#cod sherlock

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Incorrect CoD Quotes #19

Laswell: Where’s Soap?

Gaz: Doing stuff.

Laswell: I don’t like the sound of that. Where’s John?

Gaz: Trying to stop Soap from doing the stuff.

Laswell: What? Then where’s Ghost?

Gaz: Trying to stop Cap from stopping Soap from doing stuff.

Laswell: And what are you doing?

Gaz: Stopping you from stopping Ghost from stopping Cap from stopping Soap from doing the stuff.

————

*The 141 sitting around the rec room*

Gaz: Let’s play Two Truths One Lie.

Price: Oh yeah, I’ve heard of that one.

Roach: Oh, I’ll go first!

Roach: I’m small compared to everyone else in here, my eyes are brown, and a building once fell on me and I almost died!

Ghost: That’s the right idea, Roach, but it’s gotta be a bit more challenging for everybody-

Soap: His eyes are green.

Ghost:

Ghost: A building wHAT-

————

Ghost: I want to tell you a joke but I only remember the punchline.

Soap: Go ahead.

Ghost: Tooth hurty.

Soap: When is the best time to go to the dentist.

Ghost: You complete me.

————

Soap and Ghost: *fidget nervously in their seats*

Soap: Listen, I know we made a slight mistake-

Laswell: Whatever you have to say, just save it for the next ten seconds.

Ghost: But-

Laswell: Just five more seconds.

Soap, sweating: What happens in five seconds?

Price, bursting through the door, looking deadly furious: WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD WERE YOU TWO MUPPETS THINKING!?

————

Ghost: So… I see you’ve been spending a lot of time with Sherlock recently.

Roach: No, Ghost. It’s not what it looks like, I swear.

Ghost: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous?

Roach: No! You’re the only one for me.

Ghost: Is that so?

Roach: I promise! Sherlock and I are just dating, okay?

Ghost: So there’s no best-friends-feelings involved?

Roach: You are still my one and only best friend! She’s just the love of my life, that’s it!

Ghost: But I’m still the platonic love of your life, right?

Roach: Of course, mate!

Ghost: Mate…

Sherlock: What the-

————

Price: You’re smiling. Did something good happen?

Gaz: Can’t I just smile for no reason?

Ghost: Graves tripped and fell during training.

————

Sherlock, angrily: ARE YOU-

Nikolai: Fucking.

Sherlock: -KIDDING ME?!?!?!

Price: What the fuck was that?

Nikolai: Sherlock legally cannot say fuck, so I’ve volunteered to say it for her.

Price: I think you just like saying ‘fuck’.

Nikolai: That doesn’t make my job less important.

————

Soap: Let’s get you to Sherlock.

Ghost: Is this OUR stab wound? No. Stay out of it.

Soap:

Soap: Alright then.

Soap: *stabs himself in the thigh*

Ghost: WHAT THE FUCK

Soap: L.t., can you call Sherlock for OUR stab wounds, please.

————

Nikolai: I just realized the Five Stages of Grief - Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance - spell out DABDA and I feel like this is important information.

Laswell:

Nikolai: Sometimes you just need to DAB DA grief away.

Laswell: Never fucking speak to me again.

————

Ghost: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.

Soap: …Your what?

Ghost: My friends.

Gaz: Is he saying “friends”?

Laswell: I think he’s being sarcastic.

Price: No, no, no, this is delirium, he’s cracked from being awake all night.

Nikolai: Hey, Ghost! All of your friends are in this room.

Ghost: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.

————

Soap: *does something stupid*

Ghost: Why are you like this?

Soap: Aww, come on! You know you love me!

Ghost, jokingly: Where did you get that idea?

Soap:

Ghost:

Soap: *sniffles*

Ghost: !!!

Ghost: WAIT I’M SORRY I DIDN’T MEAN IT I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

————

(Soap is hiding from Graves in Las Almas)

Soap: They’re never gonna find me. This is a great hiding spot.

Graves: Some-

Soap: -BODY ONCE TOLD ME!

Graves:

Soap: Shit!

————

Roach: Hey, babe? I think I’m lactose intolerant.

Sherlock: Why is tha- Mother of Christ!

Roach: Yeah I had some chocolate milk earlier and then I threw up.

Sherlock: GARY THERE IS A KNIFE IN YOUR STOMACH!

