Ray and Ness Sick Days Chs 1 and 2 Commentary
AHSKDHA ik the point was literally that these vibes are so different but I was writing the mac and cheese making scene then went back to Ch. 21 to parallel the bedtime routine and got whiplash in the change in mood
I think from an author's perspective, I wanted to emphasize the childish way that Ness speaks because it's such a step back from the current state of main fic that these little details are being brought to the forefront of my mind and also Ray's. and Also in the offchance that anybody comes Not from mainfic, it's a little easier to tell that this is a Toddler and not like. a Child. Hence we get all the pronunciation dashes on the bigger words.
LOL i have a scene later on where Ness does that "spits wad of chewed up food out" and Soleil is indeed like, H NESS, PLEASE. but at the time, i implied that it was something Ness thought was fine so i think it's really funny to imagine him doing it off screen from Soleil with the others bc he knows soleil isn't going to be happy about it but the others r chill with it. (actually i'm sure athena was the one to first get him to do it. like, it was almost certainly during soleil's heat since that's when he's mostly been Not with soleil so i can imagine she saw he was about to puke or something, from overeating or anxiety, and she just sticks out her hand with a napkin to get him to spit and then. doesn't mention it to soleil bc it's a one-off thing and she doesn't want to stress him more at the time.)
I also think it's fun to see Ness be kiddish and goofy @ roar-ing like a dinosaur (but it's only a Little yell)
Soleil doesn't have a blow dryer in the suite (yet lol) but i think he's mastered the art of avoiding getting his tail wet in the shower. ness is a bit of a different story but i think he's mastered the art of getting ness's tail Mostly Mostly dry bc the thought of trying to sleep w/ the wet spot is. sensory nightmare.
I think I may have mentioned I try and pick something that has meaning in the chapter for the title and I picked Dinosaur Nuggets for this one partially bc i liked the ring of it and i think they were super cute. but then realized ray Does just show his love through food and so i think it was a good choice for something that's meaningful/representative of them both
I also. just titled it Sick Days bc i wanted to do smth? referencing the weight of ness in ray's lap and in his life, smth like impossibly light and profoundly heavy but then i didn't like the way that sounded and i will. sit here and not post bc i'm too caught up on the title (ALWAYS,,, the last step in my writing process bc i always FORGET,,, ABOUT THEM SDFHKDSJHFKHFKDJH) so i just titled it w/ how i was referring to it in my head/on the doc, Ray and Ness sick days
ALSO WAIT, "this u?"
i. could not resist drawing them
Sick Days Ch 2 Commentary
“I am holding it! But it keeps going—up!” He holds up his empty fist in demonstration, his voice hiccuping on the last word.
“I know, bud. You’ve gotta hold it real tight, like this, see.” He demonstrates with his own jacket. “Because, uh,” he tries to channel some of the silliness he knows Cyrill would go with, “jackets really like eating shirt sleeves. So you gotta hold it as tight as you can so your jacket doesn’t gobble it up.”
I really wanted to show little bits where Ray is pulling on how the others would approach something in order to work with Ness. like being silly w/ the jackets as cyrill might and then when he needs to be serious about car safety, going about it as athena might. getting him to hold the lunch box was also an athena move. i think all three of them do reading up on child-raising but athena and ray do some more (since cyrill has practice w/ younger siblings and having really great, patient parents who supported 8 dif kids, some w/ v dif needs. Plus having his aunts + uncles, so he's Used to living in a family where multiple adults can help out.)
he's not Not reading but ray and athena are defs Actively trying to do things they've read (or watched ^^) like, ray giving ness Choices. and athena being like, if u can give ur child smth to do it can help them feel included + distract them from something bothering them Or get them to do smth they don't really Want to do by phrasing it as "helping." And so ray is like "it's really responsible of you to help keep us safe" and it's kinda awkward but he Wants to praise ness and make him feel included too, not just a "good job for listening"
also by saying like "we can talk as much as you want when you get to the park" he's trying to be clear about what next steps are / make it clear that it's the /Situation/ that means he needs Ness to be quiet, not anything that ness has done
Also also, i scooped this idea from my ideas doc, it was originally meant to be Soleil that ness was having this interaction with but I think it served way better here @ showing his lingering and his distraction and his upset kind of bubbling under the surface and how quick it might just fizzle up. and how ray isn't quite a natural at soothing ness but he's doing his best (and it's working!)
