moved to lumios. threads will be carried over.
I'd rather be in outer space ๐ธ
Aqua Utopia๏ฝๆตทใฎๅบใง่จๆถใ็ดกใ

ellievsbear

No title available
Monterey Bay Aquarium

if i look back, i am lost
Not today Justin
Three Goblin Art
Cosmic Funnies

็ฅๆฅ / Permanent Vacation

titsay

PR's Tumblrdome
RMH

โ

Kiana Khansmith

oozey mess

No title available
Jules of Nature

Janaina Medeiros
๐ชผ
seen from Singapore

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seen from Singapore
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seen from Australia
seen from Tรผrkiye
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@torngrace
moved to lumios. threads will be carried over.
๐ฐ๐ฝ ๐ธ๐ฝ๐ณ๐ด๐ฟ๐ด๐ฝ๐ณ๐ด๐ฝ๐ & ๐ฟ๐๐ธ๐ ๐ฐ๐๐ด ๐ผ๐๐ป๐๐ธ-๐ผ๐๐๐ด ๐ฑ๐ป๐พ๐ถ,ย ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐.
hey so iโm struggling to manage multiple blogs whilst working full time (iโve been exhausted and my anxiety is also being a pain in the ass recently). iโm considering moving anna to my multi-muse (along with my other muses) so that i can just have one blog to focus on. itโd be so much easier for me. all threads and everything would be transferred over of course. would this really bother anyone??
โฐ * ยบ โ ย buzzfeed unsolved sentence starters ย ( pt. four ) ย โ
ย ย ย ย ย ( ย part of the youtube starter series ย )
โ ย you donโt feel strange at all? not even a little bit? ย โ โ ย oh shit, waddup! iโm taking a selfie with some demons, yooo. hell yeah, whaaa!! ย โ โ ย youโre insufferable. ย โ โ ย yeah, iโm just gonnaโฆ get some fucking holy water. ย โ โ ย iโve lived my life with one adage and thatโs donโt fuck with demons. ย โ โ ย i just love seeing you squirm! ย โ โ ย okay, tell your spooky story! ย โ โ ย i think this is all bullshit. ย โ โ ย we better get out of this house, somebody knocked our little bear out of his little wicker chair. ย โ โ ย youโre telling me you wouldnโt be unnerved by going upstairs and seeing a bunch of stuffed animals organized into a little cult circle when no one did it? ย โ โ ย what the fuck? oh shit! no!! whereโs my holy water? ย โ โ ย what the fuck? oh shit! no!! ย โ โ ย whereโs my holy water? ย โ โ ย itโs just a flashlight! it rolls, itโs cylindrical! ย โ โ ย hereโs the thingโ this is what i fucking love about like, paranormal evidence. people are always clamoring for it, right? like โwhereโs the evidence,โ and then when the evidence is finally theyโre like, โfake!โ ย โ โ ย if you slit my throat tonight, iโm gonna have a hard time forgiving you for that. ย โ โ ย will you haunt me for the rest of my life? ย โ โ ย no, i wonโt haunt you cause iโll be dead. ghosts arenโt real. ย โ โ ย that demonโs racist! ย โ โ ย fuck that demon, heโs whitewashing the history of this house. ย โ โ ย this demonโs whatโs wrong with hollywood. ย โ โ ย whatever, demonโs racist. i donโt respect this demon. ย โ โ ย youโve lost your mind! ย โ โ ย here we go! rock and roll, buckaroo. ย โ โ ย fuck this house. fuck this house so hard. ย โ โ ย hereโs the thing, i discount almost 100% of all of โi saw it in the middle of the nightโ things because sleep paralysis, often times, most people wake up and see shit. ย โ โ ย if i wake up tonight and thereโs this grotesque looking thing laying next to me and just staring at me with itโs fucking stupid beady eyes open, iโm gonna shit myself. thereโs gonna be poo in my sleeping bag. ย โ โ ย iโm gonna sleep closer to you, i donโt care. ย โ โ ย every little pin drop that you hear, every little creak, itโs gonna make your butthole tighten. ย โ โ ย i think it would be a sleep-full night for me if it werenโt for you. ย โ โ ย annnnnd nope, iโm man enough to admit that this is not happening tonight. i canโt. itโs not happening ever. ย โ โ ย you givinโ up? ย โ โ ย i just think itโs silly to give up at the last minute, but whatever. you know, itโs no big deal. ย โ โ ย did you just call the demon a motherfucker? ย โ โ ย i donโt give a shit now, iโm gone. ย โ โ ย peace