WHITE. The whole room floated with WHITE. This wasn’t how she pictured this day------ it, a day she had imagined over and over again in her mind in lonely and desperate hours, a day she conjured like a spell in those blistering years in the countryside. WHITE was the dress, hanging loosely about her like an ill-fitting glove, sewn with roses and pearls down the bodice, all white and pure like snow untouched. The shoes that peaked from the heavy skirts were white and patented, shining under bright, white lights, washing her skin to pallor, the blush on her cheeks too bright and pink. Lips set in a drained line, empty for a moment of emotion as she looked into the mirror before her and took herself in. The veil needed to be pinned into her hair, blanched to a near-platinum shade those curls that kissed her bare shoulders. Her eyes were too pale, a frigid blue that appeared nearly petrified. She was scared. The woman in the mirror didn’t feel like it was her. Stiff, washed out in all these pale colors, sickly almost in how her gaze seemed empty. It was not like Jasmine Jolene to be so joyless and bland. She couldn’t help herself. Thoughts were overwhelming her. The desire to cry choked her. Her family was here. It wasn’t how she thought this day would happen. It wasn’t the fantasy she had clung to for so long.
‘Get a hold of yourself, Jasmine! Don’t be such a louse!’ Today was not about her. Today was about protecting her friend. Doing what was right. Possibly saving a life. Today was about Sander Cohen. She needn’t look so upset, this was a good thing she was doing. Sander had been her friend of a couple of years now, and she had already seen firsthand the things that had happened to him, the way people treated him. She could shield him from that, from worse things that had yet to come. When he proposed their little arrangement, she had needed a few days to think it over, but in the end she knew she couldn’t leave him in such a compromising position. A little ‘I do’ was all it would take to dispel rumors once and for all. It was a good thing she was doing. She kept reminding herself of that.
Alone in this bleached out room (she had requested to get dressed by herself) she turned away from the daunting mirror and to where the veil lay folded, pristine----- made of delicate white lace, the edges with floral patterns that stretched from top to bottom, the long thing she pinned into her hair. The veil was like a drifting cape at her back, taking gently the thin material in her hands and draping it over her face. Eyes stayed shut, unable to do more than be still and breathe. Thoughts threatened her, but she did not need to cry. It would ruin her makeup, and she had already redone it before. She did not look at herself again in the mirror. No, when she opened her eyes again, she drew in a breath of strength, gathering courage. Smile. Today was a happy occasion.
The ceremony dragged on, and yet was over in a blink. Jasmine moved, spoke, smiled, laughed, all on autopilot. It was more like she was watching the entire event from outside of herself, watching herself like she was a stranger apart. The synagogue was large and spacious and made with deep, dark woods that somehow still made Jasmine feel claustrophobic. Perhaps it was the amount of people. Between them, the entirety of New York City was filed into those pews. Papers were signed, things that were strange to her occurred, and their kiss was short and felt very odd but Jasmine did her best to appear genuine. He was uncomfortable, she could tell. She grinned to the crowd and saw no one. Cheers roared. A glass was broken. She flinched.
Seizing her hand, the two of them ran together down the aisle------ she clutched his hand back too tightly, risking her fist trembling, but through shouts and calls of congratulations they went. Out into the street, people streaming after them, all in an uproar and bristling words like fireworks, she and Sander took to a car awaiting them at the curb. She gathered her skirts and threw herself into the passenger’s side, smiling brightly and waving to the throng of people that were still coming out from the synagogue. She saw her mother among them, a white handkerchief in her hands---- she felt cold suddenly. Any hint of that feeling was not clearly seen, however, as the pair drove off. Hoots and cries followed them until they were nothing but fading sounds at the horizon. She stared into her lap a moment, wanting to say something before they made it to the hotel where the reception party was being held. She expected him to explain what other things they needed to do, Jewish customs she was not familiar with, but there was only silence. She wondered if he was alright. Sight upon him, soft expression, she broke the hush with her fragile voice,
“ Sander... How are you feeling? ”