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Him // Zabdiel De Jesùs

hey loves ! i’m sorry i haven’t been active as much, when i was working and dealing with stuff mentally, i needed a break. despite the hard times everyone is going through right now, i hope ou are all doing well and staying safe/healthy with your families. if you need anything or anyone to talk to , im always here and i hope you guys enjoy this chapter :)

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The feeling never left your system. The pain and sadness that aches your heart were still there and haven’t left ever since the feelings made its way into your life. You try to push the feelings away by going for walks in your neighborhood, baking cookies late in the night, reading books at the bookstore near your place, things that would make you busy and bring a smile to your face and yet, none of them worked.

Zabdiel was still running through your mind and you didn’t know how to get him out of your head. Your mind and heart were used to the fact that Zabdiel was part of your daily routine and always in your life. Now that he wasn’t part of it, the feeling was foreign to you. For as long as you can remember, you and Zabdiel were joined at the hip. That you didn’t remember what it felt like to be on your own without calling, talking, face timing and overall interacting with him. Ever since the fight between Zabdiel, everything was different. There was no more going to talking to Zabdiel about your day, checking in on how he was doing, talking about the music they were working on and joking around while laughing at jokes he’d make. There was no more going over each other’s places when there were ups and downs of your friendship and now everything has changed, you didn’t know if it would ever be the same.

Today was one of those days again where you would stay in bed at your apartment, not wanting to go out and socialize. All you wanted to do was watch television, maybe eat if you had an appetite, and sleep. You didn’t have any motivation whatsoever to go out and be productive and luckily, you were still able to work at home rather than having to go to the studio and see the face of the person you still love, you couldn’t handle it. You couldn’t handle seeing his face without wanting to cry, you couldn’t handle seeing the smile that plastered his face and you knew he was faking it, you couldn’t handle the truth. Though you knew what the truth was, your mind or more of your heart still couldn’t handle that things between you and Zabdiel still weren’t solved. The fight you had with Zabdiel affected not only you, mentally and physically, but emotionally.

You mentally couldn’t get over the fact of what Zabdiel had said to you. You knew it was selfish, but at the same time, you had to get over him and he needed to focus on himself and at the time, his own relationship. Though trying to get over Zabdiel didn’t work, you had good intentions not only for you but for him as well. You knew he deserved to be happy and though it wasn’t with you, whoever made him happy, you’d not only be there for him but be his best friend, you’d steer him in the right direction even if it cost you your own feelings to get hurt. Having Zabdiel in your life as a best friend was better than not having him at all and it kept mentally fucking with your head that through it all, Zabdiel and Gwen ended up not working out and you never heard from someone who was supposed to be your best friend.

If he didn’t like how things ended, why didn’t he reach out?

Why was he waiting for you to say or do anything about it?

Did he think that it was on you to reach out?

The games your mind was playing was affecting your day to day life to a point where you gave up and questioned every little thing.

Physically, you didn’t want to get up. You didn’t have any motivation to get up out of bed or out of your apartment and do anything productive or even go outside for a walk. Your mind wanted to keep you in this deep, dark and endless hole that took over not only your mind but most of all your heart. It felt as though your whole body was weighed down by the hurt and pain Zabdiel had caused you, all up to this very point in your life, and started to tear your body apart. Piece by piece, until you gave up and let the weight of it all win. Emotionally where could you start? The man whom you called your best friend, the man whom you loved with all you had, the man whom you called when you needed a shoulder to cry on and all of the above.

You could go on and on about Zabdiel but you were stuck on one thought that had been bothering you for some time since the fight broke out, How could one man affect a person so much to a point where the person affected can’t function without them? Before your mind could go deeper into thought, a knock on your door rang throughout your apartment. No one had come over in what felt like weeks so it surprised you that someone was at your door. With however much energy and strength you had left, you made your way to your door and open it.

“Bonita, you look a mess. Have you eaten? Have you slept? Have you taken care of yourself?” You groan not only from the light that made its way into your dark apartment but from Richard’s loud voice that rang throughout your apartment. You shut and locked your door after Richard came in. You turn around and were met with an empty apartment but you could hear Richard’s voice and found out it was coming from your room. You made your way to your room slowly, feeling as though there was a weight strapped to your ankle and as you entered your room, Richard pulled back the curtains to let the light in which blinds you.

“AY DIOS MIO!! WHAT THE FUCK RICHARD?! CLOSE THE FUCKING CURTAINS BEFORE I SOCK THE FUCK OUT OF YOU!! THE LIGHT IS BLINDING MY FUCKING EYES DUMBASS!!” You groan and make your way to your bed in which you bury yourself in your covers to hide away from the light that now fills your once darkened room. Not a second later, the covers were pulled off your body by none other than Richard and by that time, you couldn’t fall back asleep so you sat up.

“Y/n. Amor. It’s 3 in the afternoon and you’re here asleep? Is this what you’ve been doing for the past weeks since what happened between you and Zabdiel? Y/n, I know you’re hurting right now more than anything and I know that and though Zabdiel hurt you unintentionally, you need to pick yourself up and try to carry on with your life whether he ends up coming back or not, that’s up to him at this point pero, you can’t wait for him Y/n. You can’t work your life around someone’s decision that might not ever come. I know it’s sad to say and it sucks but it's the truth. How will you move on if you keep holding onto the person that hurt you most? Who had taken advantage of you and your kind heart? Who always came to you when he needed a shoulder to cry on because he knew you’d ALWAYS be there for him, but when you needed him, he wasn’t there for you like you were for him. When will the pain and suffering of your heart end amor? It starts with you and the decisions you make from this point forward. I know you will find the person in your life who will make your heart race, who will always be there to pick you up when you’re feeling down, who will shower you with the love and happiness you deserve in this lifetime and more. Who will remind you every day that you are loved by them when you feel like no one does, who will remind you that you are never truly alone because they’re there by your side. Who will always make you feel beautiful even when you don’t feel like it, and more. This fight between you and Zabdiel, it's an obstacle in your life that God and the universe has given you to see how you’ll handle it along with a lesson that is coming out of it. I don’t know why people like you and I go through rough patches in our love life, get our hearts played with and more shit than we can imagine, but from experience, I know you will heal from this and will be able to move forward with your life, but in order to heal from this, you have to pick yourself up and move on little by little and know you’re not alone. You’re never alone because you have me, the boys, Clara, your family, and friends. As long as you’re alive and part of our lives, you are NEVER alone Y/n and I can promise you that.”

