(I'm sure you know at this point I love your writing so I hope you won't take this as criticism or any encouragement for you to question yourself) but how does it come to you, this delicate balance of challenging and trusting your instincts and the way you see your own writing? and, lately, you have been more outspoken about finding flaws and having to work into your writing plans what you believe need improvements and rewriting, is it something that has been changing as you progressively write more and learn more? does the process bother you? (i feel like i've typed too many words without getting to the point because the question is unclear, so i apologize for rambling if nothing makes sense)
how does it come to you, this delicate balance of challenging and trusting your instincts and the way you see your own writing?
in order to continue on to the next chunk of writing, or to deem something post-worthy, there's some arbitrary point of critical mass in my head. and i just have to sit around and wait for that point to be reached, basically.
it's like a fucking orgasm.
if i sit for six hours and write continuously and i have a kind of flow to everything, it's damn near linear. almost like how i wrote the first three chapters of rhythm, it just goes and goes and goes and then at the end i barely edit and i post it all and it feels GOOD and RIGHT and i don't wanna change a THING because i wasn't thinking too hard about any of it. it was all just moving steadily from hindbrain to real brain to fingers to screen.
if i write part of something, and then i get stuck, that means there's eomething blocking the flow. something's not right with what i've written, a decision or a character or a setup or whatever. so i just need to run the river at it until something moves or collapses or dissolves--or i fucking wake up in the morning with an idea slapping me in the face.
that happens sometimes. sometimes with my job, as a programmer, sometimes with narratives about millionaire racecar boys whining. ya never know.
it happened with my dark star, back in january. i, no joke, went to get coffee with my husband at a coffee shop across town one morning and said "IT'S FUCKING SEBASTIAN" and had to explain myself for 15 minutes why i said that.
it has also happened with silver linings. but i shan't spoil that.
SOMETIMES, not as often, i can't write anything at all. just straight nothing. this is how i panicked when i was given the original ask for rhythm (that i ended up writing the first chapter of silver livings for).
i spent over a month just sitting on my hands because....... brain no do it. brain no want to write george and max. brain no like it. brain not get it.
so if i can't figure it out, i just fucking wait. i sit there, exactly like this ->
and wait for the process to finish behind the scenes.
in tired wings, i did this for a couple chapters. i wrote that shit so completely out of order, it's insane. u can ask my mom, @spoilofwar, i didn't write a single fucking thing in order. it was hideous.
baku is the example i'll go with, though. i didn't have a fucking thing written for that chapter. i had the summer shutdown chapter written with shibari in max's apartment in monaco while kelly takes the girls to brazil, a totally fictionalized trip i had made up in my mind, much earlier in george and max’s relationship.
i find out, oh shit, oh fuck, kelly actually DID take the girls to brazil in october, after austin, irl.
so i cut out shibari into its own chapter. i cut out all the max apartment content (max feeding the kitties, playing on the sim, max cooking, ice cream in bed, To Catch A Thief) into its own chapter, after austin, since that's when the brazil trip happens. i move all the max saying goodbye to the girls content into the austin chapter since the entire plot for the austin chapter is not going to be finished by the deadline anyway (and is still sitting in my fucking drafts augh)
okay, so. i'm looking at the shibari scene, i'm looking at max bottoming for the first time, and i'm like, this isn't right, this can't go here, it can't happen late in fucking october. this is a disaster. i'm fucked. i'm going to have to completely move this shit.
baku continues to sit empty.
now i've got this empty-ass smut scene with all this cute fucking fluff waiting down after austin. i ask Squid,
squid fills me in on max's bizarre proclivities irl for spilling his secrets via twitch burner accounts and i am LOCKED TF IN. after much research and several hours of gooning later, we have a scene of max reverently dripping wax over george's angelic figure, not unhinged at all.
love them.
ok. baku still empty. this was feb 11, the original gax fest submission deadline was feb 14 @ 8pm, then they extended it to feb 21 @ 8pm.
i comb through the socials again. max visits the red bull factory in milton keyes before baku, in september.
bingo.
fictional george apartment established in silverstone chapter is 20 minutes away.
shibari scene, first time bottoming, moves back to september, in silverstone instead of monaco, we're back on. it's fucking sickfic time.
i had started writing baku sickfic for anon request MONTHS ago with rhythm george and max (aka from rhythm max pov) and that shit stopped flowing somewhere after max shows up in baku and gets to george's room for the first time, starting to take care of him. just could not make myself write another word after that. something was wrong. it wasn't good, it wasn't working, something wasn't clicking.
and i waited fucking months lol.
but then, now, i take this fucking fic and plop it into baku chapter and rewrite the whole thing from tired wings max perspective which is completely fucking different from rhyhtm max, and suddenly i can write so much, everything is working again, nothing is blocked, all is fine.
i even figured out that i'd mathed my days wrong and needed to write a whole extra day in baku, which was initially very stressful, and that didn't even slow me down. i spent six weeks unable to touch this fucking chapter and then all of a sudden i have the whole thing worked out because i waited long enough for the puzzle pieces to magically click for me in the background.
obviously it doesn't always work like that. and as i've said, that chapter is actually broken in an important way, and it kills me to have it out there in that state because i was so happy to get it into a working one.
