In other news, I’ve written 9 chapter for Sorry I Love You in the last month. My mind is blossoming! I’ve seen the light at the end of the tunnel of this fic.
Also I’m so proud of myself for writing an additional 3 chapters for Dream Drabbles, and have a 4th cooking still.
Sometimes your life is in flames but your creativity will still shine through ❤️
My ex's birthday was the 25th, and the few days leading up to it, I felt strongly that something would happen the night of the 24th, 25th, or within the few days following.
The night of the 26th, they ask to call, and I accept. They tell me about how thankful they are for what I brought to their life and that they didn't say it enough throughout the relationship; that may be one of the first, if not only, self-aware things they've said about where they lacked in the relationship so far. We also ended up talking about the pursuit of friendship between us following me making a comment about how I don't actually know how they felt at the time. They had told me they did want to pursue a friendship with me and start talking casually again, but that it, "might be hard for [them] to make time for [me] this upcoming month," because of their schedule. That conversation was the first time they had brought up actually making time for me instead of only finding time for me; it was a shocker and even now is really stuck in my head.
I let them know that because they were the one who wanted to end the relationship and wanted so much space, they will have to be the one to reach out and pursue me. They seemed content with that, and it didn't seem to change their stance on wanting to be friends. I was very firm that I might never see them again, and I'm content with that. Later over text, I was transparent that I'm not even sure that I want to keep them in my life. Two days later and they still have yet to respond.
It's probably for the better, though. Yesterday, I spent some time with a mutual friend of mine and my ex's. They confirmed a lot that I disregarded throughout that relationship; it was so much of me giving everything I had for so little in return. I could drawl on and on about everything and make an itemized list of where they fucked up, but I don't have much of a reason to anymore. I've already done that over and over to friends on text and calls and in my head and personal journals to one extent or another.
They really fucked up. One of these days, they'll realize that, and a little sadistic part of me can't wait for that day to come.
Right now, while I'm experiencing a lot of intense outward anger, the rest of me is at peace. I know I'm in a better place than they are with how much I'm doing for myself and in general. I have a lot of good shit coming to me and it's all so close and within reach, I know it.
For now, I should call it a night, at least as far as screaming on the internet about my shit ex goes. I will talk to you all whenever I feel like it next.
Until next time, goodnight, take care; I am sending you love <3
