𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐒𝐊 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄: a memory of a nightmare + a happy memory + a teen memory
water crashes over his head. suffocating cold darkness presses in all around him in unyielding torrents, begging his lungs just to yield ( just give up ). his hands stretch out to touch something, anything, but water just rushes between his fingers, intangible, the very thing needed to stay alive that can kill you just as quickly. he’s so very alone in this vastness
( alone is all he’ll ever be — why deny it ?? ).
it feels like relief when he lets water into his lungs — somewhere else it feels like giving up. the liquid feels cold as it creeps into where it shouldn’t be. we all die ALONE—
“ SHIT — “ his eyes fly open to take in the darkened ceiling of the hotel room they’re in. the garish glow from the street filters in where the curtains hadn’t been pulled all the way shut across the windows, softening the darkness to a dull gray instead of the all-consuming blackness of his dream. the sheets are crumpled at the foot of the bed, kicked off some point between his falling asleep and now. he sighs, a hand dragged tiredly over his face. his heart still pounds relentlessly against his ribs, too fast to hope to get to sleep any time soon. frankly, he’s not sure he WANTS to sleep any time soon despite the exhaustion tugging at his limbs.
there’s a rustle from the other side of the room, a sleepy groan and then, “ the fuck, fitzy ?? ”
“ sorry. ” fitz winces, near inaudible. he hadn’t meant to wake xavier. not when they both have an afternoon game tomorrow and an english paper to somehow pull out of their asses on the bus ride home. at least one of them should be getting sleep. “ i — just — it’s nothing. ”
there’s something like a grunt in response and then nothing. fitz rolls over onto his side, eyes still open as he stares at the red blinking dots on the alarm clock as if will hypnotize him into sleep. it doesn’t work even after fifteen minutes have ticked slowly by. he rolls onto his back again, watches shadows and light play across the stucco ceiling as a car slowly rumbles by.
“ you’re still not asleep, are you ?? ” xavier voice sounds loud in the quiet room a few minutes later.
“ maybe i was just about to, ” fitz counters automatically. a beat pauses, somewhere far down the hall the elevator dings. “ no, ” he admits finally. “ but it’s nothi— ” a pause, “ — just can’t sleep. ”
there’s no response for a moment and fitz thinks xavier’s fallen back asleep —not unrealistic, the guy could just about anywhere— but then there’s a rustle of movement from across the room. he feels more than sees xavier cross the space between the beds, the mattress dipping at his side as xavier gets a knee on it. “ budge over. ”
“ wha— ”
“ move your ass, man. there’s not enough space. ”
fitz shuts his mouth and does as he’s told, wiggling over toward the other side of the bed, xavier sliding in next to him. they lay for a moment completely still, every inch feeling more like a mile. he can feel his heartbeat drumming past his eardrums, the words there on his tongue but locked behind his teeth. then xavier is sighing again and the inches go to zero just as fitz had wanted but couldn’t say, their bodies curving perfectly into each other.
one hand grazes over the back of xavier’s hand. “ you didn’t have to, ” he says finally, voice quiet. the tone betrays him a little, though — thankful in its softness.
the arm around his waist tightens, words warm against his neck. “ go to sleep, fitz. ”
