#writemeadream

[star-kissed-seoul]

We got home from LA yesterday and I’m /STILL/ thinking about how much fun the GOT7 concert was T.T

[spectral-perfection]

Prompt words: Shower, flaws, love

He sneaks up on me in the shower It's his favorite place to find me

Pervert.

Only it's never like that.

I've never thought of myself highly Have never been one of those pretty, skinny girls. Sure, I'm not the worst looking But I'm curvy A little chubby Pudgy. and society has convinced me That boys don't like that. Society doesn't accept that. And even if I accept it I can't keep up with all the teasing and all the jokes I hate when he sees me in the shower.

And the first time it happens I'm scared. It's not like when I'm dressed Where baggy clothes and spanx can hide the the turns of my body. Because hiding is what I do best.

He doesn't understand why I cry.. until he looks into my eyes and it feels like I'm transparent. He gives me a look of understanding and then kisses me.

He tells me he kisses me because he thinks I'm beautiful He tells me he wants to kiss all the insecurities away He says he wants to be with me because I'm  me. I tell him I don't think highly of myself. I tell him I'm not his friends' definition of beautiful I'm not their definition of beautiful All he does is smile He tells me I'm silly and that he isn't interested in his friends' definition of beautiful Or anyone else's  Because to him I'm his definition of beautiful.

[spectral-perfection]

Prompt: Crush(ed)

It's been awhile

I can't bring my tongue to form the words because I, myself, don't know them

Can't bring myself to voice the feelings because I'm too afraid

Too timid.

Of what? To be tamed?

To be "tied down?"

My stomach churns.

Afraid to say the wrong words, Do the wrong things, Hurt the wrong people

So I let life safety pin my lips together, strap a thick piece of duct tape around my heart to keep the pieces altogether, and push me along forward.

[star-kissed-seoul]

I flick the wheel of the lighter, press down on the red button, and watch a flame burst to life, igniting the cigarette, held tightly between my lips, with ease.

Let go of the lighter. Inhale the rush of nicotine. Blow out smoke. Watch the smoke curl and expand around me. Mm, typical routine.

"You should stop that, ya know." she tells me. I shrug and take another drag, releasing perfect wisps of smoke from my lungs. I stay quiet.

Don't wanna. 

She wrinkles her nose at my lack of response and from the corner of my eye, I watch her mouth pull downwards into a frown. 

"It's gross." she begins to lecture again, turning her attention to something more worthy; the dark, overcast sky.

Then don't stay. Go.

I tap the building ash off of my cigarette before resuming the process. My lips twist into a wry smirk as she looks back over at me.

"Y-You're just killing yourself." she tells me, her voice is quieter than before. I take the final breath out of the cigarette before throwing it down and putting it out under my shoe. She looks relieved until I stand up and take another one out of the carton, walking away as I light it up, repeating the routine.

I know.

[star-kissed-seoul]

Disconsolation [poetry]*kindof*

My best friend hates herself. Inside and out Because she doesn't see what the rest of the world sees. Trapped in her own mind, and society would label her as going crazy. She's sees fat in places where even that word doesn't exist. There are old lines, soft and thin, that decorate her legs and arms in such neat rows and they're the only thing on her that she views as beautiful. She says she's a coward She wants to lock herself away She's got a scarred soul with wrists to match and if you stare closely you'll see the emptiness in her eyes that tell you she wants to die. But if there is one thing in this world I can't bear to lose It's the girl with the soul, battered and bruised from long nights spent crying and purging, hating and wishing she could love herself

[star-kissed-seoul]

I am literally sitting here, throwing myself into *almost* an emotional breakdown over my best friend leaving for college... it sounds ridiculous, but only three people in my life have made it through /all/ of my barriers and are still with me, despite all the messed up shit that's happened and all the things they've had to endure because of me. Three. People. And only one of them can stay by my side, which I'm grateful for.

I'm so happy for the other two (even though one is staying close[r]) because they're following exactly what they want to do, as are N and I. But I can't help but be extremely nervous that all of this is just going to fade. That we won't be close. That it's going to end up like all the other friendships I've had.

No one told me that the summer after graduation would be a fucking emotional roller coaster ride. 

[star-kissed-seoul]

Senior Food Fight

[click here to watch the news coverage] Some of you around the nation may have seen my school on T.V and heard the controversy, so allow me to entertain you with my thoughts..

Yesterday, during lunch, a bunch of dumbass Seniors and underclassmen had a food fight in the cafeteria. It got messy and kids were scrambling to get out of the cafeteria to avoid to storm of food. Some kids [like my friends and I] had a concert that night and were told to wear our uniform shirts to kinda promote the night and what not. Some kids had their shirts stained, some had their yearbooks or textbooks covered in various sauce and liquids. Overall, it was gross.

