May 7, 2022
“why was i so easy to discard”
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“why was i so easy to discard”
lyrics from: the girl buried in your backyard // awfultune
WIP ask game| Azula's song #2
NOOOOO WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME-
Okay, I was trying to do it, okay? For... reasons. I like her, she is angsty, she is pretty, she is baddass. What do I do, show you the damn thing? HA! No!
But what should I say about it then? It's just... oh, fuck, there you have it.
Ugh. It's not even good, I gave up on it.
*glass shattering*
I banished all the staff
For their treacherous act
A moment alone
In where no one will aim at my back
Or so I thought
The lights go off
My body, my mind, my existence
It's all against me
They'll betray me
They'll stop me from being what I need to be
Look in the mirror
The monster that you made
Staring in a fever dream
The surroundings turn to flame
What will it be
When the perfect child you loved is destroyed by me
Don't you dare
Say those words ever again
Love is illusion
Love is a lie
It only exists to make people die
Close to you - Azula x fem!reader
SUMMARY: When you visit Azula to help her wind down for the evening, she begins to wonder why you’re so affectionate towards her
WORD COUNT: 1.2K
WARNINGS: a lot of non-sexual touching? Kissing but like its not a lot tbh. Soft azula? Mentions of a lonely childhood? Also I didn’t proof read this HAHAHA
A/N: look imma be real honest,, the reader makes azula soft as fuck and if you want 100% on brand azula- this probably aint it for you oopS but looK I couldn’t help it!! She deserves the sweet lovin
Warm, orange tones of the steady fire lamps illuminate Azula’s face, and in this moment, she looks nothing short of peaceful. The sun has long set, and as she prepares to finally conclude her day, you can’t help but admire how beautiful she looks from your place at the doorway of her unnecessarily spacious room. She knows you’re there, of course; she knows you better than anyone, and you made it no secret as she heard the door softly click shut.
Your feet softly pad on the chilled floor, making your way to your love. She looks down at her lap, trying to look casual as she stalls her routine, which she could have easily had the servants rush through by now. Yet then again she wouldn’t have it any other way since she’s been ordering them to leave as soon as they finish washing her for the past four months. It’s the smallest of movements, but you can’t resist but smile fondly as she scoots forward on her oversized vanity stool for you to take your place behind her.
Adjusting your legs so that they’re on either side of her waist, you wrap them around her slightly so that she is closer to you, but not so close that its awkward or in the way. Making eye contact through the mirror before the both of you, you place a kiss to the side of her head before nodding softly. This prompts her to hand you the brush you’ve become quite accustomed to holding, soon beginning to through her long hair. To Azula, nothing feels more perfect than this. The warmth radiating from your body behind hers feels more like home than any other form of fire she’s ever experienced.
This isolated moment in her day is oh so precious as you slowly bring the brush from the top of her scalp down to its perfectly trimmed ends. It relaxes her unlike anything else. All of the pressure and subtle nudges to push her further than any other normal person alive simply washes away. To any unknowing onlooker, the current scene depicts everything but a usually pretentious princess and her love. The scene is nothing more than domestic bliss.
Finishing up the last section of her hair, you pass the brush back to her to be placed back on the vanity. Weaving your arms securely around her waist, you pull her back closer towards you. The closer proximity allowing you to place a kiss on her left shoulder before resting your chin upon it. Finding yourself comfortable, you move your gaze towards her bare face. Despite being as beautiful as ever, you know something has squeezed its way into her mind as her eyebrows come together in thought.
“What’s on your mind, love?”
Clearing her throat, she shakes her head. “It’s nothing.”
You sigh, “hmm... I’m sure it’s anything but nothing.”
Taking your left hand, you move the hair that’s made its way in front of her face to behind her ear before caressing her cheek. Briefly closing her eyes, she casts her gaze towards her lap.
“W- why are you so affectionate towards me?”
Eyebrows raising in surprise you’re unsure if you should be completely honest straight away or ease her into it. “Hmm… well, I suppose it’s because I’ve always been affectionate. I’ve always thought my love language might be physical touch.”
Unamused by your efforts to dim the truthfulness of your answer, she gives you a pointed look. “In all my years of knowing you y/n, not once have you been remotely as affectionate towards others as you have been towards me. So, you can either tell me the truth or I think it’s best we sleep separately tonight.”
Lips briefly coming together in a tight line, you nod, understanding that it’s best to tell her. She deserves honesty.
“The short answer is, I love you.”
