Can't believe I didn't hear ab the art sale at my school, why they announce it so late?!?! Anyways just trying to rush this as fast as possible cuz gonna have to give it in Wednesday. AHHHH was Gon sneak my phone in class but just realized I got seated near the teachers desk. Stupid stupid bad eyesight!!!
( Hey guys I'm a young non-native beginner writer and I really wanna improve my writting by making works ab the game and character I love so please critique me and say what I did right! NO AI was used <3 and don't dare feed this to it.
Info: MC is nameless and genderless so you can insert yourself or your OC's, but MC does where a dress. )
//
Tales and stories that seemed fairy tale like perpetuated online, painting a picture of the city — making it out to be a dangerous land. Even with the protection of the wings parisites could still latch on and destroy every feather. But most of that couldn't possible ever happen to a person like me — right? Keep your head down and behave and I'd most likely be fine, that usually only ever happened to the unlucky few, doing the math that'd be one percent of the cities population, a little baby number!
Chances were low but never truly zero.
Getting back from work I flopped down onto the mattress groaning, ugh my legs were absolutely done for from needing to walk up to the top floor, those steps — I don't think they'd ever be able to work normally again! I turned to my whilst wrestling my phone out of the dark blue work bag that had held so many fixer pins and charms that I practically jingled as I walked. I powered to phone on the bright lock screen contrasting the rest of the darkly lit room, a notification pop uped on the phone. I turned the brightness down focusing on the words — " Taste testing newest ice cream flavours in J Corp with moi!"
Nice! At least I had his shoulder to lay on after a stressing day of work — and! He was in my wing too. It'd be so nice to go and meet him, I'd do it right now if only the place wasn't like an hour away on foot. I mean — I could call a cab, no not possible money subtract by cab money equals no food, sigh he'd be gone far away once I got in there anyways. It'd be so nice to get a signature too to remember him by, maybe in another life just not this one. To get to talk to him oh how I longed for it, through the comments maybe still there was no guarantee without a shout-out. My finger hovered over the button it took every once of my remaining power to stop myself from eating salt water soup for dinner and sugar water for desert until my next paycheck.
Despite my momentary disappointment my sadness was quickly lifted away when the stream started. I was giggling and smiling at all the jokes he was making, I was ready to type in a comment until the video started buffering out of no where. I waited Cinq minutes — ha Cinq five, before I stated to get really annoyed.
I thought I payed my my wifi bill already? That's not right how can they just take it way so unfairly I already worked so hard! The dying lightbulb went out completely leaving my room wrapped in darkness, alright maybe it they didn't take it away randomly the power must've went out.
Well what can I do now, there's nothing for me to do besides go and take a walk, I did not feel like walking up and down the stairs again. Wow without Camille to keep me I thought I payed my my wifi bill already? That's not right how can they just take it way so unfairly I already worked so hard! The dying lightbulb went out completely leaving my room wrapped in darkness, alright maybe it they didn't take it away randomly the power must've went out. that whole workout I did before got me so sleepy. I yawned loudly as I went under my sheets for warmth. My vision darkened then instantly lightened like a video game skip scene — the only other source of light coming from the window turned a dark azure . Had I really slept that long — If so why did I not feel well rested at all?
In my half asleep state I walked up to the window to fully close the blinds, I leaned over and noticed that the stool of window was rough like rock. I fully opened my eyes to see the blinds handle but all that could be perceived is the ground bellow, the building grew approximately Cinq-ty floors taller matireals switched to stones and wood a tower-like structure, the bottom of the tower was lit a bright green flame.
I really just jinxed myself — didn't I?
There's no time to dwell on the thought or I would soon be consumed by the hungry fire. Adrenaline filled my body as I ran towards the door, it's still a possibility that I could continue living. I soon came to realization of what my clothes had turned into when I faceplanted to the door then ground from tripping on the hem of the dress that was on me. It was pink, poofy, similar to the designs of those princess picture books parents bought for their daughters children. Thankfully It didn't hurt that much from the large amount of pading.
My arms lifted my body up and I felt terror at the fact that I had nearly fallen to my death. If my fall landed a little further I'd slip right off. I pinned the hem up, decreasing the chances of mortal injuries. There was some pretty big close calls that happened due to this dramatic get up — I could survive I was carefully enough. Until I was striked immediately — the beastly thing akin to a dragons claws inflicting burns to what ever touched it Lucky it only hit fabric not skin.
This is it — I'll become a copy and pasted number, the unlucky few...
This is the last time that I'll be able to see this beautiful word and all it's disappointments. Is this what it feels like to pass away? My body was embraced by a deep blue — wait that wasn't the colour of the flame, wasn't it green before? Whatever it was I closed my eyes waiting for death.
" Wake up sleeping beauty — this isn't how the story supposed to go, the princess always get saved! "
I wasn't falling any longer? Who had saved me? I-I think I recognized that voice! My eyes unlocked and tried to focused on the white blue blur, who was the knight that scoop me up into their arms?
