#spambox

[sparklyandhaunted]

Cleaning spam-box #1

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[jumbledversesandbreaths]

SpamBox Memories

I just stumbled on my phone's SpamBox. Apparently, this is where the "blocked messages" get saved. So, technically, these messages does not get blocked at all, they just get saved in a different folder other than the inbox.

My phone has this feature where I can block a certain contact so I wouldn't be able to "receive" this contact's messages. I use this mostly for people who I just meet and asked for my number that I was too polite to refuse. Most importantly, I use this feature for guys I'm trying to get over from. I'm not one who deletes numbers of past relations, just in case I need to contact them in the future for anything and in SD's case, I really do need his number. I assure you though, I have the best self-control to these kind of things and it is unlikely that I will get in touch with these exes. But... I can't guarantee that I would not reply if they contact me first. Another reason for blocking these past guys: I feel so pathetic waiting around for them to contact me. I feel like such a loser checking my phone every minute to check if there's a message from the guy. I even started to imagine hearing my phone ring or beep for a call or a text when there's really none. It's crazy! So to convince myself and to help me stop obsessing, I blocked them. Naturally, there's no reason for me to wait around because there's no way these messages and calls I am pining for will come in.

As I was saying, the messages comes through anyway, and I stumbled on it just now. And it was so weird. These old messages came in when the feelings of both parties was still there. It was so surreal and in a way forced me to recall those times when I was still on those moments. And since those were the "getting over" times, you can imagine that they were painful memories.  It doesn't help as well that there were also messages from the time I accidentally blocked SD. And reading messages of "brighter" days or  those "fading feelings" days were as equally painful if not more.

That's it. The feeling of recalling memories I'd rather forget is just too strange, I had to write it down. Even if I am sure, the feelings are not there anymore, it just pretty much proves how relationships (and I'd say in general,  that's why I'll never do that again), really scars you, and alters you in some way. And you're never the same.