out, bitches. go fuck yourself. you were truly awful and i hate you. ย โ โ ย this is the happiest moment of my life. ย โ โ ย i think it was just a wonderful coincidence. ย โ โ ย iโm glad it happened because i got to see you turn into a babbling mess. ย โ โ ย iโm happy to let you believe in this โcause i think itโs fun that you believe in it, cause if we go to more places, itโs gonna be fun to watch you freak out some more. so great. ย โ โ ย letโs just call it unsolved, how โbout that? ย โ โ ย but we sure had fun! ย โ โ ย he looks really happy, actually. look at that little face. he looks like heโs eatinโ grapes. ย โ โ ย thatโs really interesting, letโs get the fuck out of here. ย โ โ ย i donโt wanna imagine that. canโt you just let me enjoy the moment for once? ย โ โ ย what a trip its been. weโve seen a lot of stuff. seen spiders, weโve seenโฆ ghouls. ย โ โ ย this looks like disney land. i wouldnโt be surprised if they got cotton candy in there. ย โ โ ย yuk it up, man. yuk it up. youโre really enjoying this, but when the lights go off, this may be a little different. ย โ โ ย youโre full of shit if you do not feel strange right now. ย โ โ ย i assure you in like half of the places youโve been, people have died there. people have probably died in the chipotle we just ate at. ย โ โ ย well then thatโs why she didnโt live forever! cause she found a loophole! ย โ โ ย i wonโt argue that your logic is flawed. i just hate it because itโs detrimental to my argument. ย โ โ ย you think the ghosts just checked in every like 3 to 5 years? ย โ โ ย this is a theory. iโm just stating a theory. ย โ โ ย no one builds a house like this because they have arthritis. no one says, โoh, my knuckles feel a little funny. iโm gonna build a house with 500 rooms.โ ย โ โ ย i hear ya, man. i agree with ya. iโm just saying this is a theory that people believeโฆ and iโm relaying the theory. ย โ โ ย those people are idiots. ย โ โ ย i mean, you know what the doctor says: โnothingโs better for arthritis than a two story drop to the floor belowโ right? ย โ โ ย although, i will say, i cannot imagine communicating with spirits produces any kind of receipt. ย โ โ ย thatโd beโ yeah. iโฆ i agree with your calling of bullshit. ย โ โ ย good! iโm glad we agree on something for once. ย โ โ ย iโm gonna lock myself in here with the ghosts. ย โ โ ย i knew that you were gonna do that and it still scared me. fuck you. ย โ โ ย hey, man. calm down! ย โ โ ย you almost scared me to death โ iโm never gonna forgive you for that. hope youโre fucking proud of yourself. ย โ โ ย thereโs a lot of things that you canโt see that are real. you canโt see gravity โ thatโs real. ย โ โ ย i canโt see gravity? yeah, i can drop an apple. ย โ โ ย hey, ghosts! tussle my hair. give me a little purple nurple or something, letโs have some fun! ย โ โ ย youโre the worst. ย โ โ ย if i have to spend one more moment looking at your silly face, i think i might murder you myself. ย โ โ ย weโre on our way to a nightmare. ย โ โ ย youโre on your way to a nightmare. iโm on my way to a nice retreat. ย โ โ ย this is a mistake. ย โ โ ย thereโs also a thunderstorm rolling in so thatโs fun. ย โ โ ย he looks fine. look at him! the kids fine and now i feel like a big weenie. ย โ โ ย you are a big weenie. ย โ โ ย this is the beginning of a horror movie right now. ย โ โ ย thatโs an ominous cloud in the sky. some very atmospheric thunder. ย โ โ ย well, this seems all horrible and awful in general. ย โ โ ย look, thereโs spiders everywhere, so thatโs nice. ย โ โ ย see, iโm more concerned about the spiders than the ghosts. ย โ โ ย i thought i got bit in the asscheeks by a spider. ย โ โ ย anytime i get even remotely spooked, i just look to the monkey with the sunglasses. ย โ โ ย is that a bed? is that a guy? should we poke it with a stick? ย โ โ ย uhh, sure. if thatโs what itโs gonna take to get us out of here then yes, i believe in all of this. ย โ โ ย this is a fucking nightmare. ย โ โ ย what the fuck was that?! holy shit balls! ย โ โ ย okay, i donโt care what his favorite was โ fuck that, letโs go. ย โ โ ย toodaloo, canโt say it was pleasurable. ย โ โ ย fuck everything about that place. ย โ โ ย โoddโ doesnโt even begin to describe this one. itโs very strange. ย โ โ ย my interest is piqued. ย โ โ ย theyโre making their kids work seven days a week? my parents would maybe be like, โempty the dishwasherโ on aโฆ you know, a thursday, and iโd be like, โthis is bullshit.