Sono molti gli atteggiamenti manipolatori che un uomo può intessere attorno ad una donna, considerandola in partenza come soggetto fragile (una cretina); dove imparano gli uomini l'atteggiamento manipolatorio? Dalle proprie madri troppo presenti e invadenti - una costante tipica italiana; per aggirare una madre di questo tipo è necessario costruire una narrativa fittizia, falsamente affettuosa, tendente ad ottenere tutto ciò che si vuole compiacendo, ma senza essere sinceri e diretti.
So, just throwing this out there, if I were to write Affettuoso as a fanfic with some drawings on it, would anyone read it? It’s the FF9 verse I have going with @zinidyne-zidane. I’ll put a summary of it under the dividing line with some spoilers*.
Obviously my version of it will be skewed toward Kuja’s perspective...
If it’s something you’d be interested in reading, or wouldn’t read but would support it existing anyway, a like would be appreciated! ; v ;
Kuja, having made it out of the Iifa tree, is faced with the reality of his impending death and shuts himself in the Desert Palace for a year in hopes of researching a possible cure. Ultimately hitting a wall in his progress and with his magic dwindling, he ventures back to Treno in disguise as King and begins to broaden his research, using the Auction House as a cover.
Unexpectedly, Kuja crosses paths with Zidane once again when the latter is cornered by Amarant’s contacts-- who are none too happy with their best being driven out of Treno by a bounty. Knowing he can’t afford for news of his survival spreading while in a weakened state, Kuja strikes a bargain with Zidane-- He will allow him to stay at his manor in Treno and keep Amarant’s bounty off his head, if Zidane keeps his survival a secret and occasionally ‘runs errands’ for him. Zidane foolishly agrees.
Things are tense at first-- keeping your enemy close does hold its advantages, but Kuja’s resentment for Zidane runs deep, and the feeling appears to be mutual at first. Over time, however, the two seem to come to better understand one another, and even appear to be becoming friends... An unfamiliar sensation to Kuja which doesn’t sit well with him.
Running out of time to find a solution to Kuja’s impending death and struggling to keep his survival a secret from Zidane’s friends, who are growing increasingly concerned by the friendly thief’s distant behavior, the two venture out to Oeilvert...
...Where they each discover very different answers to extending Kuja’s life.
*But is it really spoilers if the things I’m spoiling have been written in our rps and are able to be read? And if the fanfic doesn’t exist yet? Schrodingers spoilers: Kuja ends up going full neutral evil again and develops a new and improved Iifa Tree to feed himself the souls of Gaia, and Zidane ends up secretly possessed by the will of their world-eating eldritch home planet, Terra. Neither of them have any idea of what the other is doing kek. Hijinks ensue.
TIMING: Current
PARTIES: @drowningisinevitable and @wickedmilo
SUMMARY: Milo and Mina meet to play piano and check on each other. They both end up helping each other in various ways
CONTENT: Addiction, drug use (fae blood)
Milo was struggling. And knowing he had no real reason for struggling was only making him feel worse. Metzli wasn’t dead. The hardest thing he had ever been forced to process had been taken back by the universe. But having a complicated grieving process interrupted in such a monumental way had left him with something akin to emotional whiplash. Not only that, he was still searching for a more permanent source of blood, and he knew more than one of his friends was having a difficult time. Metzli’s death wasn’t the only issue Bex, and Mina were having to face. He didn’t know the details of their situation, he only got to see the aftermath. The way they were trying to navigate their differences, and move beyond what had taken place between them. Sharing such a close friendship with the Fae, and the Spellcaster meant he was doing what he could to maintain a steady stream of contact with the both of them. Allowing them to exist outside of their relationship, to spend time with him that may offer them a brief break from their troubles. It was why he had messaged Mina upon hearing she was back in town. Why he had suggested meeting up with her whenever she was ready to see him. It hadn’t taken long for her to suggest a piano session, and far too much time had passed since he last had access to the White Crest University piano room.
Having said yes in a metaphorical heartbeat, he was wandering the halls of the building, hurrying to reach the room he knew she would be waiting in. The light outside was a dull, dusty blue. Night was approaching fast but this time of day was as close to sunlight as he could possibly get without requiring the use of UV filtered glass. He did what he could to enjoy it. Eventually arriving, coming to a halt in front of the familiar door, he didn’t knock before opening it. Even if Mina was on the other side, this had become their shared space. There was no such thing as an intrusion.
The trek from the cabin that Mina was staying at to the car that she called and then to the school wasn’t exactly an enjoyable experience, but she was doing much better than she had been. Her bones were healing, though they ached, and she could manage with a single crutch since her left side was still okay. She’d managed to hobble her way into the music room and sat down on the bench, left hand rubbing at the wrapping around her right wrist. Her sleeve moved up her arm, exposing a patch of the scales that had refused to move themselves from her body, no matter how hard she tried. She tugged it back down, sighing. She couldn’t tell if she was doing better having seen Bex or not, but she wanted to try and be better. Mina didn’t know how to be better. Maybe seeing Milo would be a step towards being better.
