So here’s my take on this: Bringing Astarion (will be focusing on spawn Asta here, since I’ve never went the ascension route) to Sharess’ Caress post-Cazador is NOT a good idea. He’ll agree to it, but his body language, exaggerated mannerisms and tone of voice paint a different picture, harkening back to Act 1 Astarion. I think there’s more going on beneath the surface here. After all, things aren’t always as they appear with this man, even now. And at this point in the game, the allure of freedom and what that entails is intoxicating, and blinds him to the consequences of his actions (or the actions of his partner). He’s impulsive, and still very reactive. And why not? He didn't have to think for himself for two centuries. He was a tool, a thing to be used for the pleasure of others. Until you came along, and turned his world upside down. Showed him genuine compassion. Showed him that he’s a person, and deserving of kindness. That his worth isn't tied to what his body can do. To say he’s enamored with you would be an understatement. And he’ll be damned if he lets anyone or anything threaten what the two of you have. You want to fuck Halsin? Sure. You want to have an orgy at a brothel? Fine. Its not like he has any prior relationship experience, or frame of reference. So what does he do? He complies, old habits kick in (it’s all instinct after all, as the narrator points out) and he dissociates during the act. It’s sad, but not exactly surprising. Its not like he hasn’t acted out of pressure before— (forcing him to bite Araj, manipulating him into sleeping with you during his confession, etc). And the environment itself certainly doesn't help, its bound to trigger bad memories and feelings. It honestly feels like it could be a deliberate move on behalf of the writers. Their way of implying that you’re not grasping just how deeply his trauma still runs, and that you can’t speedrun the healing process. This is a man who doesn’t know his limits, and still chugs ahead at full speed. And while yes, he isn’t a child, that doesn't mean that you should indulge his every whim or never question his judgement. That would be stupid of you. He needs a responsible partner to ground him and encourage him to think things through. That isn't infantilization. I repeat that ISN’T infantilization. Being concerned for the emotional and physical wellbeing of your partner is a GOOD thing. Its what mature partners do. And knowing of his past, his insecurities, how he doesn't want to be seen in purely sexual light and his desire to have a chance at something “real” with the player— well, sleeping with two hookers, (even if he’s involved in the act) feels pretty tone deaf of you. The same goes for Halsin. While you can do it, and Astarion won’t stop you, he does express some initial insecurity, fearing that it’s because the two of you haven’t been intimate in awhile. We know next to nothing about his mortal life, beyond being a magistrate. His romantic and sexual preferences are never revealed. And its likely that any polyamorous proclivities stemmed from his time with Cazador, sadly. He had a lot of guests to “entertain” after all. When asked, Shadowheart and Minthara see right through him, casting doubt on his willingness to share and pointing out just how sensitive he really is. Should you break up with him, he’ll admit he was expecting it, and post-Caz, he’ll be heartbroken and immediately assumes the blame. Once again, believing himself to be unworthy of you. Having said all this, ultimately Astarion needs to know that he is enough just as he is, that he isn't just a pretty face and that sex isn’t what defines your relationship. So in my opinion, bringing him to a brothel for a gang bang or asking him to be in a polyamorous relationship are antithetical to these messages. After having nothing for so long, he deserves to have you all to himself, and your undivided attention romantically. And while sex isn’t off the table of course, an emphasis on nonsexual intimacy is a must.
Not the same anon but as someone who's participated directly in some of the poly or not Astarion discourse, the only definitive evidence people were always citing was the devnotes affirming Astarion is genuine about telling Tav to go on with Halsin and pursue a relationship with him. However the devnotes also apply to that dialogue tree that has Tav confirming Astarion's insecurity by saying that yes, they are indeed frustrated with him for not having sex anymore and gives it as a reason for wanting to bone Halsin...
Hello, Nonnie. I don't doubt it's genuine, Astarion believes he can handle a lot of things. It escapes me how it makes him poly unless you also believe people tolerating their partner having a sidepiece are poly. I suspect Larian indeed intended him, Shart and Halsin to be poly but also did not let the companions pursue anyone but Tav. It's hard to take it seriously. Astarion showing serious interest in Gale or fucking off with Lae on a dragon after finishing his quest would make him poly. Not him warning Tav and showing zero interest in Halsin or anyone else. As for him accepting Tav guilt tripping him for settings boundaries, of course it's obvious BS to spare the player the natural conseqence. At least there should have been a roll to salvage the situation, like with Mizora. Tav is an ass regardless the outcome, of course.