Roach, looking at his stomach: Oh yeah, I forgot that was there.

Roach: Anyway, like I was saying, I had some milk-

————

(141 on MacTavish Family Farm)

Ghost: Look at all the cows.

Soap: You know every animal isn’t some form of cow, right?

Ghost: Of course I know that. *points at a cow* That’s a cow.

Soap: Yes.

Ghost: *points at a goat* That’s a smaller cow.

Price: Simon, no.

Soap: That’s a goat.

Ghost: *points at a chicken* That’s a feathered cow.

Soap: What?

Price: Simon, stop.

Roach: *points at a goose* That’s an even bigger feathered cow.

Gaz: Don’t encourage him, Roach!

Ghost: *points at a horse* And that is a racing cow.

Soap: No!

————

Alejandro: I guess I’m just too tough to cry.

Rudy: Just this morning, you were crying about snakes.

Alejandro, tearfully: THEY DON’T HAVE ARMS!

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Incorrect CoD Quotes #17

Price: You’re a loose cannon, Ghost.

Ghost: No, I’m not. I’m a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?

Roach: I think you play by your own rules.

Gaz: No way, he thinks rules were made to be broken.

Price: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.

Ghost: No, I’m just a reckless renegade. Soap is a loose cannon.

Soap: *smashes a chair*

————

Roach: WHY AREN’T THERE ADULT-SIZED PLAYGROUNDS?!

Roach: Like, everything is the same as a kids’ playground but bigger! Why don’t we have those?!

Sherlock: Theme parks. Just theme parks.

Roach: But you have to PAY for theme parks!

Sherlock: That’s the adult part.

————

Gaz: My boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss on the lips. What should I do?

Soap: Punch him in the stomach. Then, when he doubles over in pain, kiss him.

Laswell: Tackle him.

Price: Dump him.

Farah: Kick him in the shin.

König: NO TO ALL OF THOSE. JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN.

————

Ghost, coming in through the front door: ROACH, I’M HOOOOME!

Ghost, punching the floor: I’VE GOT SOME LOUD FOOTSTEPS, HUH?!

Ghost, knocking over a vase on purpose: HAHA, SILLY ME!

Ghost, yelling at the top of his lungs: BOY, I SURE DO HOPE I DON’T WALK IN ON SOMETHING THAT COULD SCAR ME FOREVER!

Ghost:

Ghost, just in case: *SHRIEKS*

Roach: For God’s saKE SHERLOCK IS NOT HERE!

————

Laswell: [wakes up after power nap]

Laswell: Did I die? Is this Heaven?

*knocking*

Price: Open up!

Nikolai: It’s us, Nik and John!

Laswell: Oh. It’s Hell.

————

Roach: I just saw a guy in the library cry for five or so minutes and then his phone alarm went off and he just? Stopped crying? And went right on back to work.

Sherlock: That was Captain Price.

Price: It’s called time management.

————

Farah: So why does Juliet kill herself?

Keller: Because without Romeo, she has no reason to live.

Farah: You can tell this play was written by a man.

————

Ghost: I’m gonna need a human skull but you can’t ask why.

Sherlock: Only if you don’t ask why.

Sherlock: *pulls four pristine human skulls out of her purse* Choose one.

Ghost:

Sherlock:

Ghost: This one will do.

————

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.

Nikolai: Shit.

Krueger: Wait, three?

Cop: Yeah?

Sherlock: OH CRAP YEGOR FELL OFF!!!

————

Rudy: I have the sharpest memory! Name one time that I forgot something.

Alejandro: You left me in a Walmart parking lot, like three weeks ago.

Rudy: I did that on purpose, try again.

————

Police: 911, what’s your emergency?

Ghost: A monster broke into my house.

Sherlock: *across the room* Simon, we’re roommates!

Ghost: *screaming* It found me!

————

Sherlock: Pfft look at that idiot.

*Roach hissing at Graves*

Sherlock:

Sherlock: Shit that’s my idiot.

————

Soap, at gunpoint: Have you heard the joke about the gaslighter.

Makarov, holding the gun: No.

Soap: Yeah, you have.

Makarov: No, I haven’t.

Soap: You’ve literally heard it already.

Makarov: NO I HAVEN’T.

Soap: Yes, you have.

Makarov: I DON’T KNOW IT?!

Soap: You’re crazy.