When he walked in, Mina smiled up at him, hoping she didn’t appear too tired and that it didn’t seem too fake. She was trying. Look at her, how she went out in public, how she attempted to do something normal with a friend, how she tried to forget that she was a bad. Wasn’t she doing well? “Hi,” she said, quietly. “I’m… not quite as healed as I’d like to be, unfortunately.” She lifted up her bound wrist, her fingers flexing but painfully so. “So I’m afraid you might be playing by yourself tonight. Is that alright?”
Milo faltered when he first laid eyes on Mina, taken aback by her appearance. But he hurried to compose himself, not wanting to make her feel self conscious. Letting the door close softly behind him, he offered her a quiet smile. It was impossible not to notice the bandages, even without her drawing attention to them. And the crutch leaning against the wall beside her was equally as obvious. But he held his tongue instead of asking questions, knowing she would elaborate when, and more importantly, if she ever decided she wanted to. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you were in pain. I wouldn’t have…” He trailed off, wondering whether his words were technically true. Sometimes, regardless of pain, company and a change of scenery could make a person feel better. He wasn’t beyond attempting to encourage a brief escape from reality, and that was exactly what their music sessions had become. An escape. Some might even say a healthy escape. “Are you okay?” He asked finally. “Or getting there, at least?” Nodding to let her know he understood she couldn’t play, he moved to take a seat on the bench beside her, tugging his sleeves up so that his hands were no longer hidden by them. “It’s alright, so long as you think you can stand to listen to me play.”
He kept his head lowered as he spoke, running his fingers absentmindedly along the keys. It wasn’t lost on him that he probably looked equally as tired, albeit in a slightly different way. He hadn’t been sleeping, had been spending far more time with a bottle in his hand than he would care to admit. And existing on animal blood wasn’t easy. He had done it before, but having since developed an appreciation for human blood, it couldn’t compare. Thin, and less flavourful, it left him feeling empty. Craving something more substantial, which was always undeniably dangerous. Settling fully on the bench, a soft sigh escaping him as he realised how good it felt to be back, he tilted his head to look up at Mina, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. “I don’t suppose you have any requests?” He asked, his eyes shining despite his melancholic expression. He was here to forget his life, and its complications. They weren’t important right now. “I don’t know if Bex has told you, but things aren’t exactly going well for me either… if we’re not careful I’m going to play something sad and depress us both.”
“It’s okay, I probably– probably should’ve mentioned that I’m not doing the best, ah, physically, along with everything else,” Mina said quietly, turning her eyes downward for a moment before she looked back up at him. She shrugged. “I broke my wrist and my leg, along with a couple of ribs, but everything’s healing.” And she knew that probably wasn’t really what he meant by doing okay. The truth was that she was doing rather terrible, and she imagined that she’d keep doing terrible for quite some time. It didn’t matter, though. It really didn’t matter. She managed to smile up at him. “I’ll manage. And I’ll be all healed up in a few weeks, I’m sure.” And she smiled a little easier as he sat beside her, and she turned with him to face the keys.
It was hard for Mina to be in front of a piano and not play. She genuinely liked play, so much, and her fingers felt like they were itching. She lifted her left hand and played a few short notes, sighing quietly. She looked at him, really looked at him. It was strange for Mina to see a vampire and think that they looked tired, despite the fact that they couldn’t sleep. But Milo looked tired. He looked tired and worn down. “I’m afraid I’m in no better of a mood than you are,” she murmured. But she frowned, adding. “What do you mean? I’m so very sorry for– for not keeping up with you the way I should have. I’ve been a bit of a bad friend, haven’t I?”
“Yeah, Bex mentioned… I guess I just- I wasn’t sure how long it takes you to heal.” Milo felt bad for not considering the severity of Mina’s injuries, but his guilt wasn’t strong enough to erase how content he was to be in her company. Or how convinced he was that getting out would be good for her. He noticed the way she carefully misunderstood his question, choosing to comment on her physical wellbeing rather than her mental health. But he couldn’t blame her, and he didn’t want to push her to talk. So he listened quietly, eventually offering her a smile. “That has to be the one good thing about being a weirdo, right?” He teased, although he couldn’t force the lighthearted tone he was aiming for. “At least we’re resilient.” Pleased to hear she would no longer be in pain after a few weeks had passed, he wondered whether anything else would be different by then. Whether her relationship with Bex would heal alongside her bones, and whatever happened between them would be left in the past. His smile growing as her expression softened, he couldn’t resist reaching out, letting his fingers lightly brush against hers before pulling away again. The piano room, and her presence were both such comforts to him. He longed to bring her some comfort too.
Listening attentively to the notes she played, letting them echo in his ears long after the room had fallen silent, he didn’t realise she was observing him until she spoke again. When he caught her gaze he could see the concern in her expression. “Then we can be miserable together.” He said, nodding his head definitively. As much as he hated the fact that the people he cared about were struggling, it undeniably made him feel less alone. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” He hurried to insist. Mina hadn’t messaged him, but he also hadn’t messaged Mina. “We’ve both been through… a lot. What matters is we’re here now, y’know? We’re here for each other now.” Turning back to the keys, he began to play, absentmindedly improvising a song. It was slow, and gentle, but not necessarily unhappy. Just something to keep his hands busy as he thought about how best to explain his situation.
