Apr 8
The stars are beautiful tonight…reminds me of ateez…
I had to, okay?
seen from United States
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seen from China
seen from Brazil
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seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
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seen from United States
seen from Yemen
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seen from Philippines
seen from China
seen from Paraguay
The stars are beautiful tonight…reminds me of ateez…
I had to, okay?
The Great Roomba Incident of 2025
It started because Hongjoong refused to do the dishes.
“I’m working on music,” he said, gesturing dramatically at his laptop, which was clearly open to an online shopping site.
“You’re buying more jackets,” Seonghwa said flatly, staring at the screen. “You have forty-seven jackets.”
“Forty-eight after this one ships.”
Seonghwa’s eye twitched. The kitchen was a disaster. There were dishes from three days ago. Possibly four. He’d lost count. The rest of the members had scattered like cockroaches the moment he’d mentioned cleaning, which meant it was just him and Hongjoong in the kitchen, engaged in their weekly standoff.
“Fine,” Seonghwa said. “FINE. I’m buying a Roomba.”
“A what?”
“A robot vacuum. It’ll clean for us.”
Hongjoong looked up from his jacket-shopping. “That’s actually genius.”
“I know.”
“Get two.”
“Why would we need two?”
“Because,” Hongjoong said, as if it were obvious, “they can race.”
-----
The Roomba arrived two days later. Seonghwa unboxed it with the care of someone handling a newborn.
“It’s… cute,” Wooyoung said, poking it.
“Don’t touch it,” Seonghwa snapped. “I haven’t sanitized it yet.”
“It’s a vacuum.”
“It’s MY vacuum.”
San leaned over the couch. “Does it have a name?”
“Why would it have a name?”
“Everything should have a name,” San said seriously. “I’m calling it Robert.”
“You can’t just name my Roomba.”
“Robert,” San repeated, now addressing the Roomba directly. “You’re part of the family now. No pressure.”
Yunho wandered in from the kitchen, holding a bag of chips. “Oh sick, we got a Roomba. Does it do tricks?”
“It’s a VACUUM,” Seonghwa said, louder now.
“But can it do tricks?”
-----
Within three hours, the Roomba had acquired a cult following.
Wooyoung had stuck googly eyes on it.
San had made it a tiny hat out of paper.
Jongho was following it around, narrating its journey like a nature documentary. “And here we see Robert, approaching the dangerous dust bunny territory under the couch. Will he make it? The tension is palpable.”
“STOP calling it Robert!” Seonghwa yelled from the kitchen, where he was stress-cleaning the counters.
“What should we call it then?” Wooyoung asked.
“Nothing! It doesn’t need a name! It’s a CLEANING APPLIANCE.”
“Robert it is,” Jongho confirmed.
Mingi emerged from his room, took one look at the Roomba wearing a tiny paper hat and googly eyes, and went back to bed. “I’m not dealing with this today.”
-----
Day two of Roomba ownership is when things got weird.
Yeosang had been sitting quietly on the floor, watching Robert do its systematic cleaning pattern, when he suddenly said, “I think it’s sentient.”
Everyone stopped what they were doing.
“What,” Hongjoong said.
“It’s displaying autonomous decision-making beyond its programming.”
“It’s a Roomba.”
“Is it though?” Yeosang tilted his head. “Is it really?”
“Yes,” Seonghwa said firmly. “It is literally a robot vacuum that I paid money for.”
“But what if it’s MORE,” Yeosang said, in the tone of someone about to start a conspiracy theory. “What if Robert is… aware?”
“Oh my god,” Hongjoong muttered.
“I knew it!” San shouted. “I KNEW Robert was special!”
“You’ve lost your minds,” Seonghwa said. “All of you.”
The Roomba bumped into the wall, reversed, and continued cleaning.
“See?” Yeosang pointed. “Problem-solving.”
“THAT’S WHAT IT’S DESIGNED TO DO.”
-----
By day three, there were teams.