Makarov:

Soap:

Makarov: *lowers gun* You know what? Just get the fuck out.

Soap, running: Should’ve shot me when you had the chance, dumbass!

————

Price: Did you eat my biscuit that was on the counter?

Nikolai: We’re dating.

Price: So????

Nikolai: Dating is communism. It was OUR biscuit.

————

Soap: Why was Roach crying in the bathroom?

Sherlock: He’s drunk.

Soap: And?

Sherlock: He heard that I’m married.

Soap, confused: But he’s your husband.

Sherlock, sighing as if it’s happened before: I know.

————

Sherlock: There’s only one thing worse than losing!

Roach: [rips off paper to make it say ‘losing Ghost’] Boom!

Ghost, nodding: Me.

Sherlock & Roach: nO-

[snakemama611]

Incorect CoD Quotes #18

Soap: I'm having a midlife crisis. Price: You're 26. Soap: I might die at 30. ---- Sherlock: Roach just gave this to me and said, "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock". Ghost: If you don't marry him, I will. ---- Graves: So I was thinking- Alejandro: That's great you do it more often. Graves: I wasn't even done yet. Rudy: What a shame. ---- Ghost: Love is a lie. It's only a distraction from the reality where we realized we'll never find someone. All of humanity is dead and nobo- Price: Son, what happened? Ghost: Johnny didn't text me good morning today. ---- Farah: I'm very upset and there is nothing that can make me feel better. Gaz: Farah: No. Gaz: Farah: Don't. Gaz: *brings Alex into the room* Farah, fighting back a smile: sHoOt- ---- Ghost: Our can opener is broken. Soap: So it's a can't opener? Ghost: Ghost: I can't believe I'm dating you. ---- Sherlock: Simon, I'm going to the kitchen. Do you want anything? Ghost: The tears of our enemies wrenched from their bodies as their bones are crushed. Sherlock: I have jasmine tea. Ghost: Ooh, jasmine. Yes, please. ---- Waitress: And what would you like? Nikolai: I wish to devour the unborn. Price: Eggs, he wants eggs. ---- Roach: I am so cool. I am an absolute Chad. I am the epitome of coolness and awesomeness- Sherlock: Hi.

Roach: *melts down ina flustered heap of softness*

————

Gaz: Truth or dare?

Price: Truth.

Gaz: How many hours have you slept this week?

Price: Dare.

Gaz: Go to sleep.

Price: I don’t like this game.

————

Roach, clenching their fists: Fight me!

Sherlock, standing next to him, shaking her head, holding a knife: [mouths] Do not.

————

Shepherd: I don’t take kindly to insults.

Sherlock: Funny, with a face like yours, I’d have thought you’d be used to it by now.

————

Roach: *kicks down the door to Sherlock’s office looking panicked*

Sherlock: What did you do?

Roach: Nobody died.

Sherlock: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?

————

Ghost: Two years ago, I lost my dear partner Johnny…

Soap [from another room]: STOP TELLING PEOPLE I’M DEAD!!!

Ghost: *sighs* Sometimes I can still hear his voice.

————

Roach: Soap, can I talk to you for a second?

Soap: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Sherlock are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?

Roach: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

————

Price: Nothing in life is free.

Roach: Love is free!

Soap: Adventure is free.

Gaz: Knowledge is free.

Ghost: Everything is free if you take it without paying.

————

Roach: [picks up a piece of paper] What’s this?

Sherlock: My to-do list.

Roach, looking it over: It just has my name on it.

Sherlock: 😊

Sherlock: 😏

Roach: Oh 😳

————

Laswell: What is the proper way to deal with someone that annoys you?

Farah: A knife.

Laswell: No!

Krueger: Two knives?

Laswell: No!

Sherlock: You guys are savages.

Nikolai: Yes, you should know by now that the proper way is an untraceable poison.

Sherlock: Exactly!

Laswell: …You’re all insane.

[snakemama611]

Incorrect CoD Quotes #13 (aka Keep It Coming, Pinterest)

Nikolai: Sherlock, why are you wearing my jacket? I said you have to ask permission first!

Sherlock: I did ask. You never said I had to get a yes.

Nikolai:

Nikolai: *choked up* I-I have NEVER been so proud!

————— Price, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.

Roach: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!

Ghost, with the tone of someone who is used to Roach: Outstanding.

