#amhaengeosa

[minglz]

✍ in-ho or young il, if you havent done him please 🙏🥺

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ THAT MS.PAINT MEME EVERYONE LOVES;;

// No I haven't done him yet! I've only done Nam.gyu and than.os~

[deadbuys]

The terrible weighted blade of leaving hangs heavy on In-ho’s heart. Even if the decision was made and the money was split, In-ho would not be welcomed back into Seoul; even if everyone got something they could live with, Jun-ho would be there, waiting for In-ho. No amount of fake names and false friendships would spare In-ho from the path he has walked.

He votes because he knows @amhaengeosa will lose this game, but even the idea of it—the terrible crushing weight of it—keeps him awake. The balance he walks is thin and frail; Young-il is even more fragile, merely a mask atop a pile of arbitrary rules. He must be cordial, but firm; he must be funny, but sincere; he must be human, above all else, Young-il must defer to his humanity. 

Young-il must believe he can leave. In-ho thought that, once.

❛ I know I shouldn’t have come here, but I’ve got nowhere to go, ❜ The mask—Young-il—whispers. ❛ I can’t change—you can’t change for me. ❜ spotify starters.            /            ashamed, health.

[h-a-unted]

“  your nose is bleeding.  ” @amhaengeosa -> sangwoo !

"So, we should be preparing for— huh?" He has to pause and turn over to the man to actually register what he said. Come to think of it, even Gi-hun's words rang far away, just now. The room looks a little too shiny, the air too dry. Even Gi-hun looks weird. A finger goes below his nose and, as he manages to touch the liquid, he notices his finger is shaking as well.

He takes a peek at the crimson drawn across the tip of his finger, smears it against his thumb, he seems confused. "How did that... get there?" And he turns over to the older man as if he held all the answers. He struggles to keep himself from succumbing, but he musters all his strength, he can't look vulnerable here.

"Has this room always been this nauseating?"

[roscvcins]

@amhaengeosa asked : You look like you find more cavities when the patient is rude to you (m.oonjo , he went there kajdks) - Send “You look like you…”, complete the sentence, and see how my muse reacts to being told that!

"...Do I?" He bears his own teeth in grin - the sharp contrast of blood-reddened lip and pristine white teeth ever so slightly UNNATURAL. The gloves come off, peeled absently from slender fingers. His hands are cold as he leans his cheek into his palm, cocking his head. "Well - it pisses me off A LITTLE LESS when they have pretty teeth. Some people - " Draws out sigh, exhale disturbing fringe falling into his eyes, "The only thing that ISN'T rotten about them is their molar."

[deadbuys]

Not only have I made In-ho accidentally autistic, I have also made him accidentally aromantic. Augh. Also mentioning a couple people and some ships/interests in ships here: Inu, Hal and Winnie, love u three. 

For In-ho, love is distant. 

This is most evident in In-ho’s behavior with Jun-ho and Mal-soon, with refusing to incriminate them by staying away. This happened, arguably, with Hyun-sun when he left her to go participate in the Games. He did it for love, but he also did it without her, leaving her to die by herself. Jun-ho and In-ho’s age gap is nineteen years, which means that In-ho probably watched Jun-ho as a toddler. He’ll always be that little boy to In-ho, that baby he held. 

Love, for In-ho, is about sacrifice. Giving Jun-ho one of his kidneys. Spending his career searching after unsolved cases. Letting Gi-hun come back. (an act of love, to him?) Saving Jun-ho. Trying to fight to pay the bills for Hyun-sun. One after another, sacrifice after sacrifice. And for what? What does In-ho have to show for it, really? A brother who wants to end his career and imprison In-ho, Gi-hun wants to kill him, Hyun-sun is dead, and he can never go back to his old life.

Love must have rules for both parties; if the rules are not followed, In-ho will not participate.