but yeah.
has (working rewriting into my plans) been changing as i progressively write more and learn more?
never did i ever plan on rewriting shit. that was never something i expected to want to do. i never thought i'd ever have the balls to reread what i'd written, as i've admitted. now that i not only reread, but reread multiple times with different lenses and lots of time in between readings, my god. i find so many things i want to fix, i want to redo, i want another crack at.
i want things to be impactful! it's not a perfectionist thing. nothing can ever be perfect. but if i can think of twisting something a little, or see a style thing that i want to match for consistency, it'll drive me nuts.
i don't have rewriting budgeted with all the fics i want to work on. currently i am overloaded and extremely upset about it. i have too many fics to work on and too many things i want to rewrite, so i have to shelve the rewriting because i know that's less important on the whole and only really benefits me, in the end. but it makes me sad that things aren't in the best state they could be in.
i can feel it tearing away my flesh, i can feel the burnout happening, and i can't make myself hide my Smut Machine 9000. i can't not get my phone out first thing in the morning and do a little editing when i've gotten comments overnight from a friend in another timezone. there's a self control issue happening, but there's also... like......... clinical depression at play.
i want to release things, so so badly. i have max and nico chapter 2 ready to go. i have a chapter cut for my dark star, if i wanted to make that into a chaptered thing. i have drafts going for so many fricking things it's not even funny. i can't be doing all of this at once but
it. sure. beats. the. hell. out. of. whatever. i. feel. most. days.
my style and my process continue to evolve with time. i hope that continues because it means i continue to grow, to expand my writing muscles, learning new ways of doing things. i want to be able to wind my way around ideas and words and feelings without getting as stuck or for as long.
maybe someday i won't get stuck at all and i won't have to play the waiting game anymore.
i love writing. i love drafting, i love iterating, i LOVE editing, i love beta reading, i motherfucking LOVEEEE microwaving, whether it's on discord with @spoilofwar or @choneysuns or @kitteyrenlover or @polif1 or @ladyofthebears or The Squid Of The Lake, or anons who send me asks on Tumblr, or people who DM me posts just to send me panting emojis suggestively in a caveman-esque suggestion of what i should do with the content.
yall are the best. i would love to be that person who could live in a vacuum and fill up emotional notebooks with pages and pages of tiny perfect handwriting of self-contained microwaving, but that doesn't get me off in the slightest. i only like doing this with/for you guys.
sorry. i don't mean that in, like, a group sex way. i mean, i do. if you're into that. but i mean, like, it's the community interaction aspect that i truly love.
like, @wrenwracing who comments on every motherfucking thing i post on ao3 regardless of ship. like, Squid who has taken a month to read tired wings because she savours the long chapters (she also requested carlos/checo tiddy fucking)
@ladyofthebears was the original biggest fan, reading every word i wrote, regardless of ship. it actually caused overlap when i asked her to beta lol, i would occasionally write something a little too similar to something i’d already written for another fic 🫠 crossing the streams
@kitteyrenlover who invited me to the strollonso council, who microwaves with me freak4freak about baseball nando, about puppy lance, about dinner parties, about the most deliciously wholesome topics. truly amazing human.
@spoilofwar, my brother, my keeper, my (max) bible thumper, who was invested enough in cheating max to go all in on tired wings concept with me and microwave every day for WEEKS ON END, rereading 160k words dozens of times as i rewrote. sending me new research, new wrinkles, new photos of max to keep me motivated through my days of writing like a maniac. twas a hand-holding most could only ever dream of having, and for a project of that scope, having someone with as much knowledge and investment (and it fucking helps she’s a writer, too) shit was ideal.
tired wings would’ve been so much shorter if she hadn’t enabled me. and i mean that with all connotations. so yeah, like, once that project was done, OF COURSE the microwave keeps spinning, and if it just so happened to spit out max and nico who am i to complain? i’m gonna fucking write it. shit’s compelling.
and of course tiny pink anon, who live blogs reading through my gax chapters to my endless delight, who sends me good fic, who sends me good posts on the side. i begged once for a request from you, dude, because you truly mean the world to me. aint nobody out here asking me questions like this. you’ve cared since the beginning and im always glad to hear from you, and always grateful for your kindness.
p.s. u never ask too much shut the fuck up ur questions make me feel so nice pls send me more all of the time i feel so important
thoughts on who kimi would ask to his first winners room, if you ever heard of the concept?
who would kimi want to serve him in a sexual manner after he’d won? my goodness what a concept. kimi’s such an innocent lad. i couldn’t possibly—
admittedly my first thought was that he’d ask max so they could keep talking about tyre stints on the sofa and he could watch max’s hands with shining eyes while he just… *boop* slowly eased max’s shirt off, latching on while max continued to talk at him, explaining where he found grip and where the tyres died and how the battery sucked and how the race start sucked and kimi would just sucksucksuck
but eventually max would get tired of kimi focusing on just one side and he’d want to lie down so he’d push kimi off so they could move to the bed, and max would lie on his other side, and kimi would lie facing him, you know, so he wouldn’t choke on his own ambitions while he wrapped his perfect mouth around max’s other tit, not even having taken his clothes off at this point.