" Right chat? "
With that voice, the white hat and cloak, blue uniform, and that signature catchphrase! It can only mean one thing, one person...
"C-CAMILLE, CAMILLE THE STRONGEST MOST HONORABLE, MAGNIFIQUE FIXER OF THE CINQ ASSOCIATES?!?!"
He, Camille angled his selfie stick to get a good view of him carrying me and flashed a smiled before facing the stream. " Yes it is! It appears that even this gorgeous princess is a fan of moi!" His black glove placed his selfie stick in my hands as the soft feathers brushed against my cheek. By gaining one of his most precious tools in helping him stream I accepted the task of documenting this entire duel for all to see. Despite the puffy pink fabric adding kilos onto my weight he never failed to keep a steady grip, Camille continued to yap to the audience watching this play play out. " Looks and feels light as that ice cream we've just had don't you think? "
The protagonist us reached an impediment in the script. The hungry hellfire consumed more and more of the tower, I looked up to see what he'd do at this point — was I going to cut his life short? He still put on a brave face " Well this is certainly a big hurdle! I'm certain that this lovely royal and I shall overcome this challenge. My hands shook a bit making the footage blurry for a moment, in that second he looked to his gaze wavering — he mouhed the words " Don't worry " to me before swapping back to his happier plastered smile persona.
A white cape was gently dragged then flowed to the exposed parts of my body and his — " Hold on thight princess! " The ride started to get shaky as he pacend his running so that the flames would not slowly devour us. Miraculously unlike when that thing tried to hurt me the flames no longer burned — it was like a magical force field when we were together. As the cape covered my eyes it was impossible to see anything so I only relied on my other Cinq sensens, mostly the same crackling and popping sound but the sound of large gates closing quickened my already fast heartbeat. I loud swoosh blew the white blindfold off and too his back from sliding to our freedom.
His eyes darted around searching a safe place to hide me in whilst wiping away the beads of sweat off his forehead. " See chat! I told you this knight would have always saved the day! "
He placed me behind a conveniently placed boulder — from actor I returned to be the audience. His hands clasped over mine taking away his selfie stick, " Sit back and relax, you must've been tired from being woken too early in this fashion. " It wasn't really a good view but it was better than being a burden making him safe me constantly, reality was much better than whatching from a screen.
The dragons eyes bored into Camille realizing the knight did not have the princess anymore the conditions for safety were left unfulfilled. He drew out his rapier doing battle with the monster — I wondered how he was able to fight holding that stick let alone achieve good clips. There was no need to prolounge the ending, he used his ultimate finishing move 50 strikes right to the heart only in 1 second! The thing turned into an egg like formation as it was subdued by Camille himself.
He walked back closer to the safe haven giving me a goodbye salut " Au revoir princesse, may we meet again on better circumstances — don't forget to tune into my next shows! "
What had felt like a whole movie was just forty-cinq minutes including my momentary nap. The sky and my costume turned to ash revealing the true environment under the filming set.
" I think"
A montage of scenes played through my mind which created a finished product. Him catching me, carrying me bridle style, protecting me from the flames, and saving the day! What a perfect way to end it off, even if every nick name and reassurance was for the camera — I really did feel like a princess. Looking down to my knees I saw a plume from his uniform whit a messily scribbled signature on it — a memoir of him.
" I think I'm in love. "
Total: 1770 words
//
( AHHHHH omg I'm finally done with this and I'm so happy with this! I had to take a break from writing my long angsty Callisto fanfic and thought of another character I liked! I just love Camille so much I hope this fic does justice for him and sorry if it's OOC. This was all written at school and my friend said the draft was good enough to post, this version could most likely still be improved on but I was just to exited to post. Hoped you enjoyed )
Opinions about Canto 9 the unserving, spoilers ahead of course.
Alright so I did finish this canto quite a long time ago, but I have a pretty mixed feeling about it.
I won't make this too long by discussing every single thing so I'll only be chatting about what mattered most to me.
I also kinda forgot what exactly happened in each part, so sorry if I ordered things wrong
The good:
Starting with part 1, It was so hype to see everyone at the same time, Saude, LCE, LCA, Distortion detective crew, and we finally got to see verg put in real work!
The first fight with lucio wasn't hard at all actually, it still felt mentally stimulating with all the mechanics out into the match up. And the Manikins were ok ig, they were just winratable fodder that had a good design. I expected there to be more creations of the ring due to the leaks of those skull things that the manikins birth that I'll be expanding more on in the complaints
Despite at first not really carrying for Hoenheim, Marton, and Allyssa, I felt so worried looking when we saw her with zenons spiral in her chest. I thought it was going to be the classic case of KJH killing off side characters ,but it wasn't her who died.