I have been discussing this pretty heavily with @salessji for their recruiter (Gah-mi) and In-ho. To set the scene here, Gah-mi is extremely obsessed and infatuated with In-ho, to the point of making it Gah-mi’s point of life to please In-ho. I think this actually disgusts In-ho because there are no rules. 

Dependency is inherently illogical. The belief that there is only one person for you and that there can only be one person for you to rely on, depend on, and be with is completely illogical. In-ho doesn’t understand the rules of Gah-mi’s feelings and so does not participate in their game; Gah-mi does his job well, but seeks too much approval, which In-ho does not give beyond being professional and cold. 

In-ho is aware of this dependency but cannot make sense of it. There are rules to wants, to In-ho, and the number one rule is that you make sacrifices. The other, invisible and contradictory rule, is that it must never come at the harm of yourself. In-ho will sacrifice for Jun-ho, but will not sacrifice his entire life for Jun-ho. It would be easy to give Gah-mi a little bit of affection, but then it snowballs. In-ho cannot afford to spend his entire life with Gah-mi as intimately as Gah-mi wants, and so cannot give him anything.

And this sort of affection-seeking is too much for In-ho. There’s not a rubric for how much affection Gah-mi needs, and if In-ho opens the door, Gah-mi will ask for too much. Love is distant and Gah-mi is close, and In-ho is very uncomfortable with the idea.

This goes in contrast to @pavlovianpanic and I’s one-sided ship with In-ho and Sean (with In-ho being the one wanting), but it is on In-ho’s terms. In-ho is professional and distant, but willing to sacrifice his time and energy to make sure that Nathan Prescott’s crimes are never discovered. His morals bend, absolutely, but he’s not sacrificing any closeness. And Sean doesn’t want closeness, so he never has to examine why he’s so afraid of it.

In-ho doesn’t date, he obsesses.

This is pure mind palace thoughts alone since Winnie and I haven’t had the chance to write much, but for an example, @amhaengeosa’s Gi-hun is someone that In-ho does obsess over. I mention these two important studies in my dossier for them, which is: “obsession coloring all actions,” and “forced observer.” I’m going to break this down before I continue.

Obsession coloring all actions.

I think that In-ho does obsess. It is the natural inclination, or at least an inclination we’ve seen after meeting our two winners, that happens after beating the Games. Gi-hun spent three years obsessing over going back; if not the exact same, then similarly, In-ho obsessed until he went back after he won. With nothing to return to, you’d want to return to familiar misery. (I can’t find the name—but it’s a thing for depressed individuals!! The want to not get better because you’ve been depressed for so long)

Since In-ho has been encouraged to be obsessed these last eight years—keeping tabs on winners and leavers, on guards, on VIPs, on the games and the enjoyment of the VIPs, never leaving the same cycle—it’s not surprising that In-ho would be easily obsessive over other people. It makes sense. In-ho has to be obsessive for everything else, it’s probably not even like flipping a switch. Just a constant slurry of information with no break, all day, every day, for eight years.

Because even if the games aren’t running, they’re finding people, finding sponsors, testing games, watching the others and making sure they aren’t telling anyone, and if they are, they aren’t getting close to the island.

In-ho’s survival relies on him being obsessive.

Forced observer.

This one seems self-evident to me, but I’ll explain it the best I can anyway. In-ho has his little pervert room where he watches Red Light Green Light and listens to Frank Sinatra, but also is completely removed from his whole life. His career and family might as well be gone if not dead, and he might as well be dead to them in turn.

In-ho is not typically allowed to play in the Games. He is allowed that 001 tag, of course, but it’s probably not something he does often. He most likely heavily considered the part he was going to play before he played, and it was likely Gi-hun who took him over the edge to participate in the Games at all.

This only worsens In-ho’s discomfort of being a person with other people and his fear of intimacy. As an observer, In-ho sacrifices nothing about any unsavory obsessions he may have. As an obsessor, this is the safest place to obsess. It’s lonely and isolating and terrible and puts him at this weird blurred line of authority and commoner, where is completely uninvolved but also totally the fault of everything. 