Price: This is what I'm talking about, people.

--------

Sherlock, playing with something in Nikolai's workshop: Onion rings are just vegetable donuts.

Price, used to Sherlock: Sure they are, kid.

Gaz: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Price, not used to Gaz: Okay?

Roach: Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake.

Price:

Ghost, smirking under his mask: Lobsters are mermaids to scorpions.

Price: *crying* Kids, please stop.

Nikolai, fascinated: No, continue, please.

Soap, next to Nikolai: *furiously taking notes*

--------

[on a mission somewhere]

Sherlock: I...I've been here before.

Nikolai: Oh my god how do you know??

Sherlock: My phone automatically connected to the WiFi.

--------

Sherlock, walking into her house: Hello, people who do not live here.

Gaz: Hi.

Ghost: Hello.

Soap: Hey.

Roach: *waves*

Sherlock: I gave you a key for emergencies.

Nikolai, also has a key: We were all out of Doritos.

Sherlock: And what do you have there, Nik?

Nikolai: Price, currently on Nik's lap: O_O

Nikolai: A smoothie.

Sherlock:

Sherlock: *dialing on her phone* Laswell, come pick up your idiots. -------- Price: Hey, Ghost. What's your favorite insect?

Ghost: *looks at Roach* :)

Roach: *looks at Ghost* :)

Price: Am I missing something here?

Ghost: I like butterfly.

Price: You mean butterflies?

Ghost: I did not.

Roach: *chucks butter across the room at Price* He did not.

Price: *sigh* Of course you didn't. -------- [at 3am]

Ghost: You can say, "Have a nice day!" without a problem.

Ghost: But you can't say "Enjoy the next 24 hours" without sounding vaguely threatening.

Soap: How did you get into my apartment? -------- Graves: *holding his phone and recording* Okay, I am home alone and I just heard a thud upstairs, there's something in my house.

Graves: *walks to the steps of the Shadow Company base* 🎵If you're to murder me, clap your hands🎵

Ghost: *clap clap*

Graves: *bolts out of the base and into the woods, screaming* -------- Alex, kidnapped and strapped to a metal table: Do you know...the muffin man?

Farah, also kidnapped: Alex, I swear-

Kidnapper: The muffin man?? What the-

Alex: YES! THE MUFFIN MAN!

Kidnapper: The...one who lives on Drury- wait is this a Shrek reference?

Alex: FINALLY! You owe me five bucks, Farah. I told you a bad guy would get it one day! -------- Soap: psst LT.

Ghost: What?

Soap: I made this friendship bracelet for you!!

Ghost: You know, I'm not really a jewelry person.

Soap, dejected: Oh. Well you don't have to wear it-

Ghost: No I'm gonna wear it forever, back off.

Soap: 😊 -------- Kate: JOHN WHEN I FIND YOU YOU'RE DEAD!

Soap: *pops his head into the room, visibly shaking*

Kate: Of course it's not you, sweetie, you're perfect, keep doing what you're doing, live your life.

Soap: *nods and smiles* -------- Price: I made tea.

Gaz: I don't want tea.

Price: I didn't make tea for you...This is my tea.

Gaz: Then why are you telling me?

Price: It's a conversation starter.

Gaz: That's a lousy conversation starter.

Price: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate. -------- Price, a tired dad trying his best to train the sergeants: Okay, let's try this one more time. Collapsing building, simultaneous terrorist attack. What do you do? Soap: Gaz: Roach: Call the mili- Price: YOU ARE THE MILITARY! --------

[snakemama611]

Incorrect CoD Quotes #12 (aka more Pinterest 💩)

Gaz: *walking down the stairs in a flannel hoodie*

Price: Hey Gaz, the 90’s called-

Gaz: Yeah, because they couldn’t fucking text!

Price: Goddamn it! I’m getting tired of my men owning me.

Ghost: What did you expect? We’re YOUR men!

————

Price: You’re done, Simon. You’ve broken 68 bones.

Ghost: Boss for my dying wish-

Price: -You’re not dying-

Ghost: -Please break one more bone for me.

Price: Absolutely not.

————

*when Sherlock first met Los Vaqueros*

Sherlock: Hi! I’m Sherlock! Your base’s really cool! Not to say that you guys aren’t cool, Colonel Vargas. Thank you for letting us borrow it.

Rudy: Ale.

