synopsis: you and him are friends in the reve penitentiary, but you have your period and he notices you aren't yourself
warnings: menstrual pain, cramps, angst, a kiss scene (non sexual), typos
-
I didn't see Abner all day. He was probably on lockdown, like a lot of us were for a couple of hours in an empty room. It was mind torture.
I sat at a table, looking down at the brown tea sitting in the little glass cup. I sighed to myself as a cramp hit my lower back, making me wince. I bit my lip, trying to silence myself.
I didn't want anyone looking at me. Not even the prison guards standing behind the bulletproof glass and bars.
This wasn't Arkham. And all this time I've been here, I've tried to convince myself it wasn't really a prison. Not really.
Because I had Abner. Then a sharp buzz echoed through the prison cafeteria.
I looked over my shoulder.
It was Abner.
A few inmates laughed under their breath. Others threw cruel comments his way, mocking him just because they could.
He lowered his head slightly, almost ashamed of himself.
I shook my head as he approached me. "What did I say about listening to them?"
I watched him sit beside me.
He grumbled, "I know, I know. It gets to me sometimes."
He glanced at me, then looked around before his eyes settled back on my face. He noticed I looked more tired today. Paler, even.
"Hey... you okay?" he asked quietly.
I nodded a little. No way in hell was I telling him I was on my period. That would be embarrassing.
Not that I thought he'd treat me badly.
I just... how was I supposed to tell him? He nodded a little to himself.
She was lying.
"I was gonna get some water. Want some?" His eyes drifted down to my tea. It wasn't even steaming anymore.
I shook my head.
"I'm okay, Abner. Thanks, though."
He walked over to the water dispenser and grabbed one of the little paper cups. He filled it to the rim before bringing it to his lips.
One of the guards watched him from the doorway.
Abner glanced at him for only a second.
He always felt awkward whenever someone watched him for too long.
Especially someone with more authority than him. He swallowed nervously, filled the cup again, and walked back over to where I was sitting.
He looked a little shaken up.
I smiled.
He noticed it the second he sat down.
"Shut up," he mumbled.
His hand shook slightly around the paper cup, but after a few seconds, he managed to steady it.
Yeah, I teased him sometimes about his social anxiety.
But when it mattered most, I always helped him through it.
Just like he always helped me. Another sharp pain shot through my lower back.
I lowered my head and let out a quiet moan.
His eyes immediately snapped toward me.
He leaned forward. "Y-you okay?"
I shook my head and gripped the side of the table.
His eyes followed my hand.
My arm was shaking from how tightly I was holding on while my body worked through another rough wave of pain. He looked around, making sure no one was paying attention.
Then he hesitated.
His hand hovered near mine, struggling to touch me like I was a hot surface that might burn him.
I bit my lip so hard I thought I tasted blood.
He stayed quiet, he didn't say another word until I slowly straightened back up.
And when I did...
"What was that about?" he asked.
There wasn't any judgment in his voice. Only concern.
His voice stayed low, barely above a whisper.
I sighed and finally loosened my grip on the table, I hadn't even realized how tightly I'd been holding onto it.
His eyes never left me.
He gently pushed his paper cup toward me. I shook my head.
He understood. Whatever was happening, water wasn't going to fix it.
He mentally scolded himself.
Stop being stupid. Stop nagging her, even though he wasn't nagging me at all.
He took another small sip from the paper cup before speaking again.
"You sounded like you were in pain..."
"I'm just..." I let out a slow breath. "I have my period."
He immediately spat out his water.
It sprayed clear across the table.
He slapped a hand over his mouth, coughing as he tried to catch his breath. He didn't even bother looking at the people who had already turned to stare. He wasn't embarrassed.
He was just... shocked. I felt my cheeks heat up.
That reaction definitely wasn't what I expected. Abner coughed a few more times before finally clearing the water from his throat.
I stood up.
I was too embarrassed to even look at anyone.
Not even him.
He stood up so fast his chair scraped loudly across the floor.
"No, no, no. Wait."
He gently grabbed my wrist, not hard. Never enough to hurt me. "I didn't mean to... do that."
He mentally hit himself and groaned.
"That... makes sense why you're in pain."
I looked up at him. I was pale and lightheaded. He noticed immediately.
Nothing ever seemed to slip past him when it came to me.
"I'm sorry," he said softly. He looked around, jaw tightening.
Not now.
This matters more than being embarrassed about the water.
"Here."
He gently guided me toward the hallway leading back to the rooms.
He stayed close the whole walk, ready to catch me if I stumbled.
"Abner, I'm fine."
He cut me off. "You- you don't have to keep saying you're fine when you're not, Y/N."
A lot of his insecurities slipped into those words. But I never held that against him.