but he’d be so hard against max’s thigh, and his eyes would be glassy, totally hazy with it. and he’d be good, he’d be respectful about it, he wouldn’t ask or pester or beg like some would, kimi wouldn’t dare.
kimi would just leak into his underwear like a good boy and hump max’s thigh until two things happen that sort of push kimi past the point of no return, see, i imagine him feeling max just as hard, easy.
i mean. max’s got a hot, young, winning italian worshipping his tits and humping his thigh—yeah, i’d be throbbing too.
but it’s when kimi’s tongue makes max whimper that i think kimi’s mind changes. at that point i think he goes from reverent, respectful, a little bit frightened, to desperately shoving down his and max’s racing suits—to pushing max over onto his back, to spreading those thighs he’s admired so much, to eating him out, to pressing in his greedy fingers, to shoving himself in too soon—too greedy, too hungry.
he’d been worked up for so long at that point. it wasn’t his fault that max whimpered.
and max doesn’t fucking help matters, moaning like that, saying his name all hoarse and breathy and panting like una piccola troietta…
and it’s fine, right? it’s fine, kimi doesn’t even last, too worked up to make it good, to fuck max properly. he’s coming before he can even set a rhythm beyond fast, his eyes rolling back in his head and gasping mam—max’s name and his come leaking over them both.
did u ask me this because u wanted me to write this porn, probably not. is this what i thought about longingly after shanghai, yes. yall thought i was thinking sweet thoughts of gax holding hands on the plane but no. sadly no.
twas kimi and dubcon and rawdoggin his mommy without really prepping him, half feral with want, mouth red and wet and swollen after sucking max’s soul out through through his tiddies for an extended stint in the first half
— First things first: One minute of silence for my friend, G. W. R., for how hard it was to get his dick inside the most desperate bottom in the world, god only knows his strength and we all praise his determination and resilience. Fuck you, max, for making his life hard!!!! Jesus, what the fuck was that entire scene, why do I get involved in Erin’s mess, like I need to be punished for max being, actually there’s a word for it in Portuguese but like it’s not really something usual in my vocabulary but it’s perfect, anyway, i hope it will come up sometime, but let's just say max took his sweet ass time and everyone had to deal with it, such power in such a strong body, such impressive (i loved it so much i cried, pls dont judge)
— that said, I'd like to apologize for the language in the previous ask, I needed more softening up at the end there, even if i did expect something less than optimal given you said i'd hate it and the song and the general attachment to family. I don't hate it, but i am hurt (because SOMEONE wrote hurtful things.)
let me do the rest in kind of chronological order, sorry if some of it doesn't make sense
— So many parallels and they always get my chest tight, one thing that got to me from the start was Max feeling like an outsider and how he seemed to be projecting on lily, even though her parents are nothing like his, and how he wants her to be like him. I kept reading everything from the first few chapters as foreshadowing, and I'd like a second read to coment on it, but it always felt like a step forward for him to approach issues with himself rather than george from learning, i understand george's reactions in the way they are different but coming from the change in behavior from kp, does it make sense? i think no.......... hm
— George met and held his gaze. “I think you hate losing more than you like winning.” (Omg that’s actually so true, the first loser thing seems to bother him immensely) >>>> this turning out to be a ciclic thing...... your mind, save g from your mean fingers please
— Biblically accurate max is properly fucked in the head max im learning like i'm reading this thinking hmmmm its rhythm max but worse, i can blame jos + kp for fucking his self steem, this is very promising
— Max's entire reaction to g's overreacting to the kimi crash is diabolical, soooo fucking good
— George stared at him. “…Fuck,” he said quietly, releasing Max like it took effort. (George not resisting the minimal gives is like a drug to me, just right into my vein)
— The entire conversation starting with "I want to have sex with you" thrown away LIKE NOTHING makes me wanna punch max and laugh at his face in no particular order, pitiful, what do you mean you don’t bottom, darling boy, lying to George’s face like that, incredible things happening (I started a tally and ended up wanting to puch him in the face only 52 different times, max makes me stressed)
— He took what pill!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate men Jesus I have so much trauma with this I do hope my ex boyfriend tried bottoming to give himself a chance to be happy (the pill thing.......... i wish he had told george about it, it was stressing me so much)
— George teasing max about being subtle as if he didn’t take one look at max and kissed him with barely any invitation let’s not judge the cues you’re following here
— max cutely hinting at wanting more kisses >>>>>>>> my dreams do come true
— what do i say about rupert........ first, he is also to blame for this mess, two he is forgiven for ending up with the information of max's heart spykes, aleix on the other hand, is a saint
— Them making out saved my life (love that this was immediately followed by:)
— This might be the cruelest thing you’ve ever written and I think earth angel is hell, so
— Max hesitated. Every sensible part of him screamed don’t. (so like no particular part then?)