Alejandro:

Rudy: Can we…

Alejandro:

Rudy: Can we adopt her?

Alejandro:

-Bonus-

Nikolai: She’s already taken.

————

Soap: I know you said not to call you unless it was an emergency, ma’am. But it is and we need your help.

Laswell: Is the house on fire?

Soap: No but-

Laswell: Then it’s not an emergency. Leave me and John alone and have Ghost take care of it.

*she hangs up*

Gaz: What did she say?

Soap: Idk she said it wasn’t an emergency.

Ghost, struggling to push an oak bookshelf off of himself: NOT AN EMERGENCY?!!

————

Sherlock: It’s rather muggy today, don’t you think? Sherlock: *sips coffee from a bowl* Roach: *looks outside, sees all the mugs in the lawn* Roach: It is... Roach: *sips coffee from a bigger bowl* ----- Gaz: *texting Laswell* Laswell! Help, I'm being kidnapped! Laswell: *replying* Where are you? Gaz: I'm with some strange person! In a car. Help! Laswell: I'll call John. Price: *answering his cell* 'ello? Laswell: Where's Kyle? He told me that he's being kidnapped. Price: Gaz? Whaddya mean, he's sitting in the back seat right her- Price: Price: I'll call you back. *hangs up* Price: *turns around in his seat to be facing Gaz* GARRICK! MY BEARD WILL GROW BACK! Gaz: *pushing himself against the car door* WHO ARE YOU?! ----- [Soap opens the door to his room to find Ghost standing there with a bag of snacks in his hand] Soap: What are you doing here? Ghost: I'm here to babysit you. Soap: Babysit?! I don't need a babysitter, I'm a grown man! Soap: *opens the bag of snacks* Soap: Oooh, a juice box. ----- Soap, after the Channel Tunnel: Am I in hell? Shepherd: No, if you were down here, you'd be on a throne and the devil would be panicking. ----- Nikolai: Sherlock! Get away from Ghost, he's dangerous! Price: It's OK, Ghost could never hurt a woman! Ghost drawing knives: IS THAT A CHALLENGE?! Sherlock: omg Ghost, your knives are so shiny and cool!

Ghost:

Nikolai:

Price:

Ghost: I require a different woman!

—————

Price: What is wrong with you?

Graves: I have this weird self-esteem issue where I hate myself but still think I’m better than everyone else.

—————

Price: I think I’m coming down with something, I’ve been feeling nauseous lately.

Gaz: Maybe you’re pregnant.

Price:

Gaz:

Price: I don’t know who’s the bigger idiot right now, you because you suggested it, or me because I just had a heart attack.

—————

[snakemama611]

Incorrect CoD #16

Alejandro: Hey, Rudy? Rudy: Yes? Alejandro: When I die, donate my entire body to science. Rudy: Alejandro: Except for my middle finger, give that to Graves. Rudy: Rudy: Okay. ---- Roach: If you add 'uwu' at the end of a sentence, it makes it cute. Gaz: You're right uwu. Price: I agree uwu. Ghost: I'm going to kill all of you uwu. Soap: Don't uwu. Ghost: Fuck you uwu. ---- Sherlock, apologizing: .. .--. - / ... - .-. .-. -.- Nikolai: What's that? Sherlock: Remorse code. Nikolai: I'm even angrier now. ---- Laswell: I expected better from you. Price: Well, that was your fault. I got nothing to do with that. ---- Sherlock: Did you guys buy eggs like I asked? Gaz: Even better! Sherlock: ...What did you do? Roach, holding up a chicken: Here! Gaz: Her name is Kyle Junior! ---- Roach: You amaze me and scare me. Roach: I can't tell if I'm attracted to it or want to run away. Sherlock: I'm hoping it's the former. But I like when people are scared of me. Roach: Yeah it's definitely both. ---- Soap: Wanna come over and watch some Marvel movies? Ghost: Ehh. I'm more of a Disney kinda guy. Soap: Ghost: Soap: Big Hero 6? Ghost: Big Hero 6. ---- Laswell: You're on thin ice. Price: I'm on the floor. Laswell: It's a metaphor. Price: It's a carpet. ---- Alex: How did he die? Farah: Natural causes. Alex: You pushed him off the roof. Farah: Gravity is natural on this planet. ---- Alejandro: Crushes are the worst. Rudy: Yeah, whenever I'm around someone I have a crush on I always acting nervous and super fidgety. Alejandro: You're always acting nervous and super fidgety. Rudy: Yeah you don't wanna think on that too hard. ---- Soap: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 for 1 minute. Sherlock: No, that's not how you make cookies. Ghost: How about 4,000,000 for 1 second?