Mouth hanging open ever so slightly at your confession, you continue, not allowing her to question it. “Growing up, I always seemed to be quite observant since I never had much courage to go out and interact with everyone like you did. Even after we became acquainted at the Academy, I never came out of my shell unless I was alone with someone. Clearly, you still remember. Anyway… what I’m getting at is, Zula, every day you walked into that Academy I noticed how different everyone treated you. Sure, it was understandable since you were the Princess, and they were terrified of hurting you in any way. But it broke my heart watching you arrive every single day and not get a hug or a kiss goodbye from anyone. Not even a sincere goodbye or letting you know they’ll miss you.”
Pausing for a moment, you take in how she’s processing all of this information. You’re unsure of how she feels about this. Her face is relaxed and neutral, yet you can’t help but feel slightly afraid that she thinks everything you’re saying is ridiculous. As a moment goes by and she still hasn’t said a word, you continue, unable to handle the tension that is starting to encompass the room.
“I- I… just couldn’t understand how anyone could possibly deserve to be treated like that Zula!” Breath hitching, you try to hold back a small sob. Reliving how heartbreaking it felt watching her have to go through that every single day tore you up inside.
“No one deserves that, so I promised myself. I promised that if you’d let me, I’d make up for everything and always be close to you. I’d hold you, even if it was just my pinkie locked with yours. I’d tell you how much I appreciate you. How I’ll miss you, even if you leave for just a day. I’d do all of it… Although, while I tend to do it more so out of love for you now, I still don’t want you to ever experience those things again.”
Squeezing your eyes shut, you release your arms from around her waist to wipe away a few tears that are now making their way down your face. Yet before you’re able to do so, you feel her long, slender, fingers grasp around your wrists. Snapping your eyes open in surprise, Azula’s heart swells as she takes in your tear-filled eyes.
“It’s okay,” she whispers. “I love you.”
Overcome with emotion, despite being for different reasons, more silent tears fall. Leaning forward, Azula gently presses her lips to your fallen tears. “Don’t cry, my love.”
Leaning back, she takes the initiative to be physically closer to you, caressing your face in both of her hands. “I appreciate everything you do for me, more than anything.”
Breaking out a smile, you wrap your arms around her waist once again before pressing your lips softly against hers. Azula freezes for a moment, surprised, despite your tender approach. Both of your thoughts and worries dissipate as she allows herself to completely fall into the mind-reeling kiss. Melting into each other’s warmth, your bodies to rest against one another even further than they already were.
Soon, after a few moments, you pull away gently for some air, but only just enough to still rest your forehead against hers. With her cheeks flushed, Azula can’t help but smile. Her heart pounding in her chest, overjoyed in this moment with you. It felt like everything was right in the world. “With you y/n, I’ll never feel lonely again.”
a/n: thank you so much for reading!! i hope you liked it hehe - this was my first time writing azula so was kinda nervous tbh so hopefully it wasn’t crap lmaO - anywho! feel free to lmk what you think! hehe
tags: @kaylove12 @simpinforsukka @lozzybowe @firelordazulaaaa
my masterlist: here!
Fanfic Prompt/Au
i need an AU where Zuko was never banished and just lurked around the palace until the avatar shows up to take his family down and decides he’s gonna whoop some ass and all of a sudden the GaAng have a massive heart attack when they realize Azula has a BROTHER and whatever the author chooses to do with that is up to them but yes pls someone write it
Chasing Away the Monsters, Chasing Away the Angels
Warnings for uh, child abuse(or at least implied abuse), mild horror, and uh implied(??) gore?? Yeah, I’m not 100% on these warnings but I’m tagging them anyway.
Anywhoooo- this morning my brain was pretty much like, how about some Azula angst. Partly based on some of my own thoughts about Azula, like I never really believed that she was upset because she thought her mother thought of her as a monster. I always felt it was a but more complicated that that. So here’s a fic where Azula has a nightmare and then does some introspection.
~~~
Azula marched proudly into the throne room. Her father was waiting for her, ready to congratulate her for a job well done. She had captured her traitorous Uncle, her pathetic failure of a brother, and even slain the Avatar and brought the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes to their knees.
When she stepped into the room, her father was grinning widely at her. However, her gaze slipped to the side. Her heart stuttered, but she kept the surprise from showing on her face when she saw her brother, Zuko sitting in a wheelchair on the side of the room. His head was wrapped in a slightly bloody bandage, messy hair poking through in some spots. Half of his face drooped slightly. He stared, fixedly, into the void. His eyes, the windows to his soul, were wide but empty and dark. /The house was dark, and only a single figure stood at the window, holding a barely flickering candle./
Her eyes returned to her father as she smiled and bowed.
