Tk is terrified to relapse with drugs and how that could affect his relationship with Carlos
Carlos moved his arms around the bed. TK always slept cuddled up to him and woke up immediately when he was near him. However, his boyfriend was in bed. He sat up, he heard no noise coming from the bathroom, nor from the kitchen downstairs.
He got up, she hated the contact with the cold floor in the early morning but didn't bother to look for her slippers. Many times TK had told him about the terrible dreams he had suffered during his rehabilitation periods. He said, too, that since they had been together he hadn't had any. But it still worried him.
The new house they had bought together after the fire at Carlos' house had everything they both wanted and for TK the garden and the mountain or nature view was essential, so Carlos went straight there, to his boyfriend's sacred corner.
He had said that he would take care of the plants and trees but the lack of time for both of them had almost made them have a horror movie garden, so they had ended up hiring someone to keep the plants alive for them.
They had set up two loungers, one larger than the other so they could both settle in during the summer and sleep together. He found TK on the smaller one, curled up with a blanket. He was sleeping and looked peaceful.
He sat down next to him and heard him mumbling something although when she heard him again she realized he was actually whimpering. He flinched when Carlos stroked his arm and rolled over, still asleep he wrapped his arms around his waist.
"Hey, ty. It's all right." He leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. "You're sleeping, we're home and everything's okay."
"I'm so scared." TK said in his sleep. "I don't want it to happen again...please don't let it happen."
"Nothing is going to happen. I promise."
Carlos lay back against TK and wrapped his arms around his waist pulling him tight against him, hopefully he would realize he was there.
"You won't want me if I take anything again. I don't want to hurt you."
"Ty, nene. It's just a dream, it's a dream. It's all right." She kissed his cheek several times and squeezed him even tighter then kissed him again. "I love you."
"I'm not strong, Carlos. I think about taking pills... almost all the time..."
TK opened his eyes and turned to Carlos. The policeman wondered if he remembered what he had just said. But he didn't need to tell him, he could read it in his eyes, he remembered, he was aware of having said out loud his deepest fear.
"Carlos, I didn't... shit, I said it out loud didn't I? I wasn't just dreaming." Carlos shook his head as he fiddled with his hair.
"But it's okay, it's fine."
"No, it's not." TK sat up and hugged his knees. "I don't want you to see me as a...a I'm an un.... Okay I'm an addict because I always will be, but... I'm not... that something... inside... but I'm not."
"I know" Carlos joined in as well and hugged him from behind, as if he had become a blanket. "Baby, I know and I adore you for how strong you are." He kissed her neck. "I know who you are from the moment I met you and fell in love with you."
"What if one day I'm not so strong? What if one day something happens and I can't help but take something?"
"Then you'll come to wherever I am and we'll work it out together. Or I'll find you, wherever you are and get you out of whatever hole you're in."
"You promise?"
"I promise to love you and take care of you. I promise to get you out of the nightmares."
"And you won't get tired of me?"
Carlos laughed at the tenderness in TK's little voice. He slid his nose down the back of his neck.
"I could never get tired of you. You're perfect."
"I'm not." TK said in a pout.
Carlos kissed his neck and pulled the shirt away from his skin to kiss his shoulder.
"You're perfect for me. The most handsome guy I've ever seen in my life, the only one who accepts me as I am, who let me take my time telling my parents about us. You're funny."
"You say I have a weird sense of humor."
"And funny." Carlos continued kissing her neck and moved up to her jaw. "And don't get me started on the sex."
"What about sex?"
Carlos's lips reached TK's as he turned around on the lounger.
"You know what's up with sex, it's what you've got me addicted to and I'll tie you to the bed the day it crosses your mind to ever drink anything but iced tea again." He wrapped both hands around his body and pulled him against him. "I'll tie you to the bed and make you forget those cravings for pills or alcohol based on..."
TK moaned at the intense neck kiss Carlos left on his neck.
"I love you daddy."
TK threw himself into Carlos' arms pushing him down and laying him back down. He snuggled against him. He didn't need sex at that moment, he just wanted the embrace of the man of his life and to fall asleep there, snuggled against him. It didn't take long and Carlos covered them both with the blanket. They could have moved to the other lounger, bigger, wider and more comfortable but she didn't try to move him. She listened to him breathe quietly and closed her eyes as well.
TK had a great darkness inside him, a fear of relapse, like any addict, but any addict didn't have him to love forever. They had been through so much already and he had feared losing TK so many times, a couple of pills at a bad time or a glass of something couldn't handle it.
"I love you, mi niño."