It's funny how Larian didn't bother to do anything with the fucked up poly situation they created. That was such a bad poly "representation". A good one would be pne where people don't feel icky about it because the context is just wrong.
And again, I'd like to remind that Astarion thinks Halsin would be just a side piece. Tav doesn't bother to mention Halsin talks about his heart and feelings, not just fucking.
And... Astarion doesn't have any experience with healthy relationships (or he doesn't remember), let alone something as comples as poly relationship. It's wild how those pro poly people just ignore it.
Even with Shart, the situation is not perfect. I just don't undestand why Larian didn't pick some of the more stable companions for this... They had to choose two of them who have big emotional issues / low self-esteem. Not counting Halsin, he's a patient papa bear. It's Tav/Durge who seems like the asshole here.
Yeah, I would suggest Laezel would be the least icky option since she has no trauma and the gith aren't generally monogamous. Well, Astarion admits there might be feelings between Tav and Halsin if it starts after he's free of Cazador but it's ironic that he sounds like he's already low key checking out of the relationship. Funny how it's the only time he actually feels fully confident in his value. And Halsin, oh, his biggest reddeming quality as a solo love interest is that you can still romance him when you fail to romance anybody by Act 3. I find him inserting himself into established relationship with Astarion or Shart tone-deaf. And don't get me started on his hypocricy about consent of everyone involved when fucking friendly Tav at the brothel again.
I've seen it again. The "poly Astarion is canon" thing without even searching for it. I swear if I ever see that "enthusiastic consent" BS again, I'm gonna spit into someone's face. I'm gonna leave the fandom to the dak consorts and hornballs and fuck off with my gothic demi romance again, I guess 🤷
he loves you more deeply than you could ever fathom, more than anything else in this world—which is both achingly beautiful and profoundly sad...
his loyalty is fierce, beyond what anyone could ever ask for. that special something he feels? It’s only for you. others… not so much
tries desperately to leave his past behind, but the weight of becoming someone he deems worthy of your love is a heavy burden. on one hand, he feels unworthy of you; on the other, the mere thought of you with someone else makes him physically ill. his jealousy simmers just beneath his carefully maintained exterior, slipping out in sharp, biting comments—like after the tiefling party, when he spoke to gale, who was clearly crushing on you (if you know, you know)
there’s a strange solace he finds when you show your vulnerability to him, letting him see that you’re not untainted either. oh, to treat your wounds with care and tenderness!
would peel an orange for you, even if it left his fingers raw and bleeding—that’s just who he is, but only for you. in truth, there’s probably nothing he wouldn’t do for you now that he’s fallen so deeply in love, and honestly, that level of devotion? it’s terrifying
on those random nights when it’s just the two of you, time seems to stand still. he craves your touch more than he admits, your small gestures—holding his hand, brushing his hair—ground him in ways words never could
once or twice, when he thought no one was listening, you caught him softly humming long-forgotten tunes. he doesn’t remember where they’re from, but they’re etched into his heart. when you caught him, he just smirked and brushed it off
your simple acts of kindness towards astarion move him to the core, and more so when he realises there are no string attached to it. what a strange creature you are (he will love you and cherish you forever)
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
it's more angsty that i intended to! anyway
you can find more of my works about astarion ♡here♡
Summary: Sewing was a tedious activity all things considered. One that Astarion had never imagined himself doing for a living.
Rating: T
Word Count: 2132
Content: Tailor Astarion AU, Fluff and angst, well quite a lot of angst as usual, mentions of death and grief
A/N: This little one shot is spoiler free but I wrote it as a prologue to my fic Portrait of the pale elf ! I hope you'll enjoy!
Sewing was a tedious activity all things considered. One that Astarion had never imagined himself doing for a living.
Well…To be fair, during all those centuries, he’d never dared to dream or hope for anything. Torture was Godey’s speciality, not his. And indulging in grand fantasies of freedom would have certainly felt like a new kind of torment — especially when the only thing to look forward to was the next mucky rat he’d be allowed to feast on.
But becoming a tailor? Gods no, it had never been part of his plan.