Sherlock: yOU’RE GONNA BURN THE BASE DOWN-

Roach: WE’RE GONNA HARVEST THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!

Gaz: DO IT!

Sherlock: NO-

————

Nikolai: My life is too much panic and not enough disco.

Farah: My life is too much fall and not enough boy.

Krueger: My life is too much chemical and not enough romance.

Sherlock: My life is too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.

————

Price: Did you have to stab him?

*Graves, bleeding on the ground*

Ghost: You weren’t there. You didn’t hear what he said to me.

Price: What did he say?

Ghost, in a mocking American accent: “What are you gonna do? Stab me?”

Price:

Task Force 141:

Chimera:

Nikolai, nodding: That’s fair.

————

Laswell: Are you guys high?

Price: Are we what?

Laswell: High.

Nikolai: Hello.

————

Sherlock: You were drunk last night.

Roach: No I wasn’t.

Sherlock: You started cutting pineapples at 3am while yelling “Stop hiding, SpongeBob! I know you’re in there!”

Roach:

Roach: But did I find him, though?

————

Graves: I’m an idiot.

Task Force 141:

Chimera:

Laswell:

Los Vaqueros:

Soap: If you’re waiting for us to disagree, this is going to be a long day.

Please like, reblog, and feel free to comment and ask questions in the ask box!

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Incorrect CoD Quotes #15

Sherlock: Unlike some people, I'm a very mature person. I apologize when I'm wrong. Gaz: But I've never heard you apologize??? Sherlock: Are you saying there's times when I'm wrong? ---- Price: Well, you know what they say, when life gives you lemons... Roach: Put them in a face mask. Soap: Use them in a battery. Gaz: Throw them at people. Ghost: Squirt the juice in life's eyes. Steal life's wallet and assume its identity. Now you are life and hold dominion over all. Your enemies cower at your feet. Price: ...make lemonade, guys. The answer was lemonade. ---- Soap: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case? Gaz: What? Soap: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved. Gaz: Can we go back to the part where you said "when I get murdered"? ---- Graves: I invited you into the woods because I crave the most dangerous game. Soap and Ghost, nodding: Knife Monopoly. Graves: Graves: I was actually gonna hunt you down for sport but now I'm interested in whatever the fuck Knife Monopoly is. ---- Alejandro: I wish we could block people in real life. Rudy: Restraining order. Valeria: Murder. ---- Gaz: Truth or dare? Roach: Truth. Gaz: How many hours of sleep have you gotten in the past week? Roach: Dare. Gaz: Go to sleep. Roach: I no longer enjoy this game. ---- (CW: suggestive) Sherlock: The food is too cute, I can't eat it! Price: Gaz: Nikolai: Ghost: Soap: Roach: You're cute, but I'd still eat y- Laswell: ONE DINNER. Farah: *sighs* Here we go again... Laswell: ONE NORMAL DINNER, THAT'S ALL I ASK! ---- Sherlock: Time for plan G. Nikolai: Don't you mean plan B? Sherlock: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties. Krueger: What about plan D? Sherlock: Plan D was that desperate attempt half an hour ago. Farah: What about plan E? Sherlock: I'm hoping not to use it. I die in plan E. Nikolai: I don't like plan E. ---- Ghost: Why are you standing on the sofa? Soap: I wanted to see what would happen if I taped a knife to a Roomba. Ghost: Okay... and? Soap: I went to put the tape away and when I turned back around it was gone. I haven't seen it since. (Five minutes later) Gaz: Why are you both standing on the couch? Ghost: RUN AWAY GAZ, RUN AWAY! IT'S OUT FOR BLOOD! ---- [Soap and Graves texting] Graves: where are you Soap: turn around Soap: no the other way Soap: wrong way again Graves: soap where exactly are you?? Soap: at home, but the thought of you turning aimlessly in circles amuses me ---- Price: Do you seriously think you're above the rules? Soap: The stupid ones, yeah. Ghost: If you want me to follow the rules you have to make sure they're not stupid. This isn't a difficult concept to grasp. ---- Farah: Never have I ever... been grounded by my parents. Gaz, exasperated: Every time. She makes orphan jokes every time and she always wins. Alex, horrified: I- ---- Roach: I like your dress. Sherlock: Thanks, it was 50% off. Roach: I'd like it 100% off. Sherlock: Sherlock: The store can't just give out free stuff. Roach: That's not what I- Sherlock: That's a terrible way to run a business, Gary. ---- Soap: *is carrying all the groceries* Ghost: *holds out hand to help* Soap: *aggressively moves all the groceries to one hand to hold Ghost's hand* ---- Sherlock: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it. Sherlock: And I started thinking... Sherlock: Like it was just trying to get food. Sherlock: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck. Sherlock: How would I feel? Krueger: Are you okay? ---- Price: Are you sure you're alright? Ghost, crying: Yeah, i-it's these onions. Price: Ghost: Price: Those are potatoes. ----

