Incorrect CoD Quotes #19
Laswell: Where’s Soap?
Gaz: Doing stuff.
Laswell: I don’t like the sound of that. Where’s John?
Gaz: Trying to stop Soap from doing the stuff.
Laswell: What? Then where’s Ghost?
Gaz: Trying to stop Cap from stopping Soap from doing stuff.
Laswell: And what are you doing?
Gaz: Stopping you from stopping Ghost from stopping Cap from stopping Soap from doing the stuff.
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*The 141 sitting around the rec room*
Gaz: Let’s play Two Truths One Lie.
Price: Oh yeah, I’ve heard of that one.
Roach: Oh, I’ll go first!
Roach: I’m small compared to everyone else in here, my eyes are brown, and a building once fell on me and I almost died!
Ghost: That’s the right idea, Roach, but it’s gotta be a bit more challenging for everybody-
Soap: His eyes are green.
Ghost:
Ghost: A building wHAT-
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Ghost: I want to tell you a joke but I only remember the punchline.
Soap: Go ahead.
Ghost: Tooth hurty.
Soap: When is the best time to go to the dentist.
Ghost: You complete me.
————
Soap and Ghost: *fidget nervously in their seats*
Soap: Listen, I know we made a slight mistake-
Laswell: Whatever you have to say, just save it for the next ten seconds.
Ghost: But-
Laswell: Just five more seconds.
Soap, sweating: What happens in five seconds?
Price, bursting through the door, looking deadly furious: WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD WERE YOU TWO MUPPETS THINKING!?
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Ghost: So… I see you’ve been spending a lot of time with Sherlock recently.
Roach: No, Ghost. It’s not what it looks like, I swear.
Ghost: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous?
Roach: No! You’re the only one for me.
Ghost: Is that so?
Roach: I promise! Sherlock and I are just dating, okay?
Ghost: So there’s no best-friends-feelings involved?
Roach: You are still my one and only best friend! She’s just the love of my life, that’s it!
Ghost: But I’m still the platonic love of your life, right?
Roach: Of course, mate!
Ghost: Mate…
Sherlock: What the-
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Price: You’re smiling. Did something good happen?
Gaz: Can’t I just smile for no reason?
Ghost: Graves tripped and fell during training.
————
Sherlock, angrily: ARE YOU-
Nikolai: Fucking.
Sherlock: -KIDDING ME?!?!?!
Price: What the fuck was that?
Nikolai: Sherlock legally cannot say fuck, so I’ve volunteered to say it for her.
Price: I think you just like saying ‘fuck’.
Nikolai: That doesn’t make my job less important.
————
Soap: Let’s get you to Sherlock.
Ghost: Is this OUR stab wound? No. Stay out of it.
Soap:
Soap: Alright then.
Soap: *stabs himself in the thigh*
Ghost: WHAT THE FUCK
Soap: L.t., can you call Sherlock for OUR stab wounds, please.
————
Nikolai: I just realized the Five Stages of Grief - Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance - spell out DABDA and I feel like this is important information.
Laswell:
Nikolai: Sometimes you just need to DAB DA grief away.
Laswell: Never fucking speak to me again.
————
Ghost: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.
Soap: …Your what?
Ghost: My friends.
Gaz: Is he saying “friends”?
Laswell: I think he’s being sarcastic.
Price: No, no, no, this is delirium, he’s cracked from being awake all night.
Nikolai: Hey, Ghost! All of your friends are in this room.
Ghost: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.
————
Soap: *does something stupid*
Ghost: Why are you like this?
Soap: Aww, come on! You know you love me!
Ghost, jokingly: Where did you get that idea?
Soap:
Ghost:
Soap: *sniffles*
Ghost: !!!
Ghost: WAIT I’M SORRY I DIDN’T MEAN IT I LOVE YOU!!!!!!
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(Soap is hiding from Graves in Las Almas)
Soap: They’re never gonna find me. This is a great hiding spot.
Graves: Some-
Soap: -BODY ONCE TOLD ME!
Graves:
Soap: Shit!
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Roach: Hey, babe? I think I’m lactose intolerant.
Sherlock: Why is tha- Mother of Christ!
Roach: Yeah I had some chocolate milk earlier and then I threw up.
Sherlock: GARY THERE IS A KNIFE IN YOUR STOMACH!
Roach, looking at his stomach: Oh yeah, I forgot that was there.
Roach: Anyway, like I was saying, I had some milk-
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(141 on MacTavish Family Farm)
Ghost: Look at all the cows.
Soap: You know every animal isn’t some form of cow, right?
Ghost: Of course I know that. *points at a cow* That’s a cow.
Soap: Yes.
Ghost: *points at a goat* That’s a smaller cow.
Price: Simon, no.
Soap: That’s a goat.
Ghost: *points at a chicken* That’s a feathered cow.
Soap: What?
Price: Simon, stop.
Roach: *points at a goose* That’s an even bigger feathered cow.
Gaz: Don’t encourage him, Roach!
Ghost: *points at a horse* And that is a racing cow.
Soap: No!
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Alejandro: I guess I’m just too tough to cry.
Rudy: Just this morning, you were crying about snakes.
Alejandro, tearfully: THEY DON’T HAVE ARMS!