As Richard finished with his speech, you didn’t realize he sat on your bed in front of you, looking with concerned eyes. Before you could think of anything, you lean forward and hug Richard, collapsing into his arms and before you knew it, the tears that you didn’t know that were waiting to come out, spill out of your eyes and onto Richard’s shoulder. Richard wraps his arms around you, one hand rubbing your back and the other running through your hair trying to calm your cries down.

The words Richard had told you hit hard and different this time. He was right, it was hard to accept, but he was right about it all. You couldn’t wait for Zabdiel. You couldn’t wait to hear from him or for him to come and finally say something because he would’ve done that already. He needed to figure out his life and so did you. You didn’t want to dwell on the pain and hurt Zabdiel had caused you. You let go of Richard and wipe the tear away with your hands.

“Lo siento. I didn’t mean to ruin your shirt,” before you could say anything else, Richard lets out a light laugh and looks at you. He wipes away the tears left on your face and gives you a small smile.

“You’re okay Y/n. It’s okay to cry, you’re hurt and in pain. It’s better to let it out instead of keeping it to a point where you won’t be able to handle it anymore and it bursts out. Like Shrek said, “Better out than in, I always say.” Let it out, you’ll feel better after and you know that.” You laugh at what Richard had said and thought about it. Again, he wasn’t wrong because letting it all finally come out felt better. It hurt but letting it out, crying it out, screaming and talking about it, you could feel weight being lifted off your shoulders. You're so lost in thought that you don’t notice Richard by your room door until he calls your name and you snap out of it.

“Y/n. Y/n? Earth to Y/n? Y/N! Now that I have your attention? I’m going to let you get yourself ready and while you do That, I’m going to get us some lunch. Make sure you wear something to go out in because we’re getting you out of this place and you’re going to have fun. You can choose and let me know by the time I get back or I’m choosing.” With that, Richard leaves you to get ready before you say anything. You mentally remind yourself to thank Richard at the end of the day for what he’s doing to help you.

You sit and continue to let your mind get lost in thought before Richard interrupted. The weight that lifted off your shoulders made you feel like a piece of you that was lost, had been found. You smile to yourself and go to your side table to pick up your phone to see many missed messages and calls. You sigh and clear the notifications, not bothering to look at who had called or texted. You walk to your closet, thinking of what you wanted to wear and where you’d want to go. You wanted to wear something comfortable that you were also able to go out in and as you skimmed your closet, you found the perfect outfit. You pulled out your loose white t-shirt, along with your long cream cardigan to keep you warm incase it got cold. You pulled out your light denim jeans that had a couple rips along with your black combat boots. You lay your outfit on your bed along with your shoes lined up next to your bed and head to your bathroom. You decide that today was going to be a different day than the others you had. You turn on your shower and wait for the water to get warm. While waiting, you decide to go out to your room and grab your speaker to bring to the bathroom. You unlock your phone and connect it to your speaker and browsed through your music, deciding to put it on shuffle since the water has heated and you didn’t want to waste any. Not long later, “Tusa” by Karol G and Nicki Minaj erupts from the speakers and you start singing along to the lyrics, making sure you don’t fall in the shower. You’re almost done when you hear Nicki Minaj and let whatever you were feeling out.

“‘Cause I know I’m the baddest bitch you ever really met

You searchin’ for a badder bitch ain’t you ain’t met her yet”

You ended up almost screaming the lyrics, letting the anger and pain out of your system. To you, out of all the lyrics in the song, those stuck out to you. Though Zabdiel and you were never together, you realised that you were someone he couldn’t replace. You wanted to finally move on from him having a hold on you and that starts by realizing your own worth. You turn off your shower, change and decide to do your make-up. You grab your make-up and bring it to your bathroom, you decide to not put too much on and go with a natural look. Your speaker was still blaring out music as you continued to do your make-up. You heard an up-beat song and you knew exactly what was playing, “Break Up Song” by Little Mix. You grabbed your hairbrush on top of your sink and decide to yell out the lyrics.

“Ain't no more tears (Oh)

Ain't gonna cry (Oh, oh-ho)

Boy, I'll do anything to get you off my mind

I'm gonna dance (I'm gonna dance)

Under the lights (Under the lights)

Boy, I'll do anything to get you off my mind”

You dance around your bathroom singing the lyrics in front of the mirror. You didn’t realize Richard had come back from getting both of you food because when you turned around, you almost screamed loudly. He was standing in the bathroom doorway laughing at you. You groan, pause the song and punch his arm, making sure you didn’t hit him too hard, but enough for him to feel the pain.

“NEVER scare me like that again Richard! I thought you were a stranger and common courtesy, you could’ve rang the doorbell, knocked on my door, or a good idea, CALLED OR TEXTED MY PHONE DUMBASS!!” You were pissed but continue to finish your make-up as Richard entered your bathroom, pulled down the toilet seat cover and sat down.

“So, I got us In-N-Out and it’s on the table. Whenever you’re ready let me know but did you decide where you wanted to go?” You finish putting lip gloss on and thought about where you really wanted to go. Where was the place where you felt comfortable? A place where you could always escape reality? You grab your phone and walk out of your bathroom and turn around to Richard still sitting.

“Are you coming or what?” You say as you walk out of your room and toward your kitchen as Richard follows you but went to your dining table to grab the food he had gotten for the both of you. You open your front door and held it open so Richard was able to go through first and once he was outside of your apartment, you grab your keys off from the counter in your kitchen, walk outside of your apartment, close the door and make sure to lock it. You walk down the hallway, Richard walking behind you. You open the doors to the stairwell of your apartment building and instead of going down, you climb the next couple flights of stairs, Richard still following behind you. There were 15 stories to your apartment building and you lived on the 5th floor. You reached the 10th floor when you heard groaning and whining coming from behind you.

“C’mon Y/n, how much more do we have to climb up? I’m getting tired, my legs are starting to feel like jello and this food is getting heavy!” You laugh and kept climbing the stairs as you look down to Richard who stopped at the 10th floor and you were one story up.

