the silence consume me. Well, that is until I realized something. The door is usually one way, meaning that it’s locked here on the inside, but open on the outside. I felt panic starting to raise in me. My heart started beating faster again and my breaths became shallower by the second. I’m locked in, I don’t know what to do, maybe everybody will ignore me and let me die in here.
The prickling feeling in the corners of my eyes felt like stabbing and I couldn’t help but let my bloody tears fall. I’m going to die here. I’m too young to die; am I too young to die? But wait, it’s been a long time since I actually felt a sense of freedom, and as a payback for being mean, I’m locked in and would spend my remaining time starving myself to death. I don’t want to die.
“I don’t want to die.”
“Art.” I snapped my head back up, staring at Alfred before pulling him in a hug which was a bad decision. Immediately, I pulled him away from me, hissing in pain as I clutched my stomach instead of my heart. “Are you okay?” He asked, trying to stop me from folding my body and I nodded; he sighed in relief. “Maybe we should get you stitched up, if you want.”
I didn’t think about his question, instead, I leaned my head against his chest and whispered “Thank you” to him, sniffling and crying once again as I cautiously not come any closer to him, afraid that my heart and lungs might feel that burning feeling again from touching fabric.
The next thing I knew, I was lying on my mattress with Alfred sitting on the chair he dragged in here, arms crossed and told me that he’ll stay awake until I fall asleep. He’s a liar. The instant he said that, he closed his eyes and fell asleep by himself. I gave him a glare and rolled my eyes. “Don’t keep promises you can’t keep.” I muttered out under my breath, before gazing at the ceiling. Moments later, I’m the one who fell asleep.
Francis came to my cell the next morning, smiling at me and apologizing. I told him that it was okay and Francis told me about how cranky and angry Matthew can get when it doesn’t go his way. I felt somewhat worried for Francis. “Is that okay?” I asked him and he chuckled, looking away from me, “In a way, yes. It’s fine, it’s love after all.” Francis laughed and gave me a smile.
Love, huh? I thought the only reason why the people here are in relationships is because they had nothing else to do. Well, they could go outside and hunt. I heard rumors that there was living animals in the forest surrounding us just before the fence. But then again, I guess falling and feeling love wasn’t some forbidden law that was frowned upon, I guess. Francis told me about how embarrassed he feels for kicking me out while asleep. I kept telling him that it was fine, though. “Next time, though, just wake me up if you need me to leave.” I told him and he nodded, again repeating his apology before finally stopping.
This time, we stayed in my cell, letting the quiet consume us instead. It was sincere in a way. But then Francis took a deep breath and sighed. When I looked at him, he was holding his intestines like it was nothing and seemed to be shoving them back inside of him. “What are you doing?” I asked, my voice louder than what I wanted it to be. Francis looked to me, dropping his hold and leaning against the wall. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“What are you doing?” I repeated and he pursed his lips. I made another insensitive question again. “Sorry. You don’t want to talk about it, correct?”
He didn’t say anything, instead he just stared at the wall on the other side of the room. “Sometimes, I want to cut it off and just be done with it.” He muttered out in a breath. I stared at him and didn’t say anything. “I don’t understand what the purpose of keeping me like this is. I’m going to die sooner or later.”
“Do you really want that?”
“Half of me; yes. But then, every time I think about it, I’m reminded that Matthew is here, with me and doing his best to survive too.”
I followed his gaze towards the other wall, leaning my head back against the wall we’re leaning on, “How long have the two of you been together?”
“For as long I can recall.” Francis gave out a pained chuckle, “Sometimes, I would wake up and immediately try to commit suicide until Matthew stops me and I cry myself to sleep again. When you think about the big picture, we’re all going to die here anyway… I don’t understand why Matthew insists on keeping me alive.”
“Don’t you want to think about that maybe he has a plan to get us all out of here?”
“It’s never going to happen…”
“How do you sound so sure?”
“Because I’ve heard those words before, again, and again, over and over; still nothing has happened.”
“Oh.” People here have endured far more than I have. It’s only natural to hear such things from Francis or anybody else for that matter. In some ways, Francis is right, the looming dread that we’re never going to escape this hell hole and die here is most likely in everybody’s minds, I just didn’t think that they would acknowledge it, especially Francis, since he seem to be happy.
“What about you?” he turned to me and I to him.
“I don’t remember how long I have been here.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Oh.” I whispered then inhaled, “I was scheduled to have a transplant; to have a uterus that’s connected to my rectum. Then the male staffs here would ‘give’ me their sperm and from there, a baby is supposed to develop. I don’t know how though.” Francis stayed quiet; his eyes wide with a glassy gaze. I shook my head, looking away from him, feeling my own tears pooling at the corners of my eyes.
Thinking about it, none of the people here actually have any kind of medical experience, so we really are left to look like this for the rest of our remaining years. “Francis.” I called out, “Have you had sex before?” The words left my mouth before I even really thought about it. And at that, the quietness of the room got filled with laughter. Francis wouldn’t stop until I started yelling at him that I was serious. “Okay, okay, I will stop.” He breathed, wiping his eyes and taking a breath in. “You could say countless of times and you could also say rare moments.”
“What is the difference?”
“The difference is, the first is forced and the latter is consensual.”
I stayed silent, regretting the decision to ask him that question. “I’m sorry.” I mumbled out and Francis shrugged, telling me that it was okay when it clearly wasn’t. Silence, again, filled my cell. We stared at nothing but the wall on the other side, letting our thoughts consume us.
For hours, we sat there with nothing but the quiet.
“Have you ever thought of stitching your stomach close?” I carefully questioned and he shook his head. “I don’t trust anybody here to hold a needle and touch me.” I nodded, agreeing with his statement. “What about you?”
“I don’t think anything will really change if I close my chest up.”
“You can safely have sex.” Francis burst out laughing at what he said. “That-! That’s out of topic!” I shouted at him, feeling the blood rush to cheeks, “And shut up!” Francis’ laughter reduced to chuckling then a little while later, he let out a groan. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing. My stomach is just-”
“S-should I call for help?”
“No, it’s fine, really.” Francis folded his body up a bit, wrapping his body around the dirty sheet and mumbling with labored breaths. I reluctantly placed my arm around his shoulders. We were both obviously careful to not let our exposed organs touch anything whether it be skin or fabric. When Francis’ breathing sounded to calm down, I pulled away from him, looking at him and waited for him to say something. He pulled away from himself, smiling at me with sweat covering his whole face, “I’m fine now.” He told me quietly.
I nodded, giving back a small smile of my own.
Later, Matthew and Alfred came by. Matthew took Francis away while Alfred stayed, standing by the door. “What are you doing?” I asked him with squinted eyes. He didn’t say anything, only he made his way to the chair then placed a folded sheet beside me. “You should at least cover up.” He silently told me before crossing his arms again. I didn’t use the sheet, I ignored it and went to sleep while Alfred fell asleep sitting on the chair.
I knew when I wake up that he won’t be here anymore, probably somewhere around the building doing whatever it is he does. However, when I woke up, he was still there, asleep and breathing. I wondered what time it was, seeing as there weren’t any people walking or talking in the halls. Looking around, I sat up, pulled the sheet to my shoulders and walked out for some air. It was nice. I felt refreshing and calming. And though my heart and lungs felt like they were burning from being exposed to the air, I didn’t mind. Walking some feet away from the building, I sat down on the grass, smelling the earth and feeling the dew on its leaves.
Opening my mouth, I started humming, swaying my body side to side like a cradle.
As I was walking one morning in May
I spied a young couple a makin’ of hay.
O one was a fair maiden and her beauty showed clear
and the other was a soldier, a bold grenadier.
After that I closed my mouth and hummed, watching as the light started to pour from the horizon, painting the sky in red-orange.
O soldier, o soldier, will you marry me?
O no, my sweet lady that never can be.
For I’ve got a wife at home in my own country,
Two wives and the army’s too many for me.
I hummed again, swaying side to side as I closed my eyes, letting the wind brush my hair and the smell of fresh leaves around me. It was so quiet, save for the sound of rustling leaves. Soon, people would wake up and greet the day with what they’re feeling today. Maybe happy, maybe sorrow, maybe grief or maybe even pain; all of those things is what each person would feel, not just us but I’m sure even the people outside of this large field, where they aren’t trapped but still feel trapped all the same.
I sighed, opening my eyes as I let a smile curl my lips, stopping myself from swaying and instead watched the sun rise. Breathing out through my nose, I let myself hunch, letting the soft, warm light touch my skin.
The sound of crunching grass behind me became louder and I almost wanted to groan. I had a feeling as to who this person is going to be. I glanced, just slightly trying not to make it seem obvious that I was looking back. When I saw Alfred’s signature yellow hair, I rolled my eyes. There goes my alone time. I stopped humming, letting it grow quiet and at the same time, my heart started to thump faster and my hands were becoming sweaty.
“You should sing more.” I jolted, turning towards the voice, leaning away as I saw Alfred’s face close to mine. “What-” I stuttered out and he laughed at me. “I missed the sunrise, didn’t I?”