"You have done me well, Azula. You've surpassed my expectations. You have single-handedly handed the Fire Nation's victory over the world to me on a silver platter." He grinned widely. "And as for my lame excuse of a brother, well, he is to be executed for treason. And your brother..." He gestured to the side, "he's been dealt with." Ozai grinned wider. "Fixed. If you will."
Azula gave her brother a cruel grin, but even as she met his eyes directly, his gaze did not meet hers. She smelled the faintest hints of burned, rotting flesh. Poor Zuzu probably needed his bandages changed.
X~X
Azula went into her brother's room. His head swiveled to meet her, but the rest of his body remained utterly still. He was so still, and completely silent. His wide, dark eyes slightly sunken in. One could have easily mistaken him for a corpse propped up in a wheelchair if it weren't for the fact that he was still quite clearly breathing. She brushed past the ominous feeling his eyes gave her, and went right up to him.
"Looks like I win, Zuzu." She said grinning cruelly.
But Zuko didn't respond. Or acknowledge that she had even said or done anything. Azula faintly smelled burned, rotting flesh.
"The healers haven't changed your bandages yet? Zuzu?" She asked tauntingly.
No response.
"Look at me, Zuzu!" Azula barked, annoyed.
Zuko continued to gaze into the void.
Azula huffed and stomped away.
X~X
Azula made her way to the throne room. She felt giddy once she heard the news, the Fire Nation had assumed complete control over the world. The weak, lesser peoples had all been assimilated under her father's mighty banner.
She was surprised to find the Fire Sages there, holding some kind of ceremony.
"Ahh, Azula." Ozai said evenly. He was grinning, but not because he was happy to see her. "Thanks to you, I now hold complete dominion over the whole of this world. And with that, I retire my position as Fire Lord."
Azula's heart fluttered. Could it be? Was he really about to- "Really?" She tried to withhold her eagerness, only letting a little surprise slip through.
"Yes. Now that the Fire Nation has become the whole of the world, I am no longer required for such a position." Azula smiled to herself as she prepared to hear the words she had always waited to hear.
Fire Lord Azula, yes, that sounds quite fitting. Rolls off the tongue quite nicely.
"I shall be ascending to the eternal status of Phoenix Lord."
Wait, what?
Azula blinked.
"What?"
"I will be ascending beyond this mortal flesh into an immortal form that can properly rule this world." Ozai grinned. "Since you have done me so well, I figured I should give you the news in person." He grinned wider, showing sharp fangs. "You are no longer needed, Azula."
Azula numbly fell to her knees. Words tumbled from her mouth as she gazed wide-eyed at the ground. Bowing her head, knowing better than to disrespect Father. "You have beaten me at my own game..."
Ozai lifted her chin and she met his burning gaze. "Don't flatter yourself, Azula. You were never even a player."
X~X
Fuming, Azula marched to her brother's room. He was propped up in his wheelchair as usual. His head swiveled to meet her, but his eyes stubbornly refused to gaze into hers. Rebelliously staring deep into the void instead. Azula marched right up to him, indignant.
"Look at me!" She growled. He refused, dark eyes gazing hollowly. She yanked him up, forcing his face to meet hers. She gazed deep into the abyss of his eyes.
/The house was dark, only a single figure standing in the window with a barely flickering candle. But he wasn't alone, actually. There was something behind him, it's hands clasped on his shoulders. He was mouthing the word 'run.'/
A cold chill ran down Azula's spine, her inner fire diminishing from it's force. She dropped Zuko in his chair, hands shaking. Zuko wasn't staring at nothing.
He had been looking behind her.
Cold hands clasped firmly on Azula's shoulders. The stench of burned, rotting flesh assaulted her nose. Her hands dropped by her sides, accepting of her fate. A cold slimy tongue and teeth from a jaw open much too wide pressed into her head. She glared at her brother, expecting him to smile now that she had finally gotten her punishment. Only, he didn't. His dark, hollowed eyes almost seemed sad. Then again, why would he be happy? He was always the kindW E A K one.
C R U N C H
X~X
Azula shot up with a strangled gasp. Her knuckles were white from her grip on her sheets. Her hand flew to her head, the faint phantom pain still ringing through her skull. Her deft fingers detected no damage, and her hands both came back clean. Nor was there any blood or tissue on her pillow. The only moist she found was that of her nervous sweat, and the water that dared not fall from her eyes. She forcefully reigned in her emotions. It was just a stupid nightmare after all. Only stupid, soft, weak, Zuzu is bothered by nightmares. Still, she found that she could not fall back asleep after that. The feeling was much too fresh in her mind.