“Aww, is Richard tired? What happened to the strong guy who said could do anything and be able to take anything or anyone on? C’mon, are you going to keep complaining about these stairs and admit you’re weak? Or are you going to man up and keep going? We only have 5 more stories to go,” You taunt Richard and kept going. You hear him groan and footsteps follow behind you. It didn’t take long for you to make it to the top of the stairwell and you wait for Richard. Not a moment later, you see Richard climbing the last bit of stairs, huffing and puffing and you laugh a bit. Richard gave you a look like he was pissed off but he was relieved it was all over.

“We are NOT doing that ever again or at least for a while. I really need to sit down because that workout has me hungry. By the way, where are we? This better be worth climbing all those stairs.” You laugh and grab the food from his hand while he catches his breath.

“First of all, I’m sorry but this was the only way to get up to this level since the elevator doesn’t come up to this floor.” Before you were able to continue, Richard interrupted you.

“But we could’ve taken the elevator to the floor before and then just climbed the stairs to this floor, but instead you decided we both do an intense leg workout. While you’re doing okay, I’m here dying and feeling like I’m about to cough out my lungs.” Richard said to you as he still tried to catch his breath. You shook your head at him and continued to talk to him.

“See, doing all of that would suck out the fun of it and we both needed that exercise, I’m just more used to it more than you. Anyways, back to what I was saying. Second, you’ll see once you get yourself and breathing under control and third, trust me. Climbing all of those flights of stairs is going to be worth it. So, are you ready?” Richard finally catches his breath, looks at you and nods his head. You smile and turn around to open the door to one of your favorite places.

You open the door to the rooftop of your apartment building and instead of it just being a roof the place was decorated for people to hangout. There were 4 sets of couches that were formed so it circled around tables that had a small fire pit in the middle to keep them warm. Next to the couches were tables for people to sit at along with a small outdoor stage on one of the ends that had working sets of lights. On the other end of the rooftop was a decent sized place to have parties that had the walls made of glass. It had a bar in case people wanted to drink when they threw parties and tables inside it as well. You walk towards one of the sets of couches and set the food and drinks down on the table and turn around to see Richard mesmerized by what he was seeing. You laugh a bit and walk around, taking in the fresh air you missed and the view that always took your breath away when you were up on the rooftop.

“Welcome to one of my favorite places in the world where I come to escape all the craziness. I come here when I need space to think or breathe, when I need a breath of fresh air and don’t want to be in a public area, where I come to collect and clear my thoughts, but most of all, this is the place where Zabdiel and I come to hangout and just relax.” You walk to the railing and look out to take in the view from the rooftop. The sun was now setting and the colors of the sky danced with orange, purple and a hint of pink. You feel a single tear rolling down your cheek and before you were able to wipe it away, you felt another hand beat you to it. You were lost in thought, you didn’t notice but Richard was right next to you, looking out to see the view as well.

“I could see why it would be one of your favorite places Y/n, it’s beautiful.” You smile and continue to look out in the distance. Before you were able to talk, Richard beat you to it.

“Wait, you said that Zabdiel and you would come up here together? Why not tell the boys and I about it or how come you never brought any of us up here besides Zabdiel?” You look down and the memories slide back into your mind of the countless times you and Zabdiel would come up here, you turn to look at Richard and smile.

“I told Zabdiel that this was our secret place. Our place where no one, not even you and the boys, would be able to find either of us. A place where if either of us needed the other, this is where we’d meet.” You look down and pause, the memory of how this place became yours coming to light. You look back up to Richard with tears in your eyes and he rubs your back, trying to calm you down, you let out a sigh and continue.

“This place was mine first of course since I live here. I used to come up here and do work if I wanted to be out in the open but not in a place where it’d be noisy. A place where if I needed to cry, I could since no one really comes up here. It was my own escape from the pressure of everything and everyone. Until one night, this small rooftop became ours.”

*FLASHBACK 1 YEAR AGO*

Today wasn’t your day at all. It seems as though everything was falling apart and not going right and there was nothing you could do about it. This morning, you had a big meeting with Clara and the boys discussing music, interviews, new collaborations, and more. You didn’t hear your alarm go off and ended up waking up an hour late and came to find out you set the alarm for 7PM instead of 7AM. You looked at your phone and saw you had MANY missed calls from the boys and Clara. You jumped out of bed and ran to your closet. You grab a pair of light denim skinny jeans with rips, a cropped black long sleeve and black socks. You change quickly and ran to your bathroom where you did your morning routine. You decide to leave your hair the way it was since you were running late and ran back to your room.

You went to your bedside table to grab your necklaces to put on and went to your closet to grab your black ankle boots. You look at yourself in your full-length mirror that was in the corner of your room to make sure you look decent and presentable. You grab your phone off of the bed and run out to your dining room to grab your planner, computer and purse. You make sure you have everything with you as you went to your kitchen counter to grab your keys and see it’s not where you leave them. You glance at the time to see that it was 8:30AM and the meeting had started at 8AM. You put down everything on your kitchen counter to search through your apartment for your keys. About 30 minutes later and almost tearing up your apartment, you find your keys on your bedside table. You groan, grab your things quickly and run out the door of your apartment, making sure to close and lock your door.

You run to the elevator to see it was closed until later this afternoon for maintenance and roll your eyes. You make your way to the stairwell and climb down the stairs as fast as you could and are relieved when you finally make it to the bottom stairs. You open the door and almost run into a couple of people trying to get outside to your car. You make it to your car and once you sit down in the driver’s seat, you let out a sigh, trying to catch your breath after all the running you did. You pull into the boy’s apartment since the meeting was only between Clara, the boys and you since management already knew what was going on. You look at your phone to see it was 9:15AM and you were already over an hour late for the meeting. You walk as fast as you could to the boys’ apartment building and headed to their floor. Once you made it to their floor, you knock on the door and you’re not surprised when you see Zabdiel open the door.

“Y/n, you’re late! Clara and everyone are going to be pissed!” Zabdiel shut the door quietly once you made your way into the boys apartment as you tried to come up with an excuse to tell Clara. You recently were hired by Clara to become her assistant and you already screwed up on your first day. Zabdiel led you to the dining room where the meeting was being held and stop.