I stopped staring at him and looked in front of me, ignoring him. “Hey.” He whined, “Don’t ignore me, come on.” He begged, sitting beside me and started to lean against me. “Stay away from me.” I grumbled, pushing him away and he pouted, whining like a dog. “Did I do something again?” he asked, gazing down at me and I shook my head, stopping myself halfway because why would I disagree with his assumption when he clearly did do something; he ruined my alone time.
“Then how come you’re ignoring me.”
“I’m not ignoring you. You’re just very noisy.” I quietly commented, turning my head to the other side; away from him. I blinked, watching the grass sway against the wind, the colour becoming brighter as the sunlight touched its leaves. I heard rustling beside me then it stopped, I gave a quick look to Alfred, who’s laying in the grass with his arms under his head. His eyes were closed and a faint smile was on his lips. Quietly, I wanted to ask what he was doing but decided against it and just stared at his hair. Keeping my hands close to me and to not let the urge to feel his hair.
“Hey.” His eyes snapped open and I looked away, turned to the sun before getting blinded by looking directly at it. “It’s the same shade as your eyes.” Alfred softly chuckled while I rubbed my eyes. “What is?” I asked, blinking several times then gazed down at him. He smiled up at me, I gulped, waiting for his answer. “Your eyes.” He chimed like it was already obvious. Were my eyes green? “I didn’t know.” I mumbled.
“Why wouldn’t you know-?” he stayed quiet, “Oh.” He whispered a sorry to me.
“I don’t remember what the colour of my eyes are; it’s okay.” I told him. After that, it was just him, laying on the grass and me sitting and letting the sun touch me.
Once again, a body is in front of me and it made my stomach growl, loud enough that Francis looked at me and smiled, telling me one word “Hungry?”, it wasn’t really a question, more like an acknowledgement of some sort, maybe. This time, I went for the chest, eating the muscle and skin and leaving the organs for somebody else. Matthew and Alfred fought over the heart and liver, glaring at each other as they reached then drew back their hands. This happened over and over again until Francis took the heart with a raised brow. “If the two of you aren’t going to eat this, then thank you for letting me have the pleasure-”
“Wait!” they both replied, gazing at Francis with pleading eyes. Francis pulled it in half and gave each half to the brothers. I guess they’re brothers. And they both pouted, well, Matthew was trying his best to frown but Francis told him off, saying something about him bleeding if he doesn’t stop.
“Relax. My cheeks are the only things that are going to bleed.”
“But it’s not healthy. Stop forcing yourself to frown.”
“Well, smiling all the time isn’t all that fun, you know.”
Francis crossed his arms, staring at Matthew while Matthew ignored him, eating. Alfred was glancing back and forth at them, as if waiting for something interesting to happen. When Francis stood, he looked at me and asked if I wanted to go with him, I nodded and followed him.
We walked until we were outside. He seemed like he was about to cry but I never heard or saw anything. Francis just sat down on the grass and started to pull it off. “Are you okay?” I asked, sitting beside him. He leaned his head against my shoulder, shaking his head and mumbling a no and I nodded.
“Sometimes I wonder why we’re together.” Francis whined. I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t offer any advice, if that was what he wanted. Instead, I just let him lean his head against mine while we feel the burning sunlight scorch our skin. It wasn’t that long until Francis chuckled, saying how it was a bad idea to stay out under the sun in the middle of the day, so we went to my cell. And just like before, we stayed in silence leaning against each other.
Sometime during his stay, he fell asleep, breaths even and face and shoulders relaxed. He looked really, really calm. I would sometimes glance down at him to see if he’s awake and just hasn’t moved yet but every time I looked, he’d still be asleep. To be honest, my body has become rigid and sore from me sitting and leaning against the wall all day that I can’t feel my legs or the arm that’s tentatively wrapped around Francis’ shoulders. He also hasn’t moved a single bit; there’s no shifting, no nuzzling, not even a jolt then back to sleep. He just stayed leaning against me and fell asleep like that.
It wasn’t a surprise that Matthew would come to my cell and look at me like I did something wrong. He was, in some way, glaring at me. But instead he smiled, making his permanent grin grow even bigger and for a second, I thought that his face would actually split in half; of course, it didn’t. Then I remembered that man’s head whose jaw is slacked because from ear to ear, there was this long split. Honestly, I think that’s what they had in planned for Matthew, if he and Alfred hadn’t killed them.
“He’s asleep.” I told him quietly and he nodded. “I can see that.” He chimed causing for a chill to run down my spine. He just stood in front of us, looking down at me as if he’s expecting something. It didn’t take that long for Francis to finally move; he groaned and straightened himself, smiling at me. I smiled back hesitantly then I glanced at Matthew’s direction. Francis kept his smile, ignoring what I was silently telling him. And then, without any warning, Francis spoke to Matthew in a harsh manner. “I’m sleeping here.”
My eyes widened and Matthew’s smile became forced. I knew that he was frowning, his face was straining to follow his movements but because of the grin permanent on his lips, his smile became forced and absolutely horrible. “What?” he growled, clearly surprised. Francis turned to him, looking up at him with indifference. “I said I’m sleeping here. With Art.”
Why did he have to include me and say my name specifically? I lowered my head, taking a quick glance at Matthew. Please, don’t tell me they are going to have an argument. Luckily, I guess, Matthew didn’t say anything and instead he walked out.
Francis breathed out deeply, whispering an apology to me. I said that it was fine and he didn’t say anything else then. We didn’t sleep. When everyone was, we walked down the empty, noiseless hallway and walked outside, staring at the night sky and feeling the breeze. “Are you sure that you still love him?” Talking wasn’t exactly my strong point and asking about something whether it was insensitive or not never crossed my mind until I actually spoke it. Francis looked at me, blinking like he was saying ‘did you just ask me that’, I gave him a shrug and he let out a breathless laugh. He turned away to look down at the grass, pulling it like before. I watched him, leaning close enough to hear him if he whispered. “I don’t know.” He mumbled, eyes sad and hurt. I guess, Francis was never the one to fully express his sadness, so I helped him out. I pulled his head down to my shoulder, pressing his head there. Francis was surprised, asking me what I was doing, I hummed, shaking my head then my skin felt cold, water trickling down from my shoulder to my chest. I watched the water flow, drops falling to my heart and every time, I would wince.
Francis didn’t sob, he didn’t make any kind of noise that’s related to crying. He was really holding himself back. While I let him cry, I turned to gaze at the sky, thinking if this is how Francis was before he came here. Maybe they changed him from how he was before; they made him broken and wear a mask. Everybody here probably wears a mask, including me, maybe. I don’t really know what kind of pain Francis is going through right now, that’s why I decided not to say anything, since I didn’t know what he felt and he never told me what his feelings are.
A little later, he stopped. He said thank you to me and stayed there, telling me that I was a good person. Francis pulled away from me, showed me a little smile and went back to pulling the grass. He took a deep breath in then out before chuckling out; Francis started singing.
Des yeux qui font baisser les miens
Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche
Voilà le portrait sans retouche
De l'homme auquel j'appartiens
Then he hummed. Looking at the grass in his hands and throwing them away. When he started to sing again, all he said was:
C’est toi pour moi, moi pour toi dans la vie
Il me l’a dit, l’a juré pour la vie
After that, Francis just hummed, repeating it over and over.
“What’s that?”
He turned his head to me, looking at me before laughing. “It’s French.” He told me and I nodded, not really sure I understand. “I sing that as a lullaby for my cousins.”
“Oh.”
“I’m surprised that I still remember the words.” He chuckled, his smile faint and soft. He didn’t say anything else, so I thought I’d say something too. “You have a beautiful voice.” I mumbled and he thanked me, saying that he appreciated the compliment. “What was your life like before you came here?”
Francis gave a thoughtful hum, looking at the moon. He exhaled and closed his eyes. “I used to be a chef; I was working at a really famous restaurant; I was a pâtissier.”
“Does that mean you know how to cook?”
Francis laughed, nodding his head, “Yes, I know how to cook.”
“Oh, okay.”
“What about you?”
“I don’t really remember anything before I came here.”
“Oh. Right, sorry.”
“It’s fine.” The conversation ended there, I think, because after that we didn’t say anything else. We were just sitting around, pulling the grass or staring at the sky and watched the stars blink.
Sometime later, Alfred came up to us, scratching the back of his neck and he told Francis that Matthew needed him. Francis raised a brow at him like Francis was doubtful about what Alfred said. Then “As usual, he sends his brother to do his job.” Francis chuckled out while shaking his head. He looked at me and smiled.
“Well, I guess it’s time to talk to him.” He grunted out as he stood, looking down at me. “I will talk to you later, okay?”
“Okay.” I nodded, gave him a smile and watched him walk back to the building, covering his body with that sheet hanging around his shoulders. Alfred, though, came up beside me and lied on the grass with a soft huff of breath escaping his lips. I ignored him but I had a feeling that he was going to talk. “So, what were you two doing here?”