“After losing Metzli, I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I was just beginning to process their death when- when they came back. And I’m so relieved, Mina. You have no idea, but it feels like my mind is still catching up.” He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, briefly interrupting the song to push his glasses further up his nose. The moment he began speaking, it felt as though he couldn’t stop. Words were tumbling from his mouth, and it simultaneously felt as though a weight was being lifted from his chest. “Vampires don’t sleep, it feels like- like a state of unconsciousness, I guess. But it’s still a break, and I keep convincing myself that if I do that, if I let myself sleep, I might wake up and realise they really are gone.” As he continued, the song he was playing became louder, and faster. Far more complex. His emotions were pouring into it without his permission. “Like, what if they never came back and it was all in my head? What then? And there’s Murphy… she’s on some self righteous mission to teach me a lesson, and she cut me off from my blood source. My ethical nobody-gets-hurt blood source. Bex has been giving me animal blood but it doesn’t feel like enough, I’m just- I’m always hungry, I’m always tired. I know so many of my friends have it worse, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make anybody feel better- myself included. Everything is… it’s really fucking hard.”
“Have you seen her?” Mina asked, trying not to sound too hopeful, too desperate for solid proof that Bex was physically okay. Mina just wanted her to be okay. She was just desperate for Bex to be okay, and it wasn’t like she could see her right now. She didn’t feel right seeing her right now. “I… I heal twice as fast as a human, as long as I get enough water, so that’s nice.” She didn’t agree with him that it was a perk of being a weirdo. There weren’t any perks to not being human. She wondered if that was something that he’d agree with if she voiced it. She didn’t, though. “At least we’re resilient,” she echoed. She wished Bex was as resilient. She smiled weakly back at him as he agreed for them to be miserable together. That would be nice. She didn’t need someone trying to convince her that she was good. She just wanted to feel bad, just for a bit, just until she could get over it.
“I… still. I know that’s what matters, now, but still.” She’d just been rather caught up in herself, recently. Even before the mushrooms, with everything that went on with Roy, what was going on with Metzli and their sire, worrying over Bex because of that. “We’re here for each other now,” she said a little more firmly, for herself. Once she was healing better, she’d do better about being there for her friends. She’d be a better friend. Mina needed to learn how to be a better friend. She looked at him, her eyes soft. “I– Everything with Metzli happened while my head was still… too much, from the Fae mushrooms, so I didn’t really process that they were gone, really, and then they were messaging me, and they were back.” She was glad that they were back. It was strange to admit that she was glad that they were back. “It’s not in your head. I promise. They’re back.” She paused for a moment, as if waiting for the promise to break. “See? Not in your head. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be doing very well right now.”
Mina frowned at the mention of Murphy, the name familiar as the person that had hurt Bex and gotten locked in a mirror with her. “So she’s… she’s starving you? Why on earth would she think that’s a good idea?” Mina asked. Who could possibly believe that starving a vampire, and a young one at that, would be a good idea? The more she learned about her, the more that Mina didn’t care for Murphy at all. She sat there quietly, pondering Milo’s words as he played. She wanted to be a good friend, and he was starving. Not quite starving, but he needed to find a good source of blood. Mina was already injured, and, even if she wasn’t, she healed fast. She was used to bloodloss, used to being injured. And if she could help Milo, maybe that would be okay, right? Maybe that would be alright. “I… If you want, you could take some of my blood. It’s– It’s not the same as human blood. You’d need to keep supplementing it with animal blood. I’ve heard that it’s very sweet, and it– it can be… you don’t want to have too much of it. But it might at least make that one thing a little easier.”
Milo faltered, surprised to hear Mina had yet to see Bex. Regardless of where she was staying she was obviously capable of paying her girlfriend a visit. Maybe things between them were more complicated than he realised. It hurt to even consider. “Yeah, yeah, I’ve seen her.” He wanted to assure Mina that Bex was okay, but he also didn’t want to lie to his friend. “I mean, she’s… she’s okay, she’ll be okay. I think she’s just having a difficult time figuring everything out. I get it, I’m not exactly thriving either. None of us are.” He hummed quietly in acknowledgement of Mina’s healing process. Humans didn’t heal quickly, though double the speed had to count for something. It seemed no matter how serious her injuries had been, she was through the worst of them. Sensing her relief when she realised he wasn’t going to force her to talk, or feign happiness, his song began to slow again. Returning to the gentle pace he had originally started with. “No buts.” He countered. He didn’t want Mina to feel guilty for anything, not when they had both played a part in the distance between them. “It’s the only thing that matters, okay?” He prompted, not trusting her to believe him.