“You owe me Y/n. I covered for you and said you weren’t feeling good last night when I went over to see you. I tried calling and texting you to tell you but you didn’t open any of my messages and didn’t text me back. I know how much this job means to you and I couldn’t see something bad happen on your first day, I’ll always be there for you bebe.” You hug Zabdiel and you both made your way to the dining room.

The rest of the meeting resumed for another 45 minutes and ended. Clara talked to you and caught you up on what you missed during the first part of the meeting and by the time you both were done talking, the boys came back with food for everyone. You looked at the time and saw it was now 10:30AM.

“Come Y/n, we got you food from Shake Shack and you’re favorite, chocolate milkshake.” You walk over to Zabdiel, grab the milkshake and kiss his cheek. “Gracias, I needed that and also, thank you for saving my ass. I really do owe you one Zabdiel,” you smile at each other and take a seat at the dining table to start eating. You end up hanging out at the boy’s apartment and you all end up watching a movie and playing video games. Currently, you and Chris were sitting on the couch as he attempted to teach you how to play Fortnite.

“What the fuck Y/n!! This is the third time you killed me and now I’m out.” You laugh as Chris drops his controller in his lap and rubs his face with his hands. “Guess I’m better at this than you thought. Pero like, I already knew how to play because I play this at my apartment, I just don’t play it when y’all are around.” Chris stands up and looks at you with his hand on his chest to act like he’s hurt.

“You hurt me hermana and now you’re going to pay for lying to me.” Your eyes widen as Chris grins at you. You stand up and run away from Chris before he could catch you and as he chases you throughout the living room, you see Zabdiel and hide behind him, using him as a shield.

“Zabdiel protect me from Chris, he’s trying to attack me.”

“What did you do now Y/n?” He looks down at you and you become quiet.

“I beat him at Fortnite and um… I may have lied to him about knowing how to play?” He laughs at you and looks at Chris with a playful grin.

“I got this hermano,” your eyes widen and Chris starts laughing loudly as he walks away.

“Good luck Y/n, you’ll need it.” You immediately try to run from Zabdiel and before you are able to escape, Zabdiel grabs your wrist and yanks you back towards him. He throws you over his shoulders and walks towards the living room.

“What did we say about lying amor. You know what happens when you lie and though I like messing with Chris and I give you props for that, you knew this was coming.”

Zabdiel throws you on the couch and your eyes widen. You started liking Zabdiel not long ago but you were late. Zabdiel started seeing a woman named Gwen and from what he told you, things with them were going well and you could tell Zabdiel was head over heels for Gwen. You came back to reality and looked Zabdiel in the eye and you knew what came next. Before you were able to protest, Zabdiel leans down and starts tickling you. Your uncontrollable laughs fill the boys’ apartment, tears fill your eyes from laughing too much.

“ZABDIEL! STOP! I CAN’T BREATHE! AHHH! S-S-S-ST-STOPPP!” Not long later you heard a phone go off and Zabdiel stopped tickling you, indicating it was his phone going on. He walks away from you and grabs his phone on the dining room table and looks to see who was calling him. He smiles and looks back up to you and as you sit up, he starts walking in the direction of his room.

“I have to take this but you got saved this time Y/n. I won’t be long, I’ll be right back.” You grab your phone off the floor and catch your breath from being attacked by Zabdiel.

“Thanks for the help assholes.” The boys laugh at you and you all continue to chill in the living room, doing your own thing.

“Zabdiel isn’t coming out of his room anytime soon so we might as well just watch movies,” Richard spoke and all of the boys agreed. You look up from your phone with a confused look, none of the boys knew about your liking of Zabdiel and you intend to keep it that way for as long as you could.

“Why do you all say that?” They look at each other and towards you with the facial expression showing that you should know why.

“Did you see the way he smiled down at his phone when he saw who was calling him? It was definitely Gwen. It wouldn’t be his mom because he would’ve answered the call unless otherwise and if so, he would’ve told us pero, that’s definitely Gwen. He gets all giddy and smiley when she calls and texts him. You should know this by now Y/n, you guys are best friends.” After Chris answers your questions, the boys clean up the living room a bit and bring out blankets and pillows for movie night.

You zoned out as the boys got the living room ready and went into thought. Your feelings for Zabdiel were growing fast as time was passing and you didn’t know how to stop them. You were taking a liking to Zabdiel but you also didn’t want to lose your friendship with him. You didn’t know if you were ever going to tell him especially now since he’s together with Gwen. You weren’t going to be a home-wrecker and risk everything for a phase that would pass over, you hope this was a phase at least. You come back from zoning out to see that the boys were now settled and picking a movie to watch. You look at your phone to see it was 5PM and a reminder on your phone popped up.

*DATE @ 8PM*

You stand up quickly and go to the dining table to grab your things. The boys notice your sense of urgency and have questionable looks on their face. “Where are you going that has you running out of here quickly?” You heard Erick say to you and turn around to see all of the boys looking at you. You walk to all of them and kiss them on the cheek goodbye.

“I forgot, I’m going out tonight and I still have to go home and get ready. Just tell Zabdiel I left, I don’t want to bother and interrupt him.” In all honesty, you want to get out of there as fast as you could, but you also really needed to get ready. Before you were able to open the door and escape you were stopped by one of the boys talking to you.

“Who are you going out with? Do we know this person? Have we met him/her before? Where are you going? And most important of all, WHAT’S HIS NAME?” Richard says loudly and you laugh and turn towards the boys, smiling at them.

“None of your business, no you don’t know them, I decline to say, again, none of your business and again, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, bye.” Before the boys were able to ask you more questions, you escape their apartment and ran towards the elevator. You made it down to your car and tried to turn it on, realising you left the lights on and now your car was dead. You groan and grab your phone and dial Richard’s number, seeing as you knew Zabdiel was still on the phone with Gwen.

Richard: What’s up Y/n, I thought you left?

Y/n: I tried to, my car’s dead and I was wondering if you’d be able to drop me off at my apartment?

Richard: I will BUT, you have to tell me what you’re doing tonight.

Y/n: Ugh FINE. Just please hurry up please!

Richard: I’ll be right there.

You hang up and wait for Richard and not long later, you see Richard pull up next to you in Chris’ red subaru. You make sure you have everything, lock your car and hop into the passenger seat.

