#bad baking

[deathbyglamour01]

12 Days of Christmas

Cookies

Day 5 - cookies, “That definitely looks… interesting?”, “That is exactly why you want a high-quality fire extinguisher right in the kitchen.” —The Santa Clause

Voltron: Legendary Defender - Lance & Hunk

Warnings: very brief implied vomit

Word Count: 433

https://archiveofourown.org/works/61463203

Lance was determined to make cookies for the team.

Hunk was always thoughtfully baking and cooking for them, so he wanted to do something in return.

The only problem was.. ..he wasn’t very good at baking.

There were some family recipes that he could cook back home, but baking was never his forte. And especially without a recipe. But he was determined to try!

During some down time, when he had ensured Hunk was busy, Lance snuck down to the communal kitchen.

***

Turns out doing anything but baking for over a year wasn’t very good for your skills.

It was astounding how many things could wrong in a batch of cookies.

He had mixed what he thought matched the general ingredients of cookies and put the dough in balls on a pan. He slipped the pan into an oven-like thing that he assumed would work and fiddled with the knobs until he thought it was on. While they were baking, he washed the dishes he dirtied before slipping off for just a minute to use the bathroom. When he returned, the kitchen was filled with the sent of something burning. He rushed over to the oven(?) and pulled out the pan. Before he even had time to set it down, Coran and Hunk peered into the doorway.

“Is everything alright in here? The castle said there was smoke,” Coran said. Lance froze, burnt cookies in hand.

“Lance? Were you trying to cook something?” Hunk asked. Lance looked down at the trey to see how bad the damage was.

They were an abomination.

The cookies were burnt all over and for some reason had turned yellow instead of tan?? They bubbled up at him and he set the pan on a counter with a sigh, face palming.

“Lance?” Hunk entered the room and went to his side, staring down at the baking monstrosity in front of him. “That definitely looks… interesting? What were you trying to make?”

“Cookies.” Came the despondent reply. Hunk looked between the burnt crisps and Lance.

“Cookies?” Lance nodded. Hunk started to giggle and Lance found himself laughing too. Neither of them could stop and they kept laughing until their stomachs hurt and they were gasping for air.

“Those are..” Hunk gasped, “the worst cookies I have ever seen.”

“I know,” Lance laughed. Before Hunk could stop him, Lance grabbed a cookie and took a bite. It crunched loudly under his teeth and Hunk gasped at him, watched him with wide eyes. Lance chewed and..

Gagged. He ran out of the room for the nearest bathroom, Hunk cackling behind him.

[swiftymj12]

I’m procrastinating at work, so I’m googling home made hedgehog cakes and this has to be my favourite 😂😂 if you need a laugh, I highly recommend a google!

[calraisin]

What I Learned From Kevin #17

“This is about the daily recommended dose of butter. You should be getting this into your system AT LEAST every 5 hours.”

Bad Cooking: Baked Alaska

Bonus lesson: “[Egg]Shell adds flavor.”

Bonus lesson #2: “Sift ON the flour.”

[makepunsmaketracks]

Cownies

Original fiction

Girls have a fluffy lil Halloween together. They bake some stuff. It’s cute :)

Triggers: stomach mention maybe? (it’s blink and you’ll miss it)

“Come back here!” Charlie shouted. She was glaring after her friend, but a smile was fighting its way onto her lips.

“Catch me then!” Jo threw over her shoulder.

Charlie did catch her outside the bathroom. The blonde tackled her and firmly wrapped her arms around Jo’s waist. “Can’t get away now.” Charlie mumbled into Jo’s shoulder.

“Oh no!” Jo cried dramatically. “I’ve been captured by the ugly troll!”

Charlie snorted and dug a finger into her friend’s stomach. It was followed by an “ow!” and a swift smack to her arm.

They collapsed on the couch where they had begun and groaned. A comfortable silence reigned until Jo exclaimed, “I’m bored! Let’s make something.”

Charlie had been resting her eyes after chasing Jo around the house for a good ten minutes. She groaned in protest and turned to look at her. “How do you still have energy?”

Jo looked at her with a pout.

Charlie sighed and acquiesced, shaking her head and mumbling quietly, “I can never say no to you.”

Jo’s smile lit up the sitting room as she dragged her friend into the kitchen. “Great! I wanna make spooky brownies!”

Jo rummaged in the pantry while Charlie leaned on the counter watching with a small smile. “We’ve got a recipe somewhere-” Charlie began.

“Nope!” Jo cut her off.

Charlie slowly closed her mouth and raised an eyebrow expectantly.

“No recipe!” Jo had a glint in her eye that twisted Charlie’s stomach into knots.

“No… recipe?”

“No recipe!” Jo shouted with glee. “We’re gonna make an entirely new kind of brownie! A spooky brownie! It will be fun, trust me.”

Charlie laughed at the determination in her friend’s voice. “Okay! Spooky brownies. Thematic. On this, the spookiest of nights.”

“Yes! That’s the spirit...s!” Jo turned to the ingredients she had gathered. “Now… we need…”

Charlie watched her friend ramble on about how if they used more flour that would make it drier but if they put in water would that… etc.

The younger girl hadn’t ever baked without a recipe, but it wouldn't hurt anything to let her friend experiment. Plus, the excitement radiating off Jo was infectious. Charlie could admit it sounded fun.

Suddenly, she had a thought. She turned to the cabinet behind her and reached up to the top shelf. Her hand touched various areas of empty air before landing on a small round container. She pulled it down.