This was apparently our "Senior Prank." [SP]

Anyways, 12 students were suspended and the Seniors within those 12 are not allowed to walk at graduation next week. Students and parents alike are furious and are signing a petition and blah blah blah. Honestly, I could care less. Before you pick sides or call me heartless, let me explain why.

We are HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS, NOT KINDERGARTEN BABIES. Seriously? You couldn't have thought of something less destructive for SP?  More than that, if you participated and HONESTLY thought that you weren't going to get any consequences for that, you're pretty stupid. Seniors at my school complain all the time that we are "young adults,"  not children, and they were punished like "young adults." What makes me laugh the hardest are the parents. "This is high school, they should be having fun! This was a harmless prank." I'm sorry, do YOU want to pay for the textbooks and yearbooks that were ruined? Yearbooks are running at $60 this year and textbooks at $75. We are 17-19 years of age. I don't know about you, but having disgusting food in my hair and on my clothes isn't exactly "fun" for me. Your children need to grow the fuck up because these aren't things they are allowed to do in the real world.

One parent of the 12 commented and said, "...if this had happened a month ago, graduation wouldn't have even played a role in their punishment." You're right. It wouldn't have. You know what would have, though? PROM. Tickets were prom were expensive as shit and if they would've taken prom away from your child, you'd still be sitting at your computer, on Facebook, bitching away at how unfair our school district is, when really, your child is the problem. Take a seat and shut up.

They suspended your students. Suspension, in the HANDBOOK, says that the ones who are suspended may not partake in school activities. They're still getting their diplomas, they just can't walk. They're still going to take their finals, they just have to do it after school [because you're suspended, not allowed on campus unless authorized.] It's really. Not. That. Big. Of. A. Deal. It seems, harsh, yes. They could've just been punished with cleaning up the cafeteria, I understand, but they're the perfect example for the underclassmen. Don't fuck up, there are consequences. I just wish some of the people in my senior class knew that.

Also, here's me being sarcastic and an asshole for a moment. Someone who wanted me to sign the petition said "Don't act like you don't care. You'd be pissed if you got suspended too." WRONG. If I had partaken in your childish games, I KNOW I would've gotten in trouble and that graduation walk would be threatened. It's LITERALLY that predictable. In fact, my friend and I KNEW that someone was going to threaten graduation as punishment. Those consequences are LOGICAL, so I don't understand why everyone is so surprised. I'm going to act like I don't care because I REALLY DON'T. Less names I have to sit through next week on graduation night.

I see both sides, I really do. But seriously... T H I N K, Coyote Class of 2013.

[star-kissed-seoul]

School life..ew [personal]

Something happened at school today that I half regret, half don't.

There is a girl at school in my choir class who I'm not too fond of. I don't hate her or anything, but she has an attitude and I guess I've been kind of...cautious of her. Anyways, today during class, something happened between her and two of my friends. I'm not sure what it was because its not my situation.  Fast forward a bit, around just under two hours into class (About 1h 45m or so). The girl (We'll just call her A right now) and two others came and sat right behind the six of us that were working on a piece of music we were assigned. A and her group begin talking. Now, I went to school feeling nauseous and had a killer headache, so I wasn't focusing very well on my music and I turned around to ask A's group if they would please be a little quieter or move further back so that they could talk without disrupting practice. A gave me a dirty look and I hoped that would be the end of it. Since they didn't move back, I assumed they would be quieter. They weren't. Once again, I asked if they would either be quiet or move further back. A gave me another dirty look and said, "No." Okay, I admit, I snapped. I stood up and yelled at her (This isn't the first round of problems I've had with this girl, but I'm pretty tolerant). I guess I made her cry, not because I said anything bad, because I really didn't cuss her out or anything. I caused other arguments in the group, and as one of the leaders of the group as a whole, I admit that I could have handled it better now that I have reflected on it. But I was irritated and feeling bad.. not that it's any kind of excuse, really. But half of the people see me as a hero who finally stood up to someone who needed it. Half of them see me as hurtful. I see both sides. But I also don't get why this one girl, who has had attitude with me and a few others before, is suddenly playing the victim. Like I said, I could have handled it better. I could have taken her aside and what not, but I let myself snap and get angry. Honestly, that hasn't happened to me since...sixth grade.  I AM sorry that I yelled at her in front of everyone, I'm NOT sorry that I yelled at her.. does that make sense? I don't know. A lot of people are trying to make it their business when it's really not.. I mean, I'm still angry about it, but it's over. It happened. It's the past. All I want to do is go back tomorrow and continue on with rehearsal normally and smoothly.. however, with all thats going on with everyone else, I don't really thing that's going to happen.. I just don't want things to escalate just because I was the one who stood up to the girl who had caused some problems. I don't hate her, I don't dislike her, I've just been cautious of her. Oh dear, this is a mess..