Spending hours and hours in complete silence, hunched over some intricate sewing pattern. Struggling to pass a thread through the needle of his sewing machine, or finding it impossibly tangled around its mechanism. Stichting thousands of pearls in the shape of a blooming flower, until his vision blurred and his finger swelled under the thimble.
Hardly an exciting prospect for someone like Astarion. His definition of a ‘fun night’ usually involved good wine, a little shopping spree, the latest plays or operas, and —if he felt like it— good company.
Needless to say that his love for the profession had been an acquired taste, at best.
But then again, he’d never really taken the time to think about the things he liked. Sometimes, he wondered if anything of what made him ‘Astarion Ancunín’ was truly his. Had he always enjoyed the scent of rosemary, or was it just the only trick he’d found to hide the faint smell of grave dirt clinging to his skin? Had he always enjoyed getting lost in extravagant parties and crowded dressing rooms, or had he always seeked to silence his own dark thoughts by visiting those places? He would never know.
He’d first started sewing clothes for himself a few weeks after coming back to Baldur’s Gate. Nothing of what he’d found at the clothiers suited him.
Poor quality. Crooked seams. Too tight around the shoulders or too wide near his waist.
One night, on a whim, he’d come to the conclusion that if the city was full of incompetents, he’d do it himself. He’d stormed out, bought a few fabric rolls, before decidedly sitting at the desk of his room at the Blushing Mermaid. It really hadn’t taken him long to work out a few patterns, cut the blue brocades, and make a few doublets out of them. He’d mended his clothes time and time again, back when he was still a spawn, but he’d never made a garment from scratch before. Yet, something about this felt so innate, so instinctive, almost as if… As if he’d done it before.
He already knew what to do without having to think — what to measure, where to pin the silk, how to stitch the seams. And from time to time, when the needle moved too quickly between his fingers, he was reminded of something.
A vision, barely out of grasp.
Old weathered hands holding an embroidery hoop, the crackling of the fire in the earth, and his own pudgy fingers clinging to the worn wool of a soft jacket.
“Needlework is a labor of love and patience. One sews like he lives, one motion at a time, designedly and purposefully. Diligence is a virtue you still need to learn, young master.”
So many stolen memories.
So many years spent living as an instrument of death.
Maybe devoting his time in the pursuit of beauty was the only way to atone for it, to prove to himself that he was meant for more than this eternal darkness.
Art imitates life, after all. And Astarion felt powerful each time he finished sewing a piece. As if he'd secretly stolen a bit of the gods’ power by doing so, as if he’d shaped something out of the void with his undead hands.
It was addictive, intoxicating, healing.
**
Astarion never forgot his first customer.
It was right after he’d bought his shop. Some old and luxurious apothecary — or so he’d been told. He vaguely remembered walking past it during his nightly strolls, idly admiring the pretty jars on the shelves. A never ending procession of giddy ladies stepped out of the shop with bright silky pouches in their hands, filled to the brim with glassy bottles of rose water, perfumed soaps, and all sorts of scented lotions.
Now that Astarion was the owner, it was slightly less… glamorous.
The shop was still dusty and empty. He hadn’t painted the walls bright red yet, or bought any of the black lacquered furniture and Persian rugs that would soon decorate the space. Here and there, he’d placed a few sewing mannequins, dressed in dazzling silky ball gowns and eye-catching embroidered doublets. His workshop table was pushed in a corner; spools of threads, fabric scraps, and messy sketches scattered on top of it.
He was busy sweeping the floors when the door flew open. Out of habit, he reached down for his daggers, but the only thing his fingers were met with was the cold silver of the sewing chatelaine. His embroidery scissors could work as a substitute — though perhaps a little too dull to deliver a killing blow.
But when he turned around, there were no men in armor, no monsters and no foes to fight. Just a little girl, crying and trembling on the threshold.
“Is this a tailor shop?” she sniffed, wiping her snotty nose on her red scarf.
She was very small, two funny little pigtails on top of her head. The stubborn look in her icy blue eyes was intriguing though, such determination didn’t quite fit on the face of a child. She swayed on her feet now and then, struggling to carry the satchel flung over her shoulder, twice as big as her.
“We’re not open yet,” he sighed, going back to his cleaning chores, “Sorry, dear.”
“But—You’re the last place I haven’t gone to yet! I went to see all the seamstresses, all the clothiers, all the tailors — None of them want to help me!”
