Apr 10, 2024
Art Bigotti-core
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Art Bigotti-core
“Are you really gonna leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?” (from Art) (main verse)
Mom Asparagus was puzzled. Which, in fariness, was most of her life these days. "Mr... Bigotti, is it? Is there... something I should be dying to ask you?"
What do we think about everyone shacking up, bestie?
Oh, so many friends to talk about! Let’s see…
Bob and Megan? Well they’ve been on and off longer than some of these fans have been alive. But throwing a child in the equation might be the glue that adheres them permanently- unless Megan wants Francois to be a child of divorce.
Larry and Petunia really seemed like the “it” couple back when they finally got together. But now with this A drama and a certain papprazzo pepper…things could start shaking up. We’ve already seen Petunia get jealous of Acmetha, and that was in the past. Is Larry a jealous type too? Personally, I can’t wait to find out.
Charlie Pincher and Bartlebey…one of those things that I’m not even sure I want to know. They seemed happy, secure, until, of course, the butler found out the invisible hand Charlie played in the disappearance of Mom Asparagus. But now that moms been found alive and blogging - will all be forgiven? I’m not sure if their relationship is on a strong enough foundation to withstand that.
And speaking of Mom Asparagus - Dad must be thrilled, but a certain famous bowler might be driven to the edge. Who’s to say Mom won’t be murdered for real this time?
Oh, and murdering spouses - did you see Archibald and Lovey talking civilly? Pretty weird given that she’s still sure she burried him.
And we can’t forget everyone’s favorite green girls - why IS Esther acting so shy around Achmetha? They’ve already confessed to having kissed, and I have a feeling their little two girl slumber parties don’t stop with just kissing.
We’ve also had a few newer faces to keep an eye on. The banker seems to have been getting pretty friendly with a certain red headed rhubarb, and I don’t mean the rug. I don’t know them as well as I know the others, but know that I’m watching with baited breath just like you.
XOXO
Gossip Gourd 😘
Hey y’all, let’s remember this absolute legend and help him go viral
Art Bigotti - 1997
What Do You Think of That? (Open starter)
A haggard asparagus in a torn bowling shirt was panting heavily, legs weak. He was a young forty years old again. Youthful, compared to the forty years additional he spent trapped in that... that hellhole. That hot, humid jungle that somehow fit all inside a tiny cardboard map. He had only wanted two things since he got back, literally two hours ago, and it was a beer, and to go bowling. Only one place in town offered both, and it was a two hour walk from where the jungle’s mysterious crystal had vomited him up.
J+J’s Bowling, Beer, and Bears.
He always wondered about the third thing, but today, he only cared about the first two.
He opened up the door and stumbled into the bowling alley, savoring the smell of bowling shoes (which were only decorative), ball polish, sweat, and despair from every employee who had to spend all day hearing the gloriously loud music of balls shattering pins, and drunk bowlers screaming, “TOUCHDOWN” whenever they got a gutterball.
Today, he would be that drunk bowler. He bought a game, rented a ceremonial shoe, and ordered a bear.
“We’re out of those.” The bartender remarked. “We have beers, though.”
“Oh, good. That’s what I wanted. I pointed wrong.”
“ i’ve been a bad girl , i guess i’m getting coal . ” (Art Bigotti, main verse)
"I'd say you'd be lucky to get anything but a swift kick to the balls, but something tells me you'd like that too much."
#ArtBigotti2019
Tom Grape’s been getting involved from a distance, despite claiming to want to stay away. Should he be welcomed back with open arms, or is the sour grape a rotten idea?
Tom? I haven’t heard that name in years. Not as long ago as Rosie, but still…
If Jonah and all these reappearing asparagus have taught me anything, we ALL deserve second chances
XOXO
Gossip Gourd 😘