🥀🐇

vent blog. read pinned. npd hpd bpd schizospec

[wiltedbunny]

“ dear rabbit. ”

my name is rose, but bunny is also acceptable. i’m 21, and i use she/her.

no real dni aside from zoos and paedos. ableists will be made a laughing stock. everyone else is fine, but i’ll still block anyone i don’t like for any reason.

before interacting with my blog, please exercise caution; this is a safe space for me (and others) to dump unhinged, obsessive, and potentially triggering thoughts without regard. for your own safety, do not follow me if you are a minor.

additionally, i am prone to intense psychotic and paranoid episodes, so i may frequently disappear for extended periods of time. do remember that this is a vent blog above all else and i have no obligation to do jack shit for anyone.

you’ll have to pry information about my personal interests from my cold, dead hands.

wiltedbunny <3

[wiltedbunny]

i’ve been clean for over a year now. i didn’t even realise the anniversary date had come and gone. i think that’s a good sign.

[keeksz-bpd]

I wonder if I'll ever know how that feels

[wiltedbunny]

i believe you will. perhaps it will take weeks, months, or even years, but stability will find you whether you seek it out or not. safe travels ‘til then.

[wiltedbunny]

i’ve been clean for over a year now. i didn’t even realise the anniversary date had come and gone. i think that’s a good sign.

[wiltedbunny]

i miss you so much i’ve started dreaming about talking to you again. that’s how much it consumes me. i am stuck in a perpetual stasis where i cannot have a single goddamn thing i want.

i want to see you again, but the idea of you looking at me makes me want to throw up. i want to ask what you’re up to these days, but the thought of you hearing my voice makes me feel like i’m burning alive.

i wish you didn’t know i ever existed.

[wiltedbunny]

i miss you.

i was going through our old messages today, reminiscing on the days before everything fell apart.

you were so horrible to me those last few days. more so than usual, that is. you were always a little cruel. i used to like that about you.

…to be honest, i still do. you’re a tough one to please. i took so much pride in being your favourite back then because of it.

i wish i knew what you think of me now. so that at least, if you do hate me, i won’t keep writhing here wishing it could all somehow go back to the way it was.

you should hate me. i should hate you, and sometimes i do. other days i wonder if we would have gotten along better today than we ever did back then.

i’ve changed. i want to know if you have too.

you were wrong, by the way; we’re actually more alike than you must have been comfortable with. frankly, i’m the one who should be more disturbed by that.

i don’t even want you to owe me anything. i should have been given a real apology for what you did, but i’ve come to accept that i’ll never get one.

i wish we could have just one more conversation. we’ve still got some interests in common, if i’m not mistaken.

but at the same time, i know that wouldn’t end well. i’m fucking terrified of you and what you can do. you still have my address, don’t you? i doubt you got rid of it. just in case, right?

i hope that the sands of time eventually bring us back together, if only for a second.

[wiltedbunny]

i’ve been thinking about it a lot lately—a year since i last saw you—and i realised that i don’t care about what you did to me anymore. i am hollow and scarred and broken because of you, but i’m willing to believe you didn’t mean to do all that; you were just a kid too. after all.

and, you know, they told me i was your favourite person at some point. every time i think about that, i miss you again. hours spent talking to you about anything and everything under the sun because for once you actually wanted to. and i loved you. you could barely stand me most days, and i loved you like a dog. i hate you so much for that and it’s the only thing that wasn’t your fault.

some days i become paranoid that you’re watching me and i spiral and i hate you more than i hate myself, other days i crave that closeness again and would do almost anything just to have your attention for one more day.

all i actually want from you is an apology. a real one. you and i both know you didn’t mean it the first time.

[wiltedbunny]

i lie here in my empty bed and dream that you’re here with me; i want to hold you and kiss you and just exist close to you, the infinite warmth to my unending cold.