I knew it. “Nothing.” He shifted, sighing out. “You ruined it anyway.” I mumbled and immediately, Alfred was beside me, face close to mine. “What did you say?”
I pushed him away, ignoring him while he just lied back down. It was really quiet. I could hear the leaves and the sound that the wind makes. I could also hear my heart, loud and steady against the quiet, beating against the air under the sheet I used to cover myself with. Huffing out, my eyes started getting heavy. Carefully I glanced at Alfred, eyes closed and arms under his head; he seemed to really like it here.
When I stood, Alfred looked up at me, blinking. “Where are you going?”
“To sleep.”
“Okay.” He stood up, patting his hair and trousers to remove the stray grass he’s collected and stared at me, silently telling me that it was okay to go. I shrugged and walked ahead of him, my device close to me.
Alfred followed me, just like before and even sat on the chair, crossed his arms, however this time he wasn’t the first one to fall asleep. It was me.
When I woke up, the same man from before was in front of me. Looking at me with indifference. He told me that it was time to eat and nodded, sitting up and standing. This time, I walked by his side, glancing down at his tail from time to time.
Actually, I never saw it before because it was completely black, but he didn’t have ears; he had cat ears instead. “What’s your name?” I quietly asked. He didn’t look at me, though he did reach out to the top of his head to scratch at his ears and with a soft voice he said his name is Kiku, in response I told him that my name is Art. He said that it sounded nice and I told him that it was the same for his name. Kiku then stopped and gazed at me, whispering a thank you to me. Was that supposed to mean something? He coughed and said that we were going to be late if we just stand around so I just didn’t think about what he might have meant by his thank you.
At the cafeteria, or at least that’s what Alfred calls it, Francis and Matthew were sitting by each other’s side again. So I guess they made up, right?
The meal today was a woman, her breasts were torn, ripped and bleeding. Her eyes were wide and filled with tears, so it meant that she’s still very conscious. “You should have killed her first.” I told them and they all looked at me like what I said was such a surprise. “She doesn’t need to suffer.” I quietly continued. Alfred didn’t say anything, although I knew that he heard me. Matthew laughed like it was funny and Francis just silently ate, hesitating after I said that. I watched them eat, Alfred took the neck and face, Francis was eating her breasts and Matthew was at the chest. I pointed to her abdomen and asked if I can have whatever meat was in there; they stopped, looking at each other. Matthew used his claws and made three vertical slices from the bottom of her belly button to the woman’s abdomen. “Thank you.” After that was a bit of a blur- All I really remember is suddenly shoving my hands inside her and ripping her body open while I drove my face down and just devoured anything my teeth could reach. I left nothing untouched. I even ate a part of her thighs and left the rest for Alfred and Matthew to eat. My face was covered in blood, Francis told me I looked like an animal, I shrugged at his comment and he told me to wipe it off.
I did what he told me after I licked myself clean from the blood. Smearing the sticky blood towards my lips and tongue. Then I exhaled, hunching my body because I know that I was satisfied with today’s food.
In Francis’ cell, he apologized for leaving last night then smirked at me. “How did it go?”
“What?”
“You know.”
“No?”
Francis rolled his eyes at me and yelled yet whispered at the same time, “Alfred.”
“What?” I felt like laughing. Was there something with Alfred? “You two were alone, weren’t you? Nothing happened?”
“Well what were you expecting?”
“For you to be together.” Francis whined. “No-!” I shouted, “Why would you think that?”
“You’re cute together.”
“No we’re not-!”
Francis looked at me, like he was waiting for something. “Nothing happened! I don’t even like him!”
“Then you’re sending some very mixed signals to him.”
“Huh?” How did the conversation shift to this? “I have no idea what you mean.” Francis didn’t say anything, instead he groaned, hitting his forehead with his palm and chuckled. He told me to forget about it and immediately, I agreed with him. What is wrong with him?
Why haven’t I thought of this before when I had nothing to do, I don’t know? I took in my surroundings. The building is really big. There was more than the first floor, a stair case led to a second floor which I had a hard time going to since my device is on wheels and I found out that stairs and wheels do not go together. There were less cells here, empty and unused, and more operation rooms and bed rooms. I’m sure that this is where the staff sleeps and stays at.
One of the bed rooms had a lot of books in it and I couldn’t let it be there, so I took a few. Now, I’m walking down a narrow hallway that had windows on each side. On the other side though, the lights were off and when I looked through the windows, I couldn’t make out what was inside. And when I tried to open the door leading inside those rooms; it was locked.
So, now, I’m just walking towards the last room that I see. The door was slightly darker than the rest and had a small sign label as ‘animal room’. I assumed it was just a room full of stuffed animals and had been mounted on the walls but when I carefully opened the door, I couldn’t be anymore wrong.
The books slipped from my grasp and the sheet fell from my shoulders as I stared at the one person sitting in the corner of the room, naked.
“Kiku?” I called out. He turned to me, bowed his head and told me welcome with no expressions crossing his face. I had to lean against my device, and turned my gaze to the floor. “I’m truly sorry you had to see me like this.” Kiku spoke as he started walking towards me. I shook my head frantically, gulping down my saliva. “I should have knocked.” I told myself but Kiku disagreed and told me that it was because I didn’t know that this room was being used.
When he was finally in front of me, he gave me the saddest look I have seen and held me by my upper arms, helping me to stand. I couldn’t look away from his body. Not only was it still bleeding but there was fur sticking out of his skin. His penis was cut along with his testicles. On his back where his spine is, was this long pole stapled to his skin, under his collar bone were bite marks, deep and had his muscles showing inside those little holes. And on his upper arm is his number: 1102.
Numbers were what we were used to be called, until our ‘freedom’.
“I’m so sorry.” Was all I could say as I looked at him. Kiku shook his head, telling me that I shouldn’t be apologizing and bent down to pick up the books and sheet. He led me to a chair and sat me down while he got himself dressed. He wore a robe with a thing tied to his back. Kiku helped me go back down, he held the books and sheet while I tried not to trip and fall down.
“Is that why you wear a robe?” I asked reluctantly, biting down on my lower lip as I realized that once again, I asked an insensitive question; probably. Standing half way through the staircase, he looked at me, lips pressed together that it was starting to turn white. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t what to.” I hastily spoke out.
“Yes.” He nodded his head. “I like to wear robes when I’m inside my room, though. When I’m outside of my room, I like to wrap one of those sheets around me like a scarf.”
“I see.” I gulped. I guess asking questions about what you look like really is a common thing here. And every time I asked, they would always answer after a moment of thinking. Maybe. He gave me a firm nod and continued down the stairs while I followed a couple of steps behind.
When he was standing at the end, holding the books close to his chest, Alfred showed up, seemed to be happy to see Kiku. But when he noticed me, his face looked like it dropped. “Art.” He glanced to Kiku then stared back at me. I’m close to the end of the staircase but to me it was still a lot since I’m dragging this device with me. “What are doing- What were you doing up there?”
“I was just looking.” I mumbled, finally finishing the way down and told Kiku a little thank you. He handed me back the books and gently bowed his head, after that he told me to take care and went back up the stairs while Alfred stood behind me, watching our short exchange. Pulling the device, I passed by him and made my way back to my cell. “Art.” Alfred called out, following me. “Art, don’t ignore me.”
“Leave me alone.” I said through tight lips. Then suddenly, he pulled me by the arm and turned me towards him. I grimaced, my skin being stretched by a bit from being pulled. The edges of the cut on my chest stung with pain and a stabbing sensation. Alfred immediately let my arm go and stuttered out an apology. “What is wrong with you?”
“Just-!” Alfred groaned, scratching his head and messing up his hair. “Did you see anything up there?”
“Uh- No? The big, ‘important’-looking rooms were locked.”
“Thank goodness.” He exhaled. Looking at him from toe to head, I rose my brow and spoke “Are you done? Can you finally please leave me alone?”
“Why do you like being alone so much?”
“I don’t like being alone, I just don’t like it when someone that I don’t even know is always following me.” Turning away, I started back my pace; I didn’t look or took a single glance to see if he was following me. I took him away from my thoughts and focused on trying to form the words for a proper apology to Kiku in case I see him again.
Later that night, I used the light in the hallway to read the books that I brought with me. It was really good. It was a story about a girl who became this thing called ‘geisha’ and possessed incredible beauty that her main rival is an older woman who is also a geisha but somewhat a failure. When I finished reading the book, I noticed that almost everybody was already awake, meaning that I’ve been reading from night till morning.
Rubbing my eyes, I yawned. I placed the book down on the chair that I dragged back near my bed and lied down to take a little bit of rest before being called to eat. When I woke up though, everything was quiet. There were no people walking around or talking in the halls. I sat up, fixing the sheet around me and took in my surroundings, I guess everybody’s asleep already. At that thought, my stomach growled and I jolted in surprise.
“Hungry?”
I jolted again, trembling from the shock. “Alfred?” I whispered, my hands close to my chest- Well, close to my neck and blinked, looking at the chair and seeing a figure. “Yeah?” he chuckled and stood, showing that it was him against the light from the hall.