He got me back to my room and helped me inside the small space.
He carefully sat me down on the bed.
He didn't even realize his hand had stayed against my lower back the entire time. Abner watched me closely.
I was hurting too much to hide it anymore. I leaned forward as another sharp cramp hit my stomach.
"Oww!"
He flinched at the sound. But this wasn't the time for him to panic.
He rested his hand against my lower back again and leaned down so we were eye level.
"Is there something I can do to help the... the cramps?"
I shook my head and groaned into my hands as the pain reached its peak.
"Shhh," he whispered gently near my ear.
He wrapped one arm around my waist, hoping it would comfort me somehow. I took a slow, shaky breath.
"Okay..."
He smiled just a little. "That's good."
He didn't want to move me too quickly.
He was afraid he'd somehow make it worse.
So instead, he carefully guided me until I was lying back against the bed.
He brushed his fingers lightly against my arm before tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
A tiny smile crossed his face.
Then he caught himself.
"You sure you're okay? Is it like this every time?"
He didn't want to overwhelm me with questions.
He just wanted to understand. I shook my head.
"It's just a bad month," I explained.
"I'll be right back." He stood almost immediately.
His sudden departure surprised me.
I stayed where I was, finally finding a position that eased the pain just enough that I didn't want to move.
He was gone for several minutes. For a moment, I worried he wasn't coming back.
His presence somehow made the pain feel easier to deal with.
Then the door opened again.
He walked back in holding a small paper plate with both hands.
A slice of cake.
Something he'd quickly grabbed from the cafeteria before anyone else could.
He smiled awkwardly as he sat beside the bed and carefully placed the plate near me.
I smiled a little, my head still resting on the pillow.
"I know it's not your favorite flavor out of everything, but... I've heard sweet things help."
I pushed myself up onto one elbow and pulled the paper plate closer.
Using the little plastic fork, I took a small bite.
He watched me carefully.
Waiting. Looking for any change in my expression.
I smiled a little more.
"It's good."
He smiled too and let out a quiet sigh of relief. But as he watched me continue eating, that smile slowly faded.
Worry settled across his face, this was going to last all night.
Probably tomorrow, too, and he wanted to make it better.
He just didn't know how. I caught him staring. He leaned forward. The awkwardness that usually surrounded him disappeared completely.
Like something inside him had finally stopped overthinking. Though his hand shook slightly: He gently cupped the side of my face and leaned closer. His lips met mine softly.
There was no rush. No pressure. Just a gentle kiss meant to reassure both of us.
❛ do you wish i was different? ❜ for abner plz! <3
Want a perfect body, a perfect soul
pairing - abner krill x gn!reader
summary - abner wonders if he'll ever feel comfortable in his skin.
word count - 547
warnings - no use of y/n, heavy angst, abner is deeply insecure, mentions of childhood trauma, brief comfort, established relationship, more just an inner monologue than anything
a/n - *taps mic* sorry I was gone for a little while, work and life caught up with me, and I was starting to become a little burnt out from trying to keep up with this blog. I can't say how often I'll be uploading, as I have a lot of things going on at the moment, but Ill try not to leave you all in the dark for so long again. Thank you for the support, and continuous love, and I hope you enjoy this (short) fic.
The man on the television was dazzlingly handsome, with pearly white teeth and thick hair that rested like golden waves on his head. When he would saunter across the screen, it seemed as if every head turned to watch him float by. There was a charismatic charm to him, an air of greatness that other people in the film always seemed to get swept up in. He was beautiful, in the way an approaching storm was, just before it tore apart an entire town.
Most of all, he was normal.
He smiled politely at people, he never stumbled with his manners, and he always knew what to say and when to say it. There was no inner struggle, no staring down at your scuffed shoes while your fingers shook because you said “thank you” a little too late to the cashier, who probably didn’t mind but now an entire line of people pressing against your back knew just how hopeless you were. And what could you do but choose to drive half a mile away to find another grocery store, so you didn’t have to face them again.
“Do you wish I was different?” Abner quietly asked, staring straight ahead.
“What?” you said, pulling your gaze away from the screen. “No, Abner, what are you talking about?”
Abner swallowed back the bile creeping up his throat but made no effort to look over at you. He could already picture the confused knit of your brows, and downturned lips.
“Do you wish that I…” He closed his eyes and cleared his throat. “Do you wish that I was more normal? That I wasn’t so much of a…freak.”
Abner felt you shift beside him, as you draped the fleece blanket over his lap. The fragrance of your perfume clung to the material, the faint scent quelling the nausea that was building up inside his stomach. He finally gave himself permission to look at you.