โ ย โ โ ย i guess iโd run away from my parents if they made me work seven days a week, especially if i was shoveling horse shit and moving dirt. ย โ โ ย iโd fake my own death. ย โ โ ย you strike me as one of those idiots who likes to put their phone down and walk into the middle of the woods and experience nature and all that bullshit. ย โ โ ย either way, leaving your house in this day and age without your phone, without your credit cards, thatโs already a death sentence. you canโt do that. ย โ โ ย this is what happens when you live on a farm. ย โ โ ย what wide generalization are you gonna make about people on farms right now? ย โ โ ย i just think you gotta read someโ some culture, eh, watch some two and a half men, i donโt care. just connect to popular media and know what the world is thinking, otherwise you go nuts. ย โ โ ย yeah, โcause nothing says sanity and civilization like a red robin resturant, right? ย โ โ ย how much trouble could a family of farmers get into? ย โ โ ย farmers and bears donโt mix. they donโt put bears on farms. ย โ โ ย i imagine this is a little bit more than they bargained for when they were trying to find that pikachu. ย โ โ ย thatโs fucking terrifying. ย โ โ ย you just lock your door. youโre in a car, drive away. thatโs not that scary. and then, you know, if the doors donโt work and he starts breaking a window, then guess what? time to die. and thatโs a bummer. ย โ โ ย then guess what? time to die. and thatโs a bummer. ย โ โ ย what point does the fear come in? about when the life is draining out of my body. ย โ โ ย oh yeah, excuse the public for wondering about your safety, sir. ย โ โ ย this does make me realize i donโt give people the middle finger enough. ย โ โ ย i guess iโll just go fuck myself then. ย โ โ ย iโm not gonna go find my kids if iโm trying to get off the grid. off the grid, no more kids. ย โ โ ย alright, wellโฆ once again, weโve solved nothing. ย โ โ ย do you think you could become part of a shared delusion? ย โ โ ย every time iโve ever offered even a little bit of a delusional thought, you immediately shut it down. ย โ โ ย no one thinks theyโre susceptible to shared delusions and then it happens. ย โ โ ย what if weโre in a shared delusion right now? ย โ โ ย is this all in our mind? ย โ โ ย it could be all in our mind. this could be the most elaborate delusion of all and weโre talking weโre talking about delusions which, in term, is actually a weird delusional loop. ย โ
ย โฐ ย โ ย โ ย โ ย BUZZFEED UNSOLVED SENTENCE STARTERS
โ ย do you think weโre gonna die here tonight? ย โ โ ย itโs horrifying, chillingโฆ just over all not good. ย โ โ ย should we just get this over with? ย โ โ ย heโs a fucking criminal. ย โ โ ย sharing is caring? meh, go fuck yourself. ย โ โ ย oh god, umโฆ oh my god, i fucking hate this. ย โ โ ย stop banging on the door, you dick. ย โ โ ย what. the fuck. is wrong with you. ย โ โ ย i gotta be honest, this doesnโt really compel me very much. ย โ โ ย that was a joke that i made and then it formed your opinion on it. ย โ โ ย flip that switch. do you think thatโs the murder switch? ย โ โ ย this is embarrassing. this is embarrassing for you, i think. ย โ โ ย no oneโs ghost-proof. ย โ โ ย iโm ghost-proof. ย โ โ ย youโre not ghost-proof. youโre just an idiot who refuses to see proof. ย โ โ ย iโm ghost-proof, baby! ย โ โ ย that sounded like will smith! ย โ โ ย is will smith dead? has anyone checked the news?! ย โ โ ย the problem is if thereโs something that attacks us