Team Robert (San, Wooyoung, Jongho, and Yeosang) believed the Roomba was a sentient being deserving of respect and possibly rights.
Team It’s Just A Vacuum (Seonghwa, Hongjoong, and a reluctant Yunho) insisted everyone had lost their minds.
Mingi refused to choose a side and continued hiding in his room.
The conflict came to a head when Wooyoung suggested they get a second Roomba so Robert wouldn’t be lonely.
“ABSOLUTELY NOT,” Seonghwa said.
“But he needs a friend!”
“IT’S A ROBOT.”
“You don’t know what he needs!”
“I BOUGHT IT. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT NEEDS. IT NEEDS TO VACUUM.”
That’s when Hongjoong, who’d been suspiciously quiet, cleared his throat. “Actually… I may have already ordered a second one.”
Silence.
“You WHAT?” Seonghwa’s voice had reached a pitch only dogs could hear.
“For racing! Remember? We talked about this!”
“I thought you were JOKING.”
“I never joke about robot races.”
-----
Roomba #2 arrived the next day. It was immediately named “Robert Jr.” by San, despite Seonghwa’s protests that it made no sense because Roombas don’t reproduce.
“Not with that attitude they don’t,” Wooyoung said.
Seonghwa locked himself in his room for an hour.
-----
The race was scheduled for Friday night. Hongjoong had drawn a racetrack on the floor with tape. There were lanes. There were turns. There was, somehow, a betting pool.
“I’ve got twenty on Robert,” Jongho said.
“Robert Jr. is clearly faster,” Yunho argued. “Look at his movement pattern.”
“They’re identical models!”
“But Robert Jr. has YOUTH on his side.”
Mingi had finally emerged from his room, looked at the taped racetrack covering their entire living room floor, and said, “I’m calling my mom.”
“Don’t be dramatic,” Hongjoong said, adjusting Robert’s paper hat. “This is science.”
“This is insanity.”
“Science,” Hongjoong repeated.
-----
The race began at 8 PM.
Both Roombas were placed at the starting line. Seonghwa sat in the corner, head in his hands, wondering how his simple desire for a clean floor had led to this.
“On your marks,” San announced, holding a wooden spoon like a starting pistol. “Get set. GO!”
He banged the spoon on the counter.
Both Roombas continued their normal vacuuming pattern, completely oblivious to the race.
“COME ON ROBERT,” Wooyoung screamed. “YOU CAN DO IT.”
“ROBERT JR. DON’T LET US DOWN,” Yunho yelled.
The Roombas bumped into each other, reversed, and went in opposite directions.
“THAT’S CHEATING,” Jongho shouted.
“How is that cheating?!” Hongjoong demanded.
“HE’S GOING THE WRONG WAY.”
“They’re ROOMBAS. They don’t understand directions!”
Yeosang was filming everything on his phone with the dedication of a documentarian. “This is important historical footage.”
“Of WHAT?” Seonghwa yelled.
“The robot uprising.”
“IT’S NOT AN UPRISING, THEY’RE JUST VACUUMING.”
-----
Twenty minutes into the “race,” both Roombas had somehow ended up under the couch, where they appeared to be fighting.
“They’re battling for dominance,” Yeosang whispered.
“They’re STUCK,” Seonghwa said.
“No no, this is a strategic move,” San insisted.
Hongjoong was on his hands and knees, trying to see under the couch. “I think Robert’s winning.”
“Robert Jr. has better positioning!”
“THEY’RE BOTH STUCK UNDER THE FURNITURE.”
Mingi took a photo and sent it to their group chat with the caption “this is what happens when i leave you alone for five minutes.”
“You’ve been in your room for THREE DAYS,” Wooyoung pointed out.
“And I was RIGHT to be.”
-----
In the end, they had to lift the couch to retrieve both Roombas. The race was declared a tie. The betting pool money went to ordering pizza.
Seonghwa stood in the middle of the now-clean living room, looking at his two Roombas, both sporting googly eyes and paper hats.