“Does Chris know you took his car? You know how he gets.” You look to Richard and he looks back at you.

“No he doesn’t know but I know you need to get home quickly and I just grabbed whatever keys I did and speaking of plans, what are you doing tonight that you can’t miss, had you rushing out the door and you didn’t even say goodbye to Zabdiel, that’s not like you hermana.” You stay quiet for a bit, not ready to tell Richard what you were doing but you decide to tell him anyways.

“For your information, I’m going on a date tonight. Also, I didn’t want to bother Zabdiel since he’s talking to Gwen and they’re talking so yeah.” You look out the window and you can feel Richard looking at you.

“Have you told Zabdiel yet?” You look down and back up towards the road in front of you.

“No and please don’t tell him. I don’t want him to know right now and I want it to come from me.”

“Why haven’t you told him yet? You never keep things from Zabdiel, especially things like this so why now? It’s not a big deal unless you like him.” You stay quiet and keep looking at the road in front of you. You didn’t want anyone to know that you were falling for your best friend but it was Richard and you both were close almost like you and Zabdiel were. You look towards him and shrug as he turns to look at you.

“I never meant to catch feelings for him or when I started to catch them, it just happened.” Luckily for you, Richard and you were now in front of your apartment building and Richard turns off the car and looks at you.

“You know I kind of knew it would happen one way or another. I won’t tell Zabdiel Y/n, that’s something you have to tell him and I won’t tell him about tonight if you don’t want me to.” You look to Richard and hug him before you get out.

“Gracias hermano, get home safe and text me when you get back. Thank you again, you’re a lifesaver.” You climb out of the car and wave at Richard as he waves back and drives off. You walk into your apartment building and make your way to the elevator to go up to your apartment. You go to unlock your door and close it behind you, making sure you lock it. You walk towards your dining room table and set your things down and look at your phone to see the time.

6:30PM

You run to your room to get ready, excited to see how tonight’s going to be after the unfortunate events that happened today.

*AN HOUR AND 15 MINUTES LATER*

You were now dressed up waiting for your date to arrive. You ended up wearing a black dress that hugged your body well and was short in the front and long in the back along with a pair of red heels. You sat on the couch with your phone in hand. You waited for a text or call from your date to see where he was at, if he was on the way, or if he was coming tonight. It was now 8:15PM and you still heard nothing from him. You decide that enough was enough and call it for the night. You didn’t want to be in your apartment so you decide to go to your special place where no one would find you, a place where you need to be alone to clear your mind, especially after today. You grab your house keys and make your way out of the apartment and lock the door. You walk towards the stairwell and start climbing to the very top and once you make it there, you open the door and breathe in the fresh air. No one really came up here unless they rented the rooftop for a party, but it was open to people who live here to relax and since you were the only one to really come up here, it was yours. You sit on the couch and pull out your phone and open up your messages to text Richard.

Y/n: You’ll never guess what happened tonight Richard.

Not a moment later your phone starts to ring and you see Richard’s name on your screen.

Y/n: Hello?

Richard: Did he try to make a move on you? I swear I’m going to beat that guy up!

Y/n: No, no, no, no. That didn’t happen, actually, none of that happened including the date since he didn’t show up to pick me up.

Richard: WHAT?! OH HELL NO! I swear I’m going to find this boy and give him a piece of my mind.

Y/n: No, don’t do that Richard, He’s really not worth it and after today, I’m kind of just tired now.

Richard: I’m sorry this happened to you Y/n, you didn’t deserve this at all. Do you need anything or for me to come over?

Y/n: No, it’s okay. I’m just going to relax and then go to sleep. Thank you for being there for me Richard, I appreciate and love you hermano. Buenas noches

Richard: I’ll always be here for you hermana, te amo y buenas noches

You lock your phone and set it next to you on the couch. You start to feel tears spill out of your eyes. Everything about today was going wrong and this topped the whole day. You wanted this day to finally be over and decide to head back to your apartment until your phone rang again and you answered before even looking at who was calling you.

Y/n: Richard, I told you I’m okay. Please don’t come over, I just want to be alone right now.

Zabdiel: Amor, I may not be Richard but I’m still coming over. In fact, I’m already here in front of your apartment building and I’m heading up now.

You stay silent while you are on the phone with Zabdiel. You didn’t think he’d come to your rescue at all, especially since the last time you saw him, he was engaged in a long conversation with Gwen.

Y/n: Well I’m not in my apartment right now.

Zabdiel: Where are you? I’m not leaving until I see you and see you’re okay.

Y/n: Take the stairs all the way up and open the door, I’ll be there.

You hang up as you wait for Zabdiel to come up and meet you. You never told anyone about this place because it was your special place to hide from the world and everyone, like you didn’t want to be found. You stand up and go to the railing and look out at the view. All of the lights from the city were on and you could see all of the cars and people moving down below, relaxing to the quiet sounds trying to calm down before Zabdiel came up here to see you.

You heard the door open and you immediately knew Zabdiel was now up there with you in your special place. You hear the door close and shuffling of feet coming towards you, knowing Zabdiel was going to stand next to you, you look over to him and give him a small smile. He puts his hand over yours and looks down at you with concerned eyes.

“Bonita, estas bien? What happened? Richard didn’t tell me pero, he said to come here to see you because you didn’t want him to come and he knew you needed someone here with you.” You squeeze his hand and let go to turn towards him. You look up and quietly laugh a little and start walking around the rooftop.

“I’m good ya know, today was just great. I ended up being late on my first day on the job, my car broke down earlier so i don’t have a car right now, and to top it all off, my date stood me up and ghosted me so yep, i’m doing GREAT.” You walk and sit down on the couch, head now in your hands as tears slips down your face as you feel Zabdiel’s eyes on you. You feel the couch dip and immediately, Zabdiel pulls you into his arms, kisses the top of your head and runs his fingers through your hair, trying to calm the sobs now coming out of your mouth.

“Date? I didn’t know you were going on a date tonight, why didn’t you tell me?” You get out of his hold and look up at him.

“Doesn’t matter anymore does it? Because it didn’t happen and I shouldn’t be surprised as this day was going to shit anyways so there you have it.” You lean back into Zabdiel as he wraps his arms around you again.