down here, iโm going to hit my head on the ceiling and my skull will smash. ย โ โ ย alright, buddy. keep your wits about ya. ย โ โ ย letโs get the fuck out of here. ย โ โ ย i kind of just looked into places that would make me wanna die and i think this checks that box. ย โ โ ย did i just blind you? good, good, good. itโll give you the vision. ย โ โ ย take a drink! ย โ โ ย iโm gonna get you all tanked. ย โ โ ย what do you expect? what insight are you trying to gather from here? ย โ โ ย maybe the noise is a little snake. can you imagine a little snake wrapped around a little pickaxe with a little hat on? ย โ โ ย iโm not trying to do that whole dismissive thing, butโฆ iโm dismissing it. ย โ โ ย alright. alright, man. you just gotta chill. ย โ โ ย i thought โglory holeโ used to mean something very innocuous, though. ย โ โ ย itโs where the men fucked the earth hoping to impregnate it with gold. ย โ โ ย a bug flew up my nose. ย โ โ ย i think iโve swallowed about six tablespoons of bugs at this point. ย โ โ ย itโs so silent aside from the bugs in my ears. ย โ โ ย a bat flew right behind you just now. ย โ โ ย that bat was straight-up going for your assโฆ it was an ass bat. ย โ โย dude, iโm so nervous.ย โ โย how can you be nervous with a beautiful sunset like that?ย โ โย thereโs some pretty shitty things that have happened to people around here.ย โ โย can you even look at least a little bit worried?ย โ โย yeah, iโm fucking nervous, man. i feel like iโm gonna vomit.ย โ โย weโre all assholes here.ย โ โย i donโt know why i phrased itย โlucky for us.โ i think i was feeling brave when i wrote this.ย โ โย yeah, this isnโt lucky for you at all.ย โ โย iโm gonna try and avoid sayingย โdemonโ as much as i can.ย โ โย iโm not gonna let you goad me into this, i know what youโre trying to do.ย โ โย shut up. weโre moving on.ย โ โย you know what? iโm not trying to scare you, butโฆ i got a bad feeling about this one.ย โ โย why are you unbuttoning your pants? weโre in public right now.ย โ โย ohโฆ youโve out-dumbed yourself.ย โ โย you know, i thought this was gonna be funny, but now iโm actually happy that i have it.ย โ โย iโm a whole other coin. just like a chill ass wheat-back penny.ย โ โย iโm doing it for the betterment of the science.ย โ โย any demons here? you got any demons out tonight? any horn-y boys or whatever they are.ย โ โย you may not like thisโฆ iโm gonna try to agitate it.ย โ โย you do what you gotta do and iโll do what i gotta do.ย โ โย iโm just gonna be as crude as possible here.ย โ โย no, no, no. just right out of the gate. why build up?ย โ โย if you donโt believe then thereโs nothing for you to be afraid of, right?ย โ โย you can be is big of a prick as you want, but iโm staying over here.ย โ โย if you want me off this bridge, youโre gonna have to kill me.ย โ โย nope! donโt loop me into your shit!ย โ โย stop looping me. i hate when you do this to me in demon places.ย โ โย iโm not part of his little charade.ย โ โย children will come here and tell tales about me.ย โ โย shut the fuck up โ iโm gonna murder you.ย โ โย oh what a load of horse shit.ย โ โย oh, skip the theatrics and just go into it.ย โ โย if you want me off this bridge, youโre gonna have to throw me off.ย โ โย you gotta admit, that is an effective technique.ย โ โย no, itโs not an effective technique. itโs a way to get killed.ย โ โย thatโs not how you get them, shut up.ย โ โย whenโs the last time you ever walked into the dark woods?ย โ โย this is so much scarier than hunting fucking sasquatch.ย โ โย people usually feel overcome with emotion in here, like a violent emotion.ย โ โย give me a heads up if you start to feel murderous. i would appreciate that.ย โ โย by the way, these woods are also scary because of the people that might be in there.ย โ โย i mean, people are greater threats than demons or ghouls.ย โ โย i canโt fight, you canโt fight.ย โ โย youโre like one of those carwash floaty things that are out front just wiggling around.