“Don’t do that. Ever.” I said, glaring at him. He shrugged and smiled. Alfred told me follow him, and follow him I did.
He led to me to the cafeteria where a man was bleeding from the forehead, a large cut and a sharp glass poking out of his head. “You killed him?” I asked, turning my head to look at Alfred, who gave a small nod. “Oh.” I approached the man, pulling the glass from his head and used the tip to trace his naked body. I sat down, still tracing his body with the tip. Tonight, I settled for the upper part of his chest and dug the glass deep into his flesh until I felt the bone stopping me. From there, I dragged the glass horizontally up to his intestines and placed the sharp glass on his thighs. From both sides of his cut skin, I pulled and opened him up, revealing the bone that stopped me from stabbing him any deeper before. For a moment I thought about stopping but the memories of all the horrible things that were done to me, to us, made me continue. I took that bone and forcefully pulled it out from his body, to reveal his heart. Taking the sharp glass again, I cut out the veins and grabbed the heart to eat it.
It was somewhat chewy and made my face become covered in blood. The sound of blood squelching as I chewed echoed in my ears but that didn’t stop me from taking another bite then another. It was delicious and stomach-churning at the same time; the experience was hard to describe, although I didn’t stop there. Swallowing the last bite, I tilted my head, wondering what else I could easily eat. Instead, I just took his skin and cut and pulled it apart from the rest of his body. When I was done, I gazed at Alfred who sat across from me, pressing my lips together. “I’m done.” I shrugged.
“Oh- Uh. Okay.” Alfred stood up, quickly taking the body and putting it somewhere where the door my gaze followed him at. Shaking my head, I started licking myself clean, when Alfred came back with a new white sheet. He told me to use the one that’s wrapped around me to clean myself and I did. “What’s behind that?” I stared at the door then glanced to him. “Nothing. Just a place where we throw away the remains of our food.”
“Can I see it?”
Alfred looked at me, taking the sheet from his hands and wrapping it around my shoulders, I stared up at him. “You want to see it?”
“Yes.” I nodded.
“Okay?” He turned and I followed him. He opened the door for me while using his other hand to sort of swipe it across the room like he was showing me something magnificent. “It smells bad in here.” I whispered as I looked at the badly mutilated bodies all over the floor, rotting what’s left of them. There were some that was turning to a colour of pale and the blood on the floor was dark and dry.
“What did you expect?” Alfred followed on and I just hummed my ‘I don’t know’, turning away from the room and walking away. Alfred caught up with me, asking me what I was doing sleeping all day and I replied that I was reading a book; he tilted his head and repeated me.
“Yes.” Nodding, I entered my cell and pointed at the books that are now sitting on the floor. “Those things that you moved from the chair.” I told him and he awe-ed at me. I sat down at the bed while he sat down at the chair, crossed his arms. “Don’t you have a room?” I told him.
“I do, but I don’t want to use it.”
“Why?”
“I just want to avoid it as much as I can.”
I bit my lower lip, “I’m sorry.” And whispered out. Alfred questioned me why I apologized and replied that I didn’t mean to sound like I don’t care and told him that I was only curious since he always slept in my cell.
“You don’t want me sleeping in your cell?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Then-?”
“I don’t mind you sleeping here. But you can be noisy and annoying sometimes.” I lied myself down, my head turned to his direction. I think he smiled at me and said thank you before telling me to go to sleep.
“Art.” My shoulder was shaking, soft and gentle. I groaned and grunted, shrugging off what was shaking me. “Art, wake up.” The voice was so close to my ear that I could feel the heat of that voice’s breath. I shifted my head, shaking it and ignoring it again. “Art, come on.”
“What?” I rubbed my eyes, confirming that it was Alfred who was waking me up. “What? Why?”
“Come on or you’re going to miss it.” He walked to stand by the door frame while I took my time getting up from my bed. Alfred was a few steps ahead of me and I was dragging myself behind to see if he would stop. He didn’t. I yawned as he took me outside, pointing at the horizon. “Look.” He softly spoke out. The sun was rising, so what?
“You woke me up for this?”
“Yeah.” Alfred nodded excitedly turning from me to the rising sun then quickly back to me, “You don’t like it?” he asked like he just gave me the sun.
“I think it’s okay. I just don’t like it when someone forcefully wakes me up in the morning just so I can see something that I’ll be able to see on my own.”
“I thought you would like it.” He whined and I shrugged. “It looks okay to me, I guess.” I mumbled while Alfred started to pout. “If you want to impress me, show me something that I haven’t seen before.” I yawned as I started to make my way back inside, a short moment later, Alfred showed up by my side with a thoughtful expression.
“So what impresses you then?” Francis nearly choked when he heard Alfred say that. He looked at me and glanced at Alfred before grinning back to me. “No.” I told Francis firmly and his smile became wider. “My, Alfred. I never knew that you would ask Art such a bold question.” He chimed.
“Francis-!” I called out, dropping the piece of lung I had in my hand. Matthew didn’t say anything and Alfred was staring at me, after giving Francis a lost look. “I don’t know what you mean.” I replied to Alfred’s question who responded with a pout. Matthew was quietly chuckling and Francis elbowed him in the arm. As much as I could, I tried to ignore them. Shrugging and expressing my lack of interest, I told Alfred “I’m not sure, maybe show me something beautiful? Or maybe something interesting?”
Alfred squinted his eyes at me, nodding once and continued eating. When I turned to face away from him, Francis was smirking at me from behind his hand. Shaking my head, I mouthed ‘no’ to him. He rolled his eyes, winking at me then I became the one who rolled his eyes.
Well, I wasn’t that surprised when a day later- at night- Alfred woke me up, told me to follow him and led me outside; again.
“The moon?” I asked, yawning. He led me a little further away from the building to where it’s a much clearer field. He pulled out something from his trousers and told me to sit down so I did. “This is a flashlight.” He told me, showing off the flashlight. “I know what it is.” I groaned out. Alfred turned it on and directed it to a book: it was clearly a picture book. I squinted my eyes at him. He leaned down towards the ground, opened it for me and said “I found this upstairs. It’s an anatomy book.”
“This is what you thought would impress me?”
“Yeah.” Alfred shifted his position, glancing at me and at the book. “Is it working?”
Biting down the inner side of my cheek, I tried not to let out a single sound that could relate to laughter. Instead, I frantically nodded my head with closed eyes and holding my breath back a little. ‘Don’t laugh.’ I repeated in my mind. ‘Don’t be rude.’ I told myself and repeated those two short sentences. Alfred smiled, looking back at the book and pulling me a bit down to see it better; his words, not mine. Surprisingly though, it was fun however, it left a very unsettling feeling in the bottom of my stomach. He showed me different bone types, the difference of each organ, and the parts of the brain. I pulled way, straightening myself. “Is something the matter?” Alfred asked. I opened my mouth but ended up closing it shut and shaking my head. “Uh- I was just thinking that maybe we could talk about something else.”
Alfred stared at me, I stared back but after a bit, I glanced this way and that as I waited for his response. “Okay. What would you like to talk about?” he closed the book and turned the flashlight off, straightening his body too. I hummed, shrugged my shoulders “Anything but this, I guess.”
Alfred hummed in thought, placing his hands behind him and leaned his weight against his palms firmly on the ground. “Can I ask questions then?”
“You just did.”
“So that’s a yes?”
“Yes.” Nodding, I let a small smile come up to my lips. Alfred hummed again, “How old are you?”
“I don’t know.” I said while shaking my head. He pursed his lips, looking at the sky. “Do you remember anything before coming here?”
“Unfortunately, no.”
“Okay, then.” Silence came. The sound of rustling leaves making me feel a bit uneasy with how the conversation just abruptly stopped. “You grew up here, didn’t you?”
“Yup.”
“Does that mean you have a date of birth?”
“You mean a birthday?” I nodded. Alfred then straightened his body again, lifting up his shirt, and on the left side of his chest was his number. “This is the day that I was born.” He happily said. I leaned closer, squinting my eyes, “0407?”
“It means fourth of July.” Alfred exhaled, “Matt’s number is on the right side of his chest. His is the first of July.”
“Oh.” I backed away as he pulled his shirt back down. “What about yours?”
I thought about his question, feeling a bit red in the face, I took a deep breath as I pulled my body up, standing on my knees and pulled down my trousers. “Woah-!” Alfred reacted and I covered myself but left my right thigh for him to see. Without warning, he leaned closer to me, staring at the numbers inked into my skin. “2304.” Alfred stated before leaning away. “Twenty-third of April is your birthday, then.”
“Oh.” I pulled my trousers up and sat back down. “I guess that means you were born during Spring?”
“And you?” I asked.
“I’m pretty sure it’s Summer.”
I nodded and he leaned against his palms again. I drew the sheet around my chest just a bit tighter, so that my chest is covered. Although, the sound it made wasn’t completely inaudible. It was clear to both him and me that my heart is pumping a bit faster than normal and louder too. Taking a glance to him, I saw that his gaze was directed up towards the sky, his eyes becoming brighter with the moonlight. “You’ve been here your whole life.”