“Help you? I think you knocked on the wrong doors, darling,” he huffed, crouching down to dust the shop window. “People rarely do favors around here, you see. They offer their services in exchange for a generous sum of money.”
“I can pay!” she proudly declared, thumping her little boots on the floor, red as a beetroot.
“Far from me the idea of discouraging you, my dear, but I doubt you can afford me.”
He heard her rummaging in her bag, and soon a familiar tinkle sound.
Astarion’s favorite little symphony.
“I have daddy’s money,” she finally said, holding her heavy purse of coins in her quivering fist.
He slowly let go of his broom, eyeing her and the pouch in her hand with renewed interest.
“And does daddy know that you’ve dipped into his coffers and fled with the swag hidden under your coat?”
The last thing he needed was to have an army of flaming fists officers on his tail; he’d done his best to lay low during the last months, to be a picture perfect citizen. Being a vampire was enough of a problem already, and Astarion’s greatest wish was to be left in peace, to be forgotten.
“No, daddy’s too busy, don’t worry,” — she furrowed her brows, her blue eyes darkening like the sun behind a rainy cloud— “He won’t notice.”
He looked at her for a little while, hesitating, and she kept her round serious eyes trained on him.
“Very well, it’s a deal then,” Astarion sighed, bending down to grab her hand and tug her inside of the shop, “This way, madam.”
The little girl giggled, whispering a few ecstatic ‘thank you,’ teetering behind him as they strode towards his atelier. She comically dragged her satchel on the floor, before taking a long piece of blue fabric out of it. It was in a very pitiful state, torn and stained in various places, covered in soot, as if someone had attempted to burn it.
“What in the sweet hells is that?” Astarion asked, scrunching his nose when she clumsily laid it flat on his workshop table.
“That’s mommy’s caplet.”
“Yes, what’s left of it, at least —” he mocked, examining it with a disgruntled look on his face. “What happened to it?”
She clung to the edge of the table, her knuckles turning white, her eyes silently filling with tears again. “Can you fix it or not, mister?”
He looked at the coat some more, trying to think about ways to clean or dye it, maybe by stitching a patchwork of new fabric onto it, but he always arrived at the same conclusion.
This rag was beyond saving.
“It would be easier to sew a new one. I’m not sure I can make anything out of this.”
Her face fell, Astarion’s stomach flipped, and she started to sob.
Oh gods, he’d forgotten just how dreadful witnessing a child cry was… He’d seen Arabella do it a few times — fists curled by her sides, face tense and awfully red, voice so high-pitched that he thought the sound would pierce his eardrums.
What did Karlach and Lia do back then? Give her a handkerchief? A little pat on the head? Something sweet to eat? He couldn’t remember.
“No!” she screamed in the middle of her crying fit, “I don’t want another one, I want this one!”
“But you can’t possibly want to keep this miserable piece of cloth—” he said, stepping towards her with wide panicked eyes.
What if people heard her scream from the outside? What if they got the wrong idea? He needed to get her to stop. Quickly.
“It has to be this one,” she breathed, burying her face in her hands, “It’s the last thing I have, it still smells like her.”
Oh, so that’s what it’s about, he thought, and somewhere in his chest, where his heart was supposed to be beating, he felt a pang of hurt.
Like the tip of a needle buried there.
He knew a thing or two about that feeling too, about the agony of grieving someone.
He’d died, he’d killed, and he’d lost so many people along the way.
A trail of corpses and blood in his wake.
And suddenly the garment sprawled in front of him was more than just a dirty mantle; it was a shroud, freshly dug out of cold soil of a tomb. His fingers shook around the seams, pensively tracing the stitched lines.
“How about this then?” he asked, softer this time,“See this half of the caplet? It’s as good as new, darling. What if I made something else out of it? Something you can wear all the time?”
She wiped her tears, droplets of salty water sparkling on her long lashes. “What would you make?”
“A scarf? I could embroider something on it, stitch a few pearls or gemstones, it would make it worth the money.”
“Mmm, I like it,” she nodded, with a sad little smile, “It’ll feel like mommy’s giving me a hug.”
Astarion’s hands were a little unsteady when he started cutting through the deep blue wool, afraid that he’d ruin it any further. It was his first time working on such an old fabric, something woven with so many memories and love. And his little customer was looking at each and every of his motions with rapt attention, her fogged eyes lingering on the parts of the caplet she’d have to leave behind.