“No, I don’t, because then you wouldn’t be Abner,” you said, softly smiling at him. “I wish you didn’t have to go through what you did to become him, but I love you, all the same.”
Abner shuddered, feeling as if his chest might cave in. It was strange, living with something buried underneath you. At times he could feel it poking at him, a relic of the past prodding at his insides as if it were a gentle reminder that he was different. His skin felt too tight sometimes, as if he were on the cusp of bursting.
Abner wished he could peel back the layers of his body and tear out what his mother made. Pull at them until strings of muscle and tissue came apart with it, then he would sew himself back up and finally be able to feel the way the man on the screen felt. He didn’t think a part of him would miss it, even if meant finally letting go of what was left of her. Perhaps he would feel lost for a while, like as if he had misplaced a pair of socks or his wallet. But he could forget, eventually.
Until then, the memory of his mother and her work lived inside of him, pulsing against his wrist. Dead, and forever haunting him.
The Empty Place Where Love Should Be – Abner Krill x Fem!Reader
Chapter 9
A/N: I don't really have an excuse as to why I'm updating so late. I'm sorry. In any case, please enjoy if you can. If you like, you can check out this update and the rest of the chapters on AO3 here.
WARNING: This contains content that IMPLIES PAST SEXUAL ABUSE/INCEST. If this is not something you wish to read, please SKIP. Don't come at me in my messages.
The waiter brought wine for the table and poured a glass for both of you. You smiled at Abner, who seemed to still be a bit worried about you potentially walking out on the date.
“Have you ever had this before? Moscato?” you asked as you picked up your glass to inspect the burgundy liquid.
Abner shook his head. “Mother never allows me to drink alcohol. It kind of smells bitter to me, anyway.”
“Well,” you replied. “This is a very sweet wine. I don’t like very bitter things either.”
You lifted the glass over the table to his side. He stared at the glass in puzzlement. You realized he had never toasted before.
“Salud,” you said, reaching down to clink his glass. He hurriedly picked up his glass and clinked it to yours. You smiled and took a sip, him mirroring your actions.
Abner let the wine coat his tongue as he tasted it for the first time. His eyes widened and he took a larger sip.
“Do you like it?” you asked with a chuckle. He nodded, taking another sip. “Be careful, pace yourself. You don’t want to get pissed on your first go.”
Abner nodded and set the glass down, licking his lips. He glanced up at you, his face blushing suddenly, and averted his gaze quickly. He began to worry his fingernails in silence.
You watched him and matched his silence, a pleasant expression still on your face. However, his sudden silence had not gone unnoticed by you. Was he regretting the date? Did he wish it was over already? You didn’t think you had said anything to offend him.
As if he read your mind, he spoke up. “Sorry… I don’t know how to talk on a date… I…” his voice trailed off.
You chuckled. “It’s difficult on first dates, even when you’ve had plenty of them.” He looked up at you. “We can talk about anything you like really. In fact, I’ve got a question.”
Abner’s eyebrows perked up.
“Why do you like materials science?”
A small smile flashed on the corner of Abner’s lips as he sat up a bit straighter. "Oh, um, well, I… I first read the book that I told you about when I was really little, but I didn’t really understand it at first. I… I kind of liked not understanding it. It was like… like the words didn’t mean anything, but they could mean anything. And then the more I read, the more I understood about what makes up everything around us, and then I wanted to help make the things around us, and–“
He stopped short and blinked as if he was coming out of a trance. He swallowed harshly and sat back in his seat. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.
You frowned. “No, why did you stop?”
Abner shook his head. “You’re probably getting really bored listening to me talk and talk.”
“Abner, you barely said anything before you stopped!” You reached across the table to place your hand on top of his. “Keep going, I like to hear you talk about things you love.”
He looked down at your hand softly caressing his, and then back up at you. You smiled at him, which seemed to give him the courage to start up again.
He talked at length about how eventually he began to find an interest in taking apart things and building them up again. Abner explained that he liked to make little mechanical inventions, but that, because of his limited resources, they would always break after a little use. He wrote down his inventions and blueprints in a notebook he kept hidden, just in case. He never said what that case might have been, but you had a small inkling you knew all the same.
“What’s one of the coolest things you’ve invented?” you asked Abner in between his sentences.
Abner thought for a moment, and then his eyes lit up even more. “Um, I haven’t actually built it yet, but… I think it’s…” He cocked his head to the side. “It has to do with…” He lowered his voice, almost as if he were expecting you to recoil at his words. “The dots.”
“Oh,” you whispered, looking hopeful that perhaps the ailment he had shown you earlier that evening would no longer be able to hurt him.