“The floor is clean,” Hongjoong offered.
“The floor is clean,” Seonghwa repeated.
“Mission accomplished?”
“I hate all of you.”
“But the floor is clean.”
Seonghwa looked around. He looked at the carpet, the hardwood, the corners that hadn’t been properly vacuumed in weeks. Everything was spotless.
“Fine,” he admitted. “The Roombas can stay.”
“ROBERT STAYS,” San corrected.
“Robert and Robert Jr.,” Wooyoung added.
“I’m getting you all psychological evaluations,” Seonghwa muttered.
-----
**One week later.**
Seonghwa found Hongjoong online shopping again.
“What are you doing?”
Hongjoong looked up, guilty. “Nothing.”
Seonghwa leaned over to see the screen.
It was a robot mop.
“Hongjoong, NO.”
“But think about it—”
“NO.”
“Robert needs a FRIEND—”
“HE HAS ROBERT JR.”
“A friend that MOPS, Seonghwa. We could name it Roberta.”
Seonghwa stared at him for a long moment. Then he walked away.
Three hours later, he walked back in.
“If we get a robot mop,” he said slowly, “it needs to be sanitized immediately upon arrival.”
Hongjoong’s face lit up. “Obviously.”
“And NO googly eyes.”
“…we’ll see.”
“Hongjoong.”
“I’m not making any promises!”
From the living room, they heard San yell, “ROBERT JUST DID A TRICK. EVERYONE COME LOOK.”
“IT’S JUST VACUUMING,” Seonghwa screamed back.
But he was already walking toward the living room to see what Robert was doing.
Because maybe, just maybe, the Roomba was a little bit special.
Or maybe he’d just completely lost his mind living with seven chaos agents.
Either way, the floor was clean.
And that was something.
-----
**THE END**
(Roberta arrived the following Tuesday. She now has a tiny bow. Seonghwa has stopped fighting it. This is his life now.)
i swear im into more things than kpop im just hyperfixated. That doesnt mean my seongjoong and woosan fics wont be uploaded eventually but still 😭😭
What I think ATEEZ’s search histories are
Hongjoong: “rock concept fashion inspiration” “how to not lose your ring” “Park Seonghwa”
Seonghwa: “genderless fashion inspiration” “newest Lego releases” “where to get free snacks”
Yunho: “if a spider bites me could there be even a 1% chance of becoming spider man?” “Boyfriendcore” “valorant tips”
Yeosang: “best types of vitamins” “strange food combinations that are really good” “how to know when your friend is actively trying to kiss you”
San: “what is the highest a person can jump” “what kind of potato am I” “how to sleep on your side when you have wide shoulders”
Mingi: “what do aliens look like if they exist” “which Ateez member are you quiz” “how to get out of losing a bet”
Wooyoung: “how to kiss your friends before they notice” “soup recipes” “Harry Potter houses”
Jongho: “how to trick your friends funny” “do I look like a bear” “best iced americanos”
Wooyoung: if anyone is mean to Yeosang, they’re also mean to me.
Yeosang: I know you’re trying to make a sweet point, but you like it when people are mean to you.
Wooyoung: oh you’re right…
Hongjoong: hey Wooyoung
Wooyoung: hold on I’m calling my mom
Hongjoong: oh okay
Wooyoung: wanna say hi?
Hongjoong: sure, hi Wooyoung’s mom!
Seonghwa on the phone: Hi Hongjoong?
Hongjoong: Wooyoung that’s Seonghwa
Wooyoung: Yes, I know
Hongjoong: you said it was your mom
Wooyoung: yes
I just woke up to this:
I am pissing myself 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Why is this so god damn funny 🙈🤣
Yeosang laying down in his bed:
Wooyoung: I can’t believe we crossed paths, this must be fate
Yeosang: why are you under my bed
Wooyoung: were you listening? Fate Yeosang
San: I am in the walls
Yeosang:
Wooyoung: why are you in our walls?
Yeosang: Excuse me, MY walls
San: our walls