“You know what Y/n? Besides not telling me, whoever this guy is, he doesn’t deserve someone like you at all and he lucked out. You’re going to find that special someone one day and when you do, I know you’ll be happy and I’ll be right there for you always amor.” Zabdiel kisses the top of your head and you two sit in comfortable silence as you start to think about the crush you have on Zabdiel and how you wanted to tell him right here, right now, but you knew as of now, that day would never come as long as Gwen is in the picture and also not wanting to lose Zabdiel’s friendship if you told him and he didn’t feel the same way back. Zabdiel was one of the most important people in your life and if he’s happy with Gwen, then you’d rather him be happy with the person he’s interested in than take that away from him and ruin your friendship. You both stay in silence, happy that Zabdiel was here for you.

“So Y/n, why haven’t you told me about this place? Or have taken me up here with you?” You sit up and look at Zabdiel and smile at him, you look at the sky and feel as though maybe this day wouldn’t be ending how this whole day had been.

“Don’t you have a place where you escape to and even I don’t know about? A place where you can escape to when you need to escape and when you feel as though everything is closing in on you? A place where you feel as though nothing or anyone can be able to touch you? A place where you can breathe, relax and just be by yourself? That’s what this place is to me, my own little personal space I’d come to escape to when I needed to.” Silence took over the both of you and you look over to Zabdiel and he was looking up at the stars. He looks at you and into your eyes, smiling down at you.

“I wish I had a place like this. A place to escape all of the craziness and just be able to breathe.” Zabdiel sighs and you look at him. Zabdiel is your best friend and maybe this wouldn’t only be your special place after tonight. You knew how hard Zabdiel life was, when CNCO formed, everything for him changed in one night.

“It’s not my special place anymore Zabdiel, It’s our special place. I see what you go through and have been for years now, you have a place to escape and craziness you call life, but don’t tell the other boys okay? Or I’ll beat you up.” You both laugh and though today was shit, it ended well for you and Zabdiel was always there to catch you.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

“Damn, Y/n. I can see why this would be a place for you both, it’s beautiful up here.” You look at Richard and back out into the distance.

“By the way I’m sorry you had to see me yelling and jamming out like that earlier. I know I don’t have to explain to you, but you’ve been here for me through it all and I need to get it out.” You look to Richard and he nods for you to continue to go on.

“After what you told me about moving on with my life and to stop revolving my life around someone who won’t even reach out to me, it hit me differently. You’re right and though Zabdiel is or was my best friend, I need to stop waiting for him to call and keep myself in this funk. He’s living his own life and I finally need to live mine too. I need to stop crying and being sad because I’m not living my life and time moves on with or without me. I need to get him off of my mind and move forward and I know it will be hard but, I think I’m ready to do just that.” You look to Richard and smile while leaning in to give him a hug.

“Also, I really appreciate you being there for me. It means a lot knowing that I’m not alone through this process.” Richard kisses the top of your head and lays his head on yours.

“I’ll always be here for you hermana, always.”

*TWO MONTHS LATER*

These past months were hard, not going to lie. From getting used to Zabdiel not calling and texting to not seeing Zabdiel on a regular basis. You were still working from home because you didn’t feel ready to see Zabdiel in person yet and though you knew that the day would be coming, it wasn’t going to be today. It slowly and surely was getting easier since you weren’t alone during this time. Richard would come visit you a lot and sometimes bring the boys over, minus Zabdiel. You still haven’t seen or heard from him at all these past months and the only time you’d see what he would be up to is if you were on social media and he posts. Most of the time he would post and tweet about himself and/or Gwen, though it hurt you, you were making progress little by little.

It is now April which meant springtime and in Miami, it was still hot with a cool breeze. You and Richard were at your apartment hanging out watching tv deciding on what to do today since you were done with all of your work for the week.

“Should we go to the beach and invite the boys? Just to get out of here and get some fresh air? We haven’t been to the beach in forever even though I live right down the street from one.” Richard contemplates on what to do as you threw out the suggestion towards him. You both were sitting next to each other on your couch, Richard turns towards you.

“Or how about this Y/n, since we’re here at your place all the time, why don’t we go to me and the boys place? I know you dread seeing Zabdiel but you have to see him eventually since one, you guys are somewhat friends and I’m in a band with him.” You look at Richard and sigh.

“I don’t know Richard, I don’t think I’m ready to see him yet. I know I’ve been doing great these past two months but I’m scared that if I see him, I’ll be thrown into my old cycle again.”

“I know you don’t want to see him Y/n, but when will you come back to see the boys and I outside of your apartment? What will happen when one day we go out and he ends up meeting with us or we run into him? Remember what we said, we’re not going to let him control your life? You’ve been doing really good and taking steps, but I know you’re strong enough to actually face him and if he clears things up with you, even better and if not then just do you. Remember you won’t be alone with him, you have me and the boys so just focus on that.” You contemplate in your mind on what to do. It was 3PM and you did want to get out of your apartment but were you ready to see Zabdiel? You didn’t want him controlling on decisions you make and places you want to go because you didn’t want to see him. Again, Richard was right and you eventually were bound to see him. You stood up from your couch and looked at Richard.

“Fuck it, let’s go. I’m not going to let whatever happened between him and I, along with my feelings control where I can go. I’m going to grab my things in my room and then we can head to your place.” Richard nods and continues to sit on your couch and be on his phone.

You walk to your room and make sure you look decent. You weren’t going to change and keep on what you were wearing which was a white cropped tank top and black jeans. You grab your purse making sure your wallet and whatever you needed was inside. You walk out to your living room and grab your phone on the coffee table in front of your couch. Richard gets up and makes sure he has everything before you both leave your apartment.

“You ready Y/n?” You walk to your kitchen counter, grab your keys and nod to Richard. You both decide to take separate cars in case you needed to go early or just didn’t want to be there anymore.

You both meet at the boy’s apartment and you feel anxiety and your nerves set in. Now that you were there outside their apartment it all hit you at once like a tidal wave. You were about to see Zabdiel after not speaking or seeing each other for the past couple months. You stay seated in your car and jump when you hear your passenger door open, Richard sitting down next to you.

“Hermana, estas bien?” He looks at you with concerned eyes as you have your eyes closed and are taking deep breaths, trying to calm every nerve in your body down along with the anxiety that was hitting you as well.