“They’re these… cuffs that would go around my arms,” he said, miming around his wrists. “And they would be a sort of expulsion system that would take them and expel them in a less painful, more controlled way.” His face fell a bit. “I don’t think it would ever really work…”
“Don’t say that, of course, it would,” you interrupted.
He shook his head. “It wouldn’t work in the sense that… it could… it could hurt other people,” he said quietly. Your puzzled expression prompted him to explain. He leaned in closer, but before he spoke, he shut his eyes. “If this gets to be too much, I won’t blame you for leaving.”
“I’m not leaving, Abner. I promise.” His shiny black eyes met yours. “You’re stuck with me,” you joked.
“The dots… when they come out, they’re actually… corrosive. I can’t figure out a way to get rid of them without hurting other people.”
You blinked. “So you either have to hurt others with them or–“
“Or get rid of them the way I have been.” Abner nodded. “It’s better for me to be in pain than to hurt others.”
You leaned back in your seat. “Fuck,” you whispered. Abner sat back as well and looked away in silence. “It’s too bad you couldn’t be like Superman or whatever. You’d make for a pretty badass superhero.” You tried to lighten the mood.
“Mother says I’d be too deadly to be one,” he replied.
“Superman has fucking laser vision! And then there was that one guy who can burst into flame!”
Abner winced. “He was arrested for murder.”
“Shit, OK, not him. But, I think as long as you use your powers for good, you could be a superhero, right?”
Your conversation was interrupted by the waiter bringing out your food. You had ordered a mushroom risotto while Abner went for basic spaghetti with meat sauce. You both thanked the waiter, who then scurried off to his other patrons.
“My dots aren’t really powers. They’re just… a part of my failures.” Abner picked at his food.
You pursed your lips as you looked down at your risotto. You had suddenly lost your appetite. You had not meant to bring his mood down or bring up superheroes. It did not even occur to you until just now how superheroes might be a sensitive topic for him, especially since that was what his mother was trying to do to him.
“I’m sorry, Abner,” you said without looking up. “I shouldn’t have said anything about superheroes. That was shitty of me.” Even though you felt sick to your stomach, you pushed a bite of risotto into your mouth.
After a while, you heard Abner speak up. “I never really considered that I could still be a superhero, even with the dots,” he said quietly.
You finally looked up at him to see him smiling at you. So he wasn’t upset. You breathed a sigh of relief as you smiled back.
After a friendly squabble about who would pay the bill (you mutually decided to pay for your own meals), you and Abner stepped out of the restaurant and into the dim street. Your heart pounded, desperately not wanting the night to end but not knowing if Abner would want to come back to your place for a nightcap. Of course, you knew it was probably too soon to invite him back to your place (first date and all that), but you wondered if he felt the same.
“What time do you have to be back?” you asked Abner. You figured that was a safe enough question to gauge what you should ask next.
He took out his little flip phone to check the time. “I don’t have to be back to Mother for another hour and a half, really.” He shuffled his feet nervously and looked down. “Do you…” he started. “Do you think we could…?”
“Go back to my place?” you finished softly. He smiled hopefully. “Yeah, of course!” You gently took Abner’s hand and began to lead him in the direction of your apartment.
Your stomach flipped in nerves and excitement. It was so silly… you had brought plenty of men back to your place for a drink after a date, but this time you felt as though there was much more at stake. Too forward and you could scare him off and potentially cause him mental distress. Too distant and he might think you did not like him or did not want to be in a relationship anymore. Apart from that, the fact that Abner even suggested this turn of events caused a warmth to radiate from your chest.
You fumbled with your keys a bit once you reached your apartment door, your heart pounding furiously. Shyness had begun to take root for whatever reason, but you opened the door and allowed Abner to follow you in, just like the last time he came over.
“Make yourself comfortable,” you told him. You turned on the lights and locked the door behind you. “Would you like some tea? Or perhaps something a little stronger?”
Abner smiled, his cheeks turning a soft rose color. “I think just tea. I don’t want to overdo it tonight.”
You winked and went to the kitchen to start on the tea. You glanced up now and again to see Abner carefully making his way around your living area to examine bits and bobs of your personality shining through your decor. He made his way over to a corner where your barely-used brand new record player sat, gathering dust.
“What kind of music do you like?” you asked him, noticing his interest in the player. He looked up.
“I don’t really know. Mother doesn’t play a lot of music for us. It’s mostly the TV that’s on,” he replied. “What about you?”
“Oh, I love 40s music. The kind that you can dance to. I mean, I also like pop and rock and all that, but when I just want to relax and daydream, I put on Vera Lynn or Glenn Miller.” You smiled to yourself. “It’s so cliché, but I love ‘Moonlight Serenade.’ Have you heard that one?”
