berkley vaughn sad quotes
“You’re not my brother,” Alexis slurred, falling into me. Every time she said those words, it hurt. Even all these years since the first time”
“I’d stare up at my bedroom ceiling and try to picture what my life would’ve been like if I hadn’t been kicked out of their house. ”
“Is it weird for you, going home?”
“I don’t.”
“You don’t? As in you don’t go home?”
“No, I don’t have a home to go back to.” He tilted his head and corner of his mouth lifted, but it was a thin ghost of a half-smile.
“No family?”
A flicker of sadness rushed across his face. “I have a sister, but… that’s complicated. So, to come here and see a place your grandparents owned, that’s pretty cool.”
“Hey, Kid, I didn’t want to say anything until I knew for sure, but here’s the last address I have for Elizabeth Vaughn. Sorry I couldn’t deliver this to you sooner and sorry it’s not better news.
Leaving Jules that morning with a kiss on the forehead while she slept, I’d driven for two hours. Through my windshield, I stared up at the wrought-iron fence with the block letters welded in place. Dayton Memorial Cemetery. I don’t know how long I sat in my car staring up at the gray sky hoping this was a mistake, that he’d screwed me over and made this all up”
“My breath collected in front of my face in a puff of steam. Each mini cloud dissipated and clung to the windshield, fogging it up from the inside.
A primal scream ripped from my throat, raw and unstoppable.”
“Standing on the side of the road, I screamed into the frosty, freezing air. I slammed my hands into the roof of my car, denting the shit out of it. I kicked the side panels and raged against the piece of metal that hadn’t done a thing to deserve my ire. Here I was, sitting on the side of the road, all alone.”
“How’s it going to end up once they realize you’ve fucked them for the whole season?” He stood in the hallway. His bright red jersey like waving a flag in front of a bull. I charged at him, not taking a second to think, and met his face with a fist I’d held back for too long. Every nerve ending was firing like I was out on the field bracing for another hit. My skin tingled, sparking like a misfired firework ready to destroy anything in its way. For the angry kid standing on a doorstep to a house that would never be home. For the scared kid thrown from place to place always feeling unwanted. And for me, the guy who thought he might find that happiness that would never be there again. I rammed my shoulder into his stomach. His back slammed into the floor and his fist connected with the side of my head.”
“Today was the day I’d lost my mother twice, threw away my football career, and now had to stand in front of fifty people and pretend my world wasn’t disintegrating in front of me.”
“I’ve put up with a lot over the years. I’ve helped you dodge a shit-ton more than I should have…” I raked my fingers through my hair. “But you’re not the sister I thought I had. If you could do this to me… If you could do this to someone I love.” I squeezed out that last word, it was barely a whisper between us. “You’re not the person I thought you were.”
“You think you’re the only one dealing with shit?” My voice dropped to a growling whisper. I didn’t need to broadcast my misdeeds all over the stadium. “I took the money. I didn’t spend it on any of that. I spent it on a PI to track down my mom. The one who dropped me off on my ex-con, soon-to-be-lifer dad’s porch when I was seven.” A rolling, grinding anger that I couldn’t hold back shot forward.
His head snapped back and he stared back at me. The muscles in his neck worked overtime. “Did you find her?” The sincere interest threw me, but I’d learned about letting my guard down around him.
“Yeah, I found her.” I lifted my chin. “At the Dayton Memorial Cemetery.” The shot at my raw wound deflated my anger and that let the pain right back in.”
“I’d had a home, something I’d longed for since I could remember, and I’d thrown it away.”
“The words on the small plaque nestled into the grass were her name. Tears swam in my eyes.
Elizabeth Caroline Vaughn. I set the present on top of the low-profile cut granite.
And the date of her death. June twenty-seventh.
And the year.
I sucked in a shuddering breath. It was five months after I’d ended up in my first foster home. Eight months after my birthday, when she’d dropped me off on my dad’s doorstep.
I fell to my knees. The snow crunched under my body, wetness seeping into my jeans. Tears streamed down my face. I’d been looking for her for over a decade and she’d been here all along. Waiting patiently for me to find her.”
“My beautiful boy,
I love you with all my heart and I’m so sorry I had to leave you. You deserve so much more than I have to give you, and now that I know I’m sick it’s only a matter of time before I can no longer take care of you. You’re the only person I have left in the world, and I don’t want to let you go, but I hope your father will be able to take care of you now that I can’t.” Jules’ voice cracked and I held on tighter to her. The cold, scratchy wool of her coat and the steady rise of her stomach with each breath reminded me that I was still alive. I was still here—with her. The way I’d had to take over cooking at home and how my mom had stopped going to her jobs filtered back through years of memories. How she’d gotten skinnier and the fullness of her cheeks had faded away. How much more slowly she’d walked, and the way she’d clutched her side as she’d walked away from me.
“This isn’t fair, none of it is, but I hope someday you can forgive me and that you’ll have the life you deserve. The life I never could have given you.
I love you with all my heart,
Mommy”
“You’re loved Berk. More than you could ever know. Your mom loved you. The guys love you. Alexis loves you. I love you.” Tears brimmed in her eyes. “And that will never change. Losing your mom—” Her voice gave out and she wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. “That’ll be something that you always carry with you. But you have a family that loves you and will always be there for you.”
“Tears welled in my eyes. “Some of the kids at school had gotten jerseys when the new football season started. I begged my mom for one. I was such a pain in the ass. We were eating beans and rice on a good day and I wanted a stupid football jersey, when there was no way we could afford it. But a few months before she left, we’d found a huge bag of yarn in the dumpster near a craft store. She made me gloves, a hat and a scarf—practical stuff. But I still bitched about that damn jersey.” I ran my fingers over the white 11 and turned it over. My name was knitted in big block letters on the back. My favorite number. My number now. “A kid who had no idea what real life was like and how bad things could get. I never got to tell her how much I love this.” My nostrils flared, and the frigid air bit at my skin against the falling tears.
“She knew.” Jules covered my hand with hers, tracing the letters along the top.”
“She knew. All the things you think she’s missing out on. She knew you loved her and she knew you’d find your happiness.”





