just a wee bit obsessed with the idea of vayne being in a similar position as the milletian is now, before he died. canon really leans into that idea so much and it kills me. he who started as an exceptionally talented and divinity-touched warrior (i have many headcanons about this connection but that's another post for another time), with a draw to help his kind, over time became so much more than one soul can shoulder.
his people constantly relying on his might and his prowess in battle, relying on his presence to bolster their morale, needing him for more and more things big and small... it is so easy to picture. his deeds for fomorkind make him revered as a helpful lad at first. then, champion, lord of the fomors, king of the isles, a god. simultaneously, by some, balor beimnech is feared, treated as a ticking bomb, or a vicious beast to run from, eternal destroyer whose ire is not to be drawn. (i imagine him dressed in fine red & black robes, asking a hunched-over imp why they cower, so ---- they are no human. he has no reason to turn his eye of death upon them. naturally, This Does Not Reassure Them)
when he comes to ache from it, his only solace is that he shall either always triumph, or he shall -- one glorious day -- finally be bested. to be bested is to have the burden of "strongest" lifted from his weary back. not only that, but imagine his belief being that his death would serve as a trial that would strengthen his people, motivate them to grow as strong as he was.
then, not only does he fail, for the first true time. he is killed by "unfair" means -- and therefore, is not really bested, leaving him with the burden still, and that alone is enough to make him beg hymerark for another end -- but he must watch over and over and over as innocent blood, blood he never asked for, is shed in his name, in fruitless attempts to drag him out of the grave. and even, at times, participate, because Those Are The Rules! can't break the geas! don't like it??? too late! get fucked!!!
oh that would just tear apart anyone, wouldn't it? in all of that grief and rage, there is no WAY he can possibly conceptualize it as "i was a mighty leader who was beloved by many people, so much so that they reject their living(?) god, and would rather go to desperate lengths to have me back". no... instead, the darkness in him has twisted it into "i died for you all, and it still wasn't enough. you would not mourn me; you would rather dig up my corpse and ask it more favours. you refuse to move on from me, when i moved on from myself long ago --- if i ever had him. why can't you just let go? are you so selfish and weak? this is no way to thank me. i am no friend of yours now."
anyway. i need to. write some fanfic or something. losing my mind rn
and don't even fucking. start me on how he had to HIDE from the ULTIMATE GOD in order to die. don't START ME on talvish saying he was denying aton cimeni's will by bringing about his own end. aton cimeni had a purpose for him. he was wanted. i---- bites my arm until it comes off.
when the milletian does not show the "faults" he retroactively labeled himself as having, he praises them... it oozes, "don't be like me, don't make my mistakes"