Jo was still talking to herself as Charlie came up behind her. “But this is really dark cocoa, so we need more sugar than with other kinds… what?” Jo smiled a bit self-consciously as she noticed Charlie watching.

“Would these help? With the spookiness.” Charlie held out the container of cupcake liners. There were little ghosts and pumpkins dancing across the bright green background.

Jo’s eyes shined with excitement. “Oh my gosh, yes! These are adorable! I didn’t know you had these!”

Charlie shrugged. “Mom bought them years ago when she had to bake for a work party. We didn’t use all of them, and they sort of just migrated to the back of the cabinet. I just now remembered we even kept them.” Charlie smiled. “So you like them?”

“Yes, I love them! Thank you! This is perfect for the spoops!” Jo cradled the cupcake liners as if it was a nugget of gold. Her eyes were shining as big as the full moon. It made Charlie feel bubbly and light.

“Well, you’re welcome. I guess.” Charlie rubbed her hand on the back of her neck abashedly.

Jo put down the spoopy liners on the counter with the other ingredients and hugged Charlie. “They’re great! Now hand me the sugar. Let’s put them to good use!”

Neither had a great knowledge of baking, so the decision to forego the recipe wasn’t maybe the best idea. But they were having fun, and that’s the important thing. They argued over the amount of sugar to put in (Charlie wanted more, Jo liked darker chocolate), and eventually Charlie conceded to Jo before waiting for her back to turn and adding another half cup to the bowl.

After haggling the rest of the ingredients they thought best for fudgy brownie/cupcakes, they finally got a semi-recipe they were both happy with.

Jo tasted a bit of the dark brown sludge they had concocted. She narrowed her yes at Charlie, who was smirking gleefully, safely on the other side of the kitchen island.  “You added sugar didn’t you.“

“Can’t take it out now!” Charlie cackled.

Jo shook her head and got out a cupcake pan. “Now we are going to use your delightfully spoopy cupcake thingies!”

“Liners.”

“Whatever. Choco-goodness holders!” Jo dismissed, flapping her hands at Charlie.

She carefully separated the cupcake liners for each cupcake the pan would hold. “Hmm. Looks like we’ll only have enough for a dozen.”

“Six for you. Six for me.” Charlie put in. “I don’t know if I could do more than that anyway. Depends on the brow-”

“Cownies!” Jo shouted excitedly, grinning at her inventive name.

Charlie paused, sighed, and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “... cownies.”

“Yes. Cupcake brownies.” Jo said again.

“... fine. Spooky Cownies it is then. What actually makes them spooky?” Charlie asked.

“The holders.”

“... fair enough.”

They decided on a low heat for now and just watch to make sure they don’t spill over. Charlie leaned on the counter across from the oven while Jo sat directly in front of it at her feet.

“I’m really curious how they turned out.” Jo said, vibrating impatiently.

“Yeah, me too. I wonder if they’re edible.” Charlie teased lightly, nudging Jo with her knee. Jo leaned on her leg and sighed.

“I hope so. It would be so disappointing if they weren’t.”

Charlie frowned. She made a fervent wish to whatever gods were listening to make the cownies taste perfect.

“But!” Jo cried, sitting up, “We had fun! And that’s the most important thing!” She smiled up at Charlie. Charlie smiled softly back.

The cownies took about 15 minutes to fully bake. They didn’t even do anything for the first ten. In the last five minutes, they were both getting nervous because they were rising so much. (“It’s. ALIVE!” “Charlie, sit down, they could be ruined!”) But they weren’t ruined. They rose beautifully and settled into their spoopy liners with good grace (for a cupcake).

Jo carefully pulled out the toothpick. It was clean. “They’re ready!” Jo shouted excitedly. Charlie hovered over her shoulder. “Finally! But they have to cool first.”

They were ready to eat sooner than expected. Jo took one and handed Charlie another.

“Ready?” Jo asked excitedly.

Charlie nodded grinning.

They bit into the cownie together.

“...hmm”

“Hmm.”

“They’re not... bad.” Charlie says tentatively.

“Yeah… they’re not bad.” Jo says.

Charlie can see Jo’s lips turn down slightly.

“But they’re wonderfully spooktacular! And I would eat six of them right now.” Charlie reassures her quickly.

Jo smiles softly.

“And we had fun! So that’s the most important thing!” Charlie continues.

“Aw, Charlie. Thank you.” Jo took Charlie’s hand and squeezed. “We did have fun. Thanks for indulging me.”

“It was no problem.” Charlie insisted.

“Still... “ Jo yawned then. “Wanna cuddle on the couch and watch Hocus Pocus again?”

“Heck yeah I do!”

Author’s note: This is the first fic I’m posting on my tumblr, so let me know if you liked it :) i crave validation

[calraisin]

What I Learned From Kevin #40

"Y-You have to - uh - be sad to be happy, because what's life without darkness, my friends?"

- Baking Bad: Éclairs

Bonus lesson: Butter may shriek when heated.

Bonus lesson #2: The more salt ages, the saltier it gets.

Bonus lesson #3: "Eggs are like pancakes, only eggs."

Bonus lesson #4: “Internet comments don’t lie.”

[calraisin]

What I Learned From Kevin #19

“Meringue is like a snowflake. None are quite alike. Sometimes they come out like this...

...and sometimes they come out like...

...that.”

Bad Cooking: Macarons

[dumbsack]

if you're feeling bad about something not coming out right, just take a look at my meringue cookies.

[bloopyink]

We made gingerbread cookies for the first time today! They are delicious