#3am fic

[cornerofwhittlestreet]

Next chapter is up!

This was supposed to be up last night but I fell asleep on my laptop (fully clothed, light on) so here it is now. Hope you like it! 

[italy-is-for-lovers]

Maybe

"Are you still close with Maksim? Do you still hang out?" Kirstie’s heart beat quickened. Someone was bound to ask about him. She knew it but it still caught her off guard. She hadn’t had time to think before “I haven’t seen him in a while…Yeah.” tumbled out of her mouth.

The “yeah” had been an after thought. Something she was saying in her head. That they were still close. He still had her heart even if she hadn’t seen him after everything that had happened. That he always would. It wasn’t suppose to slip out but it did.

"…Not the same as when it was…" The interviewer pryed and Kirstie laughed nervously.

She’s uncomfortable talking about the subject. About her feelings for him. It wasn’t something she ever really talked about but she feels so many things and it makes her uneasy. “Well, you know, it’s like when you do Cheers—and you don’t see the people for a while—you know—you move on..”

How she drifted when she said “you move on” means she can’t bring herself to say it. Because it’s not real. She hasn’t. She hasn’t moved on yet. She wants to believe she has but she hasn’t and she believes that more.

”..They have a—they have their new partner.”

She stutters because her mind drifts to him and she gets the urge to call him like she has gotten a thousand times since her plane landed. She snaps back because she knows it’s not a good idea and she pushes it out of her mind.

He’ll always be the thing on her mind when she’s in New York. He’ll always be on her mind when she isn’t. The thought of him is a constant reminder that she is strong enough to walk away from the man she loved the most and maybe, just maybe, that makes her too strong.

The interviewer switches the topic and she feels the goosebumps on her arms begin to fade, her heart beat return to normal.

She’d imagined how it would feel to finally make a statement about them. She’d imagined it a million times but it was different. Her response was even different. It wasn’t final. It wasn’t anything like she’d expected. It was plain. It was simple. It was a glimpse of maybeness.

Maybe there’s a chance. Maybe everything wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Maybe it’s still open. Maybe she’d see him again. Maybe she hasn’t written him off completely. And that makes her worry, maybe she’s not strong enough.

Author’s Note: This is just a 3AM ramble of the fanfic sort based on Kirstie’s SiriusXM interview this week.