— G as usual doing a lot of heavy lifting for Maxie’s self esteem
— I died at the shower scene and hired Chico Xavier to psychograph my thoughts while I read the rest from after life
— OMG shut up about the shorts mate why make it illegal and punish me because you cannot control yourself be for real
— “It is barely a surprise,” Max said. “You can hardly shut up.” (And, are you doing much better? why is maxie so brave sometimes and such a p*ssy others!!!!!! (i love him with my entire heart)
— Should add one punch for each time max uses the word supposed
— There was a small moment there were I was freaking out over his ability to have sex with george without ciallis, but then he used it on the dubcon scene soooo
— Breaking the rules on their first encounter I cannot take them seriously
— Max leaned back against the pillows, considering him. “You of course didn’t take anything,” he said. “I gave it.” (I’m sorry why is he perfect? I want one for me)
— Turns out g really is therapy, I love him so much!!!!!!!!!!
— His wallet was all he was good for, apparently. (I hate this, he was so sure of his place in her life before, I loved how he talked about her not needing him, but wanting and then........ that was very mean, darling)
(Maxie, you’re so smart and precious and lovely I love you)
— “I lost my home race” max says to George, like an asshole, when will silverstone stop hurting
— How are you kind of married and in a non contract and dating at the same time like are they blind or stupid
— If you wanted me to dislike kp, you got it, erin :D
— Jesus Christ, you don’t do things in halves, do you? Dubcon twice in as many chapters, Max is killing me here
— I’m sorry they are talking about kinks and darling boy is thinking about making George smile, he is too good for this world, don’t let him out the door, the world does not deserve him
— The request (for penetrativ sex) feels a bit transactional I don’t know if it’s on purpose, but it seems soooo in character, so deep from max core, that i cant be upset, it just reads genuine, fuck me i guess
— I love my dear Nespresso machine, thank you very much
— Sometimes life is just me and a huge hard on for max taking care of sick George, hate that it (g being sick) keeps happening but it is so fucking precious, so we get something useful from his Victorian child immune system (shoutout to looking ever up by TheSpireSleeps, the very first russtappen fic i read, somewhat to blame for me annoying erin on this lovely sunday)
— TIL the word akimbo
— Omg g is an awful person, you come, deny kitties food, steal p’s father, steal p’s ice cream
— Hypocritical of maxie to judge Georgie for chasing his scent he doesn’t know you do the same but I doooooo
— Two times did I read max having redbull for breakfast and two times did my cerebral arteries lock my brain out of blood flow as punishment for the simple idea of it happening
— No thoughts only prayers for them walking into an adult store together, god bless America (sea chile, Argentina, Uruguay, Paraguay
— Why is Lando catching strays????? He would look cute in a collar with those puppy eyes but that is beside the point
— For all that George postures, he is allergic to the word pretty. Omg. Maxie is adorable, cute, pretty, sweet, soft, and beautifulllllll, tell him for me.
— I love that he doesn’t want to be a fuck toy during the Las Vegas mirror scene, I love that he wants the feel of being there and enjoying what he has with George
no comments after that, fuck you, erin, i love you.
extremely long tired wings lore below the cut. prepare thyself.
— First things first: One minute of silence for my friend, G. W. R., for how hard it was to get his dick inside the most desperate bottom in the world, god only knows his strength and we all praise his determination and resilience. Fuck you, max, for making his life hard!!!! Jesus, what the fuck was that entire scene, why do I get involved in Erin’s mess, like I need to be punished for max being, actually there’s a word for it in Portuguese but like it’s not really something usual in my vocabulary but it’s perfect, anyway, i hope it will come up sometime, but let's just say max took his sweet ass time and everyone had to deal with it, such power in such a strong body, such impressive (i loved it so much i cried, pls dont judge)
> It’s not like i could put in the tags “max is such a bottom he belongs at the bottom of the sea, but he’s completely fucking blind to it” because that defeats the whole purpose of the fic, so ppl just have to see the switching tags and fucking jump in. bro was not mentally prepared for this journey and it took him a while to get there
— that said, I'd like to apologize for the language in the previous ask, I needed more softening up at the end there, even if i did expect something less than optimal given you said i'd hate it and the song and the general attachment to family. I don't hate it, but i am hurt (because SOMEONE wrote hurtful things.)
let me do the rest in kind of chronological order, sorry if some of it doesn't make sense
> anyone who finished tired wings is entitled to emotional compensation in the form of fic work that they enjoy, be it a chapter of an existing fic or a new request. I understand what havoc i have wreaked, i will pay my reparations. U need only tell me what u require and i shall provide. I can pay ur therapy bill? foot rub? i’ll peel ur oranges????
ur previous ask #0 - the first one, the aggressive one that i loved
ur previous ask #1 - i reanswered these here
ur previous ask #2
ur previous ask #3
— So many parallels and they always get my chest tight, one thing that got to me from the start was Max feeling like an outsider and how he seemed to be projecting on lily, even though her parents are nothing like his, and how he wants her to be like him. I kept reading everything from the first few chapters as foreshadowing, and I'd like a second read to coment on it, but it always felt like a step forward for him to approach issues with himself rather than george from learning, i understand george's reactions in the way they are different but coming from the change in behavior from kp, does it make sense? i think no.......... hm
> this max is very people-pleaser oriented. sort of the total opposite of rhythm max in that regard. when something is awry, he feels it’s his responsibility to fix things somehow, because he’s usually the one with the power to do so. rhythm max didn’t feel he had control over his circumstances and therefore lashed out and was a freak. this max’s repression was just expressed differently :)
— ch 1: planned
> first and fucking foremost. max cares about lily and P equally and is very clear about trying to be supportive and helpful to Penelope in addition to being a good dad to lily. his usage of “bonus dad” never fails to endear me. he seems incredibly respectful of daniil and p seems to adore max.
