1/08/18 - Sofia, while I know that I can never take back what I said, I can tell you that what I said was wrong. That both of us are wrong. When I said those things that night, it was late and I was groggy and still reeling over the fact that you had suggested a break. Yes, you apologized but I was still hurting. and I was petty enough in that I wanted to have the last word. I could not have done a more foolish thing. I said I would never hurt you and I did. I am so sorry. I never meant for you to cry. i never meant to so fully make you feel as though you weren’t good enough for me. I can see why you would decide not to fight for us. I gave you an easy out. I had hurt you as well. I had made you feel all this time that you’ve never done anything right for me. I kept making you feel like shit. And I said something so hurtful to you that you haven’t been able to recover from it. I want to tell you that what I said, was not from the heart. It was from the foolish head of a sleepy and still mad idiot. I know that this doesn’t change what was said, but I want you to know that we can still change our decisions. I can see why you had suggested a break. Now, when I step back to look at it, we were spending too much time being annoyed with each other. You’re right. Had we spoken during the day, probably we would have said something that would have made things worse. You were only trying to help avoid a big blowup. I spent so much time trying to make you understand how I felt that I never really stopped to think how you were feeling and why you were doing the things you were doing. I realize now that you were withdrawing because I was making you feel so bad. That you probably were starting to resent me. That by withdrawing, you could avoid doing anything that would inadvertently make me feel hurt…without realizing that withdrawing makes me feel even more anxious. I know it hurt you to feel that you kept hurting me. I know that I put you to that point where it was probably best to just give up. I know you never had intentions on leaving. i know that you think this is for the best. But that this is the right decision for the both of us. But you’re wrong Sofia. This is not the end of us. This is but a chapter in our fairytale love story. I refuse to give up on you. I refuse to let one mistake ruin something so great. I refuse to let someone as special as you, someone as caring and as loving as you, slip away. I was caught up in being sad that I forgot how happy you made me. How your silly comments always cheered me up. How your voice soothes me. How your laughter brings joy to my heart. How your stories captivate me. How your experiences fascinate and scare me. How you always surprise me with things about you and your past. How you tease me about my tooth and my height. How theres’ still so much more to you that I haven’t unraveled. How lucky I am to have you come and single me out. How special you make me feel. You’re wrong to want to let this go. I was wrong to have made you think that way. Come back to me and be my princess again. Let me be your boo again. You’re my beautiful sweetheart. The one and only for me. I miss you dearly.
