so friday night idk i was really emotional and i tried going to bed but i couldnt catch my breath and i was really upset for no reason really and my brain kept telling me i was stupid and good-for-nothing and that there was a reason i feel so forgotten all the time and i just started freaking the fuck out like full-blown nervous breakdown. i was crying so hard and i literally had no control over my hands i kept hitting myself in the head and pulling my hair and it was really scary cause i had 0 control over my actions i just kept crying and asking what was happening to me. i finally went to the bathroom and splashed ice cold water on my face and wet a washcloth to put over my face and then drank some cold water and laid down and i literally had to sleep on my hands to keep myself from hitting my head and pulling my hair again....
ive never lost control like that before it was honestly so terrifying.
but i didnt wanna tell anyone cause the people i knew were up were up because a friend was in the hospital and i figured i wouldnt add to whatever was going on....
anyway the rest of the weekend was spent recovering from this scary episode.... im so glad im going home on wednesday. i need to get out of here...