Shifting on the piano bench, intrigued by the mention of fae specific mushrooms, he resisted the urge to ask whether they were anything like magic mushrooms. Mina was confiding in him, and he wasn’t going to shatter the moment by zeroing in on what was potentially a new supernatural drug. Almost glad to hear that she had managed to escape the grief, and pain that came with mourning Metzli, he allowed himself to become distracted by their sudden promise. Holding his breath without meaning to, when a few moments had passed and they drew attention to the fact that they were fine, he felt a thousand times more sure, a thousand times lighter. Mina couldn’t lie. Metzli really had come back to him. Biting down on his bottom lip with a breathless laugh, his eyes shone with unguarded gratitude. Mina understood him, she understood how desperate he had been for the confirmation. “You could argue you aren’t doing too well anyway.” He pointed out, teasing her to the best of his ability. His smile fading again, replaced by an expression of both longing, and confusion. The word starve felt so dramatic, and yet perfect for his current situation. When he focused on his body, his throat was burning with thirst. A thirst that hadn’t been dampened since Murphy had stolen his supply of blood. “She wants to teach me control, but she also believes in… embracing the monster.” He felt awkward, and uncomfortable even saying the words out loud. Murphy had been born a wolf. It was different for her. He didn’t know how you were supposed to embrace a side of yourself that had been forced upon you by a stranger.
Though his song had tapered while he was waiting to see the results of Mina’s promise, it only came to a halt when he registered what she was offering him. Far beyond the response he had been expecting, he found himself staring at her in disbelief. “You… you would do that?” He asked, unable to understand what she would gain from such generosity. And she was already weakened, would she really be able to stand losing blood? Swallowing his desire, doing what he could to suppress it, his curiosity was almost impossible to ignore. “Who told you it was sweet? Have you… have you done this before?” He should snap out of it, he shouldn’t even be entertaining the idea. But it was so hard to say no when Mina was suggesting she consensually give him what he had been craving. You didn’t get more ethical, and less dangerous, than a supernatural friend attempting to help. Did you? Mina would know how to be careful, Mina wouldn’t willingly put herself in danger if she didn’t think she was able to maintain control. “Are you… you’re really serious?”
Watching Milo stumble a little, Mina quickly clarified, “She’s come by where I’m staying a few times, and I talk to her every day, I just… I wanted to know how she was around other people.” She bit her lip, looking away. “I know that she’ll be okay. I know everyone’s having a hard time. I’m sorry about it. I wish things were easier.” She made a lot of wishes these days, really. Stupid, useless wishes that would likely never come to pass. Maybe that was for the best. Mina saw what wishes did to Bex. She knew what they were doing to Metzli. When Milo tried to make her feel less guilty, it didn’t make the guilt go away, but she did nod her head. “Okay.”
Milo held his breath with the promise, just as Mina had, and she did manage a smile at the relief that filled his expression as he managed to laugh. She gave a soft chuckle of her own, her uninjured hand scratching at her neck. “I mean… no, I’m not doing the best, but I would be doing a lot worse. Broken promises are really not fun.” She watched him carefully, listening as he talked about Murphy and why she was doing what she was doing. “That’s cruel. And you don’t– You don’t have to be a monster to exist. This doesn’t seem very much about teaching you control. Depriving you of food… that’s something that someone bad does to prove a point.” And maybe Mina was thinking about it too simply, but that was how she felt. That was what she thought. And Milo seemed as adverse to his nature as she was. He didn’t seem to want to be amonser, either. If Mina didn’t have to, then neither did he.
“I would do that,” Mina said quietly, looking at her hands. It was the least she could do. She healed faster than any human Milo might pick. “I know it’s sweet because there’s no iron in it, so it doesn’t have that flavor. I’ve never done this, but– but, when I was younger, and my dad would do jobs with slayers, sometimes they’d use some of my blood to draw out spawn so that they could kill them. Vampires are apparently quite fond of it, of Fae blood. I think it makes them see through glamours, too. You just can’t have too much, and you have to supplement it, and we probably shouldn’t make this a permanent thing.” It could be addicting, and they never discussed it, but Mina was aware of Milo’s attachment to addictive substances. “I’m serious, yes.”
“Last time I saw her she… well, she wasn’t happy.” Milo admitted, seeing no reason to lie to his friend. “But I’ve also seen her pull herself out of dark places like, a thousand times. She misses you… I think she needs you, but you already know that.” It was the closest he would ever come to telling Mina what to do. It wasn’t his place to give advice unless he was asked for it, and it certainly wasn’t his place to order Mina, and Bex to spend time with each other. But it was important for him to make Mina understand her absence wasn’t beneficial. If anything, it was having a detrimental effect. He wanted them to move past whatever had happened. If he couldn’t be okay himself, then he at least wanted other people to be okay. “Maybe they will be easy one day. Metzli is always reminding me how young I am. How much life there is left to live. We’re all in it together, y’know… and I kind of like that. We’re together now when it’s difficult. And we’ll be together in the future… when it isn’t.” He didn’t consider himself an optimistic person, but as he spoke the words he almost, almost found himself believing them. A smile tugging at his lips as Mina agreed with him, he gently nudged her with his shoulder, careful not to exacerbate her pain. “I think you told me what happens when you break a promise.” He wrinkled his nose, making light of the situation to offer them both a temporary break. “Even human I knew it was better to avoid making them. I’m far too unreliable.” His smile faltering as the conversation moved on, he was reminded of his situation with Murphy. Of the many complicated emotions that came along with it.
