my parents always taught me to marry for more than love. they hated my last boyfriend because he came from a broken home. every time i mentioned him, they asked me why he wasn’t going to college and i was. why i was going to be making 80k a year and he was barely making 30. he never was good with money and he couldn’t keep a job. my parents asked me why we never went on dates, why i spent so much time at his house. i didn’t know how to tell them that i wasn’t with him for the material stuff. they asked me why my high school guidance counselor told them that he had terrible parents. why even though his parents had no money, his mom didn’t work. why his sisters were always totaling their cars. why his brother was in and out of jail. they asked me if i really wanted to be with someone who had a brother who would steal out of my purse when i slept over. i didn’t know what to say. is it just to judge somebody for their family? for how they were raised? just because they weren’t as privileged as i was? all i knew was that i wasn’t leaving. no matter what. but when love crumbled around my feet, hell, i wish i picked him for more than just love. i wish i picked somebody who knew how to stay, who was built on values that when things get hard, you don’t just run away. and i guess my parents were right: you have to pick someone who advances your life. someone who has parents who taught them good values like how to be loyal, how to be good with money; you have to pick someone with a good job not because of the good job, but because they know how to stick with something and keep advancing within a company. you have to pick someone who is going to school because you need somebody who values you enough to put themselves through something hard just to take care of you. and yeah, college isn’t for everybody, but picking someone who can’t even hold a job is picking someone who views it as less of work and more of a hobby. you have to pick someone who has a family you love because you’re going to be spending a lot of time with them. and it sucks but it’s true, my parents were right: love is not enough. unfortunately, i learned that the hard way when i let somebody walk all over me just because. but i look at my parents: they’ve been married for 30 years now. they were raised with values that when you choose somebody, you don’t give up. and i mean yeah, that’s great and stuff. it’s great that they’d never even think of being with anybody else. it’s great that they’ve never had to worry about money because my dad is amazing at saving. it’s great that they ended up with two good kids who graduated college and would never end up being the stealing, cheating, drug-addicts that my ex’s family created. i have great parents, but my parents… they’re not in love. they fight every chance they get. like my mom asked me to come to their 30th anniversary dinner so she didn’t have to be alone with my dad. like i think they married each other for more than love and sometimes i want to ask them: don’t you ever feel like this isn’t enough? so i spend so much time trying to choose between the two extremes: like on one hand, love’s a risk and i couldn’t imagine going through a divorce because my relationship was build on a feeling instead of a choice, but god, with playing it safe, there is no passion and i know that’ll kill me. and i know now that finding somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with should be a happy medium– it’s picking somebody who makes your heart race but someone who can take care of you. it’s finding someone you love but also someone you admire. someone you love but also someone who has good traits. but i’ve never experienced a love that didn’t either fall apart or stay together and break and i’m starting to think my only two options are to pick someone i love or someone who is good for me.