> this chapter includes my interpretation of the stress of trying to get pregnant as i’ve watched several women in my life try for years and struggle with infertility in various forms, miscarriages, (specifically because kelly said lily was a rainbow baby) and the lasting effects on their romantic relationships. my best friend specifically and her journey to/through/after her first pregnancy—i relied upon heavily for this fic. hers is whose perspective i wrote from when i wrote about learning a new language while waiting for someone else to start speaking it with her.
> daniil being stuck in russia for a stint during covid was brutal, and his reunion with P is one of the sweetest photos. max’s perspective on being a bonus dad continues to amaze me and i wanted to include as much as i could on this subject when there’s very little to go off of, and i didn’t want to characterize daniil when he’s not really in the spotlight anymore (seemingly by choice)
> kelly being stressed by her ex despite what appears to be an amiable custody arrangement seemed very natural to me. she seems like the type to never speak to her exes again, and being forced to speak to daniil regularly seems like it would be deeply uncomfortable to her and i could clearly imagine it driving her to taking her stress out on others in small ways.
— ch 2: barcelona
> used all the radio transcripts for all the races, george is such an opportunistic fuck. max lwk insane. i liked a version of george who bit back but mostly just thought max was insane
— ch 3: co-sleeping
> some mothers are more on board with co-sleeping than others. but dutch mothers are more likely to not. mama max and his data do not like the numbers of positional asphyxiation.
max checking the baby monitor obsessively like a good mother
sleeping separately makes sense for lots of couples. including professional athletes who get up at odd times or who have really strict sleep schedules. i don’t sleep in the same bedroom as my husband. he gets the main bedroom and bathroom, i get the guest room. a couple years into us living together when he started getting up hella early to run, i was grateful to not be woken up by it
— ch 4: montreal
— George met and held his gaze. “I think you hate losing more than you like winning.” (Omg that’s actually so true, the first loser thing seems to bother him immensely) >>>> this turning out to be a ciclic thing...... your mind, save g from your mean fingers please
> the pain he seems to inflict on himself when he deems it his fault……. aughhhhhhhh. actually highkey this is something he and george have in common, headcanon.
I give george all kinds of nice stuff. I give him bottom max, and…uh… bottom max…. and.. um….. Bottom max
— Biblically accurate max is properly fucked in the head max im learning like i'm reading this thinking hmmmm its rhythm max but worse, i can blame jos + kp for fucking his self steem, this is very promising
> what self esteem? I didn’t put no self esteem in this man? where did u see any of that
— ch 5: spielberg
> radios are accurate again. I fucking love how max freaks out before he realizes it’s kimi lol
— Max's entire reaction to g's overreacting to the kimi crash is diabolical, soooo fucking good
> “What the fuck did you do to kimi” “hot” “WHAT” “u gonna fuck me about it”
lwk just had that art in my mind’s eye of russtappen like george holding his jaw like don’t save him that’s his boyfriend and he’s exactly where he wants to be rn
— George stared at him. “…Fuck,” he said quietly, releasing Max like it took effort. (George not resisting the minimal gives is like a drug to me, just right into my vein)
> you would have to drag me away from sucking the man’s toes so i mean, can we blame george, can we, truly, no we cannot. no
austria and spa being max’s worst races by far and also the only two races with no GP feels like a sign from the universe lwk
always loved max with rico. couldn’t help myself stitching in just a teeny gay awakening with him back in holland for funsies. additionally. i wanted to emphasize that max didn’t like kissing, not really, beforehand, that it had lost excitement for him, and that kissing george was expected to feel wrong, to feel bad, to make him feel shitty because that’s what kissing has become for him now, with everything negative entangled with his physically relationship with kelly. when kissing george doesn’t carry all of that, it kind of breaks his brain. just a little.
— ch 6: maintenance
> almost entirely my own personal experience of meeting my husband who is 9 years older than i am, when i was 20. max’s thoughts about kelly were what i thought when i met my husband:
e.g. “...strikingly beautiful. She was older and polished in a way that made rooms settle around her.” stupid husband was so beautiful to my eyes the first time i saw him
“She hadn’t been clingy like Roos—” {quick shout out to the maintainer of the kelly piquet master timeline for identifying that max was likely seeing roos at the time of The Magical Night and for the sources that suggest heavily that max and kelly went home together that night anyway} “—calling him love, making demands of him they both knew he couldn’t fulfill. Kelly didn’t need anything from him, not his attention, not his validation, not his future.” stupid husband could do his own laundry, file his taxes, owned his own house, had a job and prospects and hobbies and didn’t NEED anything from me–-hella attractive to me when i was dating this guy who needed my help with goddamn EVERYTHING
“That had mattered more to him than he’d understood at the time. She was independent in the way he’d always wanted to be, self-sufficient, composed, untouched by the chaos that followed him everywhere. With her, he didn’t feel hunted or used or managed.”
even down to the first night we hung out when i got insanely drunk and he was terrified i was going to get sick. like, that chapter is my story, verbatim. except nelson piquet jr is there.
