#gazooling

[kellyntime]

i told my boss about the dog projectile vomiting its puppies like a tshirt cannon in the front foyer dream i had and he told me i should start smoking weed

[kellyntime]

a pair of friends made a sort of bet one year. if she could guess their age on their birthday, they’d confirm it. but she only got one guess each year.

there wasn’t anything to win except simple fun, but that was why it was special to them.

the first decade or so was, in their opinion, both the funniest and most mundane. at first she’d guess ages that matched their appearance and they’d jovially say “nope!”, to her playful frustraition, while also tucking away her comically butchered birthday cards with the ages edited in black sharpie.

one year, a couple decades in, while they were visiting for tea, she asked if she’d ever been close. they stopped and thought for a moment. answering this would change everything. a former gag gift would lose its laughter, they feared. but, they were not in the business of lying, and if she hasn’t been spooked off yet by their appearance, then... well, let’s see what happens.

they told her that no, she was never close. but, that at one point in time any of her guesses been right.

she was silent for a moment, the meaning dawning on her, and then she went and turned on the kettle. she leaned against the counter and just stared. they, despite the fear curdling in their gut, met her eyes. the kettle shut itself off and she broke eye contact to make a cup for herself and them.

she said that asked if she was ever close, not if she was ever right.

they both took a sip of their drinks. she chuckled and said that this made things so much harder for all the variables she has so account for now.

relief flooded their body. she wasn’t spooked off, merely miffed that the bet was so unfair. they decided to add a little stipulation to help her out: they’d give a thumbs up or down depending on the relation of the guessed age.

years and years passed, and she never looked at them in fear. she liked them, for their company and the side puzzle they offered.

she also started getting creative. they didnt pick it up at first but she’d hint towards past events and watched for their reaction. once they realized what was happening, they laughed and she gave a “looks like i was caught” hands in the air. they would still answer her questions about past events, and she never wavered at some of the first hand experiences of dark memories.

once, she decided another gag card was in order, after so many years of serious guesses. she spent the next ten minutes laughing after they’d given her a thumbs up.

she was getting up there in years. still spry and sharp of wit, their game continued on. when she hit one hundred, they gifted her the first gag card she’d given them all those years ago. inside was a hint: a watch.

of course, she looked at it and instantly saw through the puzzle of the gift. this year was this first year she guessed a number they gave a thumbs down to, along with a huff, offended she went for the highest value. they weren’t quite /that/ old.

now with a definite time frame, she got scarily close some years with her wild guesses, and once, she would’ve been right if it were last year’s guess.

she was becoming quite frail, her old body not supporting her the way it used to. they moved in with her, to help take care. she was grateful and said now she had more time to pick their brain. they asked once if she’d just like the answer, and to that she spiked their tea with salt instead of sugar.

it was a quiet, snowy night. she lay in bed bundled under heaps of blankets, watching the fluffly flakes float past the street lights. they knocked before entering, bumping the door the rest of the way open with their hip while manuvering the tray of food to her side table. there was a delay before she noticed them and gave a gummy smile, patting their hand in thanks.

more years past and she got an award for oldest person alive, to which she gave a silent laugh and pointed at them. the news people wrote if off as her saying thanks to her friend for looking after her in her old age. which wasn’t wrong, but also not her intention. they both chuckled at the evening news later that day.

she got very sick early one morning. they called an ambulance and the rest of the day was spent in a blur.

they were seated in a chair pulled up to the side of a hospital bed. the soft rythym of them breathing and the occasional voice from down the hall were the only sounds. they were both watching the sun slowly set, turning the sky from a blazing orange to a ripe magenta. the sun set early this time of the year, and even more so because of their location. soon it would be pitch black before dinner time.

they held hands in silent solidarity, knowing time was short. she turned to them and patted their hand to get their attention. they turned and she yawned, indicating she was going to sleep soon.

a nurse walked in with more warm blankets for the ancient lady. this hospital is so drafty he said, they probably spend more energy on warming blankets than it would be to update the central heating. arranging the blankets over her, they settled in, leaning over the side of the bed to rest their head on her lap.

what they didnt expect was her hands to gentley whap them on the head. sitting up, they looked at her questioningly. she seemed to have gotten a last burst of energy and was silently chuckling while pointing at the clock on the wall. the nurse looked befuddled, but then he let out a chuckle at the time. she’s probably laughing at an old joke time that was popular in her youth, if i remember correctly. my grandmas used to do the same thing around this time.

he left the room after that. they continued to look at the clock and back to her. they clued into the second meaning of the time before laughing. eyes filled with mirth, they grabbed her hands. there was no thumbs up or down this time, and she smiled back at them so fully that her eyes closed.

settling down, they returned their head to her lap and the warm blankets. she rested one of her hands on their head and held the other. they stared at her, half asleep themself, while she drifted off.

[kellyntime]

Sosuke Aizen was in customer service mode for 200+ years

[kellyntime]

hey tumblr can you put it back to when my thumb brushing a link for 0.0001 of a nanosecond didn’t open the browser

[kellyntime]

my dumbass brain imploded today

[kellyntime]

yaaaasss queen

[kellyntime]

the end if bleach could’ve been improved so much by just adding tidbits like “oh, chad’s doing a charity match” and “orihime’s spending time at home after being at nasa (or whatever jp’s space thing is called) for a couple days” or even like “left the pastry store to the assistant manger today”

unrelated but tite kubo and zack snyder would probably get along swell

[kellyntime]

the new thing where tumblr app gives you numbers on the activity face is driving me fucking insane and i cant turn it off