He sighed, withdrawing from the piano so that he could rest his hands in his lap. “I don’t know if it counts as cruel, she really thinks she’s doing something good.” It was difficult to voice, but Murphy had comforted him on more than one occasion. And after he had visited her home she seemed to be protective of him in a way he wasn’t used to. She was looking out for him. Could she be blamed if he wasn’t compatible with her techniques? “I don’t think any of us are monsters. I did for a while… I woke up in a body that was so different from my body- from the one I was used to. And that was- I hated it. Everything felt so wrong. I’m beginning to feel like myself again though… I mean, I’m getting used to the fact that this is who I am. I wish Murphy could see that’s as valid as embracing it. I’m never going to love it like she does. I didn’t ask for any of this.” Reaching up absentmindedly to press his fingers against the scar at the base of his throat, he frowned, refusing to allow the memories of his attack to assault him.
Falling silent again, listening to Mina as she explained the way her parents used to use her blood, the fact that she had never let a vampire actively drink it herself made him uncomfortable. He didn’t want to put her in a position where she felt like she needed to feed him. He was still being careful, he wasn’t going to hurt anybody. She was under no obligation to try and protect the general public. Then again, she cared about him in the same way that he cared about her. She knew he was hungry, and she had a way to settle that hunger. He would do the same if the roles were reversed, they both knew it. “Glamours?” He had only heard the term used casually in conversation. Nobody had ever explained the specifics to him. “What kind of glamours?” The last thing he wanted to do was trigger whatever damage Virgil had done to his psyche. Did that involve glamours? Would he be more or less vulnerable should the fae try to make contact again? “I-” Ignoring the way being told he needed to limit himself made him want to overindulge, he nodded, lifting his head to hold Mina’s gaze. Even just her offering meant more than she could possibly know. He hoped his gratitude was showing in his expression. “If you’re sure…”
“I’m sure she wasn’t,” Mina said quietly. She didn’t think that Bex was very happy at all. Mina herself wasn’t particularly happy, either, and this was all her fault. She’d done this. She’d ruined everything. She was trying to stop thinking about that, even though it was the truth. She looked up at him softly. “You really think that? The– the being easier and the sticking around?” And there were times that Mina tried desperately to be hopeful, and there were times that it was too hard, but she wanted to be hopeful. She wanted to count on this. It was so strange. If she’d been told two years before, or even just a year, that she’d be friends with so many inhumans, that they’d be important to her, she’d have thought they were lying. This wasn’t supposed to be her life. Not at all. But it was. She was dealing with that. She could be hopeful and live with that. “I have told you what happens, yes. I mean… it does vary, a little, depending on the promise. But that probably wouldn’t have been a fun one to break.” It might have caused Mina to not exist. She didn’t know.
“I think, and I apologize if this is unwarranted, but I think that unintentional cruelty is still cruelty. Just because she thinks she’s doing something good, doesn’t mean that she’s actually doing something good.” And the words felt strange in Mina’s mouth, like something she was constantly reminded about but that she also refused to listen to. And maybe there were certain things about her life that she was ready to acknowledge, about the way she’d been raised, about how she’d maybe experienced more cruelties than she cared to admit, but not now. Not here. She looked away because she did think they were monsters, but she didn’t think she should mention that. “I can’t imagine going from being one thing to being another,” she said instead. It was bad enough that she’d always been Fae. She couldn’t imagine being human and having something turn her Fae. “I’m sure that was horrifying. I’m– I’m glad you’re embracing it, though. I think that’s a good thing, accepting yourself, in spite of it all.”
Mina brought her injured right hand to her left wrist and started rolling up the sleeve, exposing her wrist that was still patchy with scales that just didn’t seem to be going away. It would be best to use her uninjured wrist since it was unlikely that anyone would be checking it. “Glamours like… you’ll be able to see other Fae for what they really are, if they have wings or bark for skin or horns, things like that. I don’t know what you’ll be able to see with me, though. I don’t really glamour.” Mina allowed a few more scales to sprout up. “Those are mine. The skin is also mine. It’s not really glamouring.” She held her wrist out to him. “I’m sure.”
Milo swallowed any doubt that might show on his face. He believed it because he needed to. Because Metzli had convinced him it could be true. And maybe he could be to Mina what Metzli was to him. A positive influence. A reason to hope. “I think it’s possible.” He agreed, smiling softly at her. “And if it’s possible we can work towards making it happen, right?” He tried to imagine the perfect future. One where Mina, and Bex were happily married. Where Metzli had a partner, and he had a boyfriend, and there was no danger for any of them to run from. Their problems were as simple as sending wedding invitations, and organising pet sitters for collective nights out. Why couldn’t they have that? Why didn’t they deserve to have that? Listening to the brief elaboration on what a broken promise could do to a fae, the weight of her words wasn’t lost on him. Mina had taken a risk. A small one, of course, she knew she was telling the truth. But a risk, all the same. And she had done so to help him understand what was real. His mental wellbeing really meant that much to her. He opened his mouth, wanting to express his gratitude, but choked on his words before they could escape him. The habit of not thanking Mina, and not making promises to her had been a difficult one to fall into. He was finally beginning to catch himself. “It feels good to be sure.” He said instead, knowing she would understand the deeper implication of his words. “You didn’t have to do that.”
