#obscene.posts

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it's noon. I have so much anxiety. he left me in the middle of a therapy session, so ever since we started talking again, I get nauseous and sick when he's at therapy. I had a nightmare about him prior to waking up. I hate that I am so afraid of him going there. I hate everything. I tried so hard to be good and lovable and enough and I was apparently so fucking horrid that his therapist helped him write a breakup text. i am genuinely a horrible excuse of a person sometimes

I wish I knew exactly what I did that made him leave so I can be aware of what to work on or fix or not do. I'm genuinely scared. the call dropped in the middle of his therapy session and I vomited afterwards. it was just coffee and stomach acid and it was disgusting. I got so anxious.

and I will never tell him that because he doesn't need to know and it would just create more fucking problems. I just want him to stay. I have to make sure I'm not a problem.

I should leave the house. I don't want to be alone like this. I feel sick..

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Am i hallucinating again and the post never existed or did ya delet ur post ?? 😺

you should take your meds 🙄 (I did delete it lol)

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so many people to hide away from. I have my other account that certain people know but they're all blocked from here so I can actually be myself here. it's sick but oh well

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mf reblogs one thing and then immediately goes to reblog old posts off his old blog. be new and creative and also stop complaining that I am talking about my ex @tuesquevirtul

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K picked me up earlier because I was sobbing hysterically after leaving the hospital and my ex wouldn't pick up the phone. it's not like he would've talked verbally to me anyways haha.. but so I called my friend and he heard how hysterical I was so he took his break and came to pick me up. he didn't want me with his roommate at his apartment so he brought me to A's apartment since he has a spare key, damn him lmfao. A was completely fine with it. so he drove me there. he had to help me get from the car to the apartment because I was about to collapse from crying. he carried me and it was nice but embarrassing haha.. so he brought me in, made sure I was okay, got me some water, and hugged me goodbye. I've been here ever since.

K is off work now and came back over with some alcohol. A and A's roommate are also here. his roommate's girlfriend is also here as well. so we're just gonna drink and I'm probably gonna get high. I can tell K likes me obviously and idk what to think.. it hurt that he dropped what he was doing to come pick me up and figure out what to do for me. it hurt because I'm not used to it. prior to my ex abandoning me, he got back in the habit of doing things like leaving in the middle of me having a breakdown and taking hours to come back or even say anything. fun

[obsceneversee]

do you like me?

do you want me?

did you know I'm pretty funny if I try?

I try..

don't wait up

just wait up.

trust me, I'm not falling

no supersonic heartbeats in the morning

don't trust me, I might fall in

I could never think about you at all

leave me hanging out to dry

yeah, I'm hanging around

leave me hanging out to dry

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I feel super empty right now. I need to not be alone. no idea if he'll even be willing to talk to me, so if not, I need to find somebody else to call or something else to do..

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also I'm with some friends rn and K is demanding I give him my Tumblr username so we'll see how this goes