Whatever, she could use a nighttime stroll around the palace anyway. So she drifted along the halls, finding herself at Zuko's room. She poked in, feeling a dull disappointment and relief to find no one in there.
If Zuko was there, he'd be so annoyed that she came in. "What do you want Azula?" She slowly made her way to his bed, untouched since the servants last made it. He'd change his tune so easily if she told him she had a nightmare. "Oh... What was it about?" He'd move aside and open up a space for her. "Here, you can sleep with me if you want Lala." Her face hardened as her throat tightened. Azula got up and left the room, cold and empty behind her.
As she continued to drift about, she found herself at her uncle's old room. She opened it and peered inside. It was empty, of course... But she couldn't help but imagine her uncle sitting there. He'd gaze at her with a blank expression, neither welcoming nor dismissive. Even at this hour, she could picture him being awake. Either meditating or praying to the spirits. She and that kooky old man didn't get along. Truth be told, she did kind of hate him. He was lazy, weak, and a failure. But deep down, she knew that he didn't feel the same way. If she opened herself up to him, he'd be just as warm and welcoming as he is with Zuko. He was weak, choosing to nurture vulnerability instead of punishing it. "So, you had a nightmare, Princess Azula?" His expression would soften and he'd invite her in. Physically she lingered at the doorway, but in her mind's eye she wandered into the room and took a seat next to her uncle. He'd offer her tea and his useless proverbs. "Dreams are sometimes visions from spirits. If you had a nightmare, it could be a warning..." She could see him, offering a game of pai sho to ease her nerves. Azula continued on, leaving the dark room behind.
Azula stopped by her mother's old room. Almost floating right by it. Her heart thrummed as she carefully poked inside. She kept her face and breathing even, all the while expecting a dark, half burned, half rotted figure to lunge from the abyss and bite into her skull. But there was nothing. Just a cold and dark room. Rather than the stench of burned, rotting flesh, she found the faint scent of her mother's perfume, still not having fully faded away.
Dad always told her that mother had feared her, that she thought Azula was a monster. And rightfully so! Azula was a monster, a creature to be feared and bowed before. Just like her father. And knowing that her mother didn't love her made it so much easier to detach herself from her. To push her mother away. To love was to be weak. To be loved was to be weak.
Azula wasn't weak.
Sure it kinda hurt, she was her mother after all, but it was much better than the alternative.
To even think that she rejected her mother for nothing... That she had loved her all along.
Whatever.
She found herself at the royal chamber, where her father slept. She didn't dare knock. She knew that Ozai would be annoyed at her intrusion. He expected her to deal with her own problems, and she knew any vulnerability would be harshly punished. He might, might make one exception for her. As she is otherwise absolutely perfect, but it would be a tally against her.
Azula looked down, staring at nothing. She made her way back to her room. Nothing else to do having chased away all those who could or would care for her.
Not that she needed any of them of course.
She told herself that her mother thought she was a monster. That love is for weaklings.
Azula always lied.
“Don’t pretend you care about me”
inspo: hoteldeioona on twitter
timelapse:
Let's talk about how much Azula has killed
This is just major head canon shit based off of Canon observations. If I don't preface it with 'in canon' it probably didn't canonically happen. You have been warned.
I have a head canon that Azula was forced to kill at a very young age. Ozai was obviously a monster, he burned off a part of his son's face and banished him onto an impossible mission. He bought, and abused his wife, he orchestrated his father's death to crown himself and his wife's disappearance. He sends his 14 year old to capture her own brother and praises his 15 year old son for murder of a 12 year old. He attempts a GENOCIDE!
We can all reasonably look at this man and go, "Yea he'd force his young daughter to kill a person." So my opinion of Azula having been trained, or forced at a young age to kill someone is not at all far fetched.
Now, canonically within avatar Azula as a princess attends an academy for young girls, the Royal Fire Academy for Girls. It is canonical that within this school agni kai's would be held, and that sometimes they would result in "accidental" deaths. It is very obvious that she is used to manipulation, violence, and the occasional murder.
When she deals the blow that Aang technically died from she did not hesitate. She is at least comfortable enough to kill a 12 year old and threaten death upon others. So how did she become so comfortable with death and assassination?
Well this is where the head canon's come in.
I am of the personal opinion that after Zuko's banishment, and the reason for it Ozai didn't want a repeat of that mistake. What was the original cause of Zuko's banishment at it's core? His unwillingness to allow an entire division, the 41st division of young soldiers, to die. That is canonically what begins the agni kai that leads to his banishment, his unwillingness to allow senseless death.