Turning his attention back to the piano, he played a handful of notes. He knew Mina was right in a lot of ways. That the intention behind Murphy’s actions didn’t change the fact that they were unfair, and somewhat controlling. But he couldn’t forget the vulnerability she had shown when she had clung to him after ‘losing’ Metzli. He had seen, on more than one occasion, that she cared about him. She genuinely wanted him to be okay. Shaking his head, he began to focus on his music once more. “I wouldn’t say I’m embracing it. I think if I embrace it… people get hurt.” He hated the fact that his instinct was to hurt people. Metzli had made it clear to him that he was built to hunt. He could fight back against his body, but nothing was going to change that. Regardless, he was determined to make the effort. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t. “But I’m learning to be okay with it. I mean, I was murdered… I don’t know how to get over that. And the guy who did this just… I guess he didn’t think I was worth sticking around for. It’s hard not to be bitter about being abandoned.” He sighed, his hands falling still to rest against the piano keys. They were cool, and smooth beneath his fingertips. “It’s taken a lot to get where I am.”
As Mina began to roll up her sleeve, he couldn’t help but feel awkward, and embarrassed. For all his talk of learning to accept himself, he did what he could to hide his fangs from people, and he couldn’t remember whether Mina had ever seen them before. If she hadn’t, he knew she was about to. Taking in the information on glamours, he did his best to file it away. If he had been taught anything during his time as a vampire, it was the importance of retaining information on his fellow supernatural creatures. Only raising his head when Mina held her wrist out to him, he was curious to notice the pattern of scales on her skin. He wanted to ask her whether that was a part of her healing process, or whether he should be concerned that maybe she wasn’t healing like she said she was. But he was too preoccupied, too overwhelmed by the prospect of blood. He hadn’t drunk from a person since his first day as a vampire. He didn’t know what the protocol was supposed to be. So he carefully took her wrist, holding it with his hands to keep it steady. Debating whether it would be more painful to break her skin quickly, or slowly, he leaned forward, letting his fangs slip out before he could change his mind. Before he could become too humiliated, or question the morality of what he was about to do. Pressing down with as much force as he dared, after a faint resistance, his fangs broke through, and warm, fresh blood flooded his mouth. Within seconds his nature took over, and he shifted in his seat, any hesitance leaving him. He pulled Mina closer, swallowing mouthful after mouthful, drinking as quickly as her body would allow. He could hear her heart beating in her chest, and it spurred him on. The taste was sweet, unlike anything he had ever tasted before. And he longed for more. He couldn’t stop even if he wanted to.
“Right,” Mina murmured. It was possible. It was possible for things to get better for them. For all of them. Even for her, if she let it, if she decided to stop feeling sorry for herself long enough to breathe. She wanted that. She wanted to let herself want that. It was… hard. Everything felt hard, and it felt heavy. She shrugged at him telling her she didn’t have to make the promise. “I wanted to. And it’s nice, isn’t it? To have the confirmation? Sometimes I think it’s nice.” Even if making promises wasn’t always nice, sometimes it helped. Sometimes it was worth it. In this case, it was worth it. She watched him play piano some more as he considered her words, and she allowed him to have that time. She soaked in the music instead, debating joining in with just one hand but deciding against it. She’d rather just listen, though. She didn’t have much heart for playing. “It’s hard to embrace things like that,” she said, and her words tasted like ashes on her tongue. She understood how hard it was. Every time she seemed to embrace what she was, something went wrong. Mina was perpetually one step forward, two steps back. “I don’t know what your sire was thinking, but he sounds like a bastard,” Mina said with as much vehemence as she could muster. “And… you should be proud, with how far you’ve come, I think. Being okay with being what you are… I know that’s difficult. It says something that you’re sitting here now, and you’re not feral.”
It took Milo so long to bite her wrist that Mina almost wondered if he’d go through with it, but he seemed to figure out what he was doing. Once he started, he didn’t seem to want to start. She wondered how long it had been since he’d had anything other than animal blood. Fangs cutting into flesh wasn’t any different than being stabbed, not really. If anything, it was gentler, kinder. The strangest sensation was being fed on. It wasn’t painful, not like she expected, not really. It was draining, though. Mina could feel a fatigue setting in the more that Milo took. She probably should have stopped him much sooner, but she didn’t have the heart to do so. Finally, when she knew he’d taken a little more than he should, she murmured, “Milo. Milo, you need to stop, now.”
“It is nice.” Milo assured Mina. He was frustrated by the fact that he couldn’t openly show his gratitude. But he knew she was used to people showing her they were grateful. She could probably recognise gratitude and thanks in a person’s expression, or in their body language. And that needed to be enough. Nodding with a grim smile, he didn’t look up from his hands. She understood the struggle of trying to accept what you were. She had never been human, but that didn’t matter. That didn’t make her pain any less than his. “I don’t think I even want to.” He admitted. “I want to be okay with it, but embracing it means… something else.” He thought of Murphy, of the violence she left in her wake. Of Eloy, and the countless lives he had destroyed. And even of the vampire who had killed him to chase a supernatural high. They weren’t fighting against their instinct, they were revelling in it. “I met him once.” He murmured, frowning as his song continued. It wasn’t something he enjoyed talking about, but in the safety of Mina’s company, the words escaped him without his permission. “I didn’t realise until after, but he recognised me. He recognised me and he didn’t say anything.” Offering a lazy shrug, he let the warmth of Mina’s assurance wash over him. He wasn’t proud of himself. He didn’t know how to be proud of himself. But he had come a long way, and it was undeniably an accomplishment. To survive what he had and still maintain a semblance of self. “Thank-” He broke off, a huff of breath escaping him, the sound both amused, and a little bitter. “I can’t say it…” He looked up at Mina, holding her gaze. He would do anything to be able to say thank you. “But you know… right?”
