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[catbellybuttons]

I'll probably never write it but I do think this would be an extremely funny setup for a comedy fake dating/ husbands fic:

"Married?" Bond scoffed. "Can he not be my useless son or something?"

Q made an offended noise. "Useless, really? Could you not be my recently divorced disaster of a father?"

"Department budgets only stretch to a one bed," Moneypenny continued dryly. "And more importantly the mark's husband-"

"Can we not just send someone to seduce him?" Bond cut in impatiently. Hell, he'd do it himself if it really came down to it. He wasn't above ruining someone's marriage in the name of getting what was required.

"-Is a couples therapist." Moneypenny finished.

"Ah." Bond said, suddenly this ridiculous set up was starting to make an annoying sort of sense.

Q laughed darkly. "And we're to be the couple made of — how do people put it — more red flags than a communist rally?"

Bond cocked his head at Q and raised one eyebrow in lieu of a question.

"Married extremely quickly, absolutely nothing in common, concerningly large age gap." Q listed off on his fingers. He turned and locked eyes with Bond. "One struggling with his masculinity and sexuality."

"I think you'll find I'm perfectly content with my masculinity, thankyou."

Q shot him a withering look.

"And there's a beautiful example of you bickering like an old married couple already." Moneypenny smiled smugly.

Moneypenny gives them each other's files and tells them to brush up on both their backstories but both of them independently go "No?? The cover will work much better if neither of us know anything about the other."

In session 1 the therapist is like "dear god I don't even know where to BEGIN with all this" gesturing at their everything. but by the end is like "you know what I don't understand it but somehow it works"

(assorted addenda can be found on ao3 (not an actual fic))

[riverfortune]

I just finished listening to a book the other day. It's called Falling Free by Lois McMaster Bujold. It is listed as the first in her Vorkosigan series but the recommended reading order is to start at book 2, so I initially skipped it. The rest of the series is basically a bunch of action/space opera books following a particular family in their adventures in a sci-fi future involving a planet that does feudalism in space and a boy who is born with a fragile body into a warrior-based society. They're really fun and I recommend them.

But.

Falling Free is about a man whose company sends him to a space station to teach a bunch of people with extra arms where their legs should be how to do space welding. When I first read the summary, I thought it was really weird and figured I wouldn't get around to reading it. I'm so glad I read it after all.

It's not just about a bunch of four-armed freaks learning space welding. It's about recognizing the exploitation of those around you. It's about the dehumanizing nature of bureaucracy. It's about the danger of outsourcing your morality to what's legal. It's about how offloading responsibility onto the next guy results in disaster. It's about learning what kind of labor is needed to make a society. It's about how sometimes you can weaponize bureaucracy against itself for good. It's about how others can weaponize it for evil. It's about understanding the value of women's labor. It's about the value of free will. It's about the importance of taking responsibility for the consequences of your own actions. It's about the dangers of eugenics and it's about the dangers of coorporations and it's about the dangers of personal ambition. It's about standing up for what's right even if it goes against what you always thought was right. It was published in 1988 and it's about four-armed people welding in space.

[keferon]

Spot the freakin difference

+ joke that took an embarrassing amount of time to make

Oh. My god skowkwbegedijdbrjr

Now imagine if Longarms planet also has some kind of prehistoric human-like creatures that went extinct >:0

Shockwave looking at Longarm: .......man...is that what dinosaurs could've looked like...

Longarm looking at Shockwave: oh wow....we've been doing those museum reconstructions all wrong......

[mjrtaurus]

I love how the Elder Scrolls series had a race of hive-minded steampunk elves that were so aggressively anti-theistic that they built a synthetic god to act as an existential negative integer to all creation just to test the hypothesis that it could be cancelled out. But upon powering this synthetic god on, the inherent illogic and irrationality of apotheosis spread through the hive-mind like an atomic blast wave, and these elves who based their entire worldview in logic and rationality could no longer justify their own existence, and so they cancelled themselves out of the universal equation, in part proving their hypothesis in the process.