“If you don’t feel like you can do this at all, we can go back to your place or go to the beach if you want to. I’m sorry if I forced you to say yes, it’s just I think you're ready and clearly you don’t look okay right now. I feel awful and-” before Richard could go on, you look at him and lay your hand on top of his, grabbing his.

“Richard, you didn’t force me to do anything. It was my decision to come here at the end of the day so please, don’t feel awful. Whatever happens is what happens, for better or for worse, this is an obstacle I need to deal with now instead of delaying the inevitable and avoiding it. Also, I’m already here and there’s nothing stopping me now than myself, so let’s do this.” You squeeze Richard’s hand one more time and then grab your purse in the backseat and your phone from the compartment on the side of your car door.

You and Richard make your way inside and towards the elevators. The elevator ride up was nerve wracking for you as you made your way closer to seeing Zabdiel. Richard could tell you were starting to worry and decides to grab your hand, letting you know he’s there for you and you could do this. You both make your way towards the boy’s apartment and stand outside their door, waiting to go inside. You look towards Richard with a slight look of worry in your face.

“You can do this Y/n, I believe in you.” He mouths to you and you nod, letting out a sigh. Richard grabs his keys and unlocks the door, letting himself in and holding the door open for you to come in. He closes and locks the door behind you and you wait for him to make his way towards the boys first before you. As you both walk towards where the boys were, Richard emerges from the hall leading to the living room.

“Y’all, I’m back and I brought someone who wanted to see y’all with me.” You emerge behind Richard and wave to the boys. They didn’t notice you and Richard, you both laugh. Chris was sitting at the table eating while Joel and Erick were playing Mario Kart on the Switch and no sign of Zabdiel yet. The boys turn to look at you both and before you know it, they’re running towards the both of you. Before they tackled you, Richard stops and blocks them from you.

“Yo chill! Don’t hurt the girl when she just got here damn.” He moves out of the way and the first to hug you is Chris.

“Hermanaaaa! I missed you! I can’t believe you’re back after being away from a couple months but now you’re here and you look more alive. I’m glad you’re doing better.” Chris kisses your forehead and lets go of you so the rest of the boys can say hi. Erick’s next to hug you and since Erick was like a little brother to you, you missed him a lot.

“Y/n, I missed you so much!! It was boring here without seeing you for this long, I’m glad you’re back here hanging out with us.” Erick let’s go of you and the last to hug you is Joel.

“Y/n, I’m really really glad you’re back and doing better. I thought I was going to have to drive to your place and drag you back over here.” You both laugh and let go of each other.

“It’s really good to be back here, to be out of my apartment and most of all, be here with all of you.” You smile and make your way to the couch and chill. You decide to play Mario Kart with Erick, Joel and Richard while Chris orders food for all of you.

It was now 8PM and for the time you were at the boys place, you didn’t see Zabdiel at all. The boys said he wasn’t there when you came with Richard. They said he was at the studio, a place where he is most of the day as Erick told you, working on music and beats. At least you had some time to relax and make yourself comfortable before seeing Zabdiel. There was a knock on the door and Chris got up to get the door.

“I bet that’s the food, I’ll get it.” You hear Chris open the door and thank whoever brought the food. You hear Chris walk back quickly and make his way towards Richard, whispering in his ear. Richard looks towards you with concerned eyes and thanks Chris while Chris takes the food out of the bags. Richard makes his way towards you and before he’s able to tell you what Chris said to him, you hear someone making their way to the living room and speak.

“Y/n?” You look and see none other than Zabdiel looking at you with a confused look on his face.

You take in his appearance and he looks like he’s been doing fine without speaking and seeing you. You both hold eye contact, trying to let the words come out of your mouth, but nothing ends up coming out. Everyone stays silent, not knowing what to say until Chris speaks.

“Alright, come eat everyone!” You continue to look at Zabdiel, waiting for him to say anything and when nothing comes out, you look away and make your way to the table. Chris was sitting at the head of the table while Erick sat to his left and Richard sat to Chris’ left, Joel sat next to Erick and Zabdiel sat next to Joel. You were the last to get to the table and while there was an empty seat next to Zabdiel, you didn't hesitate and head for the empty seat next to Richard. Everyone starts to eat and you see a disappointed look on Zabdiel’s face.

“Did he really think I was going to sit next to him after not speaking to me at all for the past couple months?” You think to yourself and laugh inside your head.

“You okay Y/n?” Richard looks at you with concerned eyes and you nod and grab his hand that rests on the table to reassure him. You all continue to eat and talk as if nothing has changed these past couple months. You feel the tension in the air but push past it, not letting it get to you. Zabdiel didn’t talk at all and you being the bigger person decides to include him in the conversation.

“So Zabdiel, how are you and how was your day?” Everyone else was lost in their conversations until they heard Zabdiel slam his glass down on the table. Everyone looks towards him as he looks at you.

“That’s the first thing you’re going to say to me after not talking to me for months? Really Y/n? “How are you and how was your day?” Fuck that bullshit. If you wanted to know why didn’t you text me or call me huh? It’s not fucking hard at all.” Zabdiel continues eating and the rest of the boys turn to you and look with concerned eyes. You didn’t expect for Zabdiel to snap at you hard and instead of feeling sad, you were angry. You push your chair out and look at Zabdiel, ready to finally speak on the situation.

“Me not talking to you for months really? ME? Why the FUCK does it have to be me reaching out to you? The phone works both fucking ways right Zabdiel? So don’t say I should’ve texted you because THATS fucking bullshit.” You walk towards the couch and sit down. You hear someone get up from their seat and make their way towards you and see Zabdiel standing by you.

“You were the one to tell me you needed to take a break from our friendship and focus on your work and yourself remember? YOU said that Y/n.” You stand up, anger filling your body.

“Do you remember what else I said to you Zabdiel? You’re right, I said I needed to focus on myself but do you remember what I told you?” You pause and see if Zabdiel was going to speak and when nothing came out of his mouth, you continue.

“I told you to focus on you and your relationship with Gwen, remember? Or do you not remember when you told me that you both got into a fight about me and how I was always with you Zabdiel, do you remember?” Zabdiel stays quiet, you look around the room and see the boys looking at the both of you. You look back to Zabdiel still being quiet, anger getting into you, you let it all out, holding nothing back.