Abner shook his head. “I don’t think so…”
You abandoned the tea and made your way into the living area. “You might have heard it but not the name. It’s a really popular one.” You took out a record from your storage underneath the player. “My mum got me a 40s hits record for the player.” You unsheathed the record and carefully placed it on the turntable.
In just a moment, the soft opening of ‘Moonlight Serenade’ began to play. You turned to look at Abner with a grin. He listened to it for a moment and then matched your smile.
“I have heard this before,” he said. “I like it.”
“Yeah, it’s so soft and gentle. It can make you forget everything going on in the world for a few moments,” you replied. You inched closer to him and took his hands to place them on your hips. He gazed at you, a little confused, until you wrapped your arms around his neck and began to sway.
“Have you ever danced before?” you asked quietly, your eyes meeting his before he quickly glanced down.
His cheeks reddened as he shook his head. “N-no, not really. I’m sorry if I step on your feet. I’m a klutz.”
You chuckled and brought one of your hands down to cup his cheek, and you felt him shiver beneath your touch. You caressed your thumb across the apple of his cheek, and soon, Abner relaxed into your hand and closed his eyes.
He muttered something beneath his breath and turned his face to nuzzle into your palm.
“What was that?” you asked.
Abner swallowed thickly, his eyelids fluttering as a hot tear streaked down his face. “Why me? Why would you love me of all the people in the world?”
You brushed his tear away with your thumb and gently guided his head so that he was facing you again. His black eyes met yours. “Why not you?”
Abner inhaled to speak, but no words left his mouth. Instead, you both met each other’s lips. His movements were unsure at first, but when you instinctually slipped your tongue past his lips, you could feel Abner gain confidence. He rested his hands on your hips, subconsciously pulling you closer to him. You nipped at his lower lip and a slight sound came from his throat.
You parted for air, and his soft, dark eyes met yours. You saw something in his gaze that you had never seen from him before: desperate desire.
Before you could ask if he wanted to continue, Abner frantically began to kiss you again. This forwardness shocked you, but you were all too happy to oblige him. He was definitely inexperienced, but all you wanted in this moment was for him to take what he wanted– needed– from you.
You felt him blindly guiding the both of you to the couch, and he stumbled backward onto the cushions. Not missing a beat, you straddled his lap, sighing as he trailed kisses down your jawline and to your neck.
A familiar sensation sparked in your lower belly, your hips moving of their own accord. You suddenly felt his hardness against your heat, and he gasped sharply. Chuckling, you reached down, palming his cock through the fabric of his pants. Your vision skipped as the thought of him inside you sent a shard of pleasure straight down.
Abner’s breath came in wild spurts, his eyes blown black at your touch. “I- oh, g- fuck- ah-“ his vocalizations nothing but a string of unintelligible words. Trembling, he sucked in a sharp breath. A strangled cry then came from him unexpectedly, and you jerked your head back to see Abner’s eyes squeezed shut, his mouth in an ‘o’ shape. Abner jerked his hips jaggedly, another whimper coming from his lips.
You started to ask if he was all right, but he finally opened his eyes, mortification spreading across his features. His eyes went wide as his hips stilled, and they grew watery.
“I-“ he started. “I’m s-sorry, I’m so sorry, I-“ he stuttered.
The realization hit you and you glanced down between you. The crotch of his pants was stained dark. Oh.
“I didn’t mean to… I-I don’t know what happened-“
“Abner.”
“I’m so- I should go, I’m sorry!”
“Abner!” you said as you took his face in your hands. Tears spilled from his eyes; he did not look in yours. “It’s OK, sweetheart. It’s all right. You did fine.”
He began to shake his head. “No, I-I-I got ahead of myself and I couldn’t control it and it’s just that no one’s ever touched me like that in a good way and, oh, god, I fudged everything up and-“
“Shh,” you hushed as you pressed your forehead against his as you petted his hair. “I’m not upset. It’s OK. It happens, all right? You’re not the first one to do that and you certainly won’t be the last.”
You heard him sniff loudly. “But you didn’t even get to… I couldn’t do that for you, I’m sorry.”
You pressed a soft kiss over his tear-stained cheek. “It’s OK, you don’t have to worry about me. There are other ways.”
Abner pulled back. “Other ways?”
You nodded, smiling. How much did he not know? Or rather, how much did he know?
“We don’t have to do that tonight, though,” you said, shifting over to the couch cushion next to him.
Abner sat up. “No, what kind of other ways? Please…” he begged. “I’ll do whatever you want me to do.” His glassy eyes met yours.
You swallowed. The last thing you wanted was for him to be uncomfortable, but he was so eager for you to be pleased.
You finally reached out to take his hand, guiding it underneath your dress and towards your panties. His face burned bright red, but he did not pull away. You pressed his fingertips to the crotch of your underwear and watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed when he met your wetness.