[notyournoma]

[papayafromtv]

every now and then i remember how funny the lego batman Dick Grayson adoption story was. like, Dick was just a fanboy in an orphanage who decided it would be cool if Bruce Wayne was his dad, so when he met Bruce he straight up just asked if Bruce would adopt him, and Bruce wasn't listening to a word this kid was saying because he was distracted, so he just assumed Dick wanted an autograph and signed the adoption documents in Dick's hands, and then he just got in his car and drove off. Alfred had to be the one to go back and get him, just sighing as he opened the car door like 'well, i guess it's legal now, you better get in'. like that's gotta be top ten funniest fucking ways for Bruce to adopt a kid. i think that method should be used more, and i personally think it should be used by Tim.

like- fanboy/stalker child Timothy Drake; knows his parents suck and he decides he wants a new dad. and who would be fucking better than the man he knows for a fact to be Batman?! i want Tim to straight-faced no fear just march up to Bruce during some kind of event with guardianship papers he's already forged his parents signature on, deciding to face-to-face randomly ask this man to be his new dad.

Bruce is not paying attention to anything this kid says, by the way. Bruce is trying to leave the event because Jason's with him and he wants the kid to get an early night before school the next morning. there's press and people asking for pictures swarming the street between him and his car. it's too loud, he's got Jason clinging to his hand and trying to keep up from behind, and there's so many people clamouring for his attention that when this little kid somehow manages to slip up to his side, paper and pen in hand, that he vaguely remembers as one of the kids in his neighbourhood, Bruce just quickly scrawls his signature where the kid points and then tries to shove the paparazzi back again.

Jason's the only one who notices, having tuned out all the other visual and audio mess because he trusted Bruce to handle it. when he sees the glee on Tim's face his hand slips from Bruce, and while the man steps away to demand everybody clear a pathway to his car for him and his kid, he leans over and actually reads what Bruce just signed.

he looks at the paper. he looks at Tim. he looks at the paper.

it's genuinely the funniest fuck up he's ever seen the man do. he visibly has to hold back laughter as he claps Tim on the shoulder and solemnly declares, "welcome to the family, weirdo." before Bruce reaches back to grab him by the sleeve and tug him away again.

Tim goes home to pack his bags and then smugly shows up at Wayne Manor the next day, where Jason lets him in and shows him to one of the empty bedrooms. Alfred spots them and stops for a minute, wondering if this is something he should be involved in. then the kettle goes off and he figures it's not his problem. Bruce does not clock that there is another person unpacking and starting to live in his house until Tim sits next to him at the dinner table and no-shame starts referring to him as dad while Jason gives him the most shit-eating grin imaginable.

[ellynneversweet]

Darcy’s introduction in Pride and Prejudice is really ‘what if you had just had the worst month of your life because your ex-bestie tried to lover boy scam your baby sister out of her share of your dad’s life insurance and your friend dragged you to a shitty party in a dive bar in the neighbourhood where he’d just signed a short term lease, and you decided to let your bad mood show because you were never going to see any of the assholes in this stupid shitty bar EVER again. And your friend ended up making out with a girl he’d just met there while you were stuck talking to her sister who was less cute and then her mother appeared and started trying to matchmake and started saying how if she was twenty years younger she’d clime you like a redwood and ooooh is that a black Amex, guess the next round is on you hahhahahahaha, while her other sister (how many fucking sisters does she have?!) flashed an obviously fake ID at the bar and ordered six vodka-diet red bulls and no one in her family except the less-cute sister even tried to stop her. And you went home and consoled yourself that you would never see any of these people again but then you met them over and over again because they live next door and your friend and the cute sister keep meeting up to make out but not actually date and then. You fall in love with the less-cute sister because it turns out she’s really witty and charismatic but she already knows and remembers and resents the fact that on a day when you were in a shitty mood you called her mid out loud in a dive bar.’

[captainsnoop-deactivated2020041]

i hate it when game devs put “fixed several issues” in patch notes 

no. tell me what you fixed. i wanna know what the glitch was.

you know those patch notes that are like “fixed an issue where if the player sat in a bush for too long, they’d become the size of a skyscraper” 

i wanna read those. tell me those. 