Stitch after stitch, little tassel after little tassel, the fabric came back to life — resuscitated.
It had been beautiful once, he could tell. Soft and bright, warm and nicely tailored.
When he was almost done sewing it all together, she tugged on his sleeves and asked him to embroider a name on it.
“Gabrielle.” Her mother’s name, surely.
And so he did.
In threads of gold, floating in a sea of pearls and crystals.
Like a spell.
Most people came to his shop to buy something new, an armor of silk and satin for the next season.
But from time to time, just like his first customer, someone entered his shop with an old and torn garment in their hands, and Astarion never denied them. He stitched back into place, mended the holes, and gave it a second life.
He had a strange sort of sympathy for the discarded and the damaged fabrics now, as if he could see more in them than the stains and the unstitched seams, more than something to throw away.
Tailoring wasn’t just about sewing pretty dresses, and on good nights, Astarion took pride in that.
He’d found so much more at the tip of his needle.
A craftsmanship of death and life, of ghosts and social butterflies.
To expand more on that “yes”, it’s clear as day the brash bravado personality is his coping mechanism that he’s used for 200+ years, and because of the cycle of abuse he endured
When he’s around Tav/MC, his true colors come out and past the snarkiness, he’s quiet. He’s thoughtful in the sense that he realizes he’s in an albeit safer environment than before and internalizes that adjustment. He’s starts off as being closed off because he’s not used to asking for help. He can play off being a focal point of attention, but also has a deeper sincerity to him that is slowly peeled away when he opens up.
I think the best example that highlights the introvert personality and his struggle is when Tav hugs him after one of the first heavy conversations
Another detail that fits imo: the way he talks in the graveyard scene. Sure, it's supposed to be a romantic moment but he's also not laying it thick there.
I think the writers could've chosen something different rather than "I could be persuaded" since my guess is that's the main thing that is making some people have second thoughts. It's not that I personally mind the phrase because I don't think they intended Astarion to be pressured at all but hey, some players may have needed that reassurance. Either way, if they don't like it they can very well choose not to have sex with him in the graveyard, that's a valid option the game offers as well. Maybe some Tavs don't feel comfortable having sex in a public place. But there's no need to claim he doesn't want it. He is the one to initiate it in the first place! Like you said though, their hearts do come from a good place and I understand that, same for how our personal experiences color the way we see all of this differently.
Oh, there's no judgement over whether or not it's okay to go back to the brothel. It's a game, people should feel free to do anything they want. If we were to judge people over how they play it then most would be murderers and criminals IRL. Imo, this matter is more grey rather than black or white. From a role-playing perspective, Tav has no idea he will dissociate. It's just that some people have been arguing you should go back there with him because it's important to his healing journey to figure out what he likes, that it's infantilizing not to do it (to me it's the opposite of "you are a bad person if you do it"...it's more complicated than that). Which sure, it's important to do that but shouldn't he be the one to propose it? This is my personal opinion, but I also don't think having meaningless sex and orgies is really necessary for him right now, especially in such a new relationship. Like, his first "I love you" was days ago. He's had plenty of meaningless sex already, at this point in the game I think he values more the emotional connection. Still, there's every chance he could genuinely want to try something like this on his own initiative in the future (I feel similarly about the poly thing, it's also not something he proposes to Tav but rather reacts to). Meanwhile even his demeanor in the brothel sounds very performative like he did in act 1, even when he agrees to initially, if you compare his voice to his act 2 confession and the graveyard scene.
"And the lack of actual time pacing does make the game hard to track as far as where everything is in chronological time."
There's an aswer to this! The game takes place over the course of about 4 months according to Withers in the Astarion Origin playthrough if you romance Karlach: "In but a dozen tendays an entire life was lived."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8f8hEmoX1k at 3:25. I don't think anyone did a breakdown of the entire timeline but I doubt the third act takes place over the course of more than one month, perhaps one month and a half at most. Which makes the entire brothel thing take place over the course of a few weeks at most: going there for the first time and then for a second time after Cazador is defeated.
I'm sorry if you felt like you had to share your story, I didn't mean to pry. I'm happy it worked out fine for you and you had someone caught what was going on in time and removed you from the situation!!
I like how you broke out the statement you are responding to. I will be implementing that in the future.