Ray feels tension he wasn’t aware of leave his shoulders. A successful trip to the park.
--
Ray trudges up the stairs back to his room, his mind still in that hallway
Srry I think i'm really funny to be like :D wow look how well that went actually, sure there were some hiccups but overall a nice day out :D now ray's back home and he can relax :D [timeline cuts to ch 23 and soleil is absolutely going through it]
“Have t’ be good,” he mumbles.
“Be quiet. Wait for Momma. Don't go to the stairs. D’n’t p’ things in my m’th. “Cept food. W’sh m’ han’s.” He closes his eyes halfway through and there’s a distinctively miserable pout to his lips as he continues tracing his finger on the table, his words getting more and more mumbled. He doesn’t cry though.
I think? This is the first time Ness has said all of this so explicitly. Like, w/ soleil's first heat, he Got quiet and food-stressed/insecure. And throughout the fic he's been p consistent about washing his hands, saying please/thank you, and he doesn't put his hands in his mouth (aaaah, fun fact in an AU i have going on, that is his go-to nervous gesture, whereas here, it's usually a hand twisted in his shirt)
I also think it was important to show what it's like when he's told to "be good" and remembering the rules of the basement without Soleil there. If Soleil was here, he wouldn't be nearly so upset in the first place, but Soleil would know exactly what to do to quickly reassure him (or. would know there's not Anything to do to reassure him and they'd settle in together with a scenting). Since I decided not to write a Ness POV as of now, we'll always be seeing his thoughts from the outside. And I think there's a smth heartrending about showing the disconnect where he can articulate the rules while the Manner w/ which he says them shows how upset he is about them (but he's still going to follow them)
I think it's also just important to show that Ness is in fact aware of these "rules" and that they've been drilled into him for so long that it's second nature that "be good" means all of these things
“Yeah?” He’s not exactly sure what that means but pets Ness’s head for a start. He debates leaving it, or just telling Ness that he’s always good--
Genuinely almost got stuck on what to do here bc Ray is a v lax character, which is sometimes good but it also means he doesn't Really? tend to do things on his own, he tends to need some kind of external motivation that is enough to overwrite his tendency to Leave It. and so w/ ness it was like. does he Leave It? but he decides to broach it this time. And Then he leaves it :)
They go through the first three words and Ray catalogs how Ness says his “the” with an -ee, the. And how much he lingers on the V in very, enjoying the hum of his teeth against his lip.
I am taking another linguistics class rn (fun fact if my college had a linguistics major i'd be majoring in it probs, i find it So Fun) and got to ray teaching ness how to read and was like oh wait ya we don't want to go T-H-E we want to go /t/ /h/ e, etc
I think Ness would enjoy going vvvvvvvv :) also zzzzzz
Ness wants to watch a movie and he briefly entertains the thought of pulling up a documentary on bears before remembering the possibility of a bear bloodily tearing up a fish and instead just puts on some Blue’s Clues. Ness seemed plenty happy watching Despicable Me, he thinks most of what was going on just went over his head, but he remembers Soleil tensing up quite badly at points and doesn’t want to stumble across any landmines for Ness. Or Soleil.
I went to go check Does the dog die for triggers on like, bambi, cause i remember being ???? as a kid when i watched that the first time, and then was like. wait let me check despicable me real quick and AM ??? HI????????? completely did not remember anything in that movie except girls get adopted <3 and yellow minions. only to see abusive orphanage lady putting children in literal cardboard boxes, passive-aggressively abusive mom, children going to a new house and not being sure if it's going to be Good, not to mention all the yelling gru does and the violence like HASKJDAKDAH ?? ? ? ? i think i managed to pick a movie even more triggering than beauty and the beast would've been, brb going insane. so now i have to retcon that re: outside perspective (lies down, i have to go back and check post ch 14 too that nobody else outside his pov was like :))) that was an absolutely perfect movie night). it tracks tho that soleil could've been just shoving it all down and not acknowledging being uncomfortable in his POV esp while answering all of Ness's little comments (which would make him less uncomfy bc it gives him smth to focus on) whereas someone else could Tell and ray was probably also like 🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦 Regret. we r never watching anything ever again
AHDKASJDHKASH, i finally hit post on smth and went OH SHIT WAIT THE TITLE. literally i ALWAYS forget about the title until i'm putting my work/ch into ao3 and then i'm like >> well. i will find smth bc i Have to, and this time i finally Forgot for real ahkajshdkaskhasa