Despite the intimacy of the moment, and the heavy topic of their conversation, once he had broken the skin of Mina’s wrist, it may as well have been a different day. He may as well have been in a different room, with a different person. Every emotion seemed to dissipate. Every memory of his attack, of the struggles that had plagued him over the past nine months seemed to fade, leaving him with the sweet, delicious taste on his tongue, and a pleasant rush that he couldn’t quite place. It was all he could think about. There was no room for concern, or self control. And it would have stayed that way if Mina’s voice hadn’t forcefully cut through the haze, reminding him of his situation. Reminding him why he couldn’t afford to lose himself. He faltered, taking a second too long to remember where he was, and more importantly, what he was doing. But when it hit him, it hit him with strength. He withdrew. Pulling back quickly, blinking in the hope of his eyes returning to their usual colour. In the sudden silence, he reached up to scrub at his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket. Self conscious, and awkward. He was hesitant to acknowledge his friend, worried he might see disgust, judgement, or even fear in her expression, but her tone had been sharp. Had he taken things too far? He held her gaze despite wanting more than anything to avoid it. “I’m so sorr- shit.” He broke off, desperate to apologise. “Are- are you okay? I- I didn’t hurt you?”
Mina understood. She understood all too well. The idea of embracing what she was, who she was, how she was, it meant embracing something that was wholly inhuman. Mina wasn’t delusional; she knew that she’d never be human. But she’d lived an entire life striving desperately to be humane, and she didn’t want to accept inhuman ideas and mindsets because what if she did become a monster? What if she did become the kind of thing that hurt those closest to her on purpose? Mina didn’t want that. She didn’t want to be that. She’d give anything not to be that. “I’m sorry,” she said. “That he was like that.” And she was. He sounded cruel and wrong, to kill a boy and leave him to figure out his unlife on his own. That wasn’t right. Then again, she’d always been left to figure things out on her own. Maybe that’s the reason she was the way that she was. She smiled lopsidedly. “I’ll never use any thanks against you. Just don’t make a habit of thanking people like me,” she said. It would be safer for him that way.
Maybe Mina shouldn’t be putting this much trust in a vampire who had barely been a vampire for that long, but she didn’t attempt to jerk herself away. It was all she could think about, the various ways she should get rid of him, put down a monster just as she’d always been taught. Milo was her friend, though. She cared about him. Perhaps this would be for the best; he’d learn control if it was with someone that he didn’t want to hurt. And he managed to pull away eventually. She looked at him, feeling lightheaded and unsteady, but that was normal these days, wasn’t it? She was fine. “I’m fine,” she said, her tongue feeling thick. She cleared her throat and gave him another small smile. “I’m fine, really. You’re okay. Just be conscious about how much you’re taking.” She rolled her sleeve down and stemmed the bleeding. “We can’t do this often, but, if you need it…” she trailed off. If he needed it, then she’d let him have her blood. Not too much, and he’d have to supplement it, but she’d do it. She was tired. She probably needed to start heading back to the cabin, to the water. Instead, she wanted to just rest, if only for a moment.
“You don’t have to be sorry. It isn’t your fault, Mina.” Milo was touched by the sentiment, but didn’t enjoy the thought of his friend being forced to shoulder his burden. As of yet she had been nothing but a positive influence in his unlife. Guilt, and empathy should belong only to his killer. “I’ll be careful, don’t worry.” He smiled at her, pleased to hear he had a certain degree of freedom when it came to his use of language. He didn’t want to put her in a difficult position, he knew the power imbalance made her uncomfortable, but the clarification was comforting, regardless. “You know how much you mean to me… how much you matter. I don’t need to tell you like that, Mina. You’ll always be able to understand me.” He offered her a smile, hoping she could take comfort in the knowledge. He certainly did. When she brushed off his question, insisting she was fine, he debated pushing her, asking her if she really was fine, or if she was only able to say so because she was forcing herself to believe the statement was true. But he also wanted to believe it was true, so he ignored the worry gnawing at the back of his mind. It was soon replaced by an unnerving sense of shame. She was right, he had been too unfocused. Too distracted to even consider how much of her blood she could stand to lose. Swallowing his emotion, he nodded silently, a frown lightly creasing his brow.