"If we were to judge people over how they play it then most would be murderers and criminals IRL."
Right?! LOL. I feel like I'm a peaceful person, but there are moments when I have an eye twitching desire to redrum some peeps.
I see what you are saying. If this was the real world, ethics would say doing that with in weeks of that revelation would be inappropriate. And letting them suggest it would be better as it gives them more control over the situation.
Only four months? Wow. That is short. It took me longer than that in real months to complete the game. LOL. But in my defense, I have to do ALL the things!
Don't feel sorry about story. You didn't pry, I offered it up. :)
I think the hardest thing about posting on these platforms, for me, is knowing if I am coming across correctly.
Anyway, thank you for the clarification and discussion!
Great analysis regarding the graveyard scene! I never understood why some people have problems believing his words here. He is very much the one to initiate everything, including the sex (which I think it's the best approach for him: let him take the lead when it comes to important matters like this related to the relationship). I think I get where people are coming from, but here in this case there is not any possible external pressure from anyone else like his partner, that could make him fall back into people-pleasing behavior. So there is no reason to worry!! IMHO that argument fits more the brothel thing with the twins because it's very much something the player initiates by dragging him back there anyway. There is no exclamation point over his head and doesn't ask Tav to go to brothels and have fun. It's not wrong to do it, he does consent but it has always surprised my when people are shocked he dissociated and that there is no option to talk to him afterwards or to stop it when they notice something is wrong. Why would there be? The game does want you to reflect back on what just happened: was it really okay to bring a victim of SA and forced prostitution to a brothel to have an orgy, just mere weeks/months into the relationship? Like, had this been real life I don't think most people would think it's a good idea.
I honestly think it's more of an empathy educed second guessing. Some players may be people pleasers and feel he is doing just that because that what they might do in that situation. Their experience colors the situation differently. As it does for all of us.
Their hearts are in the right place to want to be sure. And I totally get it. The request can come across as vague "I could be persuaded" can sound like, "Well, if you push hard enough" to someone who needs crystal clear verification. They would have liked to hear "I am ready to be intimate with you again." And that would have make them feel more secure in their choice.
And I really wanted to help them set that doubt aside.
For the game! As far as real life goes trust your instincts! If it's not a fk yeah in your field of comfort, it's a fk no.
I can't speak on if people are right or wrong for taking him back to the brothel. No blame, no shame, their game. And the lack of actual time pacing does make the game hard to track as far as where everything is in chronological time. But I would hope, that in real life, they are intuitive enough to know their partner wouldn't want that.
The brothel scene was very daja vu for me. I was SA victim. I say was because I am statements make me feel like I'm still that person. But iv evolved quite a bit since then. But that's a whole other convo. Anyway. I had the opportunity have a "group" experience. And I was interested. It was very much a "Oh, iv heard about this." And it was fine. Everybody was communicating and being super respectful, but at some point before the "penetrative" part of things started, I had checked out. Luckily my friend who was part of it caught it and removed me from the situation. I went from lots going on, to a couch in a quiet room. Everything in between blurred out. Which is why it is PARAMOUNT to be with those you trust in those first time situations. Anyway, it's not that it was a bad experience, it was just way too much for my nervous system. Lesson learned.
So we're all pretty well acquainted with that face Emmrich makes if you tell him he's your first ever partner, but I don't think we talk enough about how, as he looks away and once he's worked through that first wave of initial shock, he smiles. It's a slow, small little thing, but his eyes grow so soft. His features just become so tender. The man is radiating affection. He's not off put, he's not upset or disappointed. Nervous, perhaps; anxious to make sure your first experience with a relationship isn't some catastrophic failure. But he's also charmed by the admission. This is a man who's so utterly gaga for romance and love. The idea that his partner has never found anyone else compelling enough to pursue until him? Whatever sense of worry he might feel at what a lack of experience might imply, he still finds himself smitten with the notion that someone would value him in such a way.
Well, the last time I posted my opinion on this subject on Tumblr I got harassed so it's why I'm only "active" as an anon. People tend to be very judgemental (on both sides) over this subject because any different opinion is being perceived as an attack on someone's relationship choices. Or judgement over how they play the game, which isn't the case for most of us.
