prompt: gardenia (dorian/bull) - maybe something like others not realising how mutual it is from dorians side during inquisition?? bull is very open so id love to read something where dorian has to assure(?) him that he feels the same 🥺
❀ gardenia (secret love) — “i don’t love you any less just because no one else can see it.”
Cullen is not a fool, and as well as he knows Dorian cheats at chess, he also know that the talk they have over a game is always idle, never straying into something serious. That's as much on him as Dorian, both of them without saying it knowing that arguments between them would not be fun.
Not fun like the way Dorian and Iron Bull like to argue. On patrol, on expedition, at the tavern, in the garden, always bickering. Tough subjects too; qunari body slaves, mutilated mages. But there's a distance there that Cullen and Dorian cannot find; for everything Bull has done as a qun spy, he's never held a mage's leash.
Well, he wouldn't be be surprised if he has now, but that is certainly a thought only for the darkest midnight on his very lonesome, followed by shame. His own issues, not theirs.
No, it's not the same. Cullen's deeds against mages are a much sharper thing than ingrained cultural animosity. A much bloodier, heavier thing. Also his to bear, and not Dorian's.
So they don't talk about circles, or mages, or templars, beyond the broadest strokes.
"Hmm?" Dorian says, pretending to study the chess board.
"You've been training together."
"You'll have to wave the next time you're in the audience, Cullen."
"Yes, yes, quite a show," he laughs. "But today Bull took on three of my men at once with a stave. Not quite his usual choice of weapon."
"He was interested to see how to incorporate a big stick into his 'come and get me' style of fighting. He's a good study."
Dorian maybe sounds fond. And that's the thing; Cullen isn't sure. He's got eyes so he knows they're fraternising, but Bull is his peer, and the whole thing does worry him a little.
"It wasn't quite the test he usually gives my men, actually rather a poor showing. Have you... considered the influence you're having?"
Dorian's eyes snap up to his then, and Cullen knows he's stepped somewhere dangerous, issued an unspoken challenge.
"Speak plainly now, Commander."
"If you're not serious, then perhaps you could find somewhere else to.. lay your head."
"This is rather none of your business."
"You're right. Only you're doing him a disservice."
"When soldiers cavort, it's not an inherent problem. For some a strengthened bond means they fight better. Sometimes old tales hold true; fighting beside a lover makes people fight harder. Others, well, there's often a reason there's rules within a company or army about not fraternising."
"I imagine the Bull is very good at keeping the balance," Dorian says.
It's not easy to render Dorian without retort, but his look as gone from dangerous to bewildered pretty quick. Cullen takes the opportunity rendered.
"He gets distracted more, leaves himself open."
"It's isn't meant to. You are both my friends, but Bull is also a warrior, my kin on the battlefield, a fellow leader of fighting men. I just know that something is keeping his mind from the fight, and by timings, that thing is you."
"So you're issuing a no-fraternisation decree just for the two of us."
"No, I am merely sharing my concern. But I do have a better solution, if I've got the measure of things correctly."
Dorian leans back in his chair, fanning out his hands, giving Cullen the floor, as it were. Giving him room to fall on his own sword, potentially.
"If the feeling behind it would be truth, because it would backfire if it's a lie, then give him a token."
"A token, a favour, a silk handkerchief. Something he can tie to his belt or his weapon and carry into practice. So he knows that you're there, and his mind can return to the fight proper."
They don't speak for a while, making slow, ponderous chess moves. Dorian doesn't even cheat. When he speaks, it's the most unsure he's ever heard Dorian sound.
"Do you really think he doesn't know I care for him?"
"He's not stupid, by far," Cullen says. "But these things have meaning. I've seen it before, the way it steadies someone's blade arm. The way it centres them, knowing that someone is waiting. That someone loves them."
"I do," Dorian snaps, defensive. Shrinks back immediately, pressing a hand nervously to his mouth, tugging at his chin. "Love him, I mean."
Cullen laughs, and Dorian scowls at him.
"Then by the Maker, friend, tell Bull the damned thing."
"This is why your men call you a hard-arse, then."
"I don't usually get on my men about this stuff. But Bull is my comrade, and my friend, in that order. But after this is all over, I hope for the reverse to be true, which is a rare thing."
Friendship has burned him before, bowing under the strain of duty. He's very ready for that not to be the case, and here, beyond the formalities of the templar order and under something much different and strange, he hopes for something better.
"Checkmate, Commander. I'll take your words under advisement, as unsolicited as they are."
It's a risk, a foray into deeper mires of friendship than he ever thought he and Dorian would ever reach. But it's also a perfect time for that risk, with the world possibly ending.
When Bull shows up to their next joint training session with half a dragon tooth strung around his neck, he has to appreciate that Dorian is not a man who does things by half-measures. Iron Bull is on form, and beats his recruits soundly.
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