The Pyro

PFP by @disconnectedkid

[the-pyro]

Hello there, this is Dell! Mann Co. Has decided to give Pyro a phone, after months of deliberation from the team. This mostly for contracts and commands from Miss Pauling, but I thought I'd set it up for them!

As pyro can't read, I've decided to tell them that each notification they get, to bring it to me! I will be translating for them, and relay how they respond.

Tag guide:

From Dell - pretty self explanatory, I'd presume

Pyroposting - Any of the asks directed towards Pyro

Dellposting - Any of the asks directed towards me

Pyro's art - About what you'd expect

Modposting - Hi!! Mod asks and posts here, @thewchr is my main

Hope I can help y'all talk with them! (When they're not busy, of course)

[the-pyro]

Mmphh hpmghrh phmmh?? Hmphh hphhh nmphh :)

Mpph M! Mnn hmpgh hmm! Thank you for puttin' in the effort to speak their tongue.

[the-pyro]

You have a unique way of lighting up the room. Haha aha

Ahhh I hate this, it's a bit overused.

- Reoccurring anon

M! M- phmm?

They are flattered... I believe.

[the-pyro]

(Watching from the sidelines at the other asks about how Pyro feels about everyone kicking my feet)

Pyro!! Are you an early bird or a late riser? Any morning routines for you (also asking Engie if he feels up to it)???

~🦂

Mmph, mm ffm!

Well, it really depends on when I get them to bed. 8pm to 2am, I really don't know when I can get them to bed. I am always an early bird though, it gives me more time to work on my machines.

[the-pyro]

I have to reveal my identity to post the picture but this is the anon who said I made pyro a friendship bracelet, this is what it looks like

Mmnph, mmm mf!

They love it very much.

Thank you for making this, mate.

[the-pyro]

Ay mates just uh hypothetically what's the lil guy think about snipah?

-unknown person (not a mercenary) (trust me)

M... Mph mmn..

Well, when he isn't calling pyro a freak of nature, a fire hazard, all'a that, well I guess he's alright. Wish he could work on how he speaks with pyro, I mean he can be nice, he's calm with me.

[the-pyro]

Made you a friendship bracelet :)

Mmph!

Thank you kindly, partner.

[the-pyro]

What's each of your favorite places to fight? I know fighting probably isn't fun, but do you have any preferred sites?

Mm, mm phh!

They like any area with a lot of wood. I- well, I think it'd be clear why. I really just like wherever has a working respawn machine, y'know? All my equipment is made on the spot so I don't really mind any specific layouts.

[the-pyro]

What does small Mann think of heavy weapons guy?

-Not heavy weapons guy

Mmph. Mm, mmf mmph!

They are imitating him now, putting on a muffled Russian accent.

Pyro really likes heavy. He's kind of the only one who listens to Pyro. It's nice to be able to send them off to another person when I need a break.

[the-pyro]

I'm back! Anywho, who's the best cook out of all the team in your opinions and then who's the worst?

- Reoccurring anon

(sorry for the wait, been a busy week for me!)

I don't think I'm asking for pyro on this one, mostly because they don't really eat. At least I never really seen 'em eat. But I think heavy is quite a good chef. He learns from his mother, it seems. As for the worst, well, Scout never really learned how, but I feel like he can have a pass, he had a busy childhood. Soldier though, he has messed up a slice of bread before. Pretty easily the worst.

[maxshortt]

ENORMITY.

[the-pyro]

Mmm!

[the-pyro]

Aye uhm...totally not anyone ye know but, uh....what's the little guy's thoughts on Demoman?

-not a scottish cyclops (trust)

Mph mm! Mm mph!

I'm pretty sure they know who asked this, I mean, you're not too slick.

I think they like Tavish, he tends to treat them nicely when he's not blackout drunk. I HAVE had to stop Pyro from drinking cause of him though, so...

[twwizzlerr]

true love

[lunar-pixelz]

@the-pyro

[the-pyro]

Mmph m! Mmf!

Indeed.

[the-pyro]

Thank you Dell for your answers!! I’ve also been reading through everything else, it’s been very interesting! I’ve got a few little questions for both of you, answer as you are willing/comfortable:

1. Is there a place on base that is quiet, or some other secret hideout either of you frequent if/when either of you need a moment of quiet?

2. Do you guys celebrate birthdays? If so, what do you do for your birthdays?

Also, apologies for my small hiatus! I am trying to become an engineer like you, Dell, though in a different field (chemical) and exams have been kicking my ass a bit. Regardless, excited to hear back!!

~🦂

(holy crap!!! Sorry I didn't see this!!)

Mmph mm!

Yes, pyro does tend to get a little overwhelmed. Sometimes we end up chilling in my workshop, nobody really goes in there except for me so it's quiet. I just tinker while they sit in the corner watching. I also go there when I get tired of Soldier and the like, they're very annoying.

We only really celebrate Pyro's birthday, although no one really knows when it is, so we just celebrate when they joined the team. It's coming up soon, I have a cake planned. It's usually a calm event, just letting Pyro have their own time to have attention.

Also, I don't mind the break. I've never really been a fan of chemical engineering, but I'm glad to know you're getting educated. It's an admirable trait, and I believe you're doing as well as you can if you're as busy as it seems. Being busy is a badge of honor in my book. Looking forward to further asks, partner.

[the-pyro]

Do you guys like eating anything sweet in particular? No idea if this was asked already so if it was feel free to ignore.

- Reoccurring anon

Mmph! M nnM!

They are nodding profusely.

Yes, pyro has an affinity for sweet things. Its almost unhealthy how much they have. I think at this point at least 1% of their blood is sugar. I'm not too much of a fan, but I have to eat some since pyro has been taught to share very well.

[the-pyro]

Hey pyro! Dont take this the wrong way, but uhh like what...are you?

Mmpph? M- Mmn? That is a good question there. I wish I knew. They eat, I think. At least they take food into their room and close the door. They obviously feel emotions, but y'know. Something has always been slightly uncanny about them. Whatever, it will come with time. Safe travels, partner.

[the-pyro]

Hello. The following is a message from the Teufort Census Bureau.

How would you rate your current employment?

Thank you for your co-operation.

@tf2-data-collection-agency

Pyro rates it a 10/10, I'm sure. I would say that it's not the best, I love my job, but can't stand the team. Whatever, I honestly just hope participation in this might actually do something.