“I know…” He hurried to assure her. He already understood this wasn’t something they could repeat with abandon. Mina needed blood to survive, continually taking it would only be increasingly dangerous. So why was he already working to figure out how much time needed to pass before it would be appropriate to ask for more? The first and only time he had ever drunk from a person, he had been out of control. He had no memory of what it felt like, what it tasted like, how it made him feel. And he was glad of that. He didn’t want to know how it felt to drain somebody of life, to feel somebody die in his arms. But this… he could remember this, and it had been so much better than he ever thought it could be. The blood was fresh, and warm, and sweet. Feeling his teeth pierce Mina’s skin… it was almost like giving in to every instinct he had been fighting. The rush was comparable to a high. He felt high. He wasn’t sure whether that was due to the fae blood, or the fact that his thirst had finally been sated. He did what he could to shake off the euphoria. It wasn’t lost on him that he only felt better because Mina had volunteered herself to feel worse. “Are you… are you going to need help getting home? Or I can play you something and we can stay here…”
“I’m still sorry,” Mina said. She could be sorry even if she wasn’t the one that hurt him. She could be just as sorry as she was about Metzli’s sire, as she was about Bex’s parents. Though, there was no one in the world Mina hated more than Bex’s parents, even after everything. “I appreciate that,” Mina said, a bit of a tease working its way into her voice. And maybe he could see that appreciation was safe. It was thanking Fae where things got complicated. “I know, Milo, and I do. Understand you. I do.” She got what he meant. And she knew that he was concerned about her, could see the crease between his eyebrows as he looked at her, and she couldn’t keep eye contact. She helped him out. That was enough. She was just as fine as she’d been before, when she’d first gotten there and sat down. She wasn’t really fine, and she didn’t think she would be, not for a long time, but she wasn’t any worse than she had been.
“I can stay here for a little while.” Enough time for some of the light headedness to go away. She might attempt to hobble out to one of the water fountains in the hall, but, otherwise, she was content to just sit with him for awhile. She’d need to leave eventually, need to order a car, head back to the cabin. She’d be traveling through the woods in the dark, but Mina wasn’t scared. She wasn’t scared of the dark. She nudged at Milo, turning him back to face the piano. With her good hand, she played a few short notes, leaning against him hesitantly. She wasn’t worried about hurting him. It would be so much harder to hurt him than if he was human. So she leaned against him a little more, hoping it was okay. It had been so long since Mina had been around people, not since Metzli visited, and they were cold, and so was Milo, but Mina missed touch. She’d never realized how much she missed touch. “I’m glad you agreed to come play tonight. Maybe next time I’ll be able to properly join in.”
“Well then,” Milo echoed Mina’s playful tone. “I guess I appreciate you being sorry.” And he did, he meant exactly what he said. But it was also a way for them to leave behind any tension, any heavy sense of seriousness that seemed to hang over them both like a cloud. They came to this room to escape, and they still had time to do just that. To let their lives disappear, if only for a little while. Noticing the way she averted her gaze, he eventually did the same. She did seem to understand him. Maybe in a way that others didn’t. He knew a lot of his friends secretly worried about him, or judged him for his habits, refusing to listen to him when he insisted he didn’t have a problem. Mina wasn’t like that. Mina had never said anything that set him on edge, or made him feel as though she was looking down on him for the things he enjoyed. Humming quietly in acknowledgement as she nudged him with her shoulder, it was obvious what she was encouraging him to do, and he placed his hands back on the keyboard, unable to ignore how strange they felt. How strange his entire body felt. Pressing down, allowing a few notes to ring out, he paused while Mina got comfortable, both surprised, and endeared when she rested herself against him. It was a relief to know she still trusted him. That she had seen the side of himself he so often resented, and decided he was very much the same Milo she cared for. “I’m glad you asked me to come.” He admitted, focusing once again on creating a song. It was happier this time, and filled with warmth. He poured his emotion into it, his memories of their time together. The things they suffered through, only to emerge stronger, and more sure in their friendship. Even though most people wouldn’t hear anything more than a song, anything more than a few hastily chosen notes, he knew that Mina wasn’t most people.
“Io non sono affettuoso, non abbraccio le persone senza motivo, non dico frasi sdolcinate, non mi faccio sentire, eppure ogni mia parola è piena di sincerità, ogni mio gesto è pieno di significato, ogni piccola cosa per me ha un senso. In poche parole voglio solo dirti: apprezza tutto quello che faccio, perché non lo faccio per tutti.”
▒▌ @a-ffettuoso // didn’t ask for a starter but is getting
one anyway
❝I wasn’t about to walk into anything, I’m fine.❞ She huffs with insistence, brows low and her pout firm. ❝How about you mind your own business instead of intruding on someone else’s?❞
( @a-ffettuoso | didn't ask for a starter but is getting one anyway
While personal traveling may be a struggle, it had its benefits,
and its... pleasant sides. Getting lost was not one of those things,
but observing others occasionally slid into the "good" category.
Katie spots a decent contender to ask for help, but her nerves soon
get in the way of necessity. She resorts to skirting around the area,
her gaze darting in the man's direction, as if waiting for a good
moment to intrude his business and see if she can't ask for assistance.
In truth, she watched his actions, noting how he interacted with other
women that wandered... and she was simply shy.
Finally, she draws a breath, approaching him with a nervous stature
but manages to reach forward and tug on his sleeve. ( There's a shred
of shame in the back of her mind for having to present words on paper,
as she can't very well speak. )
➥ Excuse me? You seem to know your way around here, and I'm, um,
I'm kind of lost...
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