ANNOYING THINGS THEY DO WHILE TEXTING THAT MAKE YOU RETHINK THE WHOLE RELATIONSHIP
characters included: chris redfield, leon kennedy, carlos oliveira, luis serra, jack krauser, albert wesker, jake muller, william birkin + piers mention
A/N: this has been sitting in the drafts for a month idek/SFW
disclaimer: ahistoric technology yadda yadda it’s for fun
LEON KENNEDY
𖥔 uses words like dealio instead of deal in his text messages (cringe)
𖥔 most of the time replies back with nonsense just to keep the conversation going and you don’t know how to reply, but you do anyway, because you want to keep it going as well but rereading it hurts
𖥔 tries to be cool and thinks too hard making up jokes (that land 3 times out of 10) and it makes you put the phone down and rethink life, word play in every other message (was cute… for the first 2 weeks max)
𖥔 sends you random pictures and then types the message for 4 minutes for it to be just a 1-2 word description of what you can already see in the picture (???)
𖥔 sometimes deletes messages if you don’t respond fast enough and if you ask him what it was says “nothing”
𖥔 replies to your long messages with “huh?” and starts typing so you wait for an answer and then he just never sends anything else
CARLOS OLIVEIRA
𖥔 makes awful spelling mistakes, but takes time to reply properly
𖥔 autocorrection is his biggest enemy
𖥔 if you send him a string of messages, he replies to every single message separately and then sums it up in one message afterwards
𖥔 always pulls a “but hey, you’ve got me” bs if you try to vent
𖥔 texts you “Be safe!” every time you go out
𖥔 supports you going out and having fun, but will text you “how’s the evening going?” like 2 hours in… and even if you say that you’re doing great will text a “do you need me to come pick you up?” which means he wants you home and it ruins your mood for the rest of the night lowkey
ALBERT WESKER
𖥔 has two moods:
① will answer “Ok.” and “Call me.” only
② will send paragraphs of something unhinged at 2am, using big words and proper grammar, talking about his ideas and worldview out of the blue, sounding like 14 y/o in youtube comments, and if you happen to be sleep and not see them the second they arrive, will delete them in the morning (thank god)
𖥔 gets irritated if you send him any links and will not listen to voice notes
𖥔 some days when he secretly misses you will listen to some of the unopened voice notes and then you will be randomly hit with him talking about something you mentioned in a voice note two months ago and you’re confused
CHRIS REDFIELD
𖥔 uses emojis
𖥔 like lots of emojis, always three in a row
𖥔 “😂😂😂”
𖥔 uses 😔 to show that he’s mad for some reason
𖥔 uses the sunglasses emoji every time he talks about wesker😎
𖥔 doesn’t leave any space between words and emojis btw
𖥔 finds facebook memes funny and u just have to reply back with 😂🤣 and die inside
𖥔 creates groupchats for every occasion and no one ever participates in those
𖥔 asks “who is that?” if you use a reaction picture
LUIS SERRA
𖥔 hates texting
𖥔 has a million excuses as to why he didn’t see your message (he did, but he thought he’d reply later and never did)
𖥔 will flatter you with bs like “i wanted to see your face when i say that/i wanted to hear your beautiful voice” when you confront him about not communicating something via texting
𖥔 doesn’t even feel bad about it
𖥔 will text you if he’s feeling freaky though and suddenly has all the time in the world for his phone
𖥔 will send voice messages where you can hardly hear what he’s saying and when you tell him you didn’t hear a thing, he doesn’t clarify
𖥔 sends you outfit checks with diabolical angles that make his legs look small and you’re forced to compliment it
JAKE MULLER
𖥔 surprisingly texts more than he talks
𖥔 is more genuine in his text messages
𖥔 will literally text you as you’re in the next room
𖥔 uses sweet nicknames in chats that he never has the guts to say out loud irl
𖥔 will type things like “my precious bunny” if you vent to him, but irl calls you “bro”
𖥔 you blocked him once mid argument and he texts you “did you block me again?” for years after
JACK KRAUSER
𖥔 corrects your grammar
𖥔 doesn’t use correct grammar himself
𖥔 insists you call him instead of texting if you accuse him of ignoring your text
𖥔 tells you not to call him if it’s not super urgent if you do call him
𖥔 has a rose emoji 🌹 next to your name in his contacts though and would have you as his lock screen if he knew how to do it
𖥔 checks your online status regularly and gets mad if you’re online and not responding, but never brings it up, just gets moody
WILLIAM BIRKIN
𖥔 emails you all bills and taxes bc he has no time to deal with it (you manage all the money anyway)
𖥔 also emails you links to research papers with no explanation
𖥔 uses your email address as a personal folder and will send you things he needs to access later so you don’t even bother to check them
𖥔 sometimes will leave tiny notes at the bottom but you wouldn’t know bc you never check them
𖥔 doesn’t have a personal smartphone, his shit has buttons and a green screen
(i can’t add more images so pretend it’s a divider)
PIERS NIVANS
𖥔 gets a pass, not annoying when texting
𖥔 got told to put his phone down at work bc he was texting you fresh gossip though more than one time
plagas leon but he looks normal until u have sex and the veins on that dick start looking suspicious but ur like aight his diet is shit it makes sense but then it turns black and you’re like what in the std hell and u look up and he’s got black veins all over his face and you’re like
If the RE men are scared of things (screw what capcom say about Leon not being scared about things) what do you think they would be scared of?