“Have you ever touched someone here?” you asked quietly, trying to gauge what might be racing through his head. You could practically see his thoughts flooding his mind.
Abner’s black eyes blinked, locked on your grip, and he did not attempt to answer you. You stopped your guidance of his hand.
“Abner, is this all right?” you asked, your voice edging with concern.
At the sound of his name, Abner finally gazed up at you, tentatively placing his free hand on your hip. He gently pulled you downward towards his waiting hand, his digits pushing aside the damp cloth that separated you both.
“Show me what to do,” he murmured. “Please.”
You swallowed harshly and nodded. “I forgot,” your words coming out deeper than you expected. “Before we start…” You dragged his hand back up, and, your eyes locked with his, you slowly brought his two middle fingers to your lips and drew them in. Abner’s eyes blew out, his mouth trembling as you laved your hot tongue around his fingers to thoroughly lubricate them.
With a slight pop, you withdrew his fingers from your mouth and guided them back down to their original position. The pads of his fingers met your spongy heat as you pushed them further.
“Keep your hand there, all right? Don’t move it unless I tell you to,” you instructed gently. Abner nodded, and you sank down onto his fingers, a hiss slicing through your teeth. At that noise, Abner slightly twitched his hand in hesitation; a moan escaped your throat, as he had inadvertently hit your spot.
“A-are you OK? Did I hurt you?” Abner stuttered frantically.
You shook your head, “No, not at all, darling.” You smiled cheekily. “Quite the opposite, in fact… Now, I’m going to start moving, all right? Try to match my rhythm, if you can. Can you do that?”
Abner nodded. “I just don’t want to hurt you…”
“Abner, you could never hurt me,” you whispered to him. You leaned forward to kiss him and then began to roll your hips.
His slender fingers stretched you in just the right way, and some deep, carnal voice told you that it was as if his hands were perfectly molded to fuck you and you alone. You brought your lips to the crook of his neck, soft kisses pressing against his skin.
You panted heavily, your hips and legs almost giving out on you. It seemed as if Abner instinctually knew you were getting tired, as he started to pump his fingers in and out of you. His pace stuttered clumsily at first, but with a few whispered encouragements, he kept going.
“Yes, that’s it,” you murmured into his ear. “Good…” You could feel him shudder at the praise and slightly twitch against your thigh. You smiled into his shoulder, filing away that information for a later date.
“Now, add this…” you instructed as you reached down to position his thumb on your clit. The pad of his thumb barely ghosted across your nub and–
“Fuck,” you sighed, much louder than you expected.
Abner stopped his ministrations. “Did I hurt-“
“Keep going!” you cried out, begging for his movement again. You clenched around his fingers to encourage him.
“Oh, f-fuck, you’re so tight,” he murmured, mostly to himself.
A sound escaped your throat that you honestly never thought you could make. Your walls clenched desperately around Abner’s digits, again and again, your pleasure crashing into you like a tsunami. You realized your voice and lips were forming Abner’s name; he did this to you. He brought you to this moment of unfettered pleasure. And you realized that you only wanted him to do it ever again.
Your chest heaved against his, trying to catch your runaway breath. Abner was still against you, and you wondered what he was thinking. Was he mortified? Did he hate it? Did he think that this was the worst thing ever?
Your questions subsided when you felt a soft hand against the back of your head, his fingers threading through your hair to caress you. You smiled and threaded your arm around his neck.
You heard a long, soft inhale next to your ear. Abner sighed contentedly. “You smell amazing…” he whispered. “Like…”
“Like…?” you interjected when he did not continue.
His eyes raked over your countenance, searching as if the words would be written on your face. “Like… everything. And nothing I’ve ever experienced. You smell…” He then shook his head. “It’s stupid, never mind.”
You chuckled. “Abner, whatever it is, I promise you it’s not. What do I smell like?” you encouraged him, reaching to stroke his soft and reddening cheek.
He looked down, and his voice came out small. “You smell how I imagine Vronsky to smell like.”
Your breath caught. You were his Vronsky. So that meant he was your Anna.
He took your silence as disapproval apparently, because panic lit his features suddenly. “But Vronsky at the beginning and only at the beginning, not him at the end when he turns mean. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that-“
You placed your cheek against his and gently shushed him in his ear until he stopped babbling. “Shh, it’s all right. I know what you meant, Abner. You’re ok.”
You felt his fingers pull out of you, the sudden emptiness surprising you. You clenched around nothing and pushed yourself closer to Abner’s body.
“I…I, um…” he murmured. You sat up and found him awkwardly holding up his hand, his fingers drenched in you.
