I think I am in an Ne-Fe loop for a while now and I find it really hard to overcome. Advice?
Ah, the Ne-Fe loop, the bane of an ENTPs metamorphosis into being a non troll and/or non people pleaser.
ESSentially, the Ne-Fe loop puts ENTPs into self-made shark cages of doing things for or in response to others. It’s a constant call and response to all external factors excluding ourselves; and it leads to some of us being unable to say no, doing all of the work in group projects, and giving speeches for clubs that we don’t even attend. This version of the loop can turn into some serious anxiety and an urge to control one’s relationships…… and eventually a lack of control so… more anxiety.
But then, it can also lead to the super-douche ENTP, constantly waiting and watching what others do, and then doing just the thing to be annoying. This version of the loop creates a distance between the ENTP and people who could be close friends. Because not only is the ENTP being generally an asshole for no discernible reason, but since the Ti is not being used as it should, things that pertain to what’s actually going on with the ENTP are left out of all conversations.
In both cases, it’s the Fe that pays close attention to the people around us, and it’s the Ne that creatively comes up with the what to do or say while skipping the Ti and leaving the ENTP’s real needs and wants out of the picture.
wHaT tO dO?
Good question.
First step is to realize that you’re suppressing the Ti
You got that!
Next step.
Try to decide why you’re in an Ne-Fe loop
Do you really care what people think, or is there a deeper reason?
For me, I’m constantly aware of how people perceive me upon first meeting me given my race, gender, profession etc., and my people-pleasing stems from me actively trying to avoid stereotypes
The reasons can be anything
Recognize that no matter how justified your reason (which they typically are!), Ne-Fe isn’t healthy
Sure you’ve pleased everyone in this room, sure everyone is laughing because you’re a troll-connoisseur but how do you feel?
Like something is missing, probably
This isn’t a step, just a general reminder.
Finalement, actively use your Ti until it becomes natural.
Practice makes perfect!
When someone asks you to do something, ask yourself, do I really wanna?
Only volunteer when you’re seriously vibing the cause or the people you’re working with
Don’t be like me and give mULtiple speeches for diversity club when you only went to one meeting in the beginning of the school year.
When you see a perfect troll moment (which there are many!) think to yourself, a) is what I’m saying rude without cause? b) will this other person take it ok? c) what goal am I actually trying to achieve here?
Troll moments are fun; but most of the time, they have no goal.
I told these people at this party that in the US it’s very common to have pet bears and I just kept going for a solid 15 minutes on my Black Bear, Evan, mostly because I was interested in how they reacted
But honestly, why? They were all acquaintances, and no one knew me better from that conversation. All fat, no meat.
I’m actively trying to stop lying as much
It really is a process! I’m just now starting to be less of a pleaser and more of a does-what-she-wants-er. But the loop can lose us friends and gain us acquaintances…. None of these people will be there to save us from a knife attack so it ain’t worth it.
And that’s all that matters!
I hope this helps!