Alfred chuckled, shrugged and nodded, agreeing with me completely. He stayed quiet, a small smile on his lips as he kept his gaze upward, the stars twinkling against the night sky.
I asked if there were seasons here and he said yes, telling about the last time he saw snow was when he was only this big; ‘this’ being what his height is right now, sitting on the grass up to how tall his body is when straightened. “You were sort of small back then, huh.” I muttered and Alfred laughed, so much that he started clutching to his stomach. I don’t know why he was laughing that much, I honestly didn’t find it to be all that funny but I saw something, “Your neck.” I squinted, leaning closer to him “Is bleeding-!”
“Huh?” He said breathless, then when he touched his throat, he clicked his tongue. “Are you okay? Here use this-” I was about to give him the sheet to wipe at the blood but instead, he told me that it was fine and that it was only something that happened usually. “But shouldn’t you at least wrap a bandage around that?”
“It’s nothing, really… It’s healing.”
“Are you sure?”
He smiled, looking directly at my eyes and softly said that it was nothing to be worried about. After that, he told me about how they cut his neck but not the bone nor veins, the reason why his head hasn’t ‘fallen off’ yet. Alfred told me that since it wasn’t being regularly cut anymore, it was starting to heal from the inside. I had no idea what he meant, but I didn’t think about it too much, since I didn’t want my head to be filled with images of Alfred being chained to a bed and having monsters cut a baby boy’s neck without damaging his bone nor any important body part that’s needed for him to still be able to talk. Biting down on my lip, I started to wonder how he doesn’t seem to be affected by talking about these things. Then again, anybody who I asked never seemed to be bothered, so it really must have been something common here. I saw how his ankles were free. “Where are the chains?” I whispered. Alfred ooh-ed and told me how the chains around his ankles were digging into his skin and exposing his bones, so he had to cut it. Leaving nothing but bruised skin.
“Do you have any more stories to tell?” I quietly asked.
“One time, Matthew got caught with Francis in his cell.”
“And?”
“Francis got raped in return and Matt had to stay under water for almost a week.”
I lowered my head, “Oh.” I mumbled. That took a turn that I didn’t want to know nor think about. “Um- Anything else?”
Alfred hummed in thought, looking at the sky while pressing his lips together. It took a little bit of time before he said something again. “Kiku got feed with a large mouse one time.” He said like it was the most wonderful and exciting thing he had to tell. I placed my hand to cover my mouth, my eyes wide. I started to shake my head, and Alfred stuttered out apologies. I held up my hand, palm facing him. Alfred somewhat calmed down but kept his eyes on me, high on alert.
I gulped down my saliva and pushed the thoughts and images away, trying my best to calm my thumping heart down. “I’m fine.” I said with a gruff voice and Alfred’s shoulders became relaxed against the moonlight. He exhaled, deep and tired. But for some reason, we stayed there, just watching the sky move and the sun start to rise. And when I couldn’t hold back my yawn any longer, he stood up, brushing himself off of leaves and grass that clung to him. He reached out a hand and this time, for only one time, I decided to let him pull me up. In one swoop, I was standing and my heart beating with my breaths starting to become shallow.
He asked me if I’m okay in the most teasing tone possible. I glared at him, telling him that if he ever plans to do that again, he should to it slowly and gently. He apologized, saying something about not knowing when he’s using too much force, and I huffed at his words while we walked back. Alfred hid the book by snapping it on the garter of his trousers along with the flashlight which looked ridiculous on him from the outside; I didn’t hide the smirk on my lips and told him exactly why I was smiling.
Walking me towards my cell, he stood by the frame and I gazed up at him. Scratching the back of his head, he said something about doing his regular business. I shrugged and told him off. When he showed me a pout and I pursed my lips, re-thinking whether or not what I’m about to is considered as a thank you. I figured why not in the last second and leaned up to him. Standing on your toes was not easy but I got to leave a kiss on Alfred’s cheek anyway, so it was okay.
“There. Thank you.” I bowed my head, slightly then walked to my bed and lied down, closing and covering my eyes with my arm. When I heard faint footsteps leave my cell, I took a little peek to see if he was gone, although, in exchange for his leave was Gilbert’s figure, “Wow. Since when did you start giving kisses?” he chuckled and I let out a groan. Someone saw me, “You saw?” I asked.
Gilbert hummed his response then told me to ‘stay safe’ while walking back to his room, laughing. My cheeks felt hot and I never had to hide my face so bad using my arms.
Days later, I started to hear rumors about me and Alfred: it was one kiss! Not only that but I would sometimes hear their nickname for me, ‘the boss’s partner’? They couldn’t be any subtler with that could they? And I knew that Francis also knew because when Matthew and Alfred weren’t there sitting with us the first the time rumor spread, he looked at me with a grin and a look that says ‘I know everything’. No, you don’t know everything and it was one kiss, leave it alone- was what my mind screamed at everybody who would give me the same look that Francis gives me.
“What can I say, the two of you look cute together.” He told me one time when I told him to stop teasing me with Alfred and that it wasn’t going to work.
I finally finished the books I have with me. And I just walked out of my room when I bumped into somebody.
“I’m sorry.” I looked down at the person, eyes closed and hands leaning against the wall. “Art?” he called me, smiling. “Feli?” the name flew out of my mouth and he smiled even more. “Thank goodness!”
I blinked, trying to think what he meant by it then realized why he’s all alone. I asked him where Gilbert is or anybody he knows and is close with is but he pouted and told me that he’s been looking for them since he woke up. I went back inside my room and dropped the books on the bed, telling him that I will help him. He cheered, thanking me. The first thing I thought about was go to Gilbert’s room, that’s directly parallel to mine. Feli asked if there was anybody there and I said no. He pouted again, hummed then suddenly jumped, thinking that they may have gone to his cell. I asked where it was and told me that it was near the staircase.
When I took him there, I again told him that there wasn’t anybody inside.
“Maybe Francis knows.” I told him and he nodded, saying how Gilbert was ‘close’ friends with Francis. I hardly ever saw them interact with each other, though, he could be mentioning about my arrival before now.
“Feli.” Francis chimed when we came to his room without warning. Feli didn’t see it, but I did. Francis was pulling at his intestines again, teeth bared and gritting. He thought I didn’t see it but since I never said a word about it, that’s what he assumed. I then went on to tell him how Feli was looking for Gilbert or Ludwig or even Roderich for that matter. Francis’ expression went from a smile to shock then to apologetic. I think I know now.
Francis and I led Feli outside. He even smiled and cheered about it because he could feel the grass against his bare feet. Francis led the way, leading us to the side of the building, just some feet away from the concrete wall of the building. There was a wheelchair, just in front of ruined dirt. Matthew’s, Alfred’s and Gilbert’s hands and arms were completely covered in dirt. When we came up to them, Alfred and Matthew kept their heads low while Gilbert looked at us in surprise.
“I’m sorry, Gilbert but I just had to bring Feli here.” Francis shook his head, looking at Gilbert with apologetic eyes. Gilbert didn’t say anything and Feli remained clueless. I placed a hand on his shoulder and pressed my lips together. “Feli- Um…” I trailed off. Then Gilbert took Feli’s wrist and pulled him closer to him.
“Gilbert?” Feli called out, tilting his head. “Feli, there’s something you have to know.” Feli started to nervously let out a laugh, taking a step back, and then Francis spoke out loud “Ludwig’s not coming back anymore, Feli.” He fell to the ground, tears coming down his cheeks from his closed eyelids. “What?” he mumbled, when no one answered him, he screamed; screamed against the ground where he clenched his hands until his knuckles were white. He sobbed, stuttering and muttering out how it couldn’t have been true. Then Gilbert had to say it. “He was stuck in one leg, not only that but he was already dying, Feli.” And Feli denied his words, shaking his head, telling the ground that Gilbert didn’t know what he was talking about. He kept sadly calling out to Ludwig.
I don’t know him all that well, except for when I met him one time and what Gilbert told me, but seeing someone so broken like this made my chest clench. I looked around, seeing someone standing next to Gilbert with his face covered. That must have been Roderich, who Gilbert talked about so quietly before. They were a family, that was evident, I guess.
“I feel so guilty.” I quietly admitted to Francis as we made our way back to the building. He shook his head, telling me how it was inevitable and everything. I agreed with him but half of me still couldn’t shake off the guilt that rested in the back of my head because I decided to help Feli find Gilbert and the others, only in return for him to find out that Ludwig is dead. Francis only told me that it was okay and, just like with asking questions, it was common. Apparently, without noticing it, at least three to four people have died since our ‘freedom’. No body mentions it, but Francis knows because he’s observant; watching the people within safe distances.
And there was also one fact, one little thing that I couldn’t shake off. People were giving us glances as if it was their first time seeing us. Francis just smiled and took the attention for himself. He returned half of the looks, leaning to me and telling me that we were somewhat already known?
