#jamessspader

[renmorris]

jamessspader replied to your post:the whole WILL GRAHAM TOTALLY WANTS TO BE A KILLER...

same

sandyfrank replied to your post:the whole WILL GRAHAM TOTALLY WANTS TO BE A KILLER...

Ugh, same.

-shuffles around making concerned dog noises-

[princessofpyke]

jamessspader replied to your post “reblog a post with people making fun of a white boy because he said...”

we all should do this as end of year clean up

i like this idea

[renfields--moved]

here we have 50% playing with my new gouache set + 50% holy shit Integra Hellsing is canonically a woman of color HECK YEAH

[renfields--moved]

he cares so much about this girl and I want to lay on the floor and cry about it because he's the same monster that brutalized countries and broke several people's lives when he came to England and he cares so much about this girl and her comfort and why is this in a manga about Nazi-hunting vampires fml

[renfields--moved]

jamessspader replied to your post: ...

WHAT A JERK nurtured her, he took care of her because “life” turned him into something that wanted to have healthy relationships with someone, because after leaving a life being an abuser and been abused he saw this bb girl and maybe thought:

"i think i could do you good, maybe?" and with ren...with ren it was just the worst and he was the worst and he knows it that why he is running because woow...ren exist on that liminal zone between something he maybe misses? (his freedom)

and something that he is probably afraid now…he, the abuser, he…just like the family that had treated him so terrible in the past

it's such a weird thing from both their pasts to slam back into

like.. I don't think it's ever something that either Ren or Alucard would willingly seek out, but now that they're there.. there's potential for both some kind of closure.. or a total clusterfuck

(ps I want to make a Ren/Seras mix including this song oops I'm a nerd)

[renfields--moved]

jamessspader replied to your post: jamessspader replied to y...

im so in for villainous renfield and angsty/bitter/angry fight between them…but yes…happiness and good stuff for this damaged baby and the jerkface too…i meant…i feel generous with him too…i want to give hm a chance to fix his shit with ren

Yeah I definitely want there to be a possibility of some kind of healing there

because as much as there's a lot of ugly there.. there are also takes on it more like Mind Overborne where there's.. some legitimate appreciation/attraction there? 

The Count just.. is terrible.. at loving people not as objects... oops

[renfields--moved]

(whispers) Alex stop dredging up my dark anime past

[renfields--moved]

jamessspader replied to your post: ...

oh god. This just makes me think that..even with all the ugly stuff he had to endure with the hellsings…he still has it better than the peope he hurt in the past….ugh ugh god *cries a lot*

YEAH

like.. he is currently in a place where his past hurts him more than his present situation - Integra among all the Hellsings is far from abusive to him (I could go on about being farther and farther removed from what he was/what Abraham witnessed accounts for some of that too), and even then, his mortal life and life as the Count is something that's more a source of pain than what Abraham ever did 

I need to do something with my Ren-as-villain idea because he has soooo many reasons to be bitter (but I also need a 'verse where he overcomes it because oh my heart)