— ch 7: silverstone
> sex that has become transactional, procedural, for couples trying to get pregnant is a common struggle. i wanted that to muddy max’s waters because that’s super fucking normal, but him not liking sex with his partner at all before that isn’t, but he doesn’t know the difference gahhhhhh
— The entire conversation starting with "I want to have sex with you" thrown away LIKE NOTHING makes me wanna punch max and laugh at his face in no particular order, pitiful, what do you mean you don’t bottom, darling boy, lying to George’s face like that, incredible things happening (I started a tally and ended up wanting to puch him in the face only 52 different times, max makes me stressed)
> blunt dutch FREAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
ur so right though that this entire convo should’ve clued george in immediately wow so interesting that his freak dutch behavior and also being max verstappen didn’t weird george out it’s almost as if something intrigued him enough to say yes wow interesting
— He took what pill!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate men Jesus I have so much trauma with this I do hope my ex boyfriend tried bottoming to give himself a chance to be happy (the pill thing.......... i wish he had told george about it, it was stressing me so much)
> pill content in the gutters of my extra stuff i wanted to add to…………….. stuff i didn’t get to emphasize in time before posting……………. pill max my beloved
— George teasing max about being subtle as if he didn’t take one look at max and kissed him with barely any invitation let’s not judge the cues you’re following here
> george is nothing if not a grade-A hypocrite we love him for it kiss that boy please he needs it desperately
— max cutely hinting at wanting more kisses >>>>>>>> my dreams do come true
> HE NEEDS THEM DESPERATELY
also, max expecting george to put a towel down bc kelly always requires there to be one bc they always fuck in her bed on her terms and she doesn’t want her anything on her sheets bc gross was just fun added seasoning
george’s hands going *wiggly* is what i call my hands going easy. @choneysuns can relate.
max debriefing after sex fucking lmfao i never tire of that man
— ch 8: loyalty
> promised The Squid Of The Lake i would put in max&checo content to this fic for her day of birth. max canonically mentions at spa that he can’t wait to see checo next year so i decided to kill birds with stones and have max talk to checo about christian leaving AND about checo’s new gig with cadillac in the same phone call. i love them together.
> also decided to put in the toto sardinia content alongside because this is when it all went down. these things clashing at the same time in max’s head while he was struggling with his own ideas of loyalty seemed like the perfect juxtaposition
— ch 9: sardinia
> the idea that max wouldn’t like merc because of toto’s simping made sense to me. max liked kelly because she acted above him. toto simping is exactly what he doesn’t want. mistreating george to boot, acting like he’s disposable, is just disrespectful. it made sense that max would just let sleeping dogs lie after all that upheaval
— ch 10: correlation
— what do i say about rupert........ first, he is also to blame for this mess, two he is forgiven for ending up with the information of max's heart spykes, aleix on the other hand, is a saint
> the physios man, they are the glue holding this fic together lwk. we need to see their gc really to understand the other side of this tale tbh
— ch 11: spa
> another race without gp. another bad time for max. shocking.
> max and kelly’s pics in belgium with max’s mom and sister and fam with lily…. they look so tired, man. new baby, kinda bad race weekend, P’s birthday… shit had to be immense.
— ch 14: budapest
— Them making out saved my life (love that this was immediately followed by:)
> sometimes i worry that i write too much kissing. one comment a year saves a life
— This might be the cruelest thing you’ve ever written and I think earth angel is hell, so
> buuuuuuuuuut it turns out ok because george is nice and caring and sweet and also we love them
also, the original microwave, the first one ever for tired wings included george eating max out until he cried so that was a concept but i changed it to be a bit more than that. cuz i like to do this. i cry when i come. just for fun.
— Max hesitated. Every sensible part of him screamed don’t. (so like no particular part then?)
> none. none sensibility contained in the max
— G as usual doing a lot of heavy lifting for Maxie’s self esteem
> AS PER FUCKING USUAL
— I died at the shower scene and hired Chico Xavier to psychograph my thoughts while I read the rest from after life
> fun fact i wrote the shower scene to occur after silverstone (part of it anyway) and later decided it was too Relationship-y and moved it out further
— ch 15: running
— OMG shut up about the shorts mate why make it illegal and punish me because you cannot control yourself be for real
> he is physically incapable of controlling himself, we have established this, nod nod
— ch 16: terms and conditions
— “It is barely a surprise,” Max said. “You can hardly shut up.” (And, are you doing much better? why is maxie so brave sometimes and such a p*ssy others!!!!!! (i love him with my entire heart)
> his sass is so funny and also inconsistent. he can be such a little shit but also such a sweetie and i like to imagine that he is just trying to avoid blushing in this moment because he wants george to talk dirty to him all the time, he loves george’s words and how they affect him
— Should add one punch for each time max uses the word supposed
> that’s a lot of punching, my dude. maxie is already getting a lot of hits
— There was a small moment there were I was freaking out over his ability to have sex with george without ciallis, but then he used it on the dubcon scene soooo
> WELP
— Breaking the rules on their first encounter I cannot take them seriously
> these fucking freaks i cannot write them seriously either they just get their mouths on each other and their brains go right out the fucking window man
— ch 17: therapy
previous ask where i talk about being a bonus parent
previous ask where i tell a funny story about overfeeding
max aligning red bull cans that made me put his personality into P
— ch 18: allowed
— Max leaned back against the pillows, considering him. “You of course didn’t take anything,” he said. “I gave it.” (I’m sorry why is he perfect? I want one for me)
> gagging crying screaming every time i read this scene, at how max is tangled up inside but he’s not upset with george, i wanted to portray this so delicately
— ch 19: weakness
— Turns out g really is therapy, I love him so much!!!!!!!!!!
