Zach

📖🐈✡️

[memeclassheroes]

[zach-cunctator]

Birthday present for Toot Toot

[probablybadrpgideas]

World-famous bard trying to get their rhythm back after falling asleep in a metronome store

[zach-cunctator]

Gifs you can hear

[prokopetz]

I understand why a lot of fantasy settings with Ambiguously Catholic organised religions go the old "the Church officially forbids magic while practising it in secret in order to monopolise its power" route, but it's almost a shame because the reality of the situation was much funnier.

Like, yes, a lot of Catholic clergy during the Middle Ages did practice magic in secret, but they weren't keeping it secret as some sort of sinister top-down conspiracy to deny magic to the Common People: they were mostly keeping it secret from their own superiors. It wasn't one of those "well, it's okay when we do it" deals: the Church very much did not want its local priests doing wizard shit. We have official records of local priests being disciplined for getting caught doing wizard shit. And the preponderance of evidence is that most of them would take their lumps, promise to stop doing wizard shit, then go right back to doing wizard shit.

It turns out that if you give a bunch of dudes education, literacy, and a lot of time on their hands, some non-zero percentage of them are going to decide to be wizards, no matter how hard you try to stop them from being wizards.

[teaboot]

Concept: Vampire character that represents strengthening ties to humanity and the natural world instead of dividing them

Vampire gets HEAVILY invested in eco conservation because they *can't* just shrug it off as the next generation's problems

A vampire that goes around eating oil tycoons and clear-cut logging CEOs and climate-denying politicians because their childhood village is a dirt pit now and the animals they saw growing up have become endangered

Immortal guys who anonymously donate huge sums of cash to wildlife preserves that oversee forests they used to hunt in

Fellow who, instead of succumbing to the boredom and waste of infinite time, has become feverishly obsessed with making sure this one specific species of snail will still be around in another hundred years

5000 year old woodsman who can still mimic the calls of extinct birds, who still remembers the mating calls of mammoths and wooly rhinos and wild horses

Ancient vampire who can still vaguely recall a cave somewhere with her whole family's hand prints in it, and not sure of it's precise location, keeps the whole area void of human activity so it doesn't become a tourist attraction

Vampire archeologist who digs up their old friend's remains and has the figure out how to prove, with evidence, how they know exactly who they were and what they looked like

Immortal anthropologist who reconstructs a face from a skull only to realize that they'd met them before a long, long time ago

[climbingthefloors]

obsessed with this baby hippo from thailand's khao khew zoo.. she has been so utterly betrayed by the world

[hedgehog-moss]

It's that time of year when grass starts to get scarce in the pasture and the animals start to queue up in front of the gate in the evening like "Can we have hay please?" and I'm like "No, but you can have thistles, brambles, and all those delicious weeds that you've been snubbing all summer like you were too good for them. Now that grass is gone it's time to be useful again and to remember how delicious stinging nettle can be!"

They're a bit reluctant at first but as soon as Pirlouit starts to eat what I'm offering, Pampérigouste & Pampoldine demand to know what it is that the donkey is eating and if they can have some too. Look at them chewing with their mouths wide open!

My grandpa used to chide me when I did that as a kid by saying "close your mouth, I can see the colour of your socks."

Half of my photos are very blurry because they were vigorously pulling on the plants, picking their favourites.

I ended up giving Pirlouit his own little pile of weeds so he wouldn't be in competition with the llamas (who might then spit on him) (and I'd get hit with some stray spit. No thanks)

But since Pirlouit can never be allowed to go unbothered for more than five minutes, Pandolf decided now would be a great time for a game of Pretend To Steal The Donkey's Food Then Run Like Hell. He personally finds it very funny.

It's quite tragic though when you consider that while the llamas don't particularly like thistles, Pirlouit loves them!

I took pity on him and went to deliver some thistles at the bottom of the slope, after telling Pandolf to sit and wait for me at the top (this black dot you see uphill is Pandolf, who is whining a little to let me know how hard it is to sit and be a good boy when there are so many animals to bother. For some mysterious atavistic reason, he considers it his mission in life to make herbivores run.)

After Pirlouit got his thistles, I washed my hands of the matter and went to watch the show with Morille.

[kushblazer666]

[yourfriendfrogs]

[only-tiktoks]

[anais-ninja-bitch]

unmute

[cipheramnesia]

You only need to know one thing: meow.

[water-of-the-bong-deactivated20]

[Video transcript:

(Meow in the background. The meows continue through the video.)

So, (meow) today I am making... (meow) (snicker) pine- (meow) pinecone dice. (meow) (meow) My cat- (meow) He- (meow) He wants to narrate, too (meow). SHUT UP, THUNDER. (a beat.) He's not allowed in the bedroom (meow) 'cause he beats my other cat up (meow) and she's in here right now (meow) so he's throwing a fit.

Anyways, we're making pineco- (wheeze) i lost my train of thought.

So, I use- (meow) (exasperated) pi- i can't fucking these blank inserts (meow) to put the pinecones in (a series of meows interrupt) and then I put the pl- I had this all planned out and I was gonna explain exactly what I was doing and then the (meow)... the CAT... (meow) (a beat.) (Some purring) Can you (purring) hear that? Listen to that)(meow)

Anyways I hope you like the dice, bye.

End transcript]

[sadclowncentral]

i helped an older man figure out the picture printing at the drugstore today. he was printing these beautiful pictures of birds he took during his birdwatching adventures. and he printed some extra for me as thanks!!!

aren't these just breathtaking. i asked him for his name so i could credit him and he said "i better not tell you. what if you remember my name and forget the bird's?" now that's a REAL birdwatcher. locked in.

look at this!! the European Bee-eater (Merops apiaster) in all its glory! so so so beautiful...