“Oh, let me go get a towel,” you said, smiling at him. You stood and padded away to the bathroom.
Not long afterward, Abner had cleaned himself up as best as he could and sped home, seeing the late hour (he had told you so and said goodbye to you, of course).
When he got home, his mother was still drugged out in her bed. He sighed in relief; he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to drug her again for so long. He had convinced her to let him go out on a walk but had ground up one of her pills into some coffee grinds that were all ready for her so that she would make her evening cup of decaf coffee. Whether or not she made it and drank it had been left up to fate, and Abner’s fear about that niggled in the back of his mind the entire night.
Now, he was standing underneath the hot water of his shower, trying as much as he could to wash off what he thought was the obvious stench of sexual activities.
You had been so gentle and understanding with him. He was sure that when that had happened you were going to recoil in disgust and kick him out without ever wanting to see him again. He had not meant to… but you were just so beautiful.
Abner felt his blood rush to his penis, hardening again just at the thought of you. You with your gorgeous eyes and soft hair and lovely lips and… Abner shuddered as his mind’s eye envisioned the rest of you, your breasts and your curves…
Abner’s cheeks flushed further against the heat of the steamy water as his hand wrapped around his length. He stifled a moan. He hadn’t fully seen your body tonight, but his imagination was running wild. What would you look like in a skin-tight dress? How would you gaze at him when you slowly peeled it down, exposing yourself to him inch by inch?
He pumped his cock jerkily, a light whimper forcing its way past his lips… lips… your lips. God, your lips around his cock, and your big beautiful eyes looking up at him.
Abner gasped as his hand moved faster, up and down his shaft. He placed his free hand against the wet shower wall to hold himself up. His imagination ran wild…
He imagined you pushing him down onto your bed, your thighs straddling him and caging him in. Your fist tangling itself in his hair, jerking it down and holding it fast against the bed as you claimed his mouth, cheeks, throat with your lips.
“Such a good little boy for me,” he imagined your voice dark and breathy against his ear.
Abner curled his free hand into a fist and bit down on his knuckles to press back what was assuredly a moan that would wake up all of Gotham.
He imagined how you would finally, finally end his suffering and sink down onto his cock… would you be rough and quick? Or would you take him slowly, feeling you stretch around him, your own groans coming from deep within you?
How long would you torture him still, riding his desperate cock until he was a watery puddle beneath you, squirming and pleading for his own release?
“Good boy, Abner.”
Abner felt his teeth split the skin of his knuckle as he uttered a strangled cry. He bucked into his hand, his balls tightening as he shot ropes of cum down the shower drain. His thoughts scattered; in fact, he wasn’t even sure he was alive anymore, let alone a conscious person. Electricity kept jolting through his entire frame while his orgasm surged.
As he rode out his high, the hot water awoke him from his reverie. His legs, feeling a bit like jelly, threatened to give out from underneath him, so he just sat down, the water falling on him like a warm midsummer rain.
Abner drew his knees close to his body, smiling to himself but also unsure if he was crying.
His first orgasm. No, his first proper orgasm.
His first proper orgasm without his mother in the room.
OMG it was so nice to read about your blog! I'm on my knees praying to you like a god for some Polka-dot man x reader headcanons. preferably romantic or smut (whatever you feel comfortable writing) I just wanna give him the love he deserves <3
((He's my fucking MAAAAAAAN! I'm so glad other people like him!
Polka-Dot Man Relationship Headcanons SFW + NSFW
SFW Headcanons
So I’m not going to get too into the weeds of how you guys got together because I already covered that in OT3 fic. But suffice is to say that it’s gotta be slow-burn friends to lovers 30k words 40 chapters. So when you finally do start dating you’re already pretty comfortable with each other. In a lot of ways that makes things easy. But knowing when to take it slow and how exactly to transition your relationship from a platonic one to a non-platonic one takes time. You spend the first week or so dancing around each other trying to bait the other into making first moves, like him nudging his hand against yours during a movie, or you leaning in so you can “get rid of an eyelash”. Eventually he breaks and asks to hold your hand and you both hopefully learn that you have to use your words to get what you want!
Living with the virus outside Belle Reeves is difficult. He can’t go more than six hours before the initial symptoms start to show. There's very few safe places for him to expel his dots without major property damage. The safest option, albeit not the most environmentally friendly, is a backyard or a private place in a local park. Anywhere where large amounts of matter can be displaced with little damage to infrastructure. Maybe you can cut a deal with the city's waste management department lol. There's also the physical side effect. As much as he desperately wants to fit in, it can be hard when there's a big glowing hazard sign threatening to burst out of his face. It can make going out in public anxiety-producing, which doesn’t help anything. He was given a more subtle power dampening collar as part of his parole. This helps him sleep through the night but comes with its own unpleasant side effects like headaches and nausea. Not to mention that any sort of medical equipment or restraints are mildly triggering. Like a lot of chronic/long term medical problems, there's no easy fix, you just have to establish care plans, stick to what works and try to be patient when things don't work out.
