my mother and I used to take drives late at night last summer
it’d be late May, late for a school night
she’d come to my room anytime between 8-10:00 and ask me if I wanted to come with her to {input excuse to get out of the house}
she didn’t like it at home, it made her feel guilty
don’t forget, your home that you’ve lived in for 14 years should never feel such a way
anyway, I’d know that I shouldn’t because 1. it was late to go out 2.i had already spent that day making revisions and promising myself that I wouldn’t threaten my sleep for a little guilty adventure 3. my father would not approve and I’d disappoint by going out again with her
but of course, despite the lengthy list of reasons not to, I did
we’d start by getting into the car, she’d have me start it up while she milked my father for money, and I’d plug my phone into the aux & pre set our favorite music while he gave in
they would usually get into an argument before she got into the car and they would fight over me staying/leaving
once we got on the road she’d light a cig and then proceed to our first stop, A circle K gas station store
we’d run in: I would grab a polar pop of Mountain Dew voltage and she would make herself a hazelnut coffee with extra cream and sugar and all of the additives you can think of
we’d be checking out and she’d grab a brownie or some chips
then we would go outside to where our car was parked (its traditional parking spot) and we would sit outside of it on the curb while she smoked another cig and we ate our snacks, drank our drinks.
then I’d ask where we were going
it was usually one of three places:
her friend Darlene’s, Julie’s, or Laura&Barren’s.
background info: Darlene was an older black woman in her 50’s, the sweetest soul who lived in a tiny little house that used to be someone’s shed. she had a simplistic way of living.
Julie: A suicidal tattoo’d Mormon mom who lived in a normal house in a normal neighborhood with her husband and 8 out of her 12 kids
Laura: 28 years of age, kindred personality, and potty mouth who lived with her psychotic 22 year old boyfriend in a gross, run down apartment
I didn’t mind any of those places really
Darlene was so good for my mother
Julie too, just naive and too gullible for my conniving mother but had a cute cat
and Laura&Barren were chill and sweet
we would usually stop at Julie’s first who lived kind of far.
here’s the best part
my mother and I would just drive
we would get lost in our music, whatever it was
and for a long while it was twenty one pilots
now when you listen to a popular band you take it for granted. you like it’s sound and the fandom but let me just say
you will never truly appreciate an artists work or song lyrics or vision until you are placed in one of the most immense situations ever, and being able to just drive to your hearts aesthetically calming content while blasting that music
it was surreal how much the blurry face album had helped me just take another breathe the next morning
I think we both would let our minds stumble over the fast rap, we’d get absolutely lost in the rhythm, but we didn’t care
in fact we didn’t care a little too much
we both felt dead inside and music was a distraction, among the streetlights that seemed blurry when you blinked too fast, or the strands of hair blown into your eyes when the Windows were open
the burning of secondhand smoke in my throat
these therapeutic drives were a routine in my life for months and I will never forget the detachment I feel from that vehicles passenger seat everyday as it rots in my driveway
as my mothers car rots in our driveway
as my mother rots in our hearts
as my mother rots away
as my mother simply rots