#telse rambles

[telsecat]

me, a non-judgemental person: *sees a ford mustang speed past at +80mph*

me: okay but like i’m p. sure all white male ford mustang drivers have at least 3 speeding tickets

me: ...and probably at least one DUI

[telsecat]

do u ever hit a point with your bff where you don’t even fix typoes anymore when talking to them online, you just let it go, free to the wind, and they still get what u saying

ye

[telsecat]

reasons to not have a baby:

- smells

- cries day and night

- poop machine

- $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

- will always vomit on your favorite shirt

- is the weight of a dying sun

reasons to have a baby:

- tax deductible 

[telsecat]

so there's a really cute girl who works at the pharmacy I go to for my meds

and she seems like the kind of terrible person I'd like to be friends with based on past conversations

she was there today and rang me up

so I took out my business card and handed it to her and mumbled "I mean this in the most platonic way possible"

and she goes "what's this?" 

I go "that's me. maybe we could hang out sometime...you could text me" 

and she goes "I probably will :D” *shoves card in pocket*

and I ran away

[telsecat]

tfw your mom brings up politics and asks your opinion on Ben Carson and you immediately get so irate and spout examples of how awful he is &

she just goes

“where’d you hear that?????”

BITCH I LIVE ON THE INTERNET

I AM SURPRISED YOU KNOW WHO BEN CARSON IS

[telsecat]

I am so invested in A Dark Room it isn’t even funny.

[telsecat]

TFW ONE OF YOU EX-CLASSMATES GETS THE JOB YOU APPLIED FOR, BUT YOU WERE MORE QUALIFIED, HAD MORE EXPERIENCE, HAD A BETTER PORTFOLIO, HAD A DOUBLE MAJOR DEGREE, AND A BETTER WORK ETHIC

AND THE ONLY LOGICAL EXPLANATION IS THEY DIDN’T HIRE YOU BECAUSE YOU TOLD THEM UPFRONT YOU NEED SLIGHT ACCOMMODATIONS FOR YOUR DISABILITY

BUT YOU CAN’T PROVE THEY DISCRIMINATED

[telsecat]

[screams]

IF YOU HATE WRITING COVER LETTERS

CLAP YOUR HANDS

[AGGRESSIVE CLAPPING]