For related and unrelated reasons, dates can be kind of hard. So many years of only seeing the same four walls until eventually seeing a different same four walls have left him desperate for any and every experience he can. But that can easily swing back the other direction, leaving him overstimulated from all of the noise and bright lights and people all bearing the face that haunts him. He wants to do all the things he could only read about in books or watch on TV when he was younger. He wants to try new foods and go to new places and just have fun for once. But sometimes it’s just too much, especially in particularly loud, crowded, or otherwise overwhelming places. And then that leads to a new wave of frustration and anxiety because he wants so badly to do normal couple things with you but it feels like he always ruins it. He doesn’t of course but it’s hard to not feel frustrated. Though that isn’t to say there aren't plenty of fun things to do together, you just have to work your way up to the big stuff. His favorite date you’ve been on was probably the trip to the aquarium. It was so beautiful and peaceful! Although he did insist that you just move on past the Echinoderm exhibit. Also fun pseudo/at-home dates include Mystery Meal Nights in which you try to find a new take-out place or at least a new food from one of the classics. And, while he won’t instigate it, he does really like dancing with you. He likes it in general, but unless he’s mildly to majorly drunk he won’t dance in public. So you can have little living room dance parties with just the two of you~ He doesn’t dance particularly well, but that just makes it more fun. Dance comes from the heart and that, he has plenty of.
So sort of paralleling the sensory issues I’ve already mentioned. He is simultaneously extremely touch-starved and desperate for affection, but will also sort of out of nowhere get touched-out and just kind of need space. For the first half of his life he was pretty much exclusively around family, and then was put into solitary for most of the rest of it. And now he has you! Someone he loves so so much and wants to hug and kiss and cuddle and all the other things boyfriends are supposed to do. Sometimes it’s just still too foreign and overwhelming, although the longer you two date, the easier it gets and the less often these moments occur. But on the flipside, when he does feel touchy, he might as well be made of Velcro. Every time you cross a new line of acceptable relationship behavior (hand-holding, kissing, etc.), he just adds that to the list of things he’s constantly trying to do. Sometimes he’s just so happy it doesn’t feel real, like he’s going to wake up and it will all be some crazy dream. Nothing in his real life could actually be this nice. He doesn’t articulate it when he feels like that, but you’ll know it by the way his breath shudders when he holds you close, or he holds you extra tight, murmuring an apology in your ear but not letting go. Not yet. Just in case.
NSFW Headcanons
(Under the Cut)
So related to the above, that touch starvation definitely translates sexually. While he eventually mellows out, especially early on in the relationship there's a sort of barely restrained desperation in everything he does. He doesn't ever instigate or suggest something new but the second you suggest or okay something he jumps on it. He just doesn't want to scare you off or push you, even if you want him just as badly. Whenever you're making out, he tries to press as close to you as humanly possible. His kisses are uncoordinated and a little sloppy but his eagerness is sexy in its own right. He's just been so pent up with no outlet or even privacy until now. And he was pining after you for so long. Can you blame him for trying to make up for lost time?
This man is sooooo desperate to please. He's just head over heels in love with you. You've brought so much joy and love to his life, he wants to show you how much he loves and appreciates you. (At a less sexy time, it'd probably be good to talk with him about that feeling of debt and how you love him for who he is, not what he can do for you. But that’s a whole other demon.) So that being said, he’s pretty flexible. While he’s not exactly adventurous, he is open to suggestions. If you want him to take charge, he’ll do his best! Or he’s happy to follow instructions and let you take the lead. Service-Vers. Though, while he’d never ask for it because pleasing you is at the forefront, he’d really enjoy getting to be a pillow prince every once in a while. Just smothered in affection while you take care of everything and spoil him. He’d probably die of happiness.
To be perfectly honest, he’s pretty vanilla. But that’s not a bad thing! He likes gentle, romantic love-making in a bed with the lights dimmed. While he’s not opposed, per say, to trying something new every once in a while, he doesn’t really need anything other than you to make him happy. No matter how many times you two have sex it never gets old or feels less special. If anything it just gets better the more familiar and comfortable he becomes with your body and his own. He likes missionary best but is also a fan of really any position where he can hold you close and see/kiss your face. The one sort of kink he has is praise, though I’d argue everyone likes praise a little. Please tell him how he’s doing and how good you’re feeling. That he’s handsome and good and most of all: that you love him~ He never gets tired of hearing you say it~