When Dante and crew got split up it was real interesting seing how each team functioned together. What I enjoyed most was Outis showing her old military prowess by acting as the replacement manager and the LCE team. KJH finally learned how to more PNG's around and Hoenheim heath dou was back, I love it when PM shows Heathclif acting smart and less brash when he pointed out Callisto was out there making goreslop. Sinclair starts be more brave and the team puts themselves in emmense torture just to have that small chance of beating a MAESTRO of the ring.
Ren and Albina fight was kinda tricky for me at first because I won't lie, I am ass at strategy games. Once I actually read it just became a bullying simulator, but! It was still fun.
Onto part 2!
I loved Sora so much she was just so cute, her personality got me curious on how she even came to be. From what I've seen from limbus the index faction seem to try to behave nice to people due to what the prescript might force them to do someday.
Lastly part 3.
I Callisto, I love Callisto, I love Callisto, I Callisto, I love Callisto, I love Callisto, I Callisto, I love Callisto, I love Callisto, I Callisto, I love Callisto, I love Callisto, I Callisto, I love Callisto, I love Callisto, I Callisto, I love Callisto, I love Callisto.
Oh umm I got a bit out of my head there
Potential man please don't reach your potential, roach emperor looked really cool and I'm wondering what hermann is planning with making Gregor into such a strong weapon. Maybe to take over the head some day?
I enjoyed Hoenheims talk towards Callisto, it showed a lot about his personality and makde me see some things that I didn't realize about the corporist maestro.
Ryoshus bond with araya was so good, her daughter passed down so much on her and I loved the "I want to become mommies mommy" line. It felt so heart breaking seing mother and daughter get ripped apart, but atleast their lives might meet again?
Despite what some people say I really enjoyed the mili song this time.
Alright, done with the compliments let's get to the
Problems
Part one was pretty solid honestly, the only problem I had with it was that this could've been put into an intervallo instead of taking space in the canto.
The variation of enemy wasn't to my liking, all we had were manikins and maniking but tied up in pink ribbon. I understand that these people are outcasted by their specific fingers but it seemed that lil'ryo was incredibly important to them, if not her atleast arayashiki. Rein wasn't outcasted from the index and if I'm remembering correctly Matthias still had communication with the middle as he knew about Ricardo's hair coupons, Faust proselyte ID also suggested that there could've been index members since first ID's usually contain characters that show up.
The reused abno fights were fine, I was exited at first but mechanics and difficulty wasn't that different from the first time we versed against them so it felt like we were just wasting time that could've been spent on more lore.
What were the apprentices for? It elluded for them to be something bigger but they all just ended dying (except Kira) without any of them succeeding in following that "greater" plan. All of them felt so interesting just for their characters to be thrown out but then again Sora and Ren still have a chance of coming back.
I wish Ryoshu could've met with Callisto, in every ID she had something relating to the arts, I thought that the ring would have a higher presence.
Talking about Callisto again PM should've showed us more of his art, 1 I am curious and 2 it could've helped us realize that his innovative art was just regressing to goreslop, but maybe it was to help Hoenheims statement.
The fights in the 3rd part were... They were so bad gameplay wise for me. Limbus as a game is already a bit boring without the difficulty of MD extreme, one of the most fun parts of the game is looking at your little guys clash and do big damage, in this the NPC's are doing everything for you. The sinners are not strong enough to beat the nursefathers but it the NPC's could've supported us more like Hoenheim and Allyssa instead of carrying us. The fights were just a slog to get through since they were so long.
I do not like the way they told the backstrories of the apprentices and nursefathers, it just not feel good to be reading about lore in a battle, how would any of these characters know about their past?
The whole reason for the house of spiders felt useless. The goal was to turn lil ryo into a concept incinerators but aren't those readily available in the city? Even the bodisvatha chicken guy had that. So why even bother with sending important members like Velencina to raise ryoshu when they still had use?
If the sword slasesh memories wouldn't that mean ryoshu would forget her purpose, which side she's fighting for, even how to weild the sword. That be dangerous and reset progress. The apprentices could've been to create another wielder of arayashiki as ryoshu could be copy and pasted but no person other than rein could've known about it?
What did the other nursefathers besides Callisto and Valencina do, It feels like they were the main ones teaching ryoshu as most of their skills derive from them.
I do not agree with how this canto is centered and paced so fast, it should've went something like this
- intervallo: Ruined LCE
-Part 1: Going to spider house
-Part2: Finding out Shinomi is Araya
-Part3: Trying to prove to araya that ryoshu loves her
It could've even had a 4th part in my opinion
Even with all it's problems I can still forgive, the biggest one though is locking important information in the battle pass which you have to pay for. Araya in the story seems like she's angry due to her mother forgetting and abandoning her but in the commentary she says that she wouldn't have been as angry if she knew that arayashiki sleshed at the most beloved memories. This changes a lot in the story and it was never said which memories specifically that arayashiki deleted so it was thought to be at random or the ones morst recent.
This is not to say that I hate this canto I still love it dearly
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