this is so interesting! idk if i’m the right person to handle this question but if we are talking ab more ‘shallow’ fears, not the deep character study of what they are fundamentally afraid of, here’s what i think:
Chris Redfield
𖥔 he feels uneasy around certain textures and any dusty residue, not outwardly scared, but tries to leave and not be around the source of discomfort for longer than necessary + people gargling, it reminds him of a death rattle
Leon Kennedy
𖥔 insects, especially small ones. they trigger him and he jerks more than he would like if he feels/sees them near, and muddy water
Carlos Oliveira
𖥔 he’s lowkey claustrophobic. not just because of his obsession with doors. he spent his time in raccoon city feeling trapped and trying to find a way out and every time he found himself in narrow spaces, something horrifying happened. so he always looks for a way out when he walks somewhere
Luis Serra
𖥔 me when i get that strap certain smells that remind him of home and his work at umbrella. he smokes a lot because the smell of cigarettes is grounding. also heights. skyscrapers with huge glass walls make his skin crawl
Jack Krauser
𖥔 clowns. he’s afraid of being lied to, not having the upper hand and clowns terrify us because they are unpredictable to the subconscious. he would destroy clown figures if he sees them, says it’s because they are stupid, but it’s actually because they creep him out. some dolls as well.
Albert Wesker
𖥔 his body turning against his mind and not cooperating. he’s doing memory exercises and exams himself regularly. if he can’t reassure himself that he’s in control he starts snapping on everyone and it makes him even more paranoid. he’s a total hypochondriac but not in a regular way, in a superhuman way.
+ i truly believe that all of them except wesker are afraid of loud noises and sudden movements, they just lock in instead of panicking but obviously they are terrified ESP LEON, he’s so scared all the time and uses jokes as a coping mechanism, he’s never been macho ab anything he’s just numb from trauma but he’s so scared 24/7
Which Re character deserves to have Two cold sides on their pillow and Two warm sides
this is something i can get behind!!
RE Characters and the pillows they deserve:
two cold sides vs two warm sides!
CHARACTERS INCLUDED: chris redfield, jill valentine, albert wesker, leon kennedy, claire redfield, ada wong, jack krauser, sherry birkin, carlos oliveira, luis serra, william birkin, piers nivans, ashley graham, jake muller, annette birkin, sheva alomar
two cold sides
𖥔 Albert Wesker
two hot sides will make him think of that one time chris threw him into lava and he wouldn’t stop jerking off about it and it would result in him getting no sleep
𖥔 Jill Valentine
cold pillow both sides, memory foam with special dent for her neck so she gets the best sleep. she deserves the best. and a good night kiss on her lips. shhhh bbgirl sleep tight
𖥔 Carlos Oliveira
his hair? his beard? he sweats. a lot. extra cold pillow just so resident evil doesn’t get renamed biohazard globally.
𖥔 Ada Wong
she’s too hot, her having a hot pillow will cause global warming. but fr the amount of headaches she gets from swinging on that grapple gun, she deserves some rest. if after using freecam and seeing her scared and distressed face when she’s ‘flirting’ with wesker on the bed doesn’t make you want to give her most peaceful safe sleep ever idk you
𖥔 Luis Serra
he gets slapped a lot by women i feel like, he needs some relief. also he deserves at least one good thing, he grew up with no comfort of modern world, give him cold pillow now!! if you disagree im gonna give him MY cold pillow. he gets a cold pillow regardless!!!
