My Stupid Decision To Go To Grad School... And Be Independent
As a young girl, I was brought up to believe that being educated and having independence would hold me back from nothing in life. What I wasn't told was that they would make me an undateable pariah.
If I ask men if they would date a girl like me (two master's degrees - one from an Ivy League university, good job, lives on her own), they say of course! They would love a girl who can think for herself and knows how to pay her own bills. Yet, when I look at the females I know who are married, the reality is very different.
While they all have a bachelors degree (only one has started to pursue going back to school), the majority of these women are all working in basic administrative/secretarial positions that rarely pay enough to be able to support yourself. And only about half of them ever lived on their own before moving from dad's house into hubby's house. Now with their husbands, a few of them have stopped working altogether and are fully financially dependent on their husbands.
On the other hand, when I look at my single lady friends, all of them are living on their own, most of them have obtained graduate degrees, and about 99% of them are working in managerial positions within their respective professions, and none of them can find a relationship. So where is the disconnect???
As much as we want to believe that our society has made great strides in gender equality, there are still a lot of subliminal messages that support the old ideas that the man needs to be the head of the household financially supporting his family, and the wife should be less focused on her career and more focused on supporting her husband and raising a family. You disagree? Watch TV for an evening or two and pay attention to the commercials and shows that are on. The messages are there. I believe that it is these age-old thoughts that are preventing women like me from being able to have a relationship. Men view us as not needing them for guidance and financial support. We think for ourselves. We pay our own bills. We do not rely on our fathers, or roommates, or anyone else to make up our minds. We do things on our own, and you know what? We're damn good at it. This is terrifying to a lot of men aged 35 and younger.
As someone who lives for football season because she can spend her Sunday's in the bar, lists pizza and beer as her favorite meal, is not clingy or possessive when she dates, is very easy going and spontaneous, is genuinely kind and very considerate of other peoples feelings, was never married, and doesn't have children (besides a cat, but she's so much better), plus the education/job/independence thing.... I'm a catch! But do the latter three make me undateable, or is there something else about me that wards off men??? If it is that there is something else about me, then what is the answer to why all of my fabulous, beautiful, successful, single lady friends cannot find relationships either??? Is there really no hope for us because we chose the self-sufficient harder road?
