/chapter 100 spoilers/
I... struggle to write something about this chapter, because it feels like I'm just repeating myself from last chapter...
The most interesting thing to note here are Mitsuba's feelings about how he wants to die. Once again we have the preciousness of life contextualized through the lens of someone who wants to die.
Mitsuba thinks he's a monster, his cravings for hearts, be them supernatural or human, and his inability to stay together without them, leave him feeling like his dream of becoming human is impossible.
And without his dream, there's nothing out there for him. No family, no lovers, no friends...
Love is the driving force within JSHK. Life without love (and as always, I reiterate that this love can be various things; platonic love, romantic love, familial love, the compassion and empathy for those around you, self-love, or even passions/dreams/desires you can follow, sometimes, it can be all of these all at once) isn't worth living in the world of JSHK.
Which is why, seeing Kou cry over him... just seals the deal to Mitsuba.
To Mitsuba, it means his life has value to Kou, and that their bond, that meeting each other, has meaning. To die, knowing it wasn't all pointless, that he was cared by someone, that's what Mitsuba wants.
That Kou can suffer over losing him, is proof for Mitsuba that somebody actually cares about him, even if it isn't all that special, even if Kou would do that (as far as Mitsuba knows) for anyody else.
This is also a recurring thing in JSHK. There's this... tendency, where the characters can only, truly conffirm that their beloved cares about them through tears, grief, suffering or any other extreme act or show of emotion.
We have this with Akane knowing Aoi reciprocates his feelings when he sees her crying (and she never cries!!) over the mere thought of him hating her.
We also have this with Hakubo and Sumire, as Hakubo's grieving over Sumire for centuries (it's not just that he was miserable over her, he was cursed by their love) and his boundary being his personal hell, are proof to them both of their mutual feelings.
I don't think I need to elaborate on the "extreme acts or show of emotion" lol. Pick any character. Go ahead.
And, you know, this makes sense, even without the aesthetics of the manga, because...
Well, this is a story about a bunch of lonely, self-loathing, unloved people whose communication skills and emotional intelliegence are of a collective sum of negative points.
...but I digress.
Meanwhile, I find Kou's reaction to Mitsuba's assessment of his character to be very interesting:
Mitsuba seems to see Kou as this ridiculously kind person, who cares about everyone just about equally.
And he's not particularly wrong. Kou's a kind boy, and that's been established many times. I do think a part of his wish to help others is genuine.
buuuut, Mitsuba's not entirely right.
At least, as far as Kou is concerned.
You see, JSHK doesn't deal in black-and-white, even when it comes to things like selflessness or selfishness. Many times, we've seen that an apparently "selfless" behavior isn't treated as simply as such. Like Yako's wish and actions to bring Misaki back.
And Kou’s a similar case.
Kou wishes, more than anything, to become a strong, reliable, selfless ideal hero. Well, no that’s a lie. Kou struggles with his own self-worth, and because he equates said worth with strength (the strength of a good exorcist, to be specific, as that’s what he grew up hearing from his clan), he tries to emulate the heroic image he has of the Minamoto exorcists and Teru.
Kou’s desires to “save everyone” are strongly rooted in these self-worth issues. He… wants to be needed. Kou wants to be a hero, at least partially, because he wants to feel good about himself.
something, something, insert panel comparing kou and yako for the nth time
But Kou’s, so far, had big problems with admitting his more selfish motives.
Being selfish, having a… less noble motivation, breaks this heroic image he strives to achieve. Kou doesn’t want to admit his own selfishness, which is why he sees the Red House “temptations” (that’s how he sees them, as cheap tricks, temptations of an evil spirit).
it's interesting that kou only relents and kinda admits he wants those things when he encounters his (dead) mom. because that's a wish he can accept. he still gets conflicted abt mitsuba tho.
“That’s not what I want”, Kou yells to the desires revealed by the Red House.
“I only wish to save [Nene]!”, Kou justifies. He’s a hero, after all, who is going to save everyone, right?!? His motivations are only saving others and slaying evil kaii, of course he’s not selfish!!!
…right?
This also applies, I think, to his relationship with Mitsuba.
There are some key factors that leave Kou confused when it comes to Mitsuba, and why he tends to… try to push Mitsuba to the back of his mind.
There’s, of course, the fact that he doesn’t consider “this Mitsuba”, the “real Mitsuba”. But also, there’s the fact that… I think Kou is disturbed by his growing feelings toward Mistuba. He doesn’t want to admit that there might be a person who’s slowly become more important than all others. More important than Nene or his brother or even his want to become a “hero”.
Because that would be selfish.
And because these feelings are intense.
Both, in ways that are, unbecoming, unfitting of an ideal, selfless hero.
…and because, deep down, there’s a part of Kou that wants to devote himself solely to Mitsuba, and have Mitsuba, in turn, depend solely on Kou.
Basically, Mistuba’s suicidal, Kou’s selfish but doesn’t want to admit it, and that can only end well (lol).
As always, communication, self-discovery and acceptance of love are the only way things can move forward, so let’s see where this will go.
Other than that... I'm curious about the school festival. And the little things they mentioned, like... the cafe, the haunted house and the little play with, princes and princess. Because of the twitter events and all that.
well, who knows lol.
Also!! One last tinfoil moment before I go!! (as if this post and every other post in this blog wasn't enough... )
what the heck are you planning for chapter 101, aidairo?
