#-icarus

[emberunderscore]

being a fictive is so odd like . yeah that's me . the blorbo . wtf??

[boyf-posted]

Tittes

[luxieloo16]

🛸

[ ♡ ] Do any alters in your system have exo-memories?

many of us do! both introjects and non-introjects do in our system, though it is more likely to happen with our introjects.

for example, wren has pseudo-memories (also called exo- but i prefer pseudo- because. otherwise my delusions win aha) from a few of his sources, such as ren (p5). a lot of those revolve around thirdsem happenings & timeline fuckery, since those are somewhat of an allegory to personal experiences. pseudo-memories are allegorical to real experiences and seen in other dissociative disorders, not even just a system thing to my knowledge!

note: we also have memories of past lives, this is seperate. though it is hard to seperate the differences, we try our best.

[luxieloo16]

i lost my art pen and i have to wake up at 6am tomorrow so decalter is delayed

[luxieloo16]

i decided to draw some of our alters for every day of december! (and then got busy and didn't draw yesterday...)

day 1 was cammie (she/he), an alter that is comfortable with our age & pet regression! she's very sweet, though he hasn't fronted in a while!

day 2 was wally (he/love), our co-host who is unabashedly cringe and fail... he's an asshole but that's love's charm!

see you tomorrow for day 3!

[bloodyangrydoggg]

So i found one of our old phones, which also had a diary app on it, and in it was a little bit about our life at 13, but also i think maybe a fictive talking about the innerworld at the time? Or if not that maybe source memories? They definitely signed off very consistently as this one character. Even when they were talking about real life they would always have the character name at the bottom. They talked about their relationship with other characters including having a romantic interest, friends, dead family, enemies, etc. They talked about different adventures they went on. One time they added a disclaimer that what they were writing was all just a story they were making up, but we've also questioned if some of those other "stories in our head" were stories or something more. Like that innerworld or source memories.

If this was the innerworld this would mean at that point in time, our innerworld was literally recreated from a fictional world, with at least one new added place according to the story. Which we know can happen since it turned into the map of double life for a short period of time after it came out.

So now I'm wondering if there's a layer somewhere of a recreation of that world, and with all or most of those people, or if this was just maybe a frequent fronter talking about memories. If I'm remembering it correctly, it definitely feels more like a innerworld, cause even sysmates with a lot of source memories have a lot of missing patches, while this was quite different.

[bloodyangrydoggg]

You gotta just love feeling violently sick and not being sure if it's

1. A reaction to yesterday when we learned one of our abusers actually does remember what he did (when asked years ago he denied it).

2. A reaction to missing someone we used to be close to.

3. Actually being physically sick.

Or 4. All of the above.