“Huh?” I whispered through clenched teeth. Francis led me to his cell and in there, he took the liberty to explain to me what was going on with the rumors. Apparently, since we were so ‘close’ with the two men who allowed us to do whatever we liked, we became under watch by the others. Well, that was something.
I took the remaining time I had to stay awake to go back to that room on the second floor to replace the books I took. It took a bit longer compared to the first time I came up here, maybe because I was full of curiosity then and now I know what’s up here; which just is more rooms.
I avoided, specifically coming back to Kiku’s room since I didn’t want to have an encounter like last time so I just hurriedly made my way towards the room.
I opened the door, and walked up to the bookshelf, putting the books where it was before. I looked around, gazing at the spines of the books. Some were thick, some were thin and there were some that was just in the middle. I squinted my eyes as I stared, the book was titled ‘After Dark’ and immediately, I took it out from where it sat and rapidly flipped the pages. Smiling, it was the only book I took then left the room. When I stepped out into the hallway, I quickly saw a figure heading towards me and I couldn’t help but scream in surprise and feel terror run through me. I closed my eyes and looked again, it was Kiku, and let out a deep sigh, rolling my eyes.
“You scared me.” I said. He looked at me then blinked, “I’m sorry. I heard something coming up the stairs, so I had to check every room here.”
“Why?”
“This is the rooms where the stairs are nearest.” He had a point. I gazed away, rocking my head back and forth while licking my lips then biting down on my lower lip, tearing a piece of dry skin that stuck out using my teeth. Kiku then asked me what I was doing on the second floor, and I showed the book in my hands as evidence of what I was doing here. “I see. Have you placed the books from before back?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Thank you for doing so.” He gave a little bow as he said this, then I wondered, how come he acted like he was a guard. “Are you the guard here or something?”
“Yes. How did you know?”
“It was obvious, I guess.” I shrugged. “What are you guarding then?”
“Something important that only remains a secret between Alfred, Matthew and I.”
“Why?”
Kiku pressed his lips together. With a silent voice, he told me that it was because, he, Alfred and Matthew were the only three ‘originals’ left in this place. I asked what he meant by it but he shook his head, showing me a small smile and said to pay it no mind. “Okay?” I replied, raising my eye brow. Kiku then offered to help me go down the steps, I let him help me, keeping the device balanced on its wheels while I took one step at a time as a pace that matched with the beats my heart gave. Once we were done with the steps, Kiku gave another small, short bow and walked back up. I watched him until I couldn’t see him anymore before I made my way to my cell. There I leaned against the wall, sitting on the concrete floor, my back facing the hallway to have as much light as I could use.
I just finished my interview with a company I wished to work at and was making my way towards the elevator. I pressed the button that had the down arrow and waited. It dinged, opening its door. Just as I was about to enter, somebody grabbed me from behind and placed a bag over my head.
When I woke up, my vision was contorted with the bag still over my head and the light piercing through the fabric. Wind brushed my hair in every direction and swept my clothes along with it. A constant breeze entering through the bottom of my trousers and pulling at my dress shirt from the tucked position it’s in, in my trousers up and being flew about. My wrists were tied against each other, the same goes for my ankles. The only thing I could hear was the sound of loud chopping then someone yelled “Shut up!”
“Where am I?!”
After that, I didn’t hear the voice again. I thought about what would happen to me. My breaths became shallow and I felt like I couldn’t breathe anymore. I parted my lips, mouth open wide, I planned to take in air, but each time it got harder and harder. Sweat formed on my temples and forehead. I closed my eyes to calm myself.
I woke up, looking around. I’m in my cell and sweating, not only that but I’m suddenly in my bed when I distinctly remember falling asleep on the floor. Someone must have moved me here. I sat up, staring at the sheet that’s drenched in my sweat and had red blotches all over. Wiping my forehead and face, I took in a deep breath. Inhaled as much air as I could and exhaled, slowly letting my eyes close.
A voice rang in my ears, calling me. Then, something clicked, “Arthur.”
I stood up, walking towards the door when I got pulled back by the wire attached to the side of my body, making one of my ribs start to poke out from underneath the skin, showing how thin I’ve become during my stay here. Rolling my eyes and clicking my tongue, I took hold of the device and made my way to Francis’ cell, again seeing him roughly pulling at his intestines, even trying to shove his stomach inside him with shallow pants and gritting teeth. “Stop that.” Was the first thing to leave my mouth when I saw him. Francis stopped what he was doing, slowly pulling his hands out from his body and tried to hide it with a smile.
For now, I didn’t say anything more and instead told him that I needed to see Alfred or Matthew. He didn’t ask why and told me to follow him.
When you’re leaving from the cafeteria, you’re supposed to take a left then a right, but instead of the right, Francis took the left and led me to a room with two doors. Francis quietly pushed one door open.
The room was a lot bigger than it seemed. Alfred and Matthew were sitting on shiny leather seats, staring across one another with a short-legged table between them. The room had large book shelves and in the very end of the room were people, tied and tired and thin. Kiku was there, hunched and seemed to be looking for something.
The two men looked to us, Matthew’s expression said puzzled but his tone sounded annoyed with a bit of unexpected. Alfred just furrowed his brows together, gazing up at us. Francis shrugged, telling them that I had something to say. That’s when I recalled why I even came here. Biting down on my lip, I inhaled, staring at them. “I want you-”
“Matthew, Alfred.” Kiku called out, dragging a tied, fetus-positioned man to them. “Another one.” He added, straightening his posture. “Another dead body. I knew we should have put them in the freezer.”
“People would like something warm and thick, not cold and stone-like, Matthew.”
“At least it preserves them, Alfred.”
“Maybe we could cook it.” I cut in and added, while turning my gaze to Francis, “Francis said he can cook.”
“Me?” He whispered back and I nodded. Matthew, Alfred and Kiku exchanged looks before one of them spoke up. “It’s unexpected but can you start today?”
Francis sighed out, “I guess I can.” He sounded exasperated but still agreed to do it with a faint smile. Matthew lifted the body, leading us towards the kitchen while Alfred said something about staying to ‘check’ the ‘supplies’. Kiku followed us too.
That’s when Francis took hold of my arm, stopping me from entering the room. He took the sheet from his shoulders and wrapped it around his chest. “I want you to take the bottom end.” He told me and I did, then folded it once like what he just said. “Now, I want you to tie it as much as you can.”
I repeated him but as a question and determinedly, he told me to do it. I couldn’t tie it together, though and I was struggling a bit to tie it properly when Kiku stepped out, holding out a long cloth. “Use this; wearing a sash would be easier for you.” he offered Francis. Then, Francis held his arms up above his head while Kiku wrapped the sash around his middle body, I stayed a foot away as I watched Kiku tie it to the side, saying how it would be easier for Francis to reach instead of having to tie it at the back; it worked.
Inside, Francis went to work as soon as possible. Telling Matthew to find a saw and cut off the head and limbs while he made Kiku find some vegetables that weren’t rotten yet. I stood, staying out of the way as much as I could from them. “I need to tie my hair.” Francis whispered to the air. I looked around the shelf full of spices I’m standing beside at. Trying to find something useful for him to use.
“Here.” I called out, handing the rubber band to him that I took from a bundle of peppers.
Matthew handed the person’s head to Francis who got to work by gouging out its eyes gently yet swiftly. He took a knife from a drawer and pulled out the tongue from the open end of the person’s neck then sliced the skin of his forehead and went around the entire head until the skull was exposed. He told Matthew to cut out the very top as carefully as he could so he could take out the brain. Kiku came back with carrots, ginger roots and garlic, placing it on the countertop. All on his own, he took a strainer, placed the eyes and the tongue there while Francis waited for the skull to be cut off. “There.” Matthew sighed out as Francis took out the brain with his own two hands and placing it on the strainer for Kiku to clean.
“Matthew, once you’re done cutting the limbs off, can you de-bone them?”
“Sure.” Matthew shrugged and Francis said a little thank you as he pulled out a large pot from under the counter and placing it near Matthew.
Francis began chopping the vegetables, switching from chopping to grabbing a pan and turned the stove on. “I need oil.” He looked to me and I had to move quickly, seeing the shiny, yellow liquid and passing it to Francis. He poured the oil on the pan and left it to continue chopping. When it was sizzling, Francis let go of the knife and placed the carrots there, along with the ginger and garlic. He took a spatula and started to stir it around before switching the stove from high to low. Eye balls, tongue and brain cleaned, he started chopping them one by one. I heard something plop and saw Matthew already done with cutting the limbs and is currently pulling out the bones after cutting from one side and swiftly pulling it out while his other hand held unto the skin.
When he was done, Francis had another large pot on the stove, pouring water in it and adding spices that he told me get for him earlier. Kiku and Matthew cleaned the skin and muscles while Francis started humming, adding onions, garlic, chopped cabbages, salt and pepper and turnips. After the meat was cleaned, he only separated some of them from each other before putting them in the pot, taking a bone that was left discarded on the floor and washed it. He had Matthew cut it before putting the two halves of the bone on the pot and placing the lid on it.