However, I've always taken issue with both "Astarion is poly" AND "Astarion is mono" purely because the canon itself doesn't confirm either one of them. He's not poly just because he allows his partner to have a fling with Halsin. Just like he isn't necessarily mono just because you only romance him in a playthrough. What he is or not is ultimately left for each one of us to headcanon. Like you said, maybe HE will be interested in having multiple partners after the game. Or maybe he wouldn't be. Who's to say exactly?
Again, Larian did a bad job if they truly intended to portray him as poly OR as truly, undoubtedly okay with Halsin. The timing just sucks. And just because he says no when Tav proposes poly with the other companions, it doesn't mean much considering those proposals all come before his act 2 confession, at the time he was performing a lot by trying to be that horny, hedonistic sexy vampire in order to seduce Tav. Likewise, if you date Shadowheart and Astarion at the same time and propose poly to her, she will say "you may be overestimating his desire to share" and "he may seem like a carefree hedonist, but there is something fragile behind the facade" (link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3HEkbnM_AM - Minthara says something similar. If the writers truly wanted him to be a poly character why did they had two other characters say that basically he's not into sharing?). So these dynamics are vastly different than those when Halsin comes in with his proposal: usually at a time when Astarion takes a break from sex, when he is in a truly insecure position. He may be feeling like he has to allow Tav this since they stuck with him for so long, even after he admitted his plan to seduce them.
Even after Cazador when his response is usually seen as being more secure by the fandom, he's still not very enthusiastic. He even says "it is okay if things between us change because of this" or "I trust you to make a decision that won't hurt what we have". How is this him being enthusiastic? Or him wanting this in the first place? I don't know, but if you want to introduce such a big change to your relationship (like opening it), your partner's first instinct being "it's okay if things between us change" aka a hint to a future break up is not a positive thing at all. It's great to hear he will be fine without Tav, but it's also not true that he won't mind if you break up with him (just try the option to see for yourself, if you do it in the epilogue at the Elfsong he gets really angry).
I also want to point out how he allows Tav a lot. If you cheat on him with Mizora all you have to do is say "I'm sorry" every single time he says something and he forgives you in an instant, without even rolling a persuasion check. Yeah, he will try to break up with you but...he forgives so EASILY. You can even have him bite Araj and with the right dialogue choices you'll still be able to keep the relationship. Or force him to eat the astral tadpole.
Yes, he learned to say "no" and put some boundaries but Tav can still easily manipulate him.
Simply put, there are far too many hints in the game itself that this isn't something he really wants or that to some extent he is going along with his partner's wishes, at least at this point in time. Sure, he gives Tav his consent but does he really want it? There is a difference between giving consent to a certain thing and wanting that thing for yourself.
I'm sorry you were harassed. Cognitive dissonance can be extremely triggering for some. However, that does not give them license to be abusive.
You have a lot of good points. Which sucks, because if they did intend him to be poly they really missed the mark. And I can absolutely see where that would be disappointing to someone who was expecting that representation.
I agree with what you are saying. He is quite pliable. His boundaries are very blurry. And the personality that I am, that bothers me as well. It very well could be intended as residual trauma behavior. He is so used to just having to go with what whatever decisions others make regarding him that he is still doing it? As someone who was not allowed boundaries for ages. I find myself still slipping into this behavior from time to time.
He is wickedly complex. And I know its silly, his not real. But I even struggled to ask him for a kiss after the confession in act 2. I really needed him confirm he still wanted them. Have a next day interaction where he thanks you for being so understanding, like after the bite scene, and then pulls YOU in for a kiss.
Its just one of those things where you can't please everyone. And we just need to be allowing of how people perceive it through their own lenses. Thank you for the discussion!
Again, simply my cup of thought tea steeped from my game experience. Its not everyone's drink. No shame, no blame, it's your game. Warning for triggers and spoilers.
Please notice I said "prefers monogamy" not "is monogamous". He may be up for added partners later on down the line. But definitely not any time before the epilogue in my world.
So, why do I think he prefers monogamy?
Take..
"Iv never had anyone. Not really. Nothing that compares to you."
And mix that with...
"I had nothing for so very long. NOTHING! Not even my own body!"
And add..
"You're you. Nobody is like that."
Plus countless other comments and actions and you get a bowl full of elf who just wants something for himself only for a change.
Centuries of being forced to give up or share everything. His possessions, his person, his own thoughts. Nothing to claim as own that no one else could take or touch at any moment. I'm sure if anything was given to him, he had to fight to keep it.
