things you said after it was over
send me a number and i’ll write something!
he’s re-reading the lines over and over for no particular reason.
supply and demand, the people finally get what they have been championing for for the past two and a half seasons. maybe it’d been the easy banter they’d arrived on set with, that first day after contract negotiations and the table read with the producers. the scriptwriters had taken the friendship (and more), that was already there and built upon it. it’s kind of weird, that people go crazy for their interactions in show when they’re mostly based on real life dialogues and situations.
sometimes the idea of it makes him a little uncomfortable.
but then sebastian bumps his shoulder, or calls him some stupid name that’s born from an inside joke, or hell, all he has to do is fucking smile, and yejun is gone. he’s fallen–and hard, at that.
the scene is seared into his mind; he’d memorized it as soon as they’d gotten the script. not for any other reason than the crescendo of nervousness that had settled when the scriptwriter had mentioned it for the first time.
the confession.
mind into motion, thought into tangible result, and by now the nervousness is gone but there’s something still bothering him.
the kiss.
yejun laughs, anchored back into the moment by one of bastian’s socked feet digging into his rib. he blinks the drunken bleariness from his eyes, following the random patterns on the textured ceiling of their apartment. it’s incredibly different from their first–and when the day arrived to move everything out, he’d almost been a little sad.
but yejun’s taken all the important things with him.
“what’re you smiling at?”
slowly, he sits up, settling the warm stella in his hand on the ground because the nightstand is just too far. they’re got their own rooms now, which is weird. actually, there’s more than 2 rooms which is the weirdest part. still, they always end up in the same room together at the end of a day filled with cameras, directions, and co-workers.
“you.” yejun admits. he decides not to elaborate, letting bastian think what he wants about the answer. instead, he lifts his legs, hovering over one of bastian’s before landing in between his half-spread ones on the bed. “think about where we started.”
hands reaching out, yejun wriggles his fingers, happy when sebastian humors him enough to thread his fingers back. “and look at where we are now.”
with a slight tug, bastian is sitting up now, and yejun obviously didn’t think this through enough. he’d apparently forgotten how tremendously good bastian is at rendering him speechless. this close, and he can see the little mole on his neck, the way his shoulders rise and fall with his exhales, and the dreamy look in his eye as they just sit in silence, only a softly filtered lamp on across the room.
on his phone, bastian’s name had never changed. it’s because the stars haven’t faded yet and yejun hopes they never will. to bas, this is another stepping stone. it’s his ‘in’ to the wider industry, and yejun knows that bastian’s going to shatter all expectations. he’s confident that bastian’s ambition and vision are going to take him to places where yejun won’t be able to reach, won’t be able to follow.
but that’s fine. they’re both here right now, for right now.
oh my god. he’s drunk.
it’s fine, just go with it.
his head’s gotten him out of some sticky situations before. but it’s also saved his ass more than once. it’d told him to drop out and try this shit once, so at least he can say he has no regrets. it’d told him to ask bastian for his contact information because no way is a meeting like their first something that happens every day. his head had told him that bastian was a special one, that boy with all the world’s stars behind his eyes.
his head tells him to just lean in. his head tells him that if they film the scene next week without anything changing, that he’s going to regret it.
“don’t take this the wrong way, but i really like you.”
the weight of bas’ eyes makes his heart beat a little faster. they’re dark–dark enough to drown in, to dive deeper. yejun’s nervous suddenly, having the full weight of them focused solely on him in this moment. he’s in too deep, pulled into bastian’s orbit. the air between them feels magnetized, and he makes it a point to not let go of his best friend’s hands.
can bastian feel his hands shake?
he’s charismatic, intelligent, creative–yejun feels dwarfed by bastian’s endless credentials, both professional and personal, and he loses what little confidence the alcohol gave him.
“that’s all you have to say?”
and then he does it again.
he smiles.
the smile that makes his eyes almost disappear, the one that splits his mouth so wide that yejun can see the very tops of his gums.
his fears fall away and yejun melts, so completely.
the stars are still there in bastian’s eyes, even if yejun can’t see them right now.
if their first kiss happens only because some stupid script tells them to do it, then yejun’s never going to be satisfied. he has to give in, he has to give this a chance–
be careful with this one. you don’t want to lose him.
that’s always the reason, isn’t it? the cons always outweight the pros, no matter how many pros yejun manages to compile, to rationalize out.
because at the end of the day nothing is more important than keeping bastian in his life as a friend, at the least.
the conflict inside him is sinking him, and it feels easier to swim down into it.
lean in.
“stay with me on this one…please.” he asks him, pleads him, and he’s pleasantly surprised. his confidence grows.
he unfolds his legs, wriggling up to his knees before shuffling bastian’s legs together by placing his thighs on the outside. yejun tugs bastian’s right hand up and kisses the back of it before putting their hands behind him, pulling him closer as he ends up straddled in bastian’s lap.
his body relaxes, and their hands fall down to the sheets.
“the table read went well for the scene.” a little bit of recognition appears in bastian’s eyes and yejun smiles at him, wondering if his smile does anything funny to bastian at all. “it’d gone well, no?”
it might not.
the haze clouds his judgement, and he swears he sees bastian lick his lip. it’s the tiniest of movements but yejun is frozen in his position, incredibly aware of how close they are, of how many barriers he’s breaking. he’s trying to count how many breaches this whole situation is committing, and if they can ever be the same after it.
lean in.
“i don’t want our first to be for a camera.” he admits. “our first kiss.” he amends. “wouldn’t that feel wrong? i think so. especially since i like you so much.” yejun’s lips turn downward, and he quickly untangles their hands, losing confidence fast. “i’m sorry, this is weird isn’t it? lots of…people kiss for the first time on camera, this train of thought is just kind of, spiraling, isn’t it?” the words tumble out faster than faster, and he hears the voice telling him to lean out, lean back, get off him leave leave leav–
a touch to his side makes him stop talking.it stops the doubt in his head from saying anything else.
yejun leans his forehead against bastian’s, grounding himself.
“tell me that you’ve seen this coming.” he whispers, the words filling up the barely there space between their faces. “i’m an open book unless we’re in a scene.” the frown starts to fade from his lips and yejun turns his head, nosing against bastian’s cheek as his hands come up to his face.
bastian’s few with words, but he’s unafraid of using them. yejun rationalizes that if he’d wanted to put an end to this, even drunk out of his mind bastian would have told him to get off by now.
his fingers settle around bastian’s jaw, and the pads of his thumbs settle at the sides of his mouth, just inside his lips.
can he feel how he’s shaking now?
yejun leans in.
the corners of his own lips touch the backs of his thumbs, and they’re so damn close that he can just barely feel the press of bastian’s lips against his own. and yet, there’s still space.
“sebastian, can i kiss you?” an inhale, for courage. a moment’s pause, for a chance to backtrack. “please?”
he feels bastian tense under him, the beginning of an answer either on his tongue or, through his body language, and yejun braces himself.
i wanna be yours.