ย โ โย anyone doing up to no good out here?ย โ โย one of these times weโre gonna die.ย โ โย oh shit! thereโs something over there. i donโt know what it is, but the bushes are moving.ย ย โ โย i just heard a scream.ย โ โย well, if we just make it seem like weโre in on it, likeโฆ weโre here for the cult stuff.ย โ โย weโre here for the cult stuff. we saw the ad on craigslist.ย โ โย it feels weird to even joke. iโm so fucking scared right now.ย โ โย oh sure theyโd be hiding in the bushes. theyโre cultists.ย โ โย i keep collecting spiderwebs on my face and now iโm just sort of immune to them. iโm just letting them accumulate.ย โ โย well, you are just a giant stick walking around.ย โ โย oh, this looks funโฆ an odd collection of branches. looks like a witch lair or something.ย โ โย hello? you canโt be doing occult stuff like this. itโs a weeknight.ย โ โย dude, wait. youโre fucking crazy.ย โ โย you need to chill. you need to chill out.ย โ โย hey man, itโs just a plant.ย โ โย we kicked goatman off the bridge, itโs ours now.ย โ โย goatman, are you out here in the wooโ well, heโs out here in the woodsย โcause heโs not tending to his bridge.ย โ โย clearly. thatโs why finders keepers and all that.ย โ โย hey, if thereโs cultists out thereโฆ i gotta let you know, my pal has a water gun.ย โ โย i donโt like this, i donโt like this one bit.ย โ โย we are hearing noise from all sides at this point. itโs very blair witch.ย โ โย yeah, letโs leave.ย โ โย the nameย โsteveโ doesnโt really strike fear into the heart.ย โ โย iโll go along with this. fun gimmick.ย โ โย well demons, itโs been fun.ย โ โย as we snuff these candles so too do we snuff you from this mortal world, you fucking wimp.ย โ โย this bridge is officially mine. theyโll tell legends of me here.ย โ โย oh god, i feel like iโve gone to the dark side.ย โ โย just gloat a little bit. this is a win for you.ย โ
Get it together, Drew. You donโt believe in ghosts. Right?
spotify wrapped has arrived. send me a number from 1-100 for a starter based on that song, or a lyric from it, or send a ๐ for me to shuffle.
hi maybe like this for an edit of our muses ๐
tobeblamedโ:
ย ย he partiallyย understoodย ย โย ย partiallyย .ย he could see an appealย to someย degree , but the way dean perceivedย the state of being humanย โย ย especially given his most recentย experiencesย โย it was hardlyย even a choiceย to stay an all-powerfulย celestialย , rather than lose everythingย and fallย .ย ย ย ย ย โย but what about the pain?ย ย โย ย ย ย he addressed , as he inevitably projectedย onto hisย ownย .ย ย โย ย โย the suffering?ย you think it was allย worth it?ย ย โย ย ย the weightย of it was farย too greatย , unbearableย .ย
while some of the other angels loathed humans, anna had held them in high regards for a long time now. perhaps sheโd grown fond of them thanks to all that time sheโd spent watching over them when she was stationed on earth.ย โto tell you the truth, the greatest pain iโve ever experienced was when i tore out my grace. it was...excruciating, to say the least. but i believe it was worth it. to be born into my own body, to touch with my own hands, to dream my own dreams, to have a real family...it was all completely worth every ounce of suffering.โ
heavenfellโ:
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ย ย ๐๐ย ย ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ย ย ย ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐,ย ย ๐๐๐ย ย ย ๐๐๐๐ย ย ย ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.ย ย ย ย ย ย ย his existence controlled; his being created with purpose, so to consider blatantly defying ordersย โฆย inspired this internal conflict. humanity is not his to claim, and yet โฆ he can feel something stirring within him.ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย something only one other of his kin would understand.ย ย โ ย annaย โฆย ย โย ย he calls out to her,ย ย ย lowly; a whisper almost melodic.ย โย i donโt know what to do.ย โย ย /ย ย @torngraceโย !