[necroesque666]

[sindri42]

[sindri42]

[ahdok]

Adjusted value of Bees. Now that was a special one… because every item in the game had a minimum value, and a beehive was a container for bees, which each had a minimum value… which meant the moment one of your dwarves picked up a beehive, your entire fortress’ net worth skyrocketed… a value used in determining how powerful the foes that visit and try to murder you are.

[prokopetz]

Reblogging for the explanation of what “adjusted value of bees” actually means, because I know several folks following this blog have been wondering.

[probabilitydirigible]

Okay but you’ve all forgotten the best Dwarf Fortress bug of all “Flying creatures give birth in midair, leading to tragedy” 

[probabilitydirigible]

Actually I lied it’s the one where after a major update werewolves and vampires started climbing the nearest tree and refusing to come down. It turned out that he’d given evil creatures the ability to sense each other, but forgotten to set a maximum range on it, so werewolves were aware Hell was underground and trying to flee by climbing 

[thepageofhopes]

This has to be my favorite patch note ever

[library-seraph]

My fave dwarf fortress patch note is “i think i made fish too hardcore”. IIRC dwarf fortress has universal skills so everything that can swin has the swim skill. physical skills train strength, so increasing swimming will have a knock on positive effect for all physical skills. since fish are swimming all the time this meant fish were constantly raising strength and became unstoppable killing machines

[dragon-in-a-fez]

one of the funniest conversations I ever had with my ex was when they were still getting used to Celsius and asked me "what's 20 degrees?" and instead of converting it, I said "it's the highest your dad will ever let you set the thermostat and when you say you're cold he tells you to put on another sweater, we're not made of money" and they went "oh, 68"

the fact that this reference was that fucking precise was something they went on to tell people about for years.

[coffeedragonart]

Sometimes, when a wishing well has taken many, many offerings, all that gold starts to attract wildlife…

[bettsfic]

listen. padme amidala is a freak, okay. ever since aotc i’ve had to listen to bullshit arguments about how awful the prequel romance is, how anakin’s a red flag, blah blah blah. that’s a smooth brain take. first of all, of course he’s a red flag. that’s the point. you think padme doesn’t know anakin is ten pounds of mommy issues in a five pound bag? you think she looked at soggy weeping anakin begging her to love him and didn’t immediately think “yes i definitely will peg him” ?? you think just because she’s a queen turned senator that she isn’t just as horny and feral as he is? anakin wasn’t even pushy about it. he was just “oh btw i’ve been obsessed with you for a decade and live in a perpetual state of emotional agony but thats okay whatever you want is fine with me haha” and padme goes “yea okay i’m into that.” two minutes after he’s assigned to be her bodyguard she gives an obligatory little “i have a bad feeling about this” and then just fucking marries him. this is a woman who wore white to a blood bath. come on.

[bettsfic]

#I like the prequels more now that I’ve decided to stop trying to shoehorn any character’s behaviors into normal boxes #and instead just asked myself ‘what kind of person would make these choices’ and see the characters as that #Padme seriously wore a black corset to tell him she was very into him but they would not be fucking #instead of saying oh my god who DOES that #I just instead ask myself ‘who does that’ and realize that explains a lot more #here is this wealthy educated and perhaps a little vain woman who sees her childhood hick charitycase friend grew up as a hot goth jock #and oh no he’s still space racist and awkward and yet she goes harder for him after finding that out #she’s absolutely a freak #her being a freak is actually the most polite way to interpret her character #because it intersects so interestingly with this virgin child queen who crowned the emperor shit that’s her actual legacy #to be honest I still have no clue what Lucas intended to say with these characters but tehyre a lot more fun once you turnoff preconceptions #the OT trilogy are adorable and iconic but the PT trio are great because theres something fucking wrong with all of them #just comically tragically the dumbest combination of disordered behavior from a group of protagonists #the OT trio are unlikely but largely successful heroes! The PT trilogy are hyper-competent child geniuses who grew up to be #heavily decorated and famous heroes who break the entire setting forever and I love that for them!

shout out to @superstardestroyer for having the most correct star wars opinion on this website

[thetimesinbetween]

#YES. (tearing apart my enclosure with every emotion imaginable raging within me) YES EXACTLY!!!!!!! (via r-osehips)

[charlesoberonn]

We need more scary infinite variants of manmade environments like the Infinite IKEA or the Backrooms.