> I tried to balance this one out better than i did rhythm, i know george in rhythm is kinda……… too well adjusted and like, perfect boyfie material without ever asking much of max. I tried to include more content
— His wallet was all he was good for, apparently. (I hate this, he was so sure of his place in her life before, I loved how he talked about her not needing him, but wanting and then........ that was very mean, darling)
(Maxie, you’re so smart and precious and lovely I love you
> the worst takes come out when he drinks, headcanon. he doesn’t think like that 99% of the time. he doesn’t want to, doesn’t want to confront what is plainly spelled out, but when he’s raw and split open like this it’s impossible not to
— ch 20: zandvoort
> wanted very much to include the most heartbreaking radio message i’d heard of max’s during the season (before abu dhabi ofc)… asking about lance’s wrists just killed me. either because he worried about lance because of his continued issues with his injury or because of daniel’s injury in the same place, or because he’s just familiar with how dangerous the banks are at zandvoort, who’s to say. but it killed me and i had to write just a smidge of max/lance because they’ve known each other forever and they have that unique thing in common where they both were overshadowed by their fathers before they made names for themselves.
also shoutout to no door. fucking iconic
also shoutout to charles on the dunes. fucking iconic
— “I lost my home race” max says to George, like an asshole, when will silverstone stop hurting
> he IS an asshole, too used to winning to see what’s right in front of his face. poor georgie. pls let george win silverstone 2026. my heart can’t take another year of him spinning out or dnfing. it’s his year. I stg if kimi wins it i’m going to—
— How are you kind of married and in a non contract and dating at the same time like are they blind or stupid
> this is why he has a raymond to manage his contracts. aint no way that boy knows how the fuck to manage himself or his life
— ch 21: monza
> oh how sweet monza felt. real radio transcripts again. listening to the hope returning in max’s voice, the elation, GP actually sounding excited…. augh it’s contagious
small shout-out to max’s watching the screens here.
no, really, he’s watching the race as much as we are.
loser.
small line from tommy boy, a very funny movie, here too.
— ch 22: devotion
— If you wanted me to dislike kp, you got it, erin :D
> she made this worse for herself by posting all that fucking shit while i was writing tbh. the new years dump where she talked about when they first met and how he told her the day after that she was the love of his life?????? as a teenager? i wish you could’ve seen the rage. the microwave was angry that day, my friends.
— Jesus Christ, you don’t do things in halves, do you? Dubcon twice in as many chapters, Max is killing me here
> OH BOY OH BOY
yes ppl pay attention to tags, read them, imprint them into your brains bc when i say dub con i mean it i am not kidding this was real and also exceedingly uncomfortable to write
— ch 23: used
> I really wanted to walk the line here showing how fucking awful max feels about using people but that he absolutely is doing that at all times and that he’s going to extreme lengths to compartmentalize his emotions to avoid thinking about it directly because the guilt would eat him alive. admitting to himself that he needs anything would kill him, admitting he treats people like things would kill him. but both are true. he knows it, underneath it all, and it hurts. and george knows too, but he loves max anyway.
— ch 24: safe
max visiting the factory before baku
— I’m sorry they are talking about kinks and darling boy is thinking about making George smile, he is too good for this world, don’t let him out the door, the world does not deserve him
> maybe george should just trap him and keep him and maybe all these problems will go away. maybe that’s how we solve tired wings on the whole
wanted to mention max’s favorite color being royal blue so that i could have a stupid joke contrasting it with george’s sky blue.
— The request (for penetrativ sex) feels a bit transactional I don’t know if it’s on purpose, but it seems soooo in character, so deep from max core, that i cant be upset, it just reads genuine, fuck me i guess
> max only knows how to be good for partners :( he’s spent his entire childhood trying to please his father, and the majority of his adult life trying to fit his partner, and he wants love and acceptance like anyone else but he really only knows how to provide, how to do things. and he expects he’s only going to get love and affection if he offers things first.