It’s perfect for him.

Back to obsessing, not dating.

In-ho doesn’t “date” because that implies a level of intimacy in his involvement, which he doesn’t like. Intimacy implies being any level of dependence, which also implies that he must be some level of dependent, intimate, or close with another person, and In-ho doesn’t like that.

Rules get messy when you’re close, and you want to make exceptions. In-ho doesn’t do exceptions. He makes and abides by rules and conditions. He doesn’t like there being the idea that someone could just not do what the rule says, even if he likes them. I think this is showcased best with Gi-hun, where the exception becomes very close to the surface.

Why kill Jung-bae and not Gi-hun, the revolutionary? He killed Jung-bae to subdue Gi-hun, which is the closest “you are the exception” I have ever seen In-ho display. Had it been any other revolutionary, and the others still caught despite them surrendering, did die. Everyone but those who went back to the bunker and Gi-hun died, and that’s the only exception we’ve seen to In-ho’s rules.

And why, though? I don’t know. It could be any number of reasons. In-ho could want Gi-hun to experience grief in the same vastness and terribleness as the other participants to put him back on the same “playing field,” or maybe his obsessions do cloud his vision and he wants to keep Gi-hun alive to see his reactions and pushed to the edge again, like with Sang-woo.

But In-ho doesn’t want to date Gi-hun. Maybe the mask does, when In-ho imagines himself as Young-il or 2015 In-ho, they could’ve been together. But 2024 In-ho simply does not operate on terms of intimacy.

TLDR: In-ho defines love as something distant and calculating to spare the least amount of feelings from being experienced while also giving out the most amount of safety he can provide. To In-ho, love is cold, something you don’t feel. 

In-ho is extremely obsessive while also being a forced observer, and these two elements feed on each other nonstop and have been for eight years.

In-ho is disgusted by dependency and intimacy because it relies on the rule of exceptions, which disgusts In-ho. In the same breath, he is not exempt from providing exceptions, which makes him a hypocrite.

[minglz]

ㅤㅤ⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ @amhaengeosa - wanted something from my new oc!

ㅤㅤ𝓔un stood frozen in fear- eyes locked on the man before her. Never before in the couple years that she had worked here had she seen the players fight back like this and flood their way into the main building searching for a way to the top. Her heart raced, she was unarmed except for a simple switchblade. That wasn't going to do anything against a gun! ❝Don't shoot!❞ She quickly spat out. ❝—I don't want to be here either! I just test games! I- I had no part in anything else! I had no choice!❞ She quickly reached into her pocket for the blade and tossed it toward 456 before bending her knees and lowering herself to the ground.

[h-a-unted]

“  is that your blood?  ” @amhaengeosa -> in-ho !

He acts bewildered instead of displeased as he had been moments ago. In-ho knows he should've been more careful, his shoulder wound is still as sensitive as the moment it formed, for some reason, so any small bump and he is back to square one. It had started bleeding out and he had thought to ignore it until lights out, but...

"Oh, this?" In-ho says, summoning Young-il right back. "No, I... I must've slipped back at the last game. There was blood everywhere, so I inevitably got some smeared over my suit." He pauses on purpose, leaning just a little closer to the man to whisper. "Did I worry you?"

[minglz]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ @amhaengeosa - liked!

ㅤㅤ𝓘n-ho Young-Il was silent for a moment or two, letting things settle for a moment before he spoke. ❝—You really think you can change people's minds so easily?❞ He asked, eyes flickering back toward the dormitory with people peppered throughout the bunks and floor. Of course, not everyone was voting to stay and continue the games The ones that wanted to leave were already on Gi-Hun's side for the most part. ❝People have already seen how much money they got after the first game. Knowing that more would come after a few more games- it's hard to say no to that.❞