Something so like, underhandedly toxic and incredibly insane to me is Feyre’s view on how family is supposed to work, even after she has escaped poverty, is the richest woman in the Night Court, literally the top 1% in all of the world.
She’s begins ACOTAR in the traditional male/father role for her family because her father is literally a piece of shit who can’t be bothered to care for his children at all. She believes she’s the only one doing any real work because she is doing the bulk of labor that brings in any money, determines how much money anyone in her family gets, and makes the choices of who her sisters are allowed to marry, despite them all being adults at the beginning of ACOTAR. While objectively annoying, you can understand how she is in this role and why she feels the way she does. When you’re in poverty and that run down, it can feel like you’re doing everything by yourself.
Yet, she goes through the entire series, supposedly grows (I don’t see it but I will let that go for now) and heals. Flash forward to ACOSF.
Among the many stupid reasons Feyre is upset about Nesta, she’s upset that Nesta doesn’t want to LIVE WITH HER. That Nesta didn’t choose to help decorate the room Feyre has plucked out in her new shiny mansion for Nesta. Upset that Nesta doesn’t want to be deeply involved with the Inner Circle. Upset that Nesta wants to celebrate Feyre’s birthday away from the IC for a small dinner with just her sisters.
Feyre firmly expects her sisters to keep living with her because, ope, she’s still in charge and gets to say what they can or cannot do with their lives. She puts the stamp of approval on Elain gardening, so Elain gets to do it. Elain stays close to the wraiths and lives with Feyre, so Elain is safe. But anything Feyre doesn’t approve of as a life choice, her sisters daring to live apart from her? That is insulting and cruel in the eyes of Feyre, and therefore Rhysand.
The only way Feyre lets them/is happy with them living apart from her is when they marry someone of her approval. And even then, Rhysand and Co show up in the House of Wind whenever the fuck they want. All of the security in place is directly under Rhysand’s control. It still gets used whenever the IC uses it. An entire population of abused, broken, and deeply religious women live in the library under the house. There is absolutely no privacy.
Is it objectively decent that there is a place for abused women (priestesses alone though) to be safe and heal and find companionship? Yes. Does Nesta support this? Yes. Should NESTA HAVE HER OWN HOME WITH PRIVACY WHERE SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT PEOPLE LIVING UNDER HER????? YES. SHOULD NESTA BE ABLE TO LOCK HER DOORS AND TELL RHYSAND TO FUCK OFF BECAUSE SHE JUST NEEDS A MINUTE TO BREATHE, SHOULD SHE HAVE THE SPACE TO SAY WHO SHE WILL AND WILL NOT ALLOW IN HER HOUSE AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT REGARDLESS OF THE FUCKING REASON????? YES. SHOULD SHE BE ABLE TO LEAVE/ENTER HER OWN HOUSE WITHOUT EXTREME PHYSICAL LABOR OR RELYING ON PEOPLE THAT COULD MAKE HER HOMELESS WITH A SIMLE PETTY THOUGHT? YESYESYESYESYES.
This is literally insane on Feyre’s part. This is not how adults work. Your sisters are not children and you are not their parent. They absolutely have the right to live wherever they like. Adults, especially adults who come from extreme poverty and abusive backgrounds, need their own space, a home of their own that they can control and be safe in, not a single fucking room like some divorced dad who only sees his kids twice a month gives. I don’t care how you treat your family, if you’re the cuntiest, more horrible person that ever existed, you still deserve a home of your own where you are safe and can control who you see and when. Why are you designating rooms for them in your house and expecting them to live there? Why can you not let go of this need to control their lives? There’s this weird idea in ACOTAR that because the IC is so close, they all need rooms in Feysand’s house(s). There’s mention of secret houses or manors that the IC uses/possesses, but why the hell don’t they have normal homes of their own???? Where they live??????
I’m sorry but this is insane, abusive, controlling behavior from Feyre, I don’t care how sweetly you paint it. It’s giving Mother Gothel. Your sisters are adults, let them live their own lives, stop expecting them to live with you until they need privacy to fuck the person you approve of them fucking. Rhysand and Feyre are the same in their need to control the lives of the people they claim to care about, wanting personal freedom while stripping it away from others, all the while presenting them “choices” that are all just fucked up loses of self and control.
It is very telling that cutting Nesta off from their personal funds was never an option. There was never an attempt to let her find her own way, to find a job that brought her joy or a life she controlled. In truth, neither Feyre or Rhysand care about the money. 500 gold pieces isn’t anything to the man who doesn’t care about a budget, who buys endless jewels for a tiny monster. It was always, live where we can control you, access you, and watch you at all given times. Oh thanks for saving our lives, here, you can stay in the prison where we can do all of those things forever! It’s a gift. From us. To us. Aren’t you happy and healed?
Please. Someone teach Feyre how adult relationships work.
No matter how far Feyre has come, she has yet to understand that sometimes people make choices you do not like at all, but that you, as a person who claims to care about them, need to accept and understand they’re working their way through life, even if you do not understand or agree with it. Controlling every aspect of someone’s life will NEVER be good for them.