her decision to fall and remove her grace was wholly unprecedented. it was unheard of โ blasphemous. sheโd fought with herself for a long time before she finally decided to just do it. now she could clearly see that castiel was struggling with a similar internal battle now -- disobedience. โcastiel. itโs time for you to walk your own path. to think for yourself now.โ she paused, reaching out to place a hand upon his shoulder. โi say this a friend, as your kin, as a sister. not as your former superior.โ
destinedgreatโ:
โย youย fell,ย once?ย โย itย wasย aย strangeย situation.ย allย theย angelsย ofย heavenย heย hadย metย thusย far,ย castielย aside,ย wereโฆย loyalย toย aย fault.ย tooย loyal,ย heย thought.ย followedย heavenโsย orders,ย noย matterย howย corrupt,ย howโฆย wrong.ย wereย soย willingย toย takeย aย childย andย manipulateย them,ย inย orderย toย achieveย theirย ownย ends.ย andย ifย theyย couldnโtย manipulateโฆย thenย torture.ย maybeย kill.ย ifย weย canโtย haveย him,ย noย oneย can,ย anย angelย hadย toldย themย onย hisย firstย dayย ofย life,ย beforeย stabbingย theย nephilimย withย aย blade.ย failedย assassinationย attempt.ย didnโtย work.ย didnโtย changeย hisย opinionย ofย them,ย either.ย now,ย childย satย crossย -ย leggedย uponย chair,ย curiousย expressionย settlingย uponย paleย featuresย asย heย triedย toย processย hisย questions.ย ย โย โฆย why?ย โฆย didย youย hateย them,ย orย something?ย โย //ย @torngraceโ
she listened patiently, knowing that jack must be curious. โyes, i did,โ she affirmed and nodded. โbut i didnโt just fall.โ anna paused, thinking back to the moment that she decided to โfreeโ herself from heavenโs clutches. โi also removed my own grace,โ she informed him. such a thing was blasphemous โ unholy. and it hurt like hell. but to her, it was worth it. โi was pretty much human for a time. born into my own body. this one is it. i asked for it back once i regained my grace. i didnโt want to take a vessel.โ sheโd never really been a fan of the concept of invading a human being โ someone with their own consciousness and life and soul. โand no, i didnโt hate them. they were my family. heaven was my home. but it wasnโt enough. i wanted more. i wanted to know what it meant to be human. to walk the earth. to love and be loved. to dream.โ
sheโd welcomed death in that moment. it certainly would have been a whole hell of a lot easier than having to deal with the consequences of her actions. but of course michael wouldnโt grant her such a mercy. so she waited. she waited with closed eyes for him to reach out and smite her โ to reduce her into nothingness. but instead, she opened her eyes and she was back in present time. anna had clung to her empathy from her time as a human. she still felt things rather deeply. perhaps no longer on the same level as a human, but still, poignant enough. a sinking feeling formed in the pit of her stomach. yes, her stomach. because even as an angel, this body was always hers. never a vessel. she was reborn into it twice. once after she tore out her grace and again after she unwilling regained it.ย
she knew that she was going to have to face dean. sure, she could just run off and never see him again โ but that would make her a coward. anna was a lot of things, but never that. still, she understood that this was a very fresh wound. and so she decided to give it some time. a few weeks, to be exact. it was hard to find to him, with the enochian sigil he bore. but she didnโt want to enter his dreams to find him. she felt like that was too much of an invasion, especially after what sheโd done to him and sam. so instead she searched the old fashioned way, followed some leads, and eventually she made it to him. โdean.โ she spoke, as he stood with his back to her. โcan we talk?โ she hoped that he wouldnโt tell her to go to hell, but sheโd understand if he did.ย @tobeblamedโ
shieldeusโ:
ย ย ย ๐ธ๐โ๐ ๐ท๐ฐ๐๐ณ ๐๐พ ๐ฑ๐ด๐ป๐ธ๐ด๐ ๐ด ๐ท๐ด๐๏ผ for a while,ย he even wonders if she isnโt making a fool of him,ย of the naively curious way a strange foreignness fills castielโs eyes as he takes her in.ย itโs her,ย no doubt,ย but the idea that for a while the perimeter of her body,ย her flame-red hair and willowy limbs,ย was everything that there was to see of her and nothing beyond her sheer physicality,ย seems โฆ preposterous.ย even blasphemous,ย one could say.ย castiel wonders how would it feel,ย to be a body and not simply inhabit it like a big,ย intrusive guest.ย a flooding presence.ย to have hands to touch,ย to feel warmth and cold.ย to dream,ย indeed.ย to cry.ย a sting of jealousy tightens in the middle of his chest at the thought.ย heโs unsure,ย however,ย if ananiel choosing these experiences over her own kin is what truly makes him jealous,ย instead of knowing that sheโs experienced all this while castiel hasnโt.ย this feels like the kind of question she would know how to answer.ย she always had all the answers.