I think, he would be a bit possessive of anything he could claim as his own.
You are a gift to him. Something rare and special beyond words. I highly doubt he would be willing to share anything you are sharing with him outside of friendship. I could even see him getting fussy about strangers touching you. Moving you away or putting himself physically between you and whomever just touched you without asking.
Hells, even ascended Astarion isn't 100% game to share.
"As much as I wish to sequester you in a deep chamber of my palace and keep you all to myself...there is much to be done."
But, what about Halsin? He says he's fine with it.
Is he? Or is he people pleasing?
If he had said something along the lines of,
"Oh? He wants to share does he? Of course he does. I'm not up for such activities just yet, but you are free to have as much Halsin as you wish. "
I would have gone on that bear hunt, but he doesn't.
He askes you if you are wanting to sleep with Halsin because he has not been able to meet your sexual needs. And I interpreted that as he's vulnerable and worried he's being replaced for not putting out.
Imagine you had asked your lover to not to look to you for sex for reasons you are working out. They agree and you are just relieved as hell about it.
"You were patient. You cared."
Then they come along later down the line and say they are thinking about having sex with a friend. Where would your mind go?
I would bet hard gold he weighed the options in his head. "If I don't let them do this, they might leave me for good. But if I allow it, they wont have an immediate reason to leave. Halsin is the safest option given his experience."
And what's the best way to feel less awful about a situation we cant control? Create a counter situation where we gaslight ourselves into thinking its fine.
Wheeee!
I'm not saying Halsin's offer was bad, it was perfectly fine, it was just poorly placed in the grand scheme of things. If you and Astarion were having fun again before he suggested being an extra, then it would have been easier to believe he was really fine with it.
If they wanted Astarion to be a poly partner they needed to write it better. Shadowheart makes more sense as pro poly than he does.
More in my head only canons about this seemingly simple conundrum of an elf. Contains some game spoilers.
Astarion is only "real" around you. And by real, I mean his true personality as he regains it.
Trust clearly goes a long way with him and if you befriended or romanced him, you've earned it and that is no small thing.
One hidden truth being that he is capable of caring. Something that got him into one hell of a predicament in the past that makes him reject that aspect of himself.
However, you were a complication he did not see coming.
Around the group he is guarded. More resting bitch face and flippant retorts. Most of the banter he has with the party reflects this. His answers are mostly deflective or avoidant.
Lae'zel: "The more I learn of this plane Astarion, the more I believe love is its greatest disease."
Astarion: "Oh, I don't know. The screaming fever is pretty bad."
( I laughed till I had a headache when I heard this the first time.)
Trauma armor : People can't hurt you, if you offer no weapons. So he makes it seem he is aloof and unmoved under the mask of sass.
But as time progresses he shows you that hidden part more often.
For example, his comment about he noticed how kindly you speak to him and about not selling yourself so short in the conversation after his siblings attack. Which to me translated to "Don't speak about yourself as if you are not a unicorn amongst jackasses you abnormally wonderful person." Or the Dark Urge speech where he tells you he is not afraid of you and is by your side no matter what. He's genuine, soft and giving full eye contact in those statements. Its just you and him and he's confident and forward. But wouldn't dare show such vulnerability with the others. Such as when you meet Araj in act 3 (Spawnstarion) he still expresses his concern about not wanting you hurt, but it comes out like its uncomfortable to express.
The difference? People are around. And it's not that he's ashamed. But it proves he has a soft spot for you and he learned that is dangerous information in the hands of others. So the armor goes back on.
Even a the epilogue party, he genuinely wants his friends happy. But he still keeps his distance and instead grouses about the lack of blood.
Which was kind of rude on Withers’ part. Really you dusty rag? You obviously made a stop at a butcher shop.
Anyway...
I like to think Astarion info dumps Gale style when you are alone together after a day of adventuring.
Him telling you excitedly about something he witnessed or learned. His face animated with the memory of how he felt about it. His hands gesturing wildly to make his point. Or laughing so hard at a mishap he has to wipe tears off his face. Or contemplating how each companions' are doing amidst their own plights.
You: "Aww, I can't wait to tell Gale you are worried about him."
Astarion: "Pft..you can try my love. But, thanks to my hard work, he would never believe you."