𖥔 Leon Kennedy
cold temperatures reduce hair loss and you know our boy needs this more than anyone. also i imagine he tucks his pillow under himself and sleeps on his arm so cold pillow is a must.
𖥔 Jack Krauser
i feel like he has one favorite that’s FLAT bc he’s been using it forever. might as well sleep with no pillow at all damn. give him cold sides, since he’s always heated ab some bs anyway. weighted blanket as well so he doesn’t twist and turn. how much does leon weigh? that exact amount of kgs.
𖥔 William + Annette Birkins
cold just like their bed. they spend so much time working their heads are fuming they need some reset
𖥔 Jake Muller
i know he doesn’t know how to shave properly and always cuts himself and gets rashes so FINE. cold 🙄 until he pisses me off, then it’s heated and turned all the way UP
two hot sides
𖥔 Claire Redfield
she drools on her pillow. cold + wet = getting sick. warm her up! she also looks sexy with flushed face but that’s not the reason.
𖥔 Ashley Graham
warm so she can think it’s Leon carrying her and feel safe when nightmares of spain come
𖥔 Chris Redfield
first of all, i feel like his body temperature is hot and he’d heat up any pillow in a second so a cold pillow is wasted on him, he can have it warm since it’s what it’s going to end up being anyway. second of all, i gave claire warm one and if chris gets a better one she’d steal it #siblingcore style so might as well let him have a pillow he can keep
𖥔 Sherry Birkin
i feel like she gets cold pretty fast. like i know warm pillow = bad, but for her i feel like it would be a blessing.
𖥔 Sheva Alomar
i have a cold pillow. if she wants a cold pillow i can share mine with her it’s no problem at all!!! but yeah too bad i can’t give her a cold pillow… what a shame, looks like we have to share one pillow. oh there’s also only one bed!! who booked this hotel? i’m so mad rn!!
𖥔 Piers Nivans
when he sleeps the scarf stays on, so he needs some balancing out with a cold pillow. also he deserves good things. baby boy. but hold up let me move it here, to the warm side. he can take his scarf off if he likes to keep his neck warm, he can have a warm pillow. if it makes him feel less lonely and comforted he can have a warm pillow. he can have whatever he wants tbh.
༺ I’ve been seeing a lot of strong takes about Resident Evil characters as of late, a lot of hate, and while I grew up loving those characters, I can’t pretend that some of the hate isn’t justified, so I decided to weigh in and share the things I believe RE characters actually deserve the hate for (or at least some strong criticism) ༻
Characters included: leon, chris, claire, luis, jill, carlos, ada, jack, sherry, jake, william + wesker
!Disclaimer!:
all listed below are my personal opinions and you don’t have to agree with it, so please be mindful and don’t get upset if you don’t like what you see
leon s kennedy
beats up sick women and children and robs them
not a girls girl (gatekeeps his haircare routine)
mewing in the middle of conversations
chris redfield
canonically is an older brother (dm if you need proof)
befriends vulnerable people for his own gain (i.e. Wesker)
claire redfield
hangs out with minors (as an adult, what do you even talk about with a 12 year old, realistically)
pick-me behavior (owns a motorcycle for clout but never actually drives it in re2)
luis serra
bad role model (makes smoking (dangerous and harmful habit) look hot, otherwise did nothing wrong)
jill valentine
a woman
carlos oliveira
liar (promised not to leave us in a cruel carlosless world yet here we are)
ada wong
sets unrealistic beauty standards
facetimes people without a warning (rude)
jack krauser
internalized homophobia final boss
practices kinks without prior discussion (i.e. knife play)
sherry birkin
a minor in adult spaces
jake muller
insecure about being a ginger
overall fatherless behavior
william birkin
a huge nerd
secret animosity w best friend (had to outshine him by all means and look where it got him)
and while the game is littered with problematic and downright horrible people, you can’t ignore that the franchise gifted us with some of the best characters who make the games worth it, so let me end with a good example:
𓂃۶ৎ albert wesker
good time management (7 minutes)
wants the best for humanity (there are nuances)
team player (i.e. sacrificed himself to buy his friends (jill and chris) more time to escape the tyrant)
fights against normalization of lip fillers (not just by taking a stance, but by actually providing representation)