ย ย ย he says nothing at first,ย tamely lowering his eyes down to the amber glass in front of him.ย his forefinger stretches to brush the roundness of it.ย though a bit warmed,ย it should still be cold.ย he cannot feel it.ย ย ย โย that is unheard of.ย โย ย he begins.ย ever the pioneer,ย he wants to say โ the curl of a cautious smile tugging at the corner of castielโs mouth.ย he doesnโt,ย though.ย nor does he smile.ย ย โย was that worth forsaking your orders and your kin for?ย you know,ย for a long time iโve wondered if i could have prevented you from taking that decision.ย if i had disappointed you.ย have we disappointed you,ย annaย โย has heaven?ย โ
ย ย ย again,ย he doesnโt mean his words to sound harsh.ย perhaps he canโt help it.ย ย โย it sounds wonderful.ย dreaming,ย a family.ย youโve had your taste.ย โย ย he continues,ย flatly.ย the seraphโs eyes follow the shifts across annaโs face,ย trying to detect a hint of something.ย repentance,ย hopefully,ย so he knows thereโs still a chance.ย ย โย will you come home?ย โ
sheโs never been overly fond of the idea of taking a vessel. she doesnโt want to reside inside a body that already carries another consciousness โ another soul. it just doesnโt feel right to her. but she hasnโt been completely opposed to it in the past. sheโs done it briefly before, but much prefers having her own body. thereโs just something about knowing that every touch, every emotion, and every dream is really and truly hers, that is unmatched. sheโs incredibly grateful that she was granted her body back after her grace was restored. of course, it took some convincing, though. nevertheless, even if sheโs no longer โhumanโ, at least sheโs still herself. and right now, thatโs enough for her. sheโs not planning on tearing out her grace again anytime soon. itโs far too painful for her to endure right now.ย
โitโs unprecedented, yes. but it happened,โ she speaks, before taking another sip of her beer. she doesnโt feel buzzed in the slightest. when she was human, she was a lightweight. โi donโt know, castiel,โ she answers truthfully. most days, she does think itโs worth it. but sometimes she does have doubts. she wonders if sheโs thrown everything away for her own selfish desires. or is it better labeled as her own freedom? โyou couldnโt have stopped me. iโm sorry, but i would have fallen no matter what. my mind was made up. i decided to make my own path. and no, heaven wasnโt really disappointing. you, especially, were never disappointing. heaven was fine, maybe a little oppressive at times, but i needed more. perhaps it was selfish of me.โ
she sighs softly and tucks a strand of her fiery red hair behind her ear, briefly shifting in her seat. sheโs never really felt guilty about any of this until now โ now that sheโs face to face with castiel. someone that she was closest with. sheโd be lying if she didnโt admit that a part of her missed how things used to be. but she also is grateful for her time as a human. โeven if i want to come home, i get the feeling that iโm no longer welcome there,โ she responds, her tone carrying a sort of withdrawn sadness. โmy reputation is tarnished. iโll be an outcast. and iโm sure thereโs a hefty punishment awaiting me.โ
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ๐จ๐ณ๐พ๐จ๐๐บ ย & ย ๐ญ๐ถ๐น๐ฌ๐ฝ๐ฌ๐น.
starters and replies will be done on here tomorrow! wasnโt feeling very well tonight, so i apologize for my absence.