— ch 25: baku
— I love my dear Nespresso machine, thank you very much
> it was a keurig, thank you very much. ur nespresso is perfectly acceptable
— Sometimes life is just me and a huge hard on for max taking care of sick George, hate that it (g being sick) keeps happening but it is so fucking precious, so we get something useful from his Victorian child immune system (shoutout to looking ever up by TheSpireSleeps, the very first russtappen fic i read, somewhat to blame for me annoying erin on this lovely sunday)
> love thespiresleeps, haven’t read that fic!!! i will go read it. this was my first time writing something like a sickfic and i couldn’t tell if this was how it was supposed to be done. spire knows how to do sickfics
the original anon who requested a proper sickfic
— ch 27: singapore
singapore radio
— ch 28: trainers
> collected a massive amount of photos of max working out to show to husband. asked him to help me identify what shoes max was wearing to get an idea of what max’s workout shoe taste was like. husband loses his shit laughing. “what’s so funny?” i ask. he’s wearing vaporflys, he says. “so?” i know that they are nikes. I know they’re nice shoes, relatively expensive. So what?
they’re really nice running shoes. it’s ludicrous to weightlift in them. he’s exclusively weightlifting in really fancy running shoes, probably because he gets them for free, to his own detriment. it would be like running in heeled lifting shoes. it’s just not meant for that and it’s a lot easier to get hurt that way
ok so max is silly about shoes. got it. “if he were buying his boyfriend fancy adidas running shoes, he would get the strungs, right?” no, it would be the evo pros. “but those aren’t even for training. those wouldn’t last him more than a month.” exactly. and when they wear out he’ll just buy another pair. “oh my god.”
<edit: the evo pro 3s, released right before the 2026 london marathon, are the shoes worn by the two men who broke the two hour barrier in the marathon which has never before been done in a road race.>
— ch 29: austin
previous ask where i talk about fucking up the timing of kelly brazil trip
lily dressed up for austin
kelly’s story about flying straight to brazil after
— ch 30: tonight
previous ask where i tell of how i learned about max’s waxplay
max being into waxplay
— TIL the word akimbo
> akimbo is too fun a word. we have to learn lots of fun words
— Omg g is an awful person, you come, deny kitties food, steal p’s father, steal p’s ice cream
> kitties get soft dutch attention bc of george, though. And we needed george teasing max about the kitties bc george doesn’t have pets. he doesn’t understand the slavery of typical cat owner to cats. george and max both deserve the guillotine for stealing p’s ice cream though.
— Hypocritical of maxie to judge Georgie for chasing his scent he doesn’t know you do the same but I doooooo
> they’re both scent freaks. max is an unreliable narrator and a hypocrite to boot. he deserves nothing but the whole entire world and george’s love and affection right this second. Tired wings abo fic confirmed
— Two times did I read max having redbull for breakfast and two times did my cerebral arteries lock my brain out of blood flow as punishment for the simple idea of it happening
> i will continue writing max drinking red bull for breakfast, idc how implausible it is. it’s funny to me. i love the white peach flavor
— ch 31 las vegas
— No thoughts only prayers for them walking into an adult store together, god bless America (sea chile, Argentina, Uruguay, Paraguay
> god bless america. 🫡
— Why is Lando catching strays????? He would look cute in a collar with those puppy eyes but that is beside the point
> lando bout to catch more strays. <note, he did catch more, with the edits to las vegas> i adore him. gax needs to make fun of people bc they are petty bitches. and i have to add a joke about the disqualifications.
— For all that George postures, he is allergic to the word pretty. Omg. Maxie is adorable, cute, pretty, sweet, soft, and beautifulllllll, tell him for me.
> george should say pretty. i concur. ill add that. <edit: i did. I added that.>
— I love that he doesn’t want to be a fuck toy during the Las Vegas mirror scene, I love that he wants the feel of being there and enjoying what he has with George
> vegas smut needs additions. i will be adding to this for smut reasons. i really wanted it to feel like oh filthy fun and then to devolve into max being bared open, held to look at what he was doing and who he was doing it with and that he actually fucking loved it. self-actualized max best max <edit: I ENDED UP DOING THIS>
the post that inspired mirror sex
the anon who requested mirror sex specifically
shoutout to @choneysuns for contributing nipple clamps specifically for vegas. we would not have them if not for this request.
— no comments after that, fuck you, erin, i love you.
> wrong. I love you. I held onto this massive fucking comment for ages because i love you and i wanted to respond to all of it and i finally did so, ten years later. Thank you for reading, for taking notes while you did so. I always enjoy how affected you are by things, and how much you want to punch max. I do actually want the best for them despite how much i put them through. In this particular case, you can equally blame @spoilofwar for the pain and suffering, not just me.
“Your baseline heart rate’s higher than usual.” I’m sorry, this is so embarrassing to poor max, but there’s so much to unpack in this…….. I’d go crazy thinking about their physiotherapists figuring out if they were having sex multiple times a day during race weekend just by looking at the Apple Watch, maybe remove it before you do anything we should know less about each other for sure. Poor, poor max
max thinks that pillow was helping that night in bahrain. it wasn’t. rupert aint stupid bro. he’s just mortified
well you see i want <redacted> to put <redacted> in panties and i want <redacted> to gag <redacted> and i want <redacted> to call <redacted> babe and i want <redacted> to be a little jealous and i want—mmmFmmFfMmm! mmmmFFMMMM
sorry @spoilofwar says i can’t play anymore
i also have two AUs spinning in the microwave and uh i’m just bursting with ideas atm and i can’t focus and i need help