“You know what’s funny Zabdiel? Richard told me that you and Gwen broke up and that you wanted to talk to me and what did you do? Nothing. YOU DID FUCKING NOTHING ZABDIEL! IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO TALK TO ME, YOU FUCKING WOULD’VE PUT THE ISSUE ASIDE AND DID IT! I WAITED ZABDIEL, I WAITED FOR YOU TO TALK TO ME BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME THAT I WAS BEING SELFISH FOR TAKING TIME FOR MYSELF. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT FUCKING HURT? OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE, I THOUGHT YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND AND INSTEAD, YOU TURNED ON ME. YOU WERE THE SELFISH ONE ZABDIEL, NOT ME. DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT YOU FUCKING HURT ME? OR ARE YOU TOO FUCKING PRIDEFUL AND DON’T WANT TO ADMIT IT? WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE BEST FRIENDS ZABDIEL AND THAT DAY, YOU STOPPED BEING MY BEST FRIEND AND YOU LEFT ME ALL ALONE. ALL I WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO BE HAPPY BECAUSE YOU HAD SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE WHO LOVED YOU AND YOU LOVE THEM RIGHT? I WAS BEING SELFLESS WHILE YOU WERE BEING SELFISH.” You made your way towards the bathroom and before you could make it, Zabdiel starts to talk.

“You know what Y/n? I’m tired of this shit. You were struggling? What about me? WHAT ABOUT ME? I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOU OKAY? I FELT BAD BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON’T ANYMORE. IT SEEMS LIKE YOU REPLACED ME WITH RICHARD RIGHT? BECAUSE I’M REPLACEABLE? WELL YOU KNOW WHAT? GO HANG OUT WITH YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND BECAUSE GUESS WHAT? YOUR FUCKING REPLACEABLE TOO AND I DON’T NEED YOU AT ALL ANYMORE. WE’RE NOT BEST FRIENDS ANYMORE SO YOU CAN DELETE MY NUMBER AND EVERYTHING YOU HAVE OF ME AND LEAVE IT AT THAT. DON’T CALL ME, DON’T TEXT ME OR ASK ANYONE HOW I AM BECAUSE IT DOESN’T CONCERN YOU ANYMORE AND IN RETURN TO TAKE YOU OUT OF YOUR SO CALLED HURT, I’LL DO THE SAME.” With that, Zabdiel grabs his keys and walks out of the apartment.

You stood frozen in place, letting everything that Zabdiel said sink in. Chris and Joel run out of the apartment trying to stop Zabdiel you guess as Erick and Richard make their way to you slowly. You feel Richard’s presence next to you with his hand on your back as Erick was on the other side of you with his hand on your shoulder. You feel your knees go weak and before you know it, you feel your legs give out and before you hit the ground, Richard catches you and kneels next to you along with Erick. You felt numb and like this was a nightmare you were having, not wanting it to be real.

“You okay Y/n?” You look at Richard and Erick and once you hear those words, you know what happened was real. The fight between you was real. Zabdiel said that your friendship with him was over and real. Reality hit you and you let out a painful sob, tears clouding your vision, feeling like you couldn’t breathe at all.

As you cry in Richard and Erick’s arms, you heard footsteps making their way into the apartment, indicating Chris and Joel have come back. You continue to cry as Richard looks towards the two and they both shake their heads, letting Richard know they couldn’t get Zabdiel to stop from leaving. Richard picks you up and brings you to the living room couch where the boys surround you, making sure they’re there for you and if they needed you, they would be there for you. Your cries die down and the room is silent, the boys stay silent and wait for you to speak or say anything. Nothing comes out of your mouth as your mind was still processing what happened and what was said.

“Do you want to talk about it Y/n?” You shake your head after Richard asks you.

“This is a stupid question but are you okay Y/n?” Tears spill out of your eyes as your head again after Joel asks you.

“I was stupid to think that everything would be okay and go back to the way it was.” You wipe your tears and look down at your hands. You didn’t expect this outcome, but you weren’t surprised either. You felt hurt and like the pain was never going to end, like there was now going to be a big hole in your heart that wasn’t going to go away, the hole that Zabdiel once filled and now, it was over.

“We’re here for you Y/n. We’ll be here by your side through this time and I’m sorry for convincing you to come today, I shouldn’t have.” You look at Richard and shake your head.

“Richard, this isn’t your fault at all. Remember I decided to come here and you’re not the one that hurt and said those things to me. Don’t blame yourself Richard, I’m just glad you’re here for me, all of you. It means a lot and I appreciate you guys.” You look at all of the boys with a thankful look.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen now but what I do know now is Zabdiel and I aren’t on good terms or even friends anymore. I’m going to continue to work from home unless I need to be at meetings for you guys and just continue to do me. This opened my eyes to how much I really meant to Zabdiel and the role I had in his life and that’s okay. Though his decision hurts a lot and it’s going to take time for me to heal from this, I’m not going to hold a grudge with him or be mad at him anymore. It is what it is and there’s no reason to be mad. All I want is for him to be happy and for him to live his life happy and if that means me not being in it besides business, then so be it. He let me go so it’s time for me to let him go and as much as I wish it didn’t end like this, I can’t change anything about his decision. But thank you for being here for me, I love you all so much and I appreciate you all as well. I’m going to go back to my apartment, I’ll text you once I get back. Just do me a favor and make sure he’s okay and he makes it back safe okay?” You stand up to grab your things and the boys nod at you. They walk you to their door where you give them each a hug and kiss on the cheek.

You walk out of the boys apartment building and head to your car. Once you get settled into your car, all the tears and emotions you were holding in came out. The pain you were feeling now felt like it was never going to end. The impact Zabdiel had on your life was big, you were both best friends and you were there for him before CNCO formed and now, after all the years of being best friends, it now came to an end. An end of an era but a start to a new beginning. You knew it was going to be hard, but you couldn’t let this obstacle stop you from living your life. As long as it took you, it was now time to move on from him.

i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as i enjoyed writing it , feedback is appreciated and lmk if i should write any imagines or one shots. also , i’d like to thank y’all who continue to support my work . i never thought anyon would read my work let alone like it so i appreciate and love you with my whole heart <3

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