He had Matthew and Kiku grab the plates as he took out a large spoon from the drawer and serving it on each plate. The plates were being placed in a trolley tray. “Come back later for the soup.” He told the two of them was they pulled the trolley trays out and serving the food to the people.
“Was that enough?” I asked, walking up to him. “No.” he chuckled told me to get a bowl from one of the shelves while he grabbed a bag of flour and measuring spoons. He walked towards the freezer, coming back out with butter. “Does this place have every single thing you need?”
“A kitchen needs everything a chef would need.” Francis chimed, mixing the flour and butter, hand-mixing it then added some water. “So, what about the people who won’t get their food yet?”
“That’s why there’s soup. Though, now that I think about it, I should have made it before anything else.”
“Huh.” I said, shrugging. “What are you doing then?”
“I’m going to bake pies. So, can you see if there are fruits there?”
I nodded, walking back to the place where I was standing in before, looking through the baskets between the shelves. “I found apples.” I called out and heard Francis hum a ‘that’s great.’ So I took as much as my one arm could carry. He worked fast, is all I’m going to say because it wasn’t that long when I found the apples. Or did it actually take me minutes without realizing. Anyway, when I returned to Francis’ side, he was already placing the dough on the tins, one by one, while a pan was heating up on the stove. He cut each apple I brought, telling me to put sugar on the pan. Francis took more apples from one of the baskets and started to cut them up too.
“Haven’t you wondered why we haven’t been eating the food that’s stored here?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
Francis glanced to me, smiling, “It’s nice to eat something different and experience it, right?”
“I guess.” And at that Francis gave me a wink, putting the slices of apples on the pan. After that I just stayed out of his again, like before. Kiku and Matthew coming back when Francis put the pies into the oven, saying how there were some who didn’t get to eat. Francis just ignored their urgency and told them to prepare bowls for the soup.
They stopped complaining when they were dragging the trolley trays out again. A little while later, he pulled out the pies and spoke in a hushed tone, like he was solely talking to himself, to let the pies rest for a bit before cutting it.
A small smile curled into Francis’ lips as he saw the people eating diligently. When we sat down, Alfred immediately told him how good it tasted. “I’m very flattered.” Francis chuckled. I’m sure he feels more than happy to see the people that are eating his food to be so focused on what’s in front of them; enjoying their meal to the fullest. We ate, then had the pies that Francis baked; it was sweet and thick with the brown sugar. Unlike blood, it made my throat tickle and made it a bit harder for me to swallow. We were all given some water to drink when we finished eating those sweet-throat clogging pies.
In the aftermath of my quick trance of eating, I made my way back to my cell, as soon as I could. Distracting myself with the book that I half read the night before. The name “Arthur” echoing in the back of head as I tried to focus on anything but that. This just means that I’m remembering something, right? I put the book down instead, leaned my head back against the wall and breathed out. I won’t be able to let this go unless I know what’s wrong with me.
I waited for everybody else to fall asleep, and that included Alfred too, who quietly went to the chair, claimed it as his own once again, as he groaned out about how tired he was. Then in the blink of an eye, he’s asleep.
As quietly as I could manage, I made my way to the second floor. Alfred and Matthew first told me how they had the ‘privilege’ to know about what those people did to them, not only that but they were given information about this place. I’m already sure that even if I asked nicely, those two men won’t give me any kind of information that I would want to hear.
So I traced my way to the second floor, solely focusing on those rooms that were locked and kept in the dark. I had to find something from the different other rooms just for me to break open the window and carefully open the door, then I’d jump through the broken window and enter through the door again, because of this stupid thing attached to me. I looked for a light switch, working as fast I can. The light burned my eyes, it was blindingly bright. When my eyes adjusted to the light, I blinked several more times before looking around.
My mouth dropped. “What-?” I said to no one. The room is filled with shelves of fetuses in glass jars, floating there almost transparently. I walked around the room, staring at each jar and looking at their individual numbers.
“Don’t move.” A voice told me, a sharp object poking my neck. It dragged the pointed object against my skin without digging it into me. “What do you think you’re doing here?”
“I- I was just looking for-” I stopped myself and didn’t give out any kind of excuses. “Please don’t kill me.” Was all I squealed out. The pointed object got withdrawn from my neck and I reluctantly faced my supposed-killer. “You’re lucky that I knew it was you, Art.”
I furrowed my brows. “What? Lucky? Aren’t you supposed to be guarding these? Aren’t you supposed to kill me?” Kiku looked at me, staring. “No.” he shortly said. “However, you need to leave, now.” Kiku grabbed my wrist, trying to pull me out, his nails digging into me. “No.” I protested and he stopped, his lips pressed firmly against each other.
“I’m looking for files.”
“Files?”
“Help me?”
Kiku shook his head, pulling on my wrist again. “You weren’t even supposed to see this room. So, please, leave.” I watched him, desperately try to drag me out with false strength and agreed with him. He followed me until the stairs, where I had to go down to, alone. “I have to clean up the glass.” He reasoned. I didn’t say anything else and carefully, slowly walked down the steps. Again; wheels and stairs don’t go together and it is annoying.
I let the book in my hands cover up my vision of Alfred who stared down at me with a frown. It’s been some time since I saw those jars and when I saw Alfred the morning after that, he didn’t talk to me. Matthew gave off a chill that I didn’t want running up and down my spine. Whenever Matthew would look at me, he would make his smile even bigger, wider and just tilt his head as if he was waiting for me to say something.
I sat up, putting down the book beside me and gazed up at Alfred’s figure. “Kiku told me you broke into one of the rooms on the second floor.”
I blinked, glancing down at the floor then looked back up at him again, Nodding, I agreed with his statement. “Why?” he growled, his eyes seeming to glow against the faint light in the room. “Because you’re hiding something from me.” I told him, firmly. But my heart made it obvious that I was scared, panicking and nervous about what could happen. He shook his head and I pursed my lips.
“You said that you ‘have’ the privilege to know about the other people here.”
“‘Had’, Art.”
“I don’t care- If you had or still do, but that just means that there’s files about each person here.”
“No, there isn’t.”
“You’re lying. Alfred, I don’t know who I am.”
“Most of the people here doesn’t know who they are anymore.” He has a point.
I shut my mouth, staying quiet as I stare at him. He’s lying about those files; he has to be. “You have to tell me.”
“I just want to know why you went to the second floor, Arthur.” Alfred exhaled, scratching the slice on his neck, making it bleed and started to drip down his skin.
“I already gave my reason, haven’t I- What?” Alfred shook his head at me, looking down at me with guilt and maybe regret? “Don’t hide it.” I mumbled.
Alfred gave me one last glance, walking out of the room. Gritting my teeth, I stood, pulled the wire away from my body and ran. I ran towards the stairs, hearing Alfred’s shouting voice along with the sound of bare feet hitting against the concrete floor. When I got up, Kiku was looking at me with wide eyes. “Come with me.” He whispered, and we ran. On the direction of the room with books, there was one room parallel to it, it was one of those rooms that were locked before but when Kiku turned the knob, it opened and immediately, I entered it; in the background, I can hear Matthew’s growling voice calling for Kiku to respond along with Alfred shouting, calling my name. Once I came inside, Kiku told me to hurry and shut the door.
Taking a deep breath, I gently placed my hand on my rapidly beating heart. Feeling the burning sensation like my fingers were fabric touching an open wound.
Looking around the room, I walked up to a file cabinet and pulled it open. The names were there, letter by letter. I can hardly remember my name; this is going to take some time. My chest clenched and burned, I have to hurry but I can’t. Quickly, I pulled every drawer there, scanning for something similar to my name. Then, on the other side of the door, I heard Matthew screaming, Alfred was shouting and Kiku was blocking the door; I hoped.
I had to calm down, I inhaled, closing my eyes for a short moment then started again to scan my gaze against each name there. When I saw the name ‘Arthur’, I quickly took it, opening the folder. And started to read everything there.
My full name is Arthur Kirkland and I have one older sibling, I was born on April 23- just like Alfred said. I bit my lower lip, chewing down on the skin there as I continued. I read that I was to be operated on because of higher potential to be an actual male-carrying-a-baby? What? This doesn’t even make sense! I was brought here just because of that? And not only that, I already know this, what’s the point in hiding it?
I made my way to the door, swinging it open and saw Kiku being strangled by Matthew. “What are you doing?!” I impulsively spat out, “Stop!”
Matthew glared at me, letting Kiku go by dropping him to the floor. “You’re really useless.” He muttered out. “And what gave you the right to come here?” he questioned, taking a step in my direction.
“I thought you were hiding something important from me.” I laughed, but my heart says so otherwise, “What’s the point in hiding this from me when I already know what was going to happen to me.”
“Do you really think it’s healthy to release this kind of information to the same people who got tortured here?”
“Matthew, stop.” Alfred breathed out in a sigh. Matthew’s right. The people here have done nothing wrong and yet they got to experience something so horrifying. And these three people silently made the rule to not let anyone come here, the second floor, where every information of each person is stored and filed here- like they were some sort of live stock. Lowering my head, I nodded, agreeing to Matthew’s statement. “I’m sorry- I didn’t know that that were your intensions.”