[wiltedbunny]

i’m frustrated with myself for not being able to love you the way i want to. i want it to consume me whole and envelop me in my entirety, to at least vaguely resemble the kind of love i’m most familiar with, and yet i cannot.

i know i love you and yet i am hesitant to say the words loud enough. you are good for me and i want to keep you and i fear the thought of losing you enough that i try not to think of it at all. so why do i feel the itch to run when i think of myself as yours, or you as mine?

it’s the imaginary fetters that drive me away. i am not chained to you, and yet i cannot recall a single relationship where i haven’t been.

[ghostlyschizophrenic]

i get annoyed with people saying “you’re not you when you’re psychotic” like i understand not being in your “right mind”, but my ability to be myself doesn’t change just because my ability to reality check is diminished. it’s the natural state of my brain; i feel less myself when i’m super sedated on medication. do i want to be in psychosis? absolutely not. but do i want to be told that my sense of self is inherently wrong? also no. i know the sentiment of “if you can’t handle me at my worst you can’t handle me at all” isn’t the best, but seriously, if you stop seeing me as me when i’m psychotic and see me as a problem to be fixed, i don’t want you in my life

[wiltedbunny]

there’s always a time when we’re kids where we ask adults how we know we’re in love, and they say something like “you’ll know,” or “it’s a warm feeling,” or “you want to be around them all the time,” and that’s all we have to go off. and maybe we do find out what love is that way, just by poking and prodding around and eventually finding it within ourselves, but we also expect this concept to be consistent, when it’s not. love is a lot of things. sometimes it’s not what most people would consider ‘love’, but it is to me.

i knew what love was at some point. it’s been obsessive and self-destructing, it’s been soft and gentle and kind, it’s been a hollow sensation in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to throw up my own heart. what i know to be love is all-consuming and as scalding as it is beautiful.

i don’t know how to tell when i’m in love anymore, because all i know of it is consumption; you eat a part of me, i eat a part of you. we leave behind bite marks and missing chunks when we leave. so what do i do when the care and affection i feel for someone is absent of these core principles? i love you, but i wont let you bite me. i love you, but i wouldn’t kill on your command. i love you, but sometimes that scares me away. i can’t stand you leaving, but i don’t want you to stay either. i care about you enough to think you’d be better off with anyone else, and i’m lonely enough to latch onto you like a parasite.

i don’t like thinking about the future. i can’t picture myself spending the rest of my life with you, but the implication that you wouldn’t be with me anymore is somehow just as upsetting.

i am afraid of putting on the collar. i am afraid of being leashed. i am afraid of being a loyal dog to the wrong master.

i am in a constant state of heartsickness.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

npd + bpd culture is socially defaulting to npd, until they’re an ep or above. then it’s all bpd from there and you’re on your own. like i don’t care about my roommate breaking down every other day, but this guy i just met and immediately formed an fp attachment to? i’ll kill myself if he gets upset at me. there is no in between.

- 🐍🕊️ (sorry this is more bpd focused, the bpd culture blog has just been really inactive and i want attention asap)

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[wiltedbunny]

goodbye, angel. it’s for the best.

[borderline-culture-is]

bpd culture is i’m scared of you because i trust you. we barely know each other and yet you’ve already crawled between my ribs and made yourself at home. i can’t do this again but oh, god, i want to do this again. please don’t let me ruin you, you’re too good and i kill what i touch. but you don’t know that yet, and i try to put it into words but i can’t make you understand, and someday you’ll be looking at me like i’m a monster you’ve never met and all i’ll be able to say is “i tried to tell you.”

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[wiltedbunny]

i’m always thinking about you i’m always thinking about you i’m always thinking about you i’m always thinking about you <3

[jiraisupportgroup]

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

npd + bpd traits culture is PLEAAASEE LOOK AT ME AND RECOGNISE THAT IM NOT OK!!!!!! please look at the songs i listen to and be concerned and please pay attention to the way i behave and acknowledge that something is off because i dont know how to ask for help but this is me trying please help me please look at me - 🐍🕊️

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[wiltedbunny]

so tantalisingly close. i’m going to have to sew my mouth shut at this rate.