May I suggest, The Lot:

[charlesoberonn]

I'm sorry to disappoint you but this is a real parking lot. I didn't edit it.

[charlesoberonn]

Check out the lot-to-building ratio in any large American sports stadium

[toawk]

Some lots are so big they have bus services specifially inside it. The lots are broken into sections and buses go around to their sections at a set amount of times before the start of something and drive people to the main building.

[charlesoberonn]

The societies of lost people inside The Lot would probably operate something like that to locate and pick up new arrivals and bring them over to one of the major settlements.

[charlesoberonn]

In the Infinite Ikea or Backrooms you can convince yourself there's gonna be a door round the next corner or behind that wall.

But despite it being completely open, there is no hope of escape from The Lot. Whereever you look it's just more cars from horizon to horizon.

[bonediggercharleston]

Sheesh, man, that's

a lot

[monamoni]

[blizzardofjj]

Show-off

[fistfuloflightning]

Harold was always a little… different.

[magicpiano]

People who haven't seen Madoka Magica might not know this, but both the characters Mami and Homura are magical girls who use guns as weapons. But while Mami's gun are magical, Homura's are literally just normal guns she stole from the government.

[open-sketchbook]

i really really love the magical muskets for a really specific reason, which is that blackpowder guns are way older than people think and should 100% be treated with similar mythological weight to swords and spears and stuff at this point, and they should have equal prominence in generic fantasy fiction stuff.

lemme put it this way; european longswords and european cannons are siblings. they emerged at basically the same time in the early 1300s, and when the longsword was at its peak use in the mid-1400s, the musket was beginning to proliferate.

likewise, the 'modern' style of katana only started being made in the century leading up to the introduction of muskets to Japan; in fact, the reason the katana became The Samurai Sword was because it was a small practical blade you could wear while you carried a gun.

if you can picture your setting having a sword you can use with two hands, then you should have hand cannons. if your knights have full plate, then there should be matchlocks. if you have a magical girl with a sabre, then you should have magical girls with flintlocks.

[copperbadge]

Before the advent of digital photography, the way you took photos was with a camera and a roll of film loaded into it. When you'd used up the film you took it out of the camera and took it to a developer, who would turn the film into prints (or slides). This could take anywhere from an hour to a couple of days depending on what you had access to and were willing to pay.

My folks were not willing to pay top dollar for whatever ten year old me thought was important to photograph, so we usually took my film to a drugstore which would mail it off to a bulk developer, and I'd get it back in about a week. Part of the fun was waiting to see what photos came out, or even being reminded of what was on the early part of the roll.

Recently I gave Hodag a vintage DLR and some film for it, and we spent part of Saturday wandering around testing it out. I dropped the film off at a local developer on Monday and he said based on his workload he'd probably have it for me at the end of the week.

I have the same excited, twitchy impatience to see this developed roll as I did when I was a kid. COME ON! WHEN AM I GONNA GET THE PRINTS? THEY'RE GONNA LOOK SO COOL! I've been checking my email for the notification incessantly.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

I've seen a few posts lately that are like "how to avoid abuse as a housewife" and that's important but I want to say something from the kind-of-opposite-kind-of-the-same perspective:

if you thought you were signing up for a partnership of equals where you shared the responsibilities and financial burdens, the other person does not have the right to pressure or manipulate you into becoming The Breadwinner.

like, in my case it was super duper obvious that what my ex was doing was wrong because they would watch me come home from 50+ hours of work every week while they did three, and then expect me to do all the grocery shopping, cleaning, and life admin shit as well.

but even if they hadn't. even if they had decided to be The Housewife while I was The Breadwinner. that would still be bullshit because when we got married it was based on explicit agreement that we were planning to be a two-income, split-everything-equitably couple. no matter what, I didn't consent to burning myself out trying to provide for two people, and no one had the right to force me to do that.

what I'm getting at here is: just as it's manipulative and dangerous for your partner to demand you give up your job and focus everything on your home life for their benefit, it's also manipulative and dangerous for your partner to demand you work yourself to death so they can stay home.

[delusionalpuffball]