[tropicalscream]

blah blah Bethesda bad anyway

my favorite thing about Elder Scrolls is how goddamn fuckin weird it is

like on surface it's just some dnd game but like even a cursory glance shows tis fucking insane like:

The moons is the corpse of a god

the stars are actually holes in reality when alot of primordial spirits hated that mortals were becoming a thing and fucked off

The demon lord of forbidden knowledge/resident Cthulhu stand-in might also be the beta version of the entire fucking universe made sentient when it wasn't chosen to be the used reality

there are cat ppl that take the form of furrys, lions, or regular cats, so you can have a cursing Pirate legend whose an alcoholic & wanted in 5 countries but is also a like basic tabby cat

the wood elves are so pro-nature they're cannibals and also they murder vegetarians

Vampires came from the Lord of Rape doing well ya know

Werewolves came to exist bc the lord of hunt got bored and is a furry

sex is treated like a fucking ip copyright contract on what aspect of sex is happening and what god it's under. There's been many religious wars about this

The lizard ppl are part tree

the Dwarves all fucked off somewhere and disappeared bc they were so atheist they did math to break relativity and literally no one has any idea where they went God or mortal (except maybe Cthulhu and hes not telling)

Said Cthulhu stand-in treats hiding your grandma's secret cookie recipe & hiding a spell that would end the universe and slay a god the exact same and he will murder you for either

Everyone wants to fuck the Orcs but will never admit it and they got so bent out of shape that a demon god killed the og orc god, ate him, and shat him out bc she couldn't deal with everyone complimenting them all the time so now all Orcs are cursed to be hated but they're all still sexy & so is their god

And all this isnt even the tip of the iceberg

[mysharona1987]

[adonischildsupportcase]

[specialty38-deactivated20200930]

those is mcdonalds jeans?

[ynfynytscrolltbh]

Fun fact: those McDonald’s jeans are part of the standard uniform here in Colombia. I’ve tried at least 16x to ask where they source them, if I can buy them from the manager, even going McDonald’s not to order food but just to ask for the jeans. I asked someone high up in their marketing dept here to see if maybe they know which company sourced them, and still couldn’t get my hands on a pair. Apparently employees only get one pair per year. They’re slightly high-waisted, they taper very slightly, they’re always kind of high water at the bottom, and they’re the perfect light jean color. They’re not stiff, they’re not that stretchy, they’re the perfect denim material. They come with a cloth belt that’s either yellow or turquoise, and the stitching on the M is almost sensual. I will not give up

[world-heritage-posts]

world heritage post

[catchymemes]

[catchymemes]

[clayandsorcery]

Non-Jews feel free to reblog this one.

To the Left: Here’s the deal. So many leftists are asking “how can you stand with Zionism” or insert what amounts to (false) accusations of horrific things. Here’s how, this is the reason:

We agree on so many things, and Jews have overwhelmingly been a part of the Left Bloc for a long time. We agree on almost everything with regards to current events. None of you can convince me that I’m evil for the differences we now have. Killing innocent people, killing children is wrong. That’s it, there are no buts. We agree.

Where we do not agree is how the Left has failed to police antisemitism - Jew Hate - in its ranks. Crazy stuff. Medieval stuff. The Blood Libel. Old conspiracies that have gotten Jews killed for over a thousand years. And we see this (we see it all over the place. We’ve been trained by centuries of violence to guard against it.)

Now you want us to bloc up with you, when Jew Hate in your ranks isn’t a deal breaker. You hold up tokenized Jews and say “well this person doesn’t have a problem with it”

Being a “Good Jew™️” won’t save us. Siding against our community won’t save us. Standing against our community won’t save us. We know in our blood that pushing other Jews towards destruction won’t save us. It never has.

The Left has wrapped itself in language that drips with poison - poison meant for us. We recognize it. We know it. And we can’t stand in a Bloc of people that think that’s the cost of business. The Left has lost me. I’ve called myself a Leftist for more than a decade. Can’t do it now.

“What about Right Wing Jew Hate?”

What about it? Jews recognize that the enemy of their enemy is also often their enemy. You don’t get a friend card for saying a bunch of the same repulsive things as they.

I would rather be sure in my heart that I’m standing for the same values, and the people at my shoulders don’t mean to put a literal dagger in my back. And I mean literal as Jews are attacked in our tiny communities thousands of miles from the thing we’re all pissed about.

[lemon-embalmer]

fantasy characters: “Geez”

me: who the fuck spread Christianity there

[lemon-embalmer]

this two-years-old shitpost just gained a hundred notes who the snickerdoodles dug it up

[she-who-fights-and-writes]

W H A T

[slumpyspaceprincess]

@rogha

[thewhisperingescapes]

[mirkwoodest]

In moments like this I always fall back on the fact that they also aren’t speaking English because they don’t have England or the many languages and conquering peoples that contributed to the creation of the English language and therefore the work musr be a translation into recognizable terms in our world’s terms. Call that Tolkien Brainrot.

[bellbottom-jeans]

Definitely funnier if you make fantasy explanations though,

Champagne is a wizard who sells bubbly alcohol.

It’s called English because of the original Lish people, all languages start with En here.

French fries are not potatoes they’re roots of the french plant.

Goodbye is now short for ‘good be your eye’ wishing you luck seeing the path ahead.

Jesus Christ is a long dead lich who used to cause everyone problems and we haven’t stopped saying her name when things go wrong.

[thatgaydemigodnerd]

And that’s the Pratchett approach

[anxietyproblem]