“That’s right.” Suddenly a hand wrapped around my neck, taking away my breath. The floor beneath me became out of reach for my feet. Purple eyes stared into mine, glaring but unintentional. “Wh-?” I tried to ask. I could see Alfred gripping Matthew’s shoulder, shouting at him and most likely telling him to stop. I clawed at Matthew’s arm, tears pooling at the edges of my eyes. I closed them, begging in my mind for Matthew to stop; heart beating faster and breathing cut off, I thought that this is how I was going to die.
I dropped to the floor, coughing and Matthew facing the other direction. Kiku crawled towards me, whispering with a gruff, small voice if I was okay. Glancing up, Matthew and Alfred exchanged looks before running in a hurry. Where are they going?
I blinked back my tears, turning to look at Kiku, “Where are they going?”
“Something was approaching here.” He told me, helping me stand on my two feet. “Where is your machine?”
“I left it in my cell.” My heart was steadily getting faster and I could feel my arms and legs tremble. Kiku knelt to the floor and leaned me against his back, pressing my open chest against his clothing made me burn but he told me to endure it as he takes me down. “It hurts.” I groaned out. People were coming outside as Kiku passed by them all.
In my cell, he laid my body down, asking me how the device works. “I don’t really know.” I said, shaking my head. My chest felt like it was clenching and being pulled out at the same time. I clutched the bed, gritting my teeth against the pain. With my vision blurring, I saw Alfred run into my cell, speaking to Kiku. He looked like he’s breathless, when he saw me, he came closer, flapping his mouth. All I did was nod to him, closing my eyes and trying to calm my breathing down.
Waking up, I was in a small space, much smaller than my cell. It was filled with people. They all looked at me then looking all around in hurry. One of them flashing a flashlight at my eyes before talking to each other. I couldn’t understand a thing, so I decided to close my eyes again and sleep.
When I woke up again, the first thing I saw was a white ceiling. It was cold but warm at the same time. A dinging sound coming to my ears each second. I shifted my head, taking in my surroundings. A man was sitting on the chair beside the bed, his head on the mattress and holding my hand. His hair a light brown and just a bit messy. Pulling my body up, I let go of him and he immediately jolted awake, staring with his green eyes wide at me; green like mine, just like what Alfred told me. “Arthur?” he called, “You’re awake?” he stood, running out of the room and when he came back, people in white and light blue clothing came rushing in with their faces contorted in surprise and panic.
Ah, I get it, I’m in a hospital. But who’s the man with thick eyebrows and looking at me with a worried face; is he the sibling that I have? It must be because I don’t see Francis, Kiku, Matthew or even Alfred around here. So, he’s definitely my brother. Maybe. I didn’t panic when one of the people told me that I was going to be alright. All I did was nod when she said that, also, I just noticed that I’m wearing a shirt and the sound of my heart is coming from inside me; does that mean that my chest is closed?
What about Francis and his stomach and metallic spine? Or Kiku with his tail and ears and claws and spine? Or Matthew and his arm and face? And Alfred with his neck and ankles? Gilbert, Feli and Roderich too? Are they okay? Are they all in the same place as I am? I didn’t bother asking, because if I’m here then that means that they’re all okay- I’m sure they are.
And I was right. About everything. Although Francis showed up in a wheelchair, slightly being pampered by Matthew. And Alfred was annoying and energetic, leaning closer to me every time he had to ask if I was okay as if he was scanning my face for any kind of information. Kiku didn’t show up though, when I asked about him, they told me that he’s being ‘taken care’ of by professionals. I didn’t know whether to feel happy or worried. And I couldn’t help but wonder where he is.
Anarawd told me everything; he really is my brother with a small smile on his face like he was sad to be telling me that we’re related, I asked him about it and all he told me was that he didn’t think he’d see me again. My brother told me that I have amnesia due to the trauma and that I might not be able to remember him right away, I said that it was okay and that I was glad to meet someone that was related and a family to me. Anarawd was somewhat crying, always telling me that he wasn’t sad or crying or on the brink of suicide when I was gone for almost three years- I was gone for three years. Then what have I been doing before my chest was open? “Just be glad that they found you-!” he said in a patronizing way.
“Okay.” I replied, trying not to laugh at him. I didn’t indulge myself to think about what they did to me.
A few days in my stay, two men named Yao Wang and Ivan- just Ivan he said, were the two people who found the building and brought us all here. They asked me and the others about our stay in that place. Asked us if we could share the information of what they did. And I told them, I explained what they were planning to do to me and what happened when Alfred and Matthew killed them. Yao and Ivan were strangely calm when I told them about us eating all those staff members. All they were really worried about was if I knew who the leader of everything was in there- Yao said that he’s been investigating about all of this since three kids disappeared about ten years ago; it was Gilbert, Ludwig and Roderich. Then, after those three kids, about ten or twenty or even more people went missing in the following years, I was one of them, including Kiku and Feli and Francis and that the man behind everything was already arrested- I told them I didn’t know and they left.
There were days where I would see Yao pacing back and forth in front of the windows that were on the door, watching him in his anxious way of walking, biting his nails. I guess he was just seeing if we were alright? Or maybe he knew somebody here? I don’t know, I never asked.
I stayed in the hospital for about four to five months. Francis stayed a bit longer, when he was released, his cousins showed up and took him back to France. Anarawd did the same for me, except we went to England. I don’t know where Matthew is, but I heard he and Francis are in contact with each other while Matthew’s busy playing a sport with the prosthetic arm he was given and Francis is busy creating sweets. I got a letter from Kiku when he was staying in Greece and in that letter said that he’s headed for Japan. Feli told me before he left the hospital, earlier than me, that he has a family in Italy; an older brother and a grandparent, apparently. I’m not sure what happened to Gilbert and Roderich though but, Francis said they were somewhere in Germany. I haven’t heard from Alfred. But I got something that I didn’t need: attention. One day, Anarawd was watching something when he started yelling my name, telling me that Alfred was on t.v. and said something about winning me over. Anarawd wasn’t all that happy about it, glaring at me and calling Alfred an “idiotic, energized Yank of a faggot with no decency”. I didn’t give any kind of comment about what he said.
Alfred visited me during Christmas. He started complaining that he wanted to visit me earlier during the week but apparently couldn’t because of the rain. Anarawd wasn’t having any kind of his complaints and told Alfred to just leave the country and never comeback.
“Then I wouldn’t be able to see Artie or hear his voice.” Alfred replied. His nickname for me ringing in my ears, I really would like it if he just stuck to my name instead.
“He doesn’t even want to see you-!” Anarawd fumed a bit, glaring at him. Alfred laughed, mouth wide open and mocking, “Sorry, but I think Arthur wants to see me more than you think.”
“What?!”
“No I don’t.” I spat at Alfred as Anarawd sighed a breath of relief. I’m starting to think that Anarawd really doesn’t like Alfred and just tolerated him during Alfred’s visit in our house. Not only that but Anarawd kept his eyes at all times on Alfred, watching him with wariness. When I told him to stop because it was clearly weird and somewhat embarrassing, he told me no and I asked why.
“Because he’s gay for you and I don’t like that.”
Sometimes I want to tell him that I kissed Alfred on the cheek just to see what his reaction would be. But I never did since he might never let me see the light of day if I told him.
I find it peaceful and secretly rewarding to be living a normal life again. Some nights, I would wake up and forget where I am, going to the free space behind our house and watching the trees’ leaves drift against the wind.
Anarawd hasn’t let me apply for a job since he’s afraid of something bad happening again, and I agree with him. However, when I see him coming home from work, exhausted, tired and clearly sleep deprived, I feel like I’m starting to become a burden.
“Maybe you should get a day off.” I said as I placed a mug of hot tea for Anarawd. He groaned, leaning his head back and stared at the ceiling. “No and thank you.”
“But, you’re tired and overworked- are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“Maybe I should start working too-”
“No-!” He sat up straight, staring into my eyes. Dark lines under his eyes, wrinkles on his forehead and hair messy and unkempt. I nodded, reluctantly. “Arthur, we talked about this. I don’t want anything to happen to you ever again.”
“I know.”
“You’ve been gone for three years.” He trailed off, looking away from me and staring into his mug, his hands wound tight around it. “I just want to keep you safe.” Anarawd mumbled, furrowing his brows and formed a small frown on his lips.
I walked up behind him, loosely wrapping my arms around his neck. “Thank you.” I whispered, burying my face into his shoulder, “For looking for me.”
“You’re my little brother!” Anarawd chuckled, ruffling my hair, “Of course I’d be looking for you!” His laughter trailed off and with a soft voice he said, “We’re family and we have each other.”
For some reason, I felt uneasy as I recalled those words later that night. Sometimes, I can’t help but think of how convenient it is that they found us, how Alfred and Matthew managed to free all of us from their actions. It’s almost as if it was all planned out.