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Incorrect CoD Quotes #14

[This takes place in the 2009 CoD universe.] Roach, from the air vents: LUKE- Soap, reflexively: I AM YOUR FATHER. Ghost, holding his phone up: 😱 Roach: Soap: Roach: I can explai- Soap: Did you just- Roach: No- Soap: Did you just record me saying I'm your father? -------- Soap: I just electrocuted myself. Ghost: How shocking. Sherlock: How do you feel currently? Soap: I feel kinda amped. Gaz: Watt I can't hear you?? Roach: He said it hertz a lot. Kate: Are they okay? Nikolai: This is normal, they are fine. Kate: But he was jus- Price: He's fine. I'd be more concerned if he wasn't making puns. -------- Alejandro, to the Vaqueros: Ok, listen here you little shits! Alejandro: Not you, Rudy. You're an angel. We love you. -------- Roach: I picked up a chick today. Soap: Nice. What's her name? Roach: Soap: Roach: Roach, ignoring the soft clucking coming from his backpack: Fluff Monster. -------- Kate: What's your blood type? Price, bleeding out: How would I know? Kate: How would you not? Price: Who am I, Karl Landsteiner, discoverer of blood groups? Kate: You don't know your own blood type but you know who discovered them?!?! -------- Roach: *walks into the kitchen, ignoring everybody* Price: Hey Roach, how was your day? Roach: *picks up an onion and bites into it staring at Price* Hell. Gaz, watching this unfold: *whispers* Who hurt you? -------- Roach: Can I be frank with you guys? Ghost: Sure, but I don't see how changing your name is going to help. Soap: Can I still be Soap? Gaz: Shh let Frank speak. -------- Gaz: Captain? Price: Yeah, Gaz? Gaz: I'm... I'm bah- bise- bahsex- Price: Take your time. Gaz: *points at Sherlock and Roach* Gaz: Both. -------- Price: Is that a hickey? Gaz: No, it's just a mosquito bite. Roach: *enters room* Roach: Hey guys. Price: hI MoSQuiTo. -------- Price: How was the camping trip? Roach, panting and visibly distraught: HE TRIED TO KILL ME. Ghost: HE SAID THE BUGS WERE BOTHERING HIM SO I SPRAYED HIM WITH BUG SPRAY. Roach: A S S A U L T. -------- Graves: *tries to flirt with Sherlock* Roach: *stares at them silently* Soap: You're really quiet today, Gary. Roach: *still staring* Nobody plans a murder out loud. -------- Random mugger: Give me your money. Sherlock: *holds up a reverse UNO card* Bitch, give me your money. Random mugger: The fuck! Sherlock: *runs away* [Later] Sherlock: And that's how I avoided getting mugged. Nikolai: From the bottom of my heart, what the fuck Sherlock. -------- Ghost: I scare people lots because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms so when they turn around I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me. Price: How did you get in my house? Ghost: Exactly. -------- Gaz: Why are you lying on the floor? Roach: I have depression. Roach: Also, I was stabbed six or seven times, could you get Sherlock? -------- Sherlock, at the 141's base for the 1st time: Can you tell me where I can find Captain Price? Ghost: Yeah, for sure. You go down there, you turn left, you look for a broken down, stressed-out middle-aged man looking like he's functioning on two hours of sleep and one working brain cell, and you follow him. Sherlock: And he